Danger of Marrying Pakistani Men

danger of marrying Pakistani menThe danger of marrying Pakistani men is that many of them want to marry foreign women for personal gain. Don’t buy what they are selling. They will do anything and say anything to marry a foreign woman for a Green card and Citizenship. Sadly, their deception knows no bounds.

The foreign women out there need to wake up and smell the coffee (although coffee doesn’t have the strong aroma that it had years ago). They need to get their heads out of the clouds and keep it real.

I don’t know why grown, adult women still think the same way that young girls about the age of 12 think. It’s as though they are just getting to know boys. The Pakistani and some Indian men, as well, sweet talk the women. They talk trash and the women believe all that they say.

All the Pakistani man needs to say, for instance is: Oh, honey, you are my world. I can’t live without you. I’ve been looking for you and waiting for you all my life. You are a gem. You are a princess. My world revolves around you. I will live and die for you. How beautiful you are. Nonetheless, she believes that crap. Furthermore, she falls head over heels in love with him. Now, she’s the one who can’t live without his lying @$$.

The danger of marrying Pakistani men is that many of them are not truthful and forthright

Who they present themselves as, and what they say are untruths. I’m sure many Pakistani men school one another about what to say and what to do when it comes to conquering foreign women. It’s all learned behavior. Needless to say, it’s all a scam.

They want foreign women as trophies to parade around and use for citizenship. And then, nine times out of 10, eventually, they’ll dump the women as though they were trash. If they haven’t done so already, they go back to Pakistan for a marriage that their parents arranged. Yes, they believe strongly in arranged marriages.

The foreign women are so naïve, so we warn them. We give them the real stories and the scoop before they agree to marry one of them. But, the women still don’t want to believe it. It’s because they want to believe in “love”. They want to think that they are special. Seemingly, they live in la, la land. How far out of touch with reality they are. They still believe in the fairy tale and that dreams do come true, no matter how old they are.

The foreign women are not knowledgeable about the culture of those men. In particular, they don’t understand that those men don’t believe in “love” the way that American/Europeans do. They don’t get how those men have arranged marriages. Most of the them are all about culture, and they hold on tightly to their way of life.

The danger of marrying Pakistani men outweighs any good

In conclusion, be penny wise and not a pound foolish is what I say. Stay away from those men. Act as though your life depends on it. It’s the only sure way not to get taken.

Please Note: Please only comment on the topic of this page. Please speak about other subjects in the assigned “Discussions” area.

Here is a Link for More Information About Pakistani Relationships, Marriage and Culture

Books about Polygamy

Danger of marrying Pakistani men

Don't Be Shy. Leave a Reply

* Denotes Required Field

https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_bye.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_good.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_negative.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_scratch.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_wacko.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_yahoo.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_cool.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_heart.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_rose.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_smile.gif 
https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_whistle3.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_yes.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_cry.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_mail.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_sad.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_unsure.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_wink.gif 
 

113 Comments

  • anabellah

    July 10, 2017

    Fatima Sajid,

    I’m sorry to hear the UK doesn’t care much about cases such as yours. I’m assuming you went to the Immigration agency and not Homeland Security. I’m not sure what you mean by “Home Office”. I’m not from the UK and don’t know the UK system and laws.

    I think it’s a good idea to go to the media about what some of the Pakistani men are doing as in using British women for immigration status/Green Card/Citizenship, whether you go to a newspaper or magazine – just get it out there in the news. The more light that is shed on the matter, the more something could be done legally to put a halt or slow down what those men and their families do. I’d imagine if you intend to do such a thing, you intend to divorce your husband, as well. You would look foolish to complain about him publicly via the media and stay married to him. The question you’d get is, why are you still married to him? Furthermore, it would make you not credible if you’re still with him.

  • Gail

    July 10, 2017

    Fatima Sajid,
    It’s part of the marriages in Pakistan to try to marry up.See your husband has a disability but that does not matter because he has a UK greencard.Your cowife’s family would have for sure jumped to marry your husband because they see him as a big fish/making great money in UK.As far as your cowife pay her no mind or attention because the more u talk to her or make snide comments she and her family are laughing at u because in Pakistani culture if they see u are upset then they laugh and snicker and rejoice because they know they got to u mentally sooo don’t mix up with her is my advice and if u do just know what I told u.
    As far as your husband it’s a fact he used you for a greencard but as long as he don’t divorce u then I would say let it go but if your cowife is acting all a fool and u think he is going to try to divorce you then try your best to get him on Polygamy charges if u can but more than that because u might have lost that battle but do everything u can not to let your cowife or her brothers get to UK otherwise she wins and u have been used as nothing more than a stepping stone for them.
    I know with what u have been through it;s a hard pill to swallow I totally get it been there and been through that HELL myself.I will tell u this though don’t dwell on this very long because those people are not worth ruining your life over.U can remarry and u can have a good and decent life so don’t feel like u can’t ever remarry and go on with your life.Islam allows u to remarry and if it’s a culture issue then u might think to remarry outside your culture.My point is keep your mind open and see the promise and make a beautiful future for yourself with or without your crazy husband and cowife.You seem like a very sweet person who has had bat $hit crazy thrown in your face please don’t let it make u bitter towards life hugss…

  • Fatima Sajid

    July 10, 2017

    Gail,
    I am schocked! Which kind of scam their whole life?

    I reported to the Home Office, but they do nothing. The woman I mentioned earlier, her husband bit a … out of her, almost killed her. When their case was on the court,he had only 1 week left on his visa. nothing happened with him-he still in UK, maybe illegally but still here.

    She clearly stated she aggreed to marrie my husband to get her and her brotheres way to the UK. So, he already got what he did with me.My husband has some disability what is not bothering him, and hairy chest. She keeps abusing him to go for surgery with his hand she doesnt want disable husband, to go for lazair remove the hair, to go to make a hair transplante etc…. I accepted him as he was. Sometimes I feel pity on him, he is strugling as well, and now more than me-lost his hair and loosing it..he is restless and clearly stressing.

    I had and I have no problem with a poligami. My problem is the lies, to feel being used, taken as a fool. This piece of scam bag treated me on the worst way I can imagine: she told me, I have to prepare to burrie my husband, and I better to start to organise my sons funeral!- so there is no way I ever accept this situation.

    There is a way to pay back! I will let all of you know, when I am over. Even thinking to write my story in the magazins. Recently this stories are very popular. After his family can thinking well and she also because there is going to be a long wait to her to able to come to uk…

    Just few month more 🙂

  • Gail

    July 10, 2017

    Fatima Sajid,

    I have to second what Serena wrote to you as well about Why Pakistani women marry knowing they are going to be a second wife and keep the secret from the first wife etc…It does have to do with greed in a very big way.Don’t think for a second Pakistani women are accepting of polygamy they are not as a general rule.If they agree to second marriage they intend with the backing of their entire family to get rid of the foreign wife eventually.In the meantime while they are sitting back weaving their web around their husband and getting other family members on board to force dear old hubby to cut his losses with the foreign wife she is putting her hooks in at the inlaws home.I have seen and heard it all over the years.I will give u an example of my own Pakistani ex cowife… My MIL would give her money for grocery shopping and she would leave several things off the list on purpose and tell MIL she forgot those things and She would keep a little extra money.In Pakistan the girls can be sent up to several times a day for things or they go shopping but long story short they are very smart at skimming and cheating to get money to put back to give to their own family/parents(rob Peter to pay Paul type of situation).One of my sister inlaws had a key to the safe and my MIL had several thousands of dollars in the safe and gold.Long story short again my SIL would take 1000 rupees here and there from the middle of the bills and my MIL never would have caught it unless my brother inlaw her own husband caught it and told my MIL and they figured out it was the SIL that had the key although she denied it of course.
    These people are genius scammers and I could tell u so much more but it would be to long of a post.
    Your cowife is getting money out and her goal end goal is to send u packing.If Your husband is using u for a greencard then your cowife is also thinking that after he gets his greencard or citizenship he will divorce u and bring her to UK.My excowife tried everything in her power to get rid of me and I went through everything u are going through now.My excowife went along with the program to lie to me and keep their marriage hidden although my legally divorce her to marry me but kept her on the side for 8 yrs.When I found out what he did to me well u know well what went through my mind.I hated them both and I also wanted revenge and I did some pretty wild stuff myself to secure my then stepchildren now adopted children wouldn’t be taken from me not to mention I had a biological child with my Paki husband as well.It took me years to get to the point that I didn’t want to harm him to be honest.I felt betrayed,used,made a fool of etc.. And I would get physically ill knowing that everyone in his family was in on the lie and even the street people knew he used me for a greencard.I hated him more than I ever hated anyone so i totally get where u are coming from but believe me when I say there is nothing u can do to teach him a lesson because those people only see u as a whore to be taken advantage of.That is how the majority of Pakistani people see nonmuslim Europeans.They act very nice and sweet and can’t help u enough but even my own husband doesn’t want our kids marrying in the American culture.It runs very deep.

  • Serena

    July 9, 2017

    Fatima Sajid

    You have been through a lot health wise and what this husband of yours has put you through.

    You ask why these Pakistani woman agree to be a second wife and slave to the family. Fatima Sajid for most Pakistanis that is normal. It’s to do with greed and their love of this world and wealth.

    Like in your case it’s the typical situation. Your husband wanted to use you for his UK residency and once he got his stay ans paperwork in order he probably would kick you to the curb and call his Pakistani wife over to the UK.

    Thank Allah much that your husbands plans have been revealed to you. I am also happy you found someone to translate the nikah document.

    It’s common for the Pakistani husband to give money amongst other gifts at time of nikah. This is written on the nikah forms. Also as a security thing Pakistani woman (or/and her family) will ask for an agreement to be made at the time of nikah that incase of divorce the husband has to give the wife money (they agree on an amount) and some even ask for a house or land etc in case of divorce. It’s all written down in the nikah contract.

    Fatima what would be interesting for you to know is if your husband declared that he is already married on the Pakistani nikah form and if he put down that you his wife agreed to husband second marriage.

    Look after yourself and do what you have to do to protect yourself from further being used.

  • anabellah

    July 9, 2017

    Fatima Sajid,

    I totally get why you are taking revenge against your husband, his family and his other wife, as you have been hurt and was taken advantage of terribly. I ask you just to contemplate whether it’s the best thing for you. There is no way that you will have peace and tranquility in your marriage by thinking as you do and carrying out the acts of revenge. It’s going to take it’s toll on you, as it will eat away and destroy you while you’re trying to destroy him and his family.

    I think it’s better for you to report him to immigration and divorce him, so that you could move on. If not then, stay married to him and try to work it out, if you think you could find happiness in that marriage; although, I doubt that you can. It’s okay to stay marriage with an agreement, even if it’s not under usual conditions, but it must be an amicable agreement. What you are doing with regard to him is not something you two have come to a friendly agreement about. So, it’s actually contrary to Islam.

    You said you have health issues already and they sound to me that they are serious. It can’t be good for your health and mental well-being to remain in such a marriage under the conditions that you described. It’s not a good marriage and the agony and torture that you say you’re taking him through, well you’re going right along with him in it, experiencing it the same as he and his family are. I’m sure none of the agony that they are going through is bringing you peace of mind and happiness despite you telling yourself that it is. Those are just my 2cents about it.

  • anabellah

    July 9, 2017

    Fatima Sajid,

    No need to apologize. You don’t sound unreasonable to me. One thing though, I don’t get how you say you aren’t angry, YET, feel hate in your heart. They tend to go together.

    By you writing your story here is bound to help others in some way or another, even if some who read here don’t take heed. As you stated, it will help you to get it off your chest to talk with those who have a clue about what you’re going through.

    About the Pakistani women accepting the way of life that you described, I think it’s just that. They have come to accept it as their culture. It’s their way of life – their tradition. It’s certainly isn’t Islam. One does not need to ask why Pakistan is in the condition that it is in, and it doesn’t get any better. The people have turned their backs on Allah and follow their desires. Many are trying to get out of that country BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY, come hook or crook or chicanery. It doesn’t matter. The only thing they won’t do is sell their mothers because mom/mum is boss. Of course, I’m using generality because no whole group of people are the same. There are very good, honest, kind and just Pakistanis the same as with any specific group of people. I’m not bashing the whole lot of them. Particularly, I’m speaking of the ones who scam and con others to get what they want.

  • anabellah

    July 9, 2017

    As Salaamu Alaikum, All 🙂

    Fatima Sajid, I’ve found your story and have posted a link to it below to make it easier for all to read it and refresh their memories:

    Sister Fatima Sajid’s Story

  • Fatima Sajid

    July 9, 2017

    I do apologize if I sounds unreasonable. I am not angry, but I feel so much hate in my heart! Unfortunately I didnt find this site earlier and was on my own in the begining.I couldnt turn to anyone. Probably it would help me if I just wrote here my story when it happened. I think it could help others to be here.
    Also, I don tknow if is there pakistani female too. I cant understand their points. How can they aggree to marrie someone as a second wife and being servant for the whole family when the superhusband enjoying his life with the other woman somewhere else. Really they dont have a right to say no?! How could they deal with it?

  • Fatima Sajid

    July 9, 2017

    Serena,Gail,Anabella,
    I found a young Kashmiri woman. Who is going to translate the marriage certificate to me, with a promiss I never tell to anyone she did it… She seems scare from my husbands family…

  • Fatima Sajid

    July 9, 2017

    Anabella,
    I wrote my story somewhere on this site but in the begining I couldnt figure out where … sorry.
    I want to translate it because she said she got all this money, and my husband said not-he has to give her if they divorce… you are right, it doesnt change the fact,I realy dont know why I want to know, but I will find out it…
    I only intend to stay with my husband until I get my revange. I will write here what I do, after it done, because as far as I know nobody did before.(complately legal) I garantie he will not be able to stay in england and even she is wishes to come over, will never be able!

  • Fatima Sajid

    July 9, 2017

    Gail,
    Somewhere on this site I wrote my story, but I couldnt figure out how it is working here, so I dont realy know where I wrote it, sorry.
    No, He married me, and after he went for visit his very ill mother lol, and got married, just after 1 year our marriage. I have no agenst the poligami,but I will never live in poligamus relationship with this ….., no they are not cousines. She knew me, and she married with him as a second wife with the knowledge they haveto keep it secret from me and my family.
    I am over to that point to get angry, I should be this calm when I found out. But I am not going to have a peace until I dont pay back their actions.I know it sounds rediculous but they almost killed me, they stolen my last chance to marrie someone who respect me and have kid…. (I cant have anymore)
    Yes, I am living with him. He cried himself back because he needs to living with me for the other 2 years for the residency….I am using him! taking his money, force him to pay what ever I(we)need. Since he back to me, has not really penny left in his pockets.
    All their families and neigbours have to learn the lesson not to ever do it again with anybody!

  • anabellah

    July 8, 2017

    Gail,

    When those other nasty offensive posts started coming through, I became suspect about was going on. Yet, on the other hand it sounded like a scorn, hateful woman, but not one who had lost her child. She was saying she’s got HIV and another STD, had done six men at one time and love eating pork and drinking vodka, and is dying of cancer along with obscenities in the mix. It was some cray cray stuff. So, I really don’t know what the heck is going on, other than it’s some sick sh!t. Extremely cray, cray. It’s all I can say. 🙁

  • Gail

    July 8, 2017

    Ana,
    I have my doubts that Tiana is a womanat this point.Mothers and woman don’t act like this it seems more like a Pakistani man trying to play a prank if u ask me.

  • Serena

    July 8, 2017

    Fatima Sajid

    Aren’t there any Pakistani people where you live? If not go to a mosque in a Pakistani area and get someone from the mosque to translate it. Go to the woman’s section and you will probably find someone who can read Urdu.

    I get why she sais it’s not rocket science because in today’s day and age with technology and social media I am sure you will find someone who will translate it for you.

  • Serena

    July 8, 2017

    Salam

    Ana

    Poor Tiana. I agree with what you said to her. If the courts thought the father was unfit to look after the child then the child would be under the care of social services probably who would most likely find him a foster family until they found the child permanent place or someone to adopt the child.

    Tiana

    I hope you are reading this and have calmed down. Have you tried contacting the Citizens Advice Bureau? You say you can’t get Legal Aid but with your income you should qualify for some sort of help.

    Can’t you get a woman’s organisation to help your case? Was there domestic violence involved if so contact the organisations and get help.

  • anabellah

    July 8, 2017

    Tiana,

    Please help yourself by reaching out to those who can help you.

    Here’s information for you: United Kingdom Suicide Hotlines – Suicide.org! United Kingdom …
    http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/united-kingdom-suicide-hotlines.html
    Samaritans UK & ROI National Contact by: Face to Face – Phone – Letter: – E-mail: Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK – local rate) Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 …

  • anabellah

    July 8, 2017

    Tiana,

    Ending your life will not solve your problems. End your life and your REAL problems will begin.

    I’m sure someone has given you names and phone numbers of people or agencies to contact or places to go to get help. You need to do that right now. You need to speak with someone in person who is near your location who can help you.

  • Tiana

    July 8, 2017

    All men are users Enuff sed!

  • Tiana

    July 8, 2017

    Woteva u obviously think a nonce is a good father so says it all! I am gonna end my life tonight anyway so muffin u say matters

  • anabellah

    July 8, 2017

    Tiana,

    I deleted your last three posts because they were EXTREMELY OBSCENE, and if you carried on with the police, social service agency and the courts the way you just went on a crazy rant in your last three posts, I see why they said you were unfit to care for your son.

    You need to get yourself. You need some serious help. Get yourself some psychiatric help. Furthermore, get some education so you could get a decent job and prove yourself to the authorities that you are mentally fit and economically stable enough to care for yourself and your son. It’s the only way you’ll have a chance of getting your child back or at least having rights to visitation with him.

    It’s not a matter of you dealing with your husband anymore because he didn’t take your child from you, the courts did. Take responsibility for the part that you played in what has taken place. There is no way, your husband would have been granted custody of your child without evidence that he is a better fit parent to care for him. I’m sorry if I am harsh in my words, but I’ve got to speak the truth.

  • Tiana

    July 8, 2017

    Wot u all are failing to understand here is that I am not allowed to contact my husband cos he’s put a two year restraining order on me! Plus how the hell can I afford a lawyer on less then £80 a week! I justcwant to divorce the cunt and get my son back the only way I can save money is by selling my sexy body!

  • anabellah

    July 8, 2017

    Fatima Sajid,

    It’s very difficult to give advice or respond when one doesn’t know the person’s story. I thought you were merely being nosy in trying to find out what your husband and his other had agreed to as part of their marriage contract. So, now, you pretty much know what he’s given her. It’s a matter of where do you go from here. She may be very happy that you have a copy of it knowing that it will anger you to no end and you may leave him.

    I agree with Gail that you need to calm down and try to think rationally about where you go from here. You know that he is married to her and has given her a huge dowry. Furthermore, you should know by now that she and his family are his priority. Based on all the stories written on this blog about those men and how they scam, and manipulate foreign women for their own personal gain, it doesn’t look very promising for you. You’ve got your work cut out for you, if you intend to stay with him.

    I totally get how you want sweet revenge. How do you intend to do it?

  • Gail

    July 8, 2017

    Fatima Sajid,
    Listen I get where u are coming from and I am not against u knowing what is on the marriage contract BUT I will say this protect your own assets and money and do not let him near your assets or money.
    Normally speaking these men send as much money back to their parents in Pakistan and their Pakistani wife will live with his parents so the money being sent back goes for everyone in the family.Is your husband and other wife cousins?If so then in all honesty it doesn’t matter what is written in the marriage contract because chances of them getting divorced more than likely wouldn’t happen.
    I also can tell u are anger mode which u have got to get a hold on yourself before u go off the deep end over this which seems u are right there ready to jump off the cliff.Just calm down and think rational.
    I am trying to figure out if u understood your husband was a polygamist before u married him or u found all this out after u married him?Are u still living with your husband?Also will u accept Polygamy even if your cowife and her family will try to force your husbands hand to divorce you? I don’t know enough of your story to say more at this time but I am telling u woman to woman CALM DOWN and think rational or u will end up with a nervous breakdown.

  • Gail

    July 8, 2017

    Ana,

    Tiana has touched on something that I don’t think we have ever talked about on the blog before about Pakistani men and their culture/nature about being respected.All men want to be respected but Pakistani men take it to a completely different level even to the point as u see with Tiana her husband trying to destroy her and take their son away from her.I can’t tell u how many times in my own marriage that my own husband has got so angry with me and not talking to me days and weeks at a time because he claimed I disrespected him in front of his family when all I was doing was voicing my opinion so I thought.Pakistani men have Ego’s like u wouldn’t believe.
    In Tiana situation she unless she hires an attorney I honestly think she has to be smart and play by her husbands rules until she can get her child back.In the meantime she needs to save money so she can hire an attorney and if she thinks she can’t win then she has no choice but to deal her husband or let him have the child.

  • Gail

    July 8, 2017

    Tiana,
    I will be frank with u the way u are going about this will not get u your child back.If u can’t afford to hire an attorney to fight your case then u need to think how to fix the issue with your husband for a short time to get your child back.I know these people and believe me when I say u are going about this all wrong.U have got to play the game better than your husband if u are to ever get your child back.Are u allowed to see your child at this point?If I were you in your position I would make sure it gets back to my husband I am sorry for causing him so much pain.I wouldn’t act like a blabbering idiot now mind u but I would very respectfully let him know I am sorry for the pain I caused him and I lashed out at him out of love for him although it was the wrong way to go about it(What I am saying is play on his sympathy as a man).While doing that u go on with your life get money coming in if u don’t have a job(Pakistani men love money so u need to lure him back in and get him interested in you again by making more money and him seeing u looking physically attractive understand).I know it sucks to have to do this kind of stuff but u do what u have to do to save your kid and know it won’t last forever.From here on out u never say anything negative to your husband EVER! because u know what the A$$ is capable of.I can’t stress enough to u that u have to appear to your husband to be on his side.I have lived in a joint Pakistani family for 14 yrs and I know these people and their culture.Pakistani men demand respect and if u don’t give it they lash out and will destroy you.I can’t stress it enough to play the doting dutiful wife part as awful as it sounds.

  • Fatima Sajid

    July 8, 2017

    Anabella,
    I can see your point, but I know it is a marriage contract! I can read arabic, what is not far from urdu, I could read their details. Why do I border about it? – because while he was counting every penny with me, in the shop, so I went to shoping on my own because I couldnt stand his face to asking me every single items if it is realy needed,paid 1/3 of our house expensis and calculated every month every single penny….. I could read he paid to this woman 1 000 000 pakistani rupie, and 190 000 worth gold….. I want to know sure, I am not just thinking what is on this contract…. No, Iam not going away until all of them paid for my tears and pain. And they are going to pay soon…. I am going to teach a good lessons for his and her family too and I dont even care if he kill me for this….
    As I found out more and more similar stories I feel more and more hate towards this people.
    One of the woman married the pakistani. He got the visa to uk because her. Went to pakistan, on the way he sold his passport with his visa. Begged the woman to help him back and how much he loves her, blablabla… she did, he was back in a year. Somehow she foud out during his time in Pakistan, he married and had a child who died after few days of born. When she questioned him, he bit her almost to death just to asking this…
    Around my area, I see loads of similar starting stories. But they still can sell themself.Some women even give money to them! As my husband through to my face, I am shit, because his friend polish wife even given him 3000 pounds to send to his family…..
    All my pain and sadness turn to hate-what is not good too…

  • Tiana

    July 8, 2017

    And I am trying to get my son’s passport cancelled as my evil ex has ALL the documents at his house,which he kept there all along so that was defiantly a red flag! I really should of been more on the ball so to speak but he was a very convincing liar and I stupidly fell for his crap,I just want more access to my boy or joint custody preferably and a quick divorce from this nssty con artist.

  • Tiana

    July 8, 2017

    I wouldn’t waste my time contacting his family either as they were all proberly part of the “scam” aswel and most of them can’t speak English anyway!

  • Tiana

    July 8, 2017

    I cant talk to him as he has got a pathetic restraining order against me! Due to my emotional instability despite his abuse which partly caused my emotional upset! I live in the UK and I can’t get legal representation ad its no longer available on the legal aid system,this is an impossible situation and my ex knows this,he had planned all this from the beggining.

  • Gail

    July 8, 2017

    Tiana,

    My heart goes out to u as a mother I can only imagine what u are going through.Listen I am married to a Pakistani man as well and take my advice and find out everything u can about him and his family.Do u have Addresses of his home and extended family in Pakistan and phone numbers? Do u know if he is still in your country or has taken the child to Pakistan?Does your child have a passport?If the child doesn’t have a passport does it take both parents or only one to get the child a passport?Does your husband have the child’s birth certificate?Have u been to Pakistan to your husbands family home?Have u reached out to your husbands parents and family to see if they can help u in this family matter?Have u tried to reach out to your husband in a calm manner to try to calm him down so that u can manipulate the situation to get your child back and get your husband to drop the charges against u(if that is even possible).If u can’t talk some sense into your husband then u have to find someone to listen to u and why u think your husband is a child abuser.U must fight for your child and not give up!You are among friends here and we are here to support you welcome to the group.

  • anabellah

    July 7, 2017

    Fatima Sajid,

    His other wife used the saying about “Rocket Science” out of context. It’s suppose to apply to something that is basic, simple and that the average person knows. Sending a document in a foreign language and telling someone to get it translated isn’t ordinary.

    Who knows what his other wife sent you, if you’ve sent it to places to get it formally and professionally translated and they’ve sent it back to you saying they can’t do it. She may have been toying with you. Perhaps she was being sarcastic and meant that it was “Rocket Science” and let’s see if you could figure it out.

    I consider a marriage contract as being something personal and private between the parties involved. It’s for them only. I don’t think another wife should be privy to it. You said she gave it to you and I suspect that if it is in fact her marriage contract, she assumed you wouldn’t be able to figure out what it says.

    Nonetheless, I’d say don’t bother with it. Why waste your time on trying to figure out what they’ve contracted that is their business. They entered a binding contract between them. You best spend your time trying to do something meaningful and beneficial in your life rather than meddling in their business, which really doesn’t concern you. We all have put our noses where they don’t belong and have found things that hurt us or have done things to hurt our souls. I’d recommend you just put that contract behind you and move on with a new project…

  • anabellah

    July 7, 2017

    Tiana,

    It’s not a battle that you can fight alone. You need legal representation. I don’t know where you live, but in the US, even if a woman doesn’t have money to retain an attorney, she can get one appointed to her free of charge when she’s been a victim of domestic abuse or have family issues involving child custody. If you haven’t already done so, research how you could get legal counsel or other assistance for free etc. Is there someone -family or friends who could help you with it?

  • Tiana

    July 7, 2017

    My husband abused me for years,on and off,emotionally and physically and he caused me to react by sending him a TEXT telling him I wished he was dead and myself aswel,he told the police and the social I sent “threats to kill” which ultimately got me arrested and while I was in police custody he took my son from my trusted friend and applied to the family court for custody of our son.I have NOT been charged with threats to kill and I am now trying to prove my side of this nightmare to the courts to get even joint custody of my son but you see my soon to be EX husband is a very convincing liar and a narsacisst and he has a lot of family who have a lot of money to back him up in court.I am proberly stuffed as its already proving that most people on here are doubting my TRUTH so don’t be wondering why I am suicidal

  • Tiana

    July 7, 2017

    Thanks guys its nice to have your support in this awful situation, I am in emotional turmoil and I am fighting for my son but the odds are stacked against me I just wish I could somehow get my little man back and be happy again.

  • anabellah

    July 7, 2017

    Tiana,

    You stated you need moral support and advice. For us to try to help you with it, we need to know more than what you’ve shared with us. I got from you that you consider your ex to be a lying sack of sh!t, pedophile, low-down dirty dog, poor excuse for a man … who took your son and lied to the cops and social service about you. How did you meet the man and what happened that lead to him taking your son? What’s going on that has given the police and social agencies cause not to believe you?

  • anabellah

    July 7, 2017

    Tiana,

    Most definitely, you shouldn’t take your life. Suicide is not the answer. It may seem like it’s the end of the world, and you have nothing to live for; however, it is furthest from the truth. You’ve got to be strong and fight for your son. You owe that much to you and your son. It’s no time to lie down and die. It’s not about giving up. I know you’ve got the fight in you. You know the saying: It’s not about the size of the dog in the fight. It’s about the size of the fight in the dog. Of course, I’m not not comparing you to a dog. It’s a metaphor. 🙂

    Below is one of my favorite videos that I share here again from time to time. It’s so inspirational. I hope you’ll find it so as well.

  • ummof4

    July 7, 2017

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Tiana, pray to Allah that He guides you to the truth and relieves your burden. I don’t know if you are Muslim or not, but you don’t have to be Muslim to ask Allah for guidance and help.
    Please don’t consider suicide. It always causes many more problems than it solves. Your son will never have a chance to be with you again if you take your life. Our lives belong to Allah and we have to trust in Him, in times of difficulty and in times of ease.
    Feel free to vent here, but we cannot give legal advice, just suggestions. We are also not a suicide prevention blog, so if you feel like ending your life, please contact the nearest suicide prevention hotline, and ask them for help. They are trained to deal with such situations.
    Also feel free to tell us about your son and what makes him special – all children are special.
    May Allah bless us all with a rewarding Jum’uah all over the world.

  • Tiana

    July 7, 2017

    I just need moral support and good advice now,I miss my son havnt seen him in nearly FIVE weeks 🙁 I’m verging on suicide yet NOBODY is giving a s£%t

  • Fatima Sajid

    July 7, 2017

    Anabella: I got their marriage contract as I conned this other wife with her own words-she said to me she doesnt believe me we are married(even she saw our wedding photo on the facebook-so I said a same things. And she eta it: she send me their marriage contract with the words- doesnt need to be a rocket science, get somene to translate it. But nobody want to do.I tried in UK, Austria and Hungary to translate to any of this languages as I speak all…. they take it and after few days send back with a sorry they cant…
    Tina: let me know if I can help you anything,please!

  • anabellah

    July 5, 2017

    Tiana, WOW!

    I really feel for you. You sound so, angry and rightfully so, if your ex-Pakistani man did all to you that you said he did and has your child on top of it. You’ve really got it tough if the police, and social worker won’t listen to you about suspecting your ex is sexually attracted to children. SIGH. How did you hook up with that man to begin with?

  • Tiana

    July 5, 2017

    I have just recently found out that I myself was a “victim” of a Pakistani con artist who not only set me up and used the UK court and police system to frame me but he has also taken our son and I am going thru HELL as I write this because this asshole is a convincing liar AND I very much suspect a peadophile and nor the police or social worker will listen to me,these bastards are users and psychopaths please DO NOT fall for their lies because your life isn’t worth being destroyed by these dispicable bastards.

  • anabellah

    June 25, 2017

    fatima sajid,

    I don’t know if you want to put type it on here. It’s the only way someone from here would be able to translate it for you. I don’t know who on this blog speaks, write or read Urdu and Pahari. There are free translation website service online.

    How did you get a hold of their contract? Why don’t you tell us a little about your situation…

  • fatima sajid

    June 25, 2017

    Salam wa leikum,
    Can somebody help me please? I’m in the same situation. I want to know clearly everything, special of my husband other marriage conditions. I got their marriage contract, but seems nobody want to translate to me… I tried different agencies, but allways came back -they can’t translate it… I guess it is mix of Urdu and pahari….

  • anabellah

    June 25, 2017

    Meena,

    It’s nice that you have met Gail. Welcome to our cyberspace abode. I especially want to thank you for the very informative and helpful article that you wrote. In fact, it was so good that I’ve made an article/thread of it and removed your comment. I moved Gail’s comment there, as well. The aritcle is: 5 Things to Know About Pakistani Men I thank you much for joining us and for your wonderful contribution.

  • Abdullah_Pakistani

    June 20, 2017

    AOA,
    Country girl!?
    Are you for real the dude just messaged you and you thinking about packing your bags to fly a good part of the world to go visit this third world country Pakistan ??
    Why can he not sell his home, come to your country and marry you?
    Simply cause he cannot, he wishes he could but he cannot unless he can get someone like you to be his wife so he can then stay and work in a first world country, maybe he will be grateful and be with you always and maybe he will get citizenship and be independent and shed his fake skin and turn all Pakistani, leaving you and getting married to some Pakistani lady ..

    So how to check if he is fake or not … hum..I think I should not ruin my fellow countrymen’s game …let them lie, cheat and ruin lives of unsuspecting foreign women maybe it is a new type of Jihad or some such …

  • Abdullah_Pakistani

    June 20, 2017

    AOA,
    Dear Sister Pinkipie,
    I am your brother from Pakistan if you need me to checkup on this dude you let me know.
    Firstly please don’t believe what he says rather believe what he does..
    He is 25 and struggling in life to make something out of himself, you taking care of him emotionally, physically and financially during his formative years of struggle, is the best deal he can get.
    So stay clear is what I have to say.
    Unfortunately us Pakistanis have a very skewed moral compass and honesty, integrity, honor are considered hurdles in ones life in pursuit of the worldly gains and desires …
    Even if you help this guy with all you have to offer and he gets to be successful in life he will break it off with you in a second or maybe less than a second …
    I have been to South Africa , Malayasia and seen first hand the families ruined by my countrymen in pursuit of a better life and a better passport leaving in their wake fatherless children and unconsoulable mothers…

    Lastly I wish and pray that Allah SWA guides you towards Islam .. for the sake of Islam and makes you a dear pious sister and blesses you with all that you desire that is pure .. AMEEN

  • anabellah

    June 19, 2017

    Pinkiepie,

    Welcome to the blog! You should listen to Gail because she knows her stuff about Pakistanis and their culture. Furthermore, you should listen to your gut because in this case, I think it’s right. Why take a chance in ruining your life. You know what some of those men have been known to do, based on what you’ve read on this blog. Do you really want to risk turning your life upside down and inside out for what you think is “love”. They do arranged marriages. From what I’ve come to know, Pakistanis don’t believe in love the way we do here in the West. If you don’t mind being used and then tossed out like a piece of trash, well, carry on then. Go get with him. I’ll try not to say, I told you so.

    I think Gail’s idea that you tell him you won’t sponsor him (be convincing and firm about it) and see how fast he drops you like a hot potato or keep you while playing around on the side with others till he finds the right one to go along with helping to get him and his family what they want. Be smart. There is not that much love in the word to risk being subject to that nightmare waiting to happen.

  • Gail

    June 19, 2017

    Pinkiepie,
    One more thing where did u get the crazy Idea that u had to convert to Islam to marry a Muslim man? I am married to a Syed Shia Muslim Pakistani man for the last 14 yrs and I am of Jewish faith and he is a Syed Muslim.There are alot of mix religious couples that are married without the need to convert.Now mind u I have nothing against Islam and if u want to convert for the right reasons then by all means do so but if u are converting to be with a Muslim man I will say straight up your crazy and chances in a few yrs u will convert right back to Christianity assuming that is what u are now. My point is if your going to do something do it for the right reasons otherwise u are wasting your time.
    Please read up about Pakistani culture before u up and jump into a mess and screw your life up.

  • Gail

    June 19, 2017

    Pinkiepie,

    Welcome to the blog I am Gail I think u need to read the comments on the blog and go with what your gut is trying to tell you.Don’t be naive u have something he wants and that is USA citizenship! If u do marry him u can expect that he will either divorce u down the line or take a Pakistani wife which will in return do everything in her power to get rid of you.Thats the truth of the situation.If u don’t believe me tell the boy straight up u found out u can’t sponsor him because u don’t make enough money or u have a criminal background. Once u make a believer out of him that u are not going to sponsor him then see what he does.He has a few yrs on his student visa so u might not see an instant response but eventually u will start to figure out.I would suggest to u don’t take a chance on Paki men simply because your chances on coming out on the other side with all your marbles is highly unlikely!
    Also don’t trust his family as they want a Green Card for their son and they will be as sweet as honey to you until they get what they desire from u.Sorry I couldn’t give u happy advice but as we say around here your better off to run like your shoes are on fire!

  • Pinkiepie

    June 19, 2017

    Please help me…
    I am with a Pakistani man and yes i love him and we’ve been together over a year. He has school /university visa to start school in January here 2018. He says he loves me daily we Talk numerous times a day ive taken a second job to get ready for him so we will have a place to stay when he comes. I’ve started to convert to Muslim so we can marry. He seems honest I have looked from every angle for his deceit so I can head for the hills. By the way I’m Biracial American. He says that they dont well he won’t marry his cousin and that they do arrange marriages but hes only 25 still too young. But I’m writing this because I have a gut feeling he’s lying or am I delusional because I read these types of things online? I mean so far its all good between us.But its a feeling in my stomach so wat you think?

  • I hate liars

    June 15, 2017

    Hello, I am glad I found this thread.
    I am from Eastern Europe and I have a generic slavic name, which, I guess, most people would assume as russian. I met two pakistani men on facebook in the last one year and they were both deceiving and lying and it all ended with my feelings being hurt. I didn’t think their intention was to use me for citizenship, even though I live in a country which is part of the EU, I believe they first started talking to me, thinking that I was from Russia. But I still want to k
    now what their intentions could have been, apart from wasting time.
    The first one used to tell small lies from time to time and I pretended not to notice them because he seemed to be a great person otherwise. He would lie about small and unimportat things like visiting some countries (Now I am sure he never set his foot out of Pakistan) or the way his home looks like (I assumed he is just ashamed of his background, although I was so crazy about him, I wouldnt have judged him even if he lived in a shed or something. He used to say that he loves me, he wants to meet me and eventually get married to me. He never showed any particular interest about living in europe. Then he gradually became more distant and one day I found out that he has been trying his luck with russian woman on a dating site during the whole time he pretended to be in love with me. Then we fought, then I apologized, then he just ghosted me out of nowhere and I could see random names of foreign women popping up in his facebook profile, until I deleted him.
    The other pakistani guy I met few months ago wanted to prove himself as genuine and honest, he was showing me places and people around him all the time, offered to give his facebook password, also he was googleable and he had a linkedin account and he seems to be good at what he’s doing. He even wanted me to introduce him to my parents by skype. Also he got accepted in a university in Germany and he showed me the emails he exchanged with that university. But then he got really busy and gradually became cold and distant, our video calls weren’t longer than 10 min, he always had something to do and somewhere to be. He said he has problems with money and has to work hard before he goes to Germany. He said he prefers if we dont speak until he sorts out his problems and arrives in Germany. I didn’t agree, I wanted to hear from him just once a week but he proceeded to ignore me so I stopped bothering him. Last time i said i needed to talk to him, he said we will talk later but he didnt call me and few days later I noticed he has joined some really random facebook groups, 2 of them were about polyamorous people and other 2 about finding travel partners. I wonder what this guy had on his mind all this time… I am starting to think there are a lot of liars from that particular country.

  • anabellah

    June 9, 2017

    country girl, Welcome back!

    I say that if all that you have read on this blog and all that the ladies here have written to you in the past about the culture of the man whom you’re in love with hasn’t deterred you from staying in a relationship with him, then you need to do what you’re inspired to do. You’re going to do that anyhow. I know that as far as I know, no one could give me a free, all expenses paid, with the best accommodations trip to visit Pakistan.

    If you’re hell bent on being with that man, nothing that anyone says will prevent you from getting with him. No one can prevent his or her fate, nor the fate of another.

    Nonetheless, we’re here, if you want to keep us informed of what you’re doing and how you’re doing. The best to you…

  • country girl

    June 8, 2017

    The Pakistani man that has messaged me says that I come there and meet his family and all that and we marry there then he sale his home there and we come back to USA and celebrate here what should I do

  • anabellah

    February 12, 2017

    I wouldn’t post names or pics on this blog of any of the men, nor would I allow anyone else to do it. I wouldn’t want to set out to ruin anyone publicly or vindictively.

    Let Allah deal with them as He will deal with all of us when we do wrong. We all do wrong. We never know when someone has repented, asked Allah for forgiveness and He has forgiven the person.

    The person who has been wronged is the one given recourse. Simply because we hear about something doesn’t give us recourse. Furthermore, we’re only hearing one side of the stories. Do we have the amount of witnesses and all the information to pass judgement? If the person did repent, asked Allah for His forgiveness and was forgiven, the person’s name and pic would still be on the blog and amount to a serious slander and glaring sin.

  • Lydia

    February 12, 2017

    I think we need to be posting these men pics on this thread.

  • anabellah

    February 12, 2017

    Kentucky girl,

    A lot of foreign men from the Middle East are soooooooo good looking. You know the old adage, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” I can tell you one thing for sure, you are one smart lady – you did your job which was to INVESTIGATE! You didn’t fall for the okie doke. Good for you! 🙂

  • Kentucky girl

    February 12, 2017

    Thank you all for your responses! I will reassure you all that I had no plans on going to Pakistan, especially to meet a stranger.

    Let me tell you the whole story from the beginning. He contacted me out of the blue on Facebook. I found this odd, so I asked him why he contacted me. He said “because you’re beautiful “. I asked him if he needed money (not that I was going to give any but just thought it was odd for a stranger to contact me from the Middle East).

    He told me he’s from Pakistan but he’s working in Ridyah as an heating and air mechanic in a factory. He showed me his pic at work with his orange safety vest on in a factory, but most of his Facebook photos looks like he works in a small grocery or convenient store. He said his Saudi Arabia visa expires in 6 months and he goes back to Pakistan. He said his home is locked and no one is there. He showed me photos of him in a room in Ridyah where it looks like he’s sharing with 5 individuals and they’re sleeping on thin mats.

    Since he’s “so in love with me”, I asked him to visit me in the US. He said he didn’t know how to get a visa, which was another red flag. I sent him a link. He’s never asked about my family or much of my background other than why I’m not married and why my daughter ‘s dad died.

    I have dated an Iraqi before, so this is the only comparison I have of Middle Eastern men. I’ve been researching his culture and then I found you guys to ask my questions to see if he’s genuine or if he’s looking for money or a green card. He is a very gorgeous man, but I’m cautious. Especially with all that’s going on in our world. I would never put my daughter in harm’s way.

    Someone asked how old he is; he’s 29. His brother is 21. He doesn’t talk much about his sister and she’s not on his Facebook. He only has men as friends on his fb. Is that odd or no?
    He’s from Lahore, in a city called Gujarat. He says it’s 3 hours by car from the airport.

    I love this thread. Feel free to ask more questions. I’m not in love with this guy. I’m just curious about him. Too bad he couldn’t be genuine. He is sooo good looking. Sooo good looking!

  • Serena

    February 12, 2017

    Kentucky girl

    It sounds fishy that his parents are dead. How long ago did they pass away? How old were they? How old is his brother and sister? How old is he? How did he get to Riyadh? Most of the times to go to the Arab countries these Pakistani men have to take loans to be able to afford the passport visa flights and accommodation abroad. Then they spend year’s paying back the loans because the money they earn is also needed to support their family.

    Does he have extended family? How close is he to them? Normally when the parents pass away another relative takes on responsibility of the dead parents. Who does he consult when making important decisions as his parents are dead they normally approach uncles.

    Please don’t put yourself or daughter at risk.

  • Serena

    February 12, 2017

    Kentucky girl hi

    Just below your post someone called angelica posted. She was given good advice. I think lots of that advice also applies to you.

    There are many things that you need to seriously think about.

    1. You said he lives in Riyadh but he wants you to come and live with him in Pakistan. How will that work out. Will he spend months if not years in Riyadh whilst you stay in Pakistan? Will he leave his job to stay in Pakistan?

    2. He hasn’t asked to come to USA yet. I guess he is playing safe with you so not to get you thinking he wants that green card. Maybe once he has you married to him then he will ask or when he realises you are serious about him then he might start asking for money.

    3. He wants you to live in his home what is that as partners or husband and wife? It is uncommon for a Muslim Pakistani to live with someone like that if they are not married. Is he planning on marrying you or does he just want to use you for a bit of fun?

    4. What part of Pakistan does he live in? Is it a village with shops schools and hospitals miles away?

    5. If he is in Riyadh who stays in his house in Pakistan. Pakistani don’t normally leave their houses unoccupied while they are not there. Who maintains his house while he is away?

    6. If you were to get into any sort of trouble how would you escape especially as you would not know how to get around. A white woman travelling alone in Pakistan is not safe.

    Ana has given you excellent advice.

    You have a 3 year old. Seriously this man is not worth putting yourself or daughter at risk. He may feel sorry for your daughter but trust me there are many father less kids in Pakistan so don’t think he feels genuinely sorry for her.

    These men are on the Internet hunting down vulnerable woman. How many has he spoken to before you and what if he continues to.

    Also lastly and most importantly HE MIGHT HAVE A WIFE KIDS LIVING WITH HIM IN RIYADH.

  • anabellah

    February 11, 2017

    Kentucky girl,

    We try to help as best we can. Don’t believe anything that that man says. Take heed to the warning on our government website.

    I don’t like hearing of anyone getting taken or bamboozled. Be wise an stay safe.

  • Kentucky girl

    February 11, 2017

    I appreciate your comments. I know very little about Islam but what I do know, I’ve learned from Muslim friends. So I was wondering why this man has so much interest in me. Part of me thinks he feels sorry that my daughter’s dad passed away. I agree with everything you’ve said. What scares me about this man is similar to what everyone of these women have said in this thread about how Pakistani men will profess their undying love for you and bla bla bla. It’s nearly the same as what they’ve said.It almost sounds like we are talking to the same man!! He has not asked me for money or to come to the USA. He wants me to come to Pakistan and keeps telling me how safe it is! Lol (I’m sure it is for non white Muslims! Lol) He says , “You’ll be with me. You’ll be fine.” He doesn’t care that I’m white and Christian. His parents are deceased. His brother lives in Dubai, he in Ridyha, and his sister in Pakistan I think. I was talking about visiting and not living there and he’s like “no, come live with me in my home.” Really strange that he doesn’t want me to just visit. I just wanted opinions from someone that knows this culture and religion. I’ve read on many travel sites and government webpages that it is strongly advised not to travel to Pakistan. Thank you for your comments and options!

  • anabellah

    February 11, 2017

    Kentucky girl,

    Furthermore, I suggest you be extremely careful with your daughter. Who knows. She may get sold to one of the Saudi’s and kept in waiting as a child bride. She could get auctioned off to the highest bidder. This stuff is real. Did you watch the movie “Taken.” I know. I know. It’s only a movie. But human trafficking is real and a young white American girl gets top dollars billing. I hope you’re not sending that man any money. Okay. Well, it’s all I’ve got to say about it. Sigh

  • anabellah

    February 11, 2017

    Kentucky girl,

    First of all, I advise you not to give him the time of the day. You’re entering dangerous territory. Pakistan is a dangerous place for an American to go who has no established connections there. You as an American, white Christian woman have got no business in Pakistan.

    If the Pakistani man whom you are talking with was a practicing Muslim/Believer, he wouldn’t marry you. Muslims are suppose to marry Muslims who believe in and live Islam. There are a lot of things going against you and your religious beliefs are part it. Muslims don’t believe in the trinity, nor do we believe that Jesus is the son of God, nor do we believe that God has any children and much more…. So how do you see you being a Christian married to a Muslim fits?

    You need to understand Pakistani culture, as well, to understand the man whom you are considering for marriage. Pakistanis are very family oriented. They obey their mothers more than they obey God. They try to do all that their mothers tell them to do. They DON’T believe in taking care of another man’s children. So, don’t expect them to care anything about your daughter. Furthermore, they marry virgins, which you can’t be. Women who aren’t virgins are just for the Pakistani men amusement. Something to do on the side until they marry their virgin or get all the money and resources they can from you and then dump you like trash. Usually they marry their first cousins. They want to keep all their wealth in their family. A Pakistani man will pledge his undying love to a white, American woman so that he could get into her comfort zone and take her for all that she’s got.

    You said you don’t want to live like an isolated housewife and the stereotype, well, what the heck do you expect? Do you really think that you will go to a foreign country and live as Americans do in their land? Get real. You’ll be expected to simulate and acclimate to their ways. Besides, with all that is going on in this country with immigration reform, it makes no sense to get mixed up with a foreigner right now. I suggest you not be bothered with that man as he will more than likely be nothing but bad news, headache, heartache and aggravation for you. There is no if’s about it. Stop talking to him and move on…

  • Kentucky girl

    February 11, 2017

    im curious about a Pakastani man I’ve been talking to. He is not married and does not have children. I live in Kentucky and have a 3 year old whose father is deceased. This man tells me he loves me and he wants me and my daughter to come to Pakistan. I’m white, American, and Christian. Having friends that are Muslim, most want to marry Muslims. so why me?? I worry about our cultural barriers, especially women are equal to men here in the west. Would he be abusive?? When I express my concerns, he says we are all human and that’s what we have in common. And Love! He is currently working as a mechanic of commercial heating and air in Saudi Arabia. He says he has his own house in Pakistan and lives alone. He doesn’t seem to want to come to the U.S. He wants to take care of me in Pakistan. I’m really confused by his motivation. I have this image that he will marry me and I will be isolated in a house as a housewife not allowed out. Is this a stereotype or a reality?

  • anabellah

    January 14, 2017

    Spirited, Wa Alaikum As Salaam

    Thanks for jumping in to help Angelica :-). Our dear Gail, our other expert on subject, has been MIA (Missing in action) 🙁

  • Spirited

    January 14, 2017

    salaam, hey guys

    @Angelica,

    Hello!  Sorry to say, but I had warning bells go off.  As Sarena mentioned, is there an age difference?  Has he been married before?  If he isn’t a divorcee, he’s definitely using you. There is no way — NO WAY — that a Pakistani guy who has never been married would be interested in a divorcee.  Unless he wants to use her to come to the west.  Ummof4 mentioned if he paid for your trip, that might be safe — no, it won’t.  They will be all smiles and roses, anything you say “yes I can do that” and when they get their beloved visa (or citizenship if they wait long enough) then its “see ya, wouldn’t want to be ya”. 

    If you do get married, NEVER apply for him to come to the US.  That would mean you’d have to travel there and visit with him (unless you want to move there permanently).  That has its own dangers — kidnapping, family-planned murders, quality of treatment by the live-in extended family (especially when they find out you’re not going to be their ticket to the good ‘ole USA), adjustments to lack of electricity, squat-toilets, etc.). But this would be safer than getting him here, then being dumped, or cheated on, or finding out he’s already married and will be getting rid of you so he can bring his real family over.  

    The final choice is yours, but I’d drop this relationship like a hot potato.  Which, btw, as a Muslim, he shouldn’t even have been pursuing in the first place.  Technically speaking.  

  • ummof4

    January 13, 2017

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Angelica, welcome to the blog.  You say he loves you and you love him.  It will be hard for you to break off the relationship, but based on my experiences, he sounds like the classic “I want a green card” lover.  Be careful, it doesn’t sound too promising for a lifetime of happiness for you.  

    Aside from asking him the questions that Serena asked, here’s another one.  According to immigration laws in the US(You sound like you’re in the US, correct me if I’m wrong.), in order to sponsor a fiance, the two people must have met in person and have pictures showing them together.   Ask him if HE WILL PAY for you to come to Pakistan to meet him and his family.  Not if you will pay and he will reimburse you, HE WILL PAY.  I doubt that he will agree to that.  If he does agree to PAY FOR YOU TO COME TO PAKISTAN, then there may be some hope.

    Jum’uah Mubarak!

  • anabellah

    January 13, 2017

    Serena, thanks for welcoming Angelica ?

    Angelica, I like Serena’s advice to you and she gave you good questions to ask him. Some of what I’m going to say may be repetitious.

    I’m writing on my phone, which I don’t like doing, so I’ll be brief and to the point for now.

    If the guy you’re communicating with is Pakistani, I’m assuming that he is “Muslim”. As a Muslim he should only marry a Muslim. Are you willing to become Muslim? I would not encourage anyone to become Muslim to get married. A person should become Muslim because she believes in the faith and wants to serve Allah.

    From what I’ve come to learn about Pakistani men is that they do not like to take care of and provide for other men’s children. Although your children are grown, you could still assume that he won’t want to be bothered with them or with your grandchildren They like to marry virgins. They like to marry their cousins as well because it’s the culture and their tradition. Most of them like to marry their own (Pakistani) and take care of their own. They will use a foreigner to get to the West as Serena stated, so that they can have a better life and the means to provide for their Pakistani family.

    Most likely he already has a wife in Pakistan or has one whom he is waiting to marry that will be an arranged marriage. Are you willing to become a wife in polygamy?

    As you are not Pakistani, you are not his cousin, and you are not a virgin, nor are you Muslim, seems like you’re pretty much batting zero, except for having the potential to get him citizenship in the United States or whichever country you live in. I suggest you be wise and stop communicating with him because I can’t see that he would bring you any good based on the knowledge I’ve acquired on this blog about those men. There’s not that much love in the world to overlook the obvious that you’re in store for if you sponsor him to get him a Visa. If you want someone to pretend to love you for a limited period of time, then go with it.

  • Serena

    January 13, 2017

    Angelica

    Welcome. I will give some advice but hope the others on here will be able to help you too.

    I understand you have been talking to this guy and so far have only heard what he has to say. I hope he has been honest with you. 

    I am not sure if you are Muslim but if the guy is a Muslim you might have a problem even though he might say otherwise. 

    Another thing that I read was you have a grandchild while he is still young at college. If there is a huge age difference how satisfied were you with the answers or reasons gave for accepting age difference. Normally if he is muslim they use that the Prophet peace be upon him was much younger than his first wife. 

    Angelica some questions you need to ask are

    1) Are you the first woman he has spoken to and fallen in love with over the Internet?

    2) How would is he going to get the right paperwork visa passport etc to come over to your country? 

    3) Is he the only son and the eldest son? 

    4) Are his parents depending on him to for financial support? 

    5) Have his parents got someone wgo they want him to marry? 

    6) Are marriages outside family and to different cultures common in his family and community? 

    7) Can he take care of you financially? 

    8) If his parents don’t agree to him marrying you will he atill go ahead? 

    Angelica I have so many more questions but am not sure if you have already asked him as you have been talking to him for a long time. 

    Just a few things to be aware of. A lot of Pakistani men lie. How can you be sure he haa been honest with you especially if he knows there is no way of you investigating him or contacting anyone that will give you honest information about him.

    Many Pakistani love the idea of going and settling in the west. They just need someone from the west to get them there. They won’t care about the age religion background or anything.  As long as they get their ticket to the West it’s their dream come true. 

    You should also ask him what his parents do as a living. 

    While you may be innocent on all this how do you know he wasn’t on the Internet hunting down someone for his own purpose such as finding someone trapping them by saying I love you etc just so he can get over to the west. 

    As far as he ia concerned of he comes over to your country he has life already made their. He will depend on you for financial support housing etc. What if he starts saying to you he needs you to help support his family back home.

    Ask him his views on polygamy. Some of these Pakistani men arw coniving and deceptive. He may say all the things he knows would please you.

    They watch too many dramas and films and have a different outlook on love life and marriage. 

    Is he religious if ao key question why is he talking to a woman like that ovwr the Internet and face calls.

    Sorry Angelica most of what I wrote is portraying him in a negative way but better to know truth and be hurt than made happy by being lied to.

  • Angelica

    January 12, 2017

    I have been talking to a young man from Pakistan for a little over 2 years,we have been getting to know each other over this time. And I have fell in love with him so much…he says that he has fallen in love with me also…we started out talking as friends/pen pals so to speak…I would ask him about his country,family,friends,did he work or go to college…we would talk about his friends and things they did together and what he was going to college for n ect…and he would ask me those kind of things also…I told him about some of my health issues and he would want to know all about it,how it affected me n my activities. After I got a cell phone he asked if we could talk n see one another on video call,so we started talking that way every single day around about the same times,after classes at college,during lunch break n after he had dinner with his parents,brother n 2 sisters that still live at home…n we would talk till he was so sleepy n it was in the wee morning hours. I have asked him all sorts of questions n still have many more I will be asking him each time we text or talk every day. He says that he loves me and wants me to come to his country to marry him n be with him…I told him I could not move to another country away from my 2 sons n my first grandbaby that will be born any day now…so he says that he will apply for a visa or green card n do whatever needs to be done so he can come to my country n be with me…he says he loves me so so so much n wants to marry me n be with me the rest of his life…then I came across your information…I do really love him deeply n care for him so so so much n would be happy if me n him could get married n live here in the US the rest of our lives…but your information has me worried a little now. What other questions n things should I ask him n ask him to prove to me before I do make my final decision…please help me all you can…THANKS SO MUCH.

  • anabellah

    December 30, 2016

    Here is an interesting video and article about marriage in Pakistan:

    Article Regarding the Above

  • anabellah

    December 24, 2016

    Sssjahmad, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    Welcome 🙂 and thank you for sharing your story with us so eloquently. It’s amazing that I read your story right after I was reading the Quran and read an ayah that I find applies to your situation. You said that you are in an unhappy marriage, but have stayed so as not to break up the union. If I read what you wrote correctly it appears you and your wife have work out an agreement whereby you can live in the marriage without one of you killing the other. It’s not your exact words, but is what I get from it. Based on the ayah that I read: Surah 4, ayah 128

    You said you are in an unhappy union, but you are not bitter, unhappy or sad. I get it. It sounds that you have a very good attitude and realize that the Hereafter is better than the present and your greatest reward is in Jannah/Paradise. Alhumdulliah! I’m so happy for you that you seem to have figured it out and I pray Allah rewards you immensely for all your efforts and the good that you do.

    I thank you, as well, for giving us your perspective on Pakistani men, which is helpful as you are a Pakistani man. I agree with you that people shouldn’t be vilified based on their nationality. Please know that it’s not the intent of the post/thread. It’s just that so many women have come to this blog over the years and related their sad stories of having been taken advantage of by Pakistani men for personal gain. There were enough of them to warrant a post/thread to warn women from the West to exercise caution when getting involved with Pakistani men.

    It’s one thing to come from meager means and want a better life. There is nothing wrong with it, but there is something wrong when one uses deception, trickery and lies to get it from vulnerable women who are looking for romance, love and a family. Men are supposed to maintain and protect women, not use and abuse them. You, yourself realize that it’s wrong, as you stated that you totally condemn it. So, we are on the same page.

    Again, I thank you for joining us and taking your time to write to us. Your post was very helpful and I enjoyed reading it. 🙂

  • Sssjahmad

    December 24, 2016

    Salam to all and my apologies to anyone who has been duped by Pakistani men.

    I am a Pakistani/Australian of Afghan descent, I have been married for 36 years to the same woman in a most unhappy marriage, I have two kids from this marriage and both kids have suffered because of this unhappy union.

    Nevertheless It was my choice to live a life time of unhappiness but not break a relationship I consider sacred and this is in line with what my faith teaches me. My mother is most unhappy for not divorcing a woman who has caused me so much misery.

    I have had very good jobs and was able to provide well for my family but me and the woman I married were oceans apart and until this day we don’t get along.

    That as it may be; I am not bitter, unhappy or sad; on the contrary I thank Allah for whatever was my share in this area of life.

    Many a times I met wonderful and beautiful western women who would have married me in a heart beat but I did not lead them on nor did I lie, I never cheated on my wife even though I had ample chances, I just went out with some women for gentle company of opposite sex, I love women, they are the glory of God, they are beautiful creatures and God has blessed them by giving them the role of Mothers and when possible they can be the best companions in marriage, a happily married couple is the ultimate gift of life from the lord above, unfortunately for me them I just didn’t luck out so that does not mean I cheat or lie or hurt another person. 

    So the whole point is that people are people and it is wrong to vilify them on basis of nationality, I know plenty of western men who beat, abuse, and harm their wives. and I know plenty of western women who are wicked and cheat on their husbands, so its these individuals and you cant blame their whole nations.

    As for Pakistani men….Most come for poor backgrounds and are trying to make it the world but the sad part is that they have poor morals and evil in their hearts if they build there happiness on some one else’s misery, I totally condemn that.  love to all.

     

  • anabellah

    December 12, 2016

    Daryl,

    I would suggest that you not tell your husband that you will consult with an attorney. If your husband is dependent on you to get him permanent papers, he may become more abusive towards you, if he thinks you’re planning to leave him. On the other hand, it could go the other way and he’ll begins to pretend to love you and live the way you two were living before he got the papers.

    I still think you should sit down with an attorney and get professional advice from the expert about it.

    If you have any more question, I’ll try to answer as best I can. Our expert “Gail” hasn’t been hear in a while, so I’ll do the best I can to help https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_mail.gif

  • anabellah

    December 12, 2016

    Daryl, Hello and welcome to the 411 🙂

    You certainly are not alone in the situation that you’ve described. We hear of relationship like yours often.

    Daryl, I’m not quite sure what type of proof you are looking for. Is it proof that he doesn’t love you? I think you laid out the proof to us. You said that his behavior towards you changed since he got his temporary visa; he physically and emotionally abuses you.

    You, yourself said that you think that he got what he wanted and you’re wondering when he will leave you. You said that he says he loves you, but his actions don’t match.

    You know the saying, “Action speaks louder than words.” What does him saying, “I love you” do for you. The words are like a drug that makes you feel better. It’s putting you to sleep about how he really feels about you. But, you need to wake up.

    You said you have contempt and disgust towards him. So, it appears that the only thing that is keeping you in the marriage is the words “I love you.”

    I suggest you stop believing what you want to believe – that he loves you – and see the writing on the wall that you most likely have been used. You may want to start looking at getting a good divorce attorney, sit down with him or her and consult about what your options are. Why wait until he gets his permanent papers and he drops you like a hot potato. The way I see it, there’s nothing left but for him to kick you to the curb and move on with the life that he truly wants. You were just his ticket to get there.

    It’s how I see it.

  • Daryl

    December 12, 2016

    I am currently married too,and have an 18 month old son with a pakistani man I met at work 4 years ago in the UK.He was so into me in the beginning,telling me how beautiful I was and made me feel like I was his “one”,his “life partner”,it’s only been since he got his temporary visa to stay here that his behaviour changed,he has been abusive both physically and emotionally,and I feel that he has nothing but contempt and disgust towards me as I am not pakistani or a Muslim,he got wot he wanted and now I’m left thinking how long is it gonna be before he does a runner and the truth will come out if wot im suspecting is true…I have had meny respond to doubt him and his true motives,i just can’t “prove” anything,i am at my wit’s end as to wot I should do,he says he loves me but his actions don’t match his words,i just wish i knew of a way to find out wot his real intentions are and if he is lying to me and conning me then I will definitely dump his sorry ass and he wont be seeing our son ever again! Is there ANYONE here who can give me some useful and helpful advice as to how I can get the proof I need to find out exactly what is,or I hope isn’t,going on.Please I am desperate and depressed about all of this,this is my life that’s being screwd with and I am not gonna waste another second on him if he turns out to be a lying cheating scum bag.

  • anabellah

    November 3, 2016

    Confused.gal, welcome to the 411,

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve fallen for one of those men and are in way deep.

    It saddens me that those men call themselves Muslim. They are so far from being anything that Muslim represents. Men are allowed to have more than one wife according to Islam. Instead of them having more than one the honorable way, they’d rather use women for their own personal gain. They disrespect women, use and abuse them, and then throw them out like they are a piece of trash. They will pay for what they do. It goes deeper than them just messing over women. They go against everything that Islam is about.They will account to a higher authority for failing to live life properly. We all will account to God for the wrong that we do

    Anyhow, if you would like to share more about your situation, we are here to listen and will try to help, if we can.

    Are you married to the guy? Is he married to someone else?

  • Confused.gal

    November 3, 2016

    I am currently in a relationship with a Pakistani guy. And i can say everything that’s written here is impeccably true. Just sad because i have fallen so deep i don’t know if i could ever get out from the relationship.. 🙁

  • anabellah

    November 2, 2016

    Gail,

    I see it but for the life of me I don’t understand it. That blood relation stuff is strong. It totally, totally goes against what Islam is all about. That’s why I say that it is all falsehood. I don’t know why they call themselves Muslim. How could someone disregard their own flesh and blood for no other reason then that the person is not a Pakistani. It baffles me.

  • Gail

    November 2, 2016

    Ana,

     Do u see how the grandparents and the Pakistani family don’t care about their foreign blood Grandchildren?It is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen.Even in my own family keep in mind my excowife is my birthson’s  second cousin and all her siblings and her mother is my sons great Aunt.That heffer flat told my inlaws she only cared about her biological grandkids my adopted kids and not their baby brother.I mean seriously how sick is that?

  • Gail

    November 2, 2016

    Ana,

     I totally agree I would also love to stop this nonsense and sadly it would be so easy to spot and put a stop to this once and for all.

  • anabellah

    November 2, 2016

    Lydia,

    You’ve got that right. It really is a web of deception with them. It is very sad. It’s why everyone needs to get the word out there to the women to beware of those men. I could see myself working with Immigration and Naturalization to bring about a change, if I didn’t have so much on my plate now. I just don’t have the time to do it with everything else that I’m doing. I would love to do work like that though. It would be so cool. Now is the time while the next President of the US will be working on an immigration overhaul.

  • Lydia

    November 1, 2016

    It is really a web of deception with these men.  They are so quick to declare love for you.   It is a sad thing.  

  • anabellah

    November 1, 2016

    Ren, hello

    Don’t concern yourself about your post being long. We don’t care about that here.

    I’m so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Sadly,so many American/European and other women are getting bamboozled by men who marry and lie for personal gain. I’ve come to learn that most Pakistani/Indians don’t marry for love. Arranged marriage is their way.

    I think it doesn’t matter what your husband tells you, whether it’s how much he loves you or whatever; it doesn’t really matter. It’s just words. As he stated, (in his mind) he must do what he is expected to do. He said it’s his duty to marry the person who his family selected. That part, he’s being truthful about. So, basically, he will do as they say.

    The problem is that most of them don’t believe in polygamy. Therefore, it’s not a matter of you trying to work with her and him to live as a family. I doubt she wants any part of that. It would be different if they lived Islam and were believers in it’s teachings. BUT, THEY DON’T. Consequently, talking Islam to them or trying to do things from an Islamic perspective won’t work. As you can see, begging, pleading and trying to collaborate with him and her isn’t working. No, you shouldn’t trust him or her or any of his family.

    In my opinion, since he has filed for divorce and isn’t listening to or hearing anything you have to say, you’re bound to come out the loser. The mere fact that he has filed for divorced speaks volume. For him, life is not about you. It’s about his family, his mother and his other wife.

    My advice to you is go get the best lawyer/attorney that you can afford – THE BEST. If you can’t afford one, get a legal aid one, BUT GET ONE and take your husband to the cleaners.Take his sorry @$$ to court and tell them EVERYTHING. Get him ordered by a judge to pay child support, alimony, your mortgage payment, medical, insurance, car payment and anything else you could think of. If there is anyway to block his other from coming to the US, do that too. Don’t delay. Get a move on with it right away. You are in a no win situation with your husband. The way I see it, it is over for you with him. You are finished.

  • Ren

    November 1, 2016

    Hi, I’m so happy I found this blog. I have found myself in a situation, as many others, where my husband has divorced me to bring someone to the US to marry, but still says he is married to me, that husband heart hasn’t changed and I am his real love, he is just doing his duty as a firstborn son to have someone to take care of his parents . 

    Let me back up a moment. my husband is an Indian Muslim and I’m an American Christian .  we met several years ago  I filed for a visa and he came to the US and we were married in 2013 and we have a 2 year old son. he joined the military in 2015 and got his citizenship. apparently as I came to know just a few months ago he made arrangements for marriage with someone else in India behind my back.  he started dropping hints to me in January that he had to do this for his parents, etc. I begged and cried I hate, for him not to do this .  I of course said I would happily care for his parents, but I just felt like everything he said was an excuse .  he took a 2 week trip in April to supposedly see his family, but he filed for divorce romantic me before he did. I asked him over and over if he had someone else , he kept saying no. I asked him when he got home and he said how could he have time? well I’m not quite that stupid I knew something was going on and God providedoes me with my answers one day in the former of a package from his fiance with all her paperwork ! needless to say I went a bit crazy just because of the lies. I dumped everything out in front of him and threw whatever I could find. I felt and still feel so betrayed. how can I trust or believe anything? I have emailed he fiance to try to know her, I’ve been trying through all the pain, but I’m struggling. I have no idea if I trust her, I just feel like she wants a trip to America. I know it sounds awful to say and I know it’s my pain talking.

    I’m sorry for such a long post but I am hurting so badly. I don’t know what I should do. I’m praying daily, and obviously seeking help and advice. I just want someone to tell me if what I feel is valid or if I’m wrong. I just feel so betrayed and it’s hard to move out if that feeling. please, sisters, give me some answers . 

  • anabellah

    October 24, 2016

    Spirited, Wa Alaikum As Salaam

    Thank you much for imputing. I appreciate it. You’d know far better than any of us about how their minds work.  https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_rose.gif

  • Spirited

    October 22, 2016

    Salaam, oh before I go to sleep — good points Ana, but there’s also the more likely situation that what people like Razee say and what they actually DO are two different things.  It’s 99% more likely that if he were to snag a foreign wife and have a chance at getting out of that country for a western one, especially USA, he’d take it in a heartbeat, use the wife to get here and dump her when he’s done.  The lure of $$$, beautiful cars and “easy, almost nude women” is far too much for them to be able to ignore.  

    Not to mention actually having basic necessities like clean drinking water, electricity to survive the summers (be able to actually use air conditioning or have electricity in general), paved roads, etc.  It’s  practically a foregone conclusion they’d get OUT (and maybe even leave the foreign wife THERE!  Lol)

  • anabellah

    October 22, 2016

    Razee, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    I agree with you that all Pakistani men are not as I’ve described in the article, BUT there are many who are.

    I’ve  based what I said in the article primarily on what those who have been involved with Pakistani men have come to the blog and shared about their experiences and the experiences of those people whom they know who are involved with Pakistani men.

    You asked me what I think about your situation and what you’d like to do. I think it’s a beautiful things https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_good.gif I think it may not be that easy, however, to find a European woman who would want to leave her native land to go live in Pakistan. After all, many are trying to get up out of there. The woman would have to be pretty adventurous and daring to go live there.  I don’t know of many who do.

    My question to you is: would you let her know that your mother is the Queen of your life and what she says goes? Will you let the European woman know that you may become polygamous and that you may marry your cousin? Will you let her know that most Pakistani people don’t accept polygamy and she will be frown upon? There are a whole bunch of “would you” …https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_mail.gif

  • Razee

    October 22, 2016

    Asalam O Alikum ..
    Alhamdulilah I am a Pakistani .
    After reading ur blog … I feeled too much negativity of thoughts here ..
    The point u raised is very right ..
    But in my opinion its not applicable for every Pakistani .. like the difference in fingers of a hand ..
    I am 35 married have 3 kidz ..
    Running my own business in Pakistan..
    Let’s suppose i wana do marry a foreign woman for polygamy sunnah ..
    I will offer her for the citizenship of my country ..
    I will like that she migrates to my country and lives with me in my own house ..
    I dont need the nationality of her country …
    It will be my responsibility to provide her every necessity ..
    Coz Alhamdulilah i can afford ..

    So what would be ur remarks on dat..

  • ummof4

    July 1, 2016

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Angie, a quick question.  What led you to this blog?

     

  • anabellah

    July 1, 2016

    Angie,

    Welcome and thank you for commenting.

    Yeap, it sounds that you escaped from falling prey to one of the predators. You apparently are one of the fortunate ones. Spread the word to your colleagues to beware of parasites on the prowl.https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_wink.gif

  • Angie

    June 30, 2016

    I guess I’m safe in that I’ve been hit on by them continuously at university but never seen one that was hot. All look like some variation of Borat but with darker skin. I prefer the blue eyed American boys anyway.

  • anabellah

    May 29, 2016

    Gina,

    Thank you much for sharing your opinion about what you’ve learned about Pakistani men. I had no idea the practice of Pakistani men using foreign women is prevalent in South Africa. I truly believe many of the Pakistani men are groomed to use women for personal gain.

  • anabellah

    May 29, 2016

    GINA,

    I just checked the spam queue and found one of your posts in there. I don’t know why it went in there. Nonetheless, I just approved it.

    @All,

    If you wrote a post that didn’t get approved, let me know and I’ll check for it in spam. Sometimes the posts just disappear in thin air too. I’ve had my share of losing posts over the years.

  • GINA

    May 29, 2016

    hi

    I have my own experience of being married to a Pakistani guy.im south African.From a lot of Pakistani guys I met through my husband there south African wife’s are going through the same ordeal of being the 2nd wife and because our culture permits us to work we help educate and feed there first families back home. Including the respectful and pious women in Pakistan as we are told that’s what there women are. I have been told many times im rude and disrespectful as I talk for my rights as a women. If u look at most of the foreigners doing this in south Africa majority are Pakistani. They in every corner of Africa. I am commenting on Pakistani men as that’s where my problems stem from.its not ISLAM it the Pakistani culture. A sick culture of grooming your daughter to live a subservient life. And they growing your son up to look after your needs as u grow older.ur son is then responsible for u after u 50.i will do that for my parents because I love and respect them not because its my forced duty and fear. Please understand this is my opinion on Pakistani culture and what I have learned being married to one

  • anabellah

    May 25, 2016

    Arzoo,

    Thank you much for imputing about it. You would know much better than me about the subject. Gail has been way busy and can’t get here as often as she used to. As you said, I’m just trying to warn women. I’m not about just sitting about hating on anyone. There are very nice, upstanding people of all nationalities. There are bad apples in all of them too. We only talk about the bad apples because people have gotten some. People talk about the subjects of the blog. Thanks again! 🙂

  • Arzoo

    May 25, 2016

    Fatema, Pakistani men are already promised by their parents to marry their cousin or a close relative’s daughter back home. They scam western women for immigration purpose and also neglect their wife back home. I think cousin marriage is very unique to pakistani Muslims. Ana is just trying to warn women about this.

  • anabellah

    May 25, 2016

    Fatema, welcome and thank you for commenting.

    I get what you’re saying about labeling an entire gender. It’s not what we’re doing here. We don’t label an entire gender. I don’t know why people aren’t getting that. We’re simply letting women know of what is happening with many Pakistani men who marry foreign women for personal gain.

    If people were to come to this blog and say they’ve been scammed by men from other than Pakistan, we’d listen and try to help them too. It just so happens that the majority of people with such complaints come here talking about Pakistani men. It is why we address the issue here. There have been some who spoke of male scammers from India and now there is a lady here who speak of her Bangladesh husband whom she my have been victimized by.

    No ones is going to hide the fact that it’s a problem just because not all Pakistani men are that way. It’s a warning for women to watch out for themselves as a precaution so perhaps they won’t get taken by men who want out of a impoverished country by any means necessary.

    Yes, disgraceful men abound in all communities. We talk to the people here about the men whom they encountered the problem with. We don’t just stick our heads in the sand like an ostrich and pretend that the problem doesn’t exist simply because every single Pakistani on the planet isn’t the same.

    It’s a problem with Muslims the world over. Very few Muslims stand up for what is right. There are non-Muslims countries taking in millions of Muslim refugees, helping them and fighting terror. Where is the voices of Muslims? Why aren’t Muslims helping Muslim men, women and children who are being oppressed globally? Some are, but very few.https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_sad.gif

  • Fatema

    May 25, 2016

    Many of us have indeed been hurt by men. It is sad, painful, and may Allah give us much ajar for our sabr, in both worlds, Ameen.

    Not fair to stick one awful label onto the entire gender of a specific community. Nor is it just.

    Disgraceful men abound in all communities, unfortunately – may Allah protect us all.

  • Arzoo

    April 14, 2016

    Thanks Ana! and nice idea to copy the comments since both threads are related.

  • anabellah

    April 14, 2016

    I actually was able to leave the posts here and copy them to the other Pakistani thread. I’ve never done that one before. I used a new feature https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_yahoo.gif Alhumdulliah!

  • anabellah

    April 14, 2016

    Oh, Arzoo, it’s GogoGori under the main Pakistani Beware thread. Insha Allah, I’ll move your posts there.

  • anabellah

    April 14, 2016

    Arzoo,

    I will try to find it and put it there. Insha Allah, I’ll find it and will let you know where her post is. Thank you 🙂

  • Arzoo

    April 14, 2016

    Ana, I hope you can post my previous comment where its relevant. I read that comment and forgot where it was. Sorry for typos. i wanted to share whatever i knew from personal experience and warn this person. 

    She also talked about getting married in India and not registering marriage in US. Chances are he will happily agree to whatever demands she makes. The truth is that he is marrying for convenience not true companionship. Why set yourself up for failure when you can do better.

  • Arzoo

    April 14, 2016

    Hi Ana, 

    I forgot where i read this comment about an Indian Muslim who came to US for PhD, dropped out of PhD, been working in US for many years but don’t have green card. I think i know why he might not have a green card yet. Firstly, when you come to US on a student visa you are only supported to do what the visa has allowed you i.e. be a student and not try to seek employment etc. I know many of my fellow students were denied visa because of suspicion that the might have other intentions than just being a student e.g. having many relatives or close family living in US already or answers to interview question indicating that you intent to immigrate permanently to US. 

    This person was on student visa and engaged in seeking employment  before completing the PhD. He somehow managed to get a sponsor and get work visa. maybe he agreed to work for less money or used some connections with an employment agency. The usual and legal route for students is to complete their graduate degree for which they were given the visa. At the end of graduation they are given what is known as OPT, optional practical training option which means they are allowed to look for internships or employment in their area of expertise (basically they are not allowed to just take any job e.g. a computer engineer cannot start driving a taxi, start a business or work at a random job unrelated to his/her degree). They have to have an offer letter within 3 months of date of completion of degree. If they get such an offer for internship or job they are allowed to work on OPT status for 1 year and i think it can be extended for some time (i didnt do that so don’t know details).

    Now while they are on student visa and have this OPT temporary permission to get work experience in their field their employer can apply for a work visa H1B for them. This visa is usually 3 years i think and is renewed again for next 3 years. While working on H1B visa you can apply for green card. Sometimes employers apply for you. their are different categories for that too. People with outstanding contribution in their field of expertise have a separate category and can get a green card more easily than any regular green card applicant. They have do a LOT of paperwork to prove their outstanding contribution (references from reliable professors in US and other countries who are researching in your area of expertise and can write about your significant contributions to the field). Its a long and difficult process to ensure that only deserving candidates get into this category for green card.

    So basically this person dropped out of Phd, somehow got sponsorship H1B to work so no wonder he is having problem getting a green card. Any immigrate official looking at his application gets bad impression and sees the fact that he didnt respect the purpose of his student visa and engaged in seeking employment. Also looks like even after working for twitter his company hasn’t helped him get a green card meaning he doesn’t have any extraordinary contribution to his area of expertise to qualify for that. Now this man is looking for other options to get green card. What better option than getting married to a citizen! 

    I also suspect that maybe he didnt drop out of PhD but was made to do so because of lack of performance. If you don’t do well on your research work you are asked to drop out of PhD. Some people are offered an option to take a Masters Degree instead if they have already completed some part of research that can qualify as Masters level project.

    I think this person is not being truthful and have a hidden agenda. He also said his parents tried to arrange a marriage few times but it diet work out. Educated Indian women are very aware these days and don’t marry any person their parent arranges for them. they get in touch with the guy. Meet or interact with the guy on phone or through internet. If they don’t feel comfortable or find something wrong they break off the process at that point. This is common part of arranged marriage these days and women aren’t afraid to reject men. So my guess is this guy has been rejected by a few Indian women. He isn’t doing anything outstanding in his job. he is on H1B which restricts you to work for only the employer who is sponsoring you. If they fire you the you are legally require to leave the country so he is looking for ways to secure his future here which he failed to do through his employer getting him a green card.

     

  • Mari2

    April 13, 2016

    And I set forth that US woman mentality when I sent M and his mom away because they both failed to be gracious.   I never asked for sainthood, simply respect of the efforts I put forth and no Pakistani drama by MIL.  She failed to be respectful so I held him responsible too.  It is his mother after all.  He brought her here. Right now we are fine.  I have a calm and peaceful life.  Do my thing, see him as I desire to.  There is much to be said about not living with a co wife.   The same should also be said about MILs or others.

  • Mari2

    April 13, 2016

    @Gail

    I don’t think that you are being negative but things have really changed with regards to the interview process in Islamabad. I know of a couple who married in Pakistan and the wife lived there for a year after marriage and the embassy denied the petition anyway.  The wife had to return to the US and hire a lawyer and it took another year to get approval for her husband to join her.  And lots of money.

    If a woman has a job and assets she should absolutely get a pre nup no matter where she lives. Too many Pakistani guys think they can waltz into a marriage with a working US woman and have their, and their family’s financial needs met via their wife’s income.  That is in opposition to the teaching of Islam, so a wise woman would or should protect her assets, and be open with potential husband and his family as to what largess they will NOT receive.  I actually think that many Pakistani men marry divorced women in the west thinking that divorce is a stigma here so much so that they can control the woman like in Pakistan.  They really need to be schooled.

  • Gail

    April 12, 2016

    Mari2,

     I forgot to mention that I really liked your idea of drawing up a prenup.Sorry if I sounded so negative don’t mean to just dang they are so sly and Pakistani law and culture supports the men over the women arghh.

  • Gail

    April 12, 2016

    Mari2,

     I wish it was as easy as u explained but from what I seen and the people I know Embassy seems to be doing little to nothing about the huge age gap differences simply because they have to follow the laws and not discriminate because after all obviously as long as u are both consenting adults not alot they can do other than quiz the couple.I know couples where the man is in his 20s and the wife is in late 50s and the guy got his greencard and then went on to get his USA citizenship and he was cheating on his wife the entire time with a girl his own age and the older wife didn’t have a clue. As far as Islamic divorce and all that well the men just flat lie on their marriage contracts.If he divorces his wife in USA or Pakistan for that matter then thats it game over they consider themselves divorced legally.My own cowife screamed my hubby although he divorced her legally through the courts she claimed he did not divorce her according to Shia law even I myself witnessed him giving her a verbal divorce(he wanted me to witness it).She still claims to this day it was not done according to Shia law and she is still married to him even though she has divorce papers and can legally remarried.The whole Islamic divorce verbal thing means nothing in Pakistan.Also as far as I know I have never seen a wife get her dowry before marriage and if she did then for sure the husband and his family would be insulted.It sounds good in theory but never seen it happen.If a wife seems to think she should go through that much trouble to secure her marriage then I think logically speaking that she better think to not marry that man.I would have never believed Pakistan could be so corrupt had I not lived their and witnessed everything for myself but it is so mind blowing how these people can just about wiggle out of anything.Here is the truth about Pakistani people and what I have learned over the years.A smart wife will have to mentally trap her husband into thinking he has to have her financially and mentally to survive.The wife has to be really smart in creating a reality to where the husband feels mentally and emotionally connected to her enough to want to stay otherwise forget it.

  • anabellah

    April 11, 2016

    Mari2,

    Thank you much for the in depth post. It’s a wealth of information, and it should be quite helpful to everyone. I’m hopeful that many more changes will come about in light of all the controversy surrounding immigration issues that we’re dealing with now in the upcoming presidential election in the US.

  • Mari2

    April 11, 2016

    @Ana

    It is much harder now for men from Pakistan to engage in such marriages.  The US embassy in Pakistan is quite wary of such arrangements,  especially when there is a disparity between the age of the man and the woman.

    And while yes, American women need to get a clue about the culture of the man, many men are rather clueless as to what awaits them here in the USA.  A man cannot just show up and instantly get a divorce and remarry a cousin.  He’s got to put in at least 5 years and get citizenship.   Sure he can divorce and remarry on a green card, but that means if he remarries while on green card his spouse has to wait years longer to get here.

    Also, even if the marriage took place in Pakistan, once the man decides to divorce here, he has to do a civil divorce and pay for it too.  There’s no “I divorce you” 3x and it’s done. Nope. Has to be recorded in the courts and that documentation must exist prior to engagement or marriage to a cousin in Pakistan or the US will not see the second marriage as valid. And if a jilted US wife does not get an Islamic divorce from her husband, that could bite him in the butt when he goes to marry his cousin yet his Islamic marriage in Pakistan is still valid as he failed to release his first wife. So while she may be the only wife   in the US, she’ll be the second in Pakistan.

    A smart woman will be sure she covers her bases, both in her Islamic contract and by drawing up a pre nup. Prior to going to Pakistan to marry, have a contract done by an Imam here.  Then have the contract signed before marriage by husband and witnesses, have the dowry transferred to an account in her name in the US.  Then BEFORE marriage, go to the local US embassy and have the pre nup signed and notarized. If the man balks, walk away.

  • anabellah

    April 11, 2016

    There is another thread/post on this topic that is a must read:

    https://www.polygamy411.com/marry-a-pakistani-man/https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_cry.gif