December 2014 Discussions

We invite you to join our December 2014 discussions.

December 2014 discussions

Loosen up. Relax and let’s chat…

December 2014 discussions

December 2014 discussions

Share

Don't Be Shy. Leave a Reply

* Denotes Required Field

https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_bye.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_good.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_negative.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_scratch.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_wacko.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_yahoo.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_cool.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_heart.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_rose.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_smile.gif 
https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_whistle3.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_yes.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_cry.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_mail.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_sad.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_unsure.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_wink.gif 
 

273 Comments

  • Gail

    December 31, 2014

    December 2014 discussions

    Gail’s comment is the last for the December 2014 discussion forum. Please join us over on the January 2015 thread. Gail’s comment to “Coco” is below:

    Coco,
    I am happy u like reading about my munchkins.They r in the living room laughing as I type to u.They just watched Skinwalker Ranch about Aliens and are now talking and chatting about UFO’s and all these Scientist that have come forward in recent years saying Yeah Aliens exist.I use to never believe in any of that stuff but gosh I myself am not so sure anymore with so many top high level scientist coming forward saying stuff and even Bill Clinton said that we may very well see Aliens in the next 20 years.Now granted I don’t know if he was smoking something when he said it but I find it very very strange that President of USA would make such a bold remark.The whole thing is way strange.

  • coco

    December 31, 2014

    ummof4
    You had me cracking up with the spring chicken and old gray self post! Hehehehe you FUNNNNAYYYYY ☺️ xo

  • coco

    December 31, 2014

    Assalaamualiekum and Hello to all the gorgeousness here!

    Ana
    The two wolves story is ideal to reference to when one feels a sense of negativity for oneself or others it’s one of my all time favourites! A bit out of the blue but just in a enamoured state if mind if that makes sense lol. But I really needed to thank you for being such a good sister to me and everyone else here. I’ve learned so much from you may Allah bless you and your family. I wish you the world in happiness that you oh-so-deserve! Much love to you xo

    Shabanah
    You gotta gotta watch gone girl! I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before but I’m soooo happy you are here we need a lighted candle as yourself here. Love you xo ☺️

    Marie
    Dumb and dumber was on top of my list for favourite comedies hehehe I was actually hoping to watch the sequel some time soon I’m sure it’s going to be absolutely hilarious. I have you in my dua. Lots of love and stay blessed love xo

    Gail
    I love reading about your aspiring kids. ☺️

  • anabellah

    December 30, 2014

    Please take a moment to read the Happy New Year message from Polygamy 411. Thank you! https://polygamy411.com/happy-new-year-polygamy-411/

  • anabellah

    December 30, 2014

    Maire,

    I’ll keep you in my duahs. Stay opimistic and positive. I get it when it comes to sympathy. Nothing agitates me more than some sad eye, puppy face looking person wanting to pity me. I never could understand how anyone would think it helps. Some people just don’t have a clue. A person such a you know that Allah is the Doer of what He Wills. You know He’ll take you through whatever it is and you will be okay. I could understand you hubs wanting to get it off his chest and tell her, as well, so it will just be out there and he won’t get beat on by her about why he didn’t let her know sooner. I’m very happy for you.

    We haven’t heard from Za who is pregnant, too. Insha Allah, she’ll stop in soon and let us know she’s okay.

  • Marie

    December 30, 2014

    Ana, no, we haven’t told anyone yet. Only because I have a history of miscarriage, we prefer to wait until the first scan. I don’t tell people because if I do miscarry I don’t want all the sympathy. And no matter how many times you tell someone your Ok, they just don’t listen. Months of people using a sympathetic baby voice and looking at you with sad eyes is enough to send one crackers.

    Hubz wants to tell her sooner so that he has “nothing on his mind” I said Ok, when he returns in two nights he may have let her know Insha’allah.

    We wasn’t just keeping her out if the loop. No one but me, hubz and the blog readers know. Obviously Allah knew long before me.

  • anabellah

    December 30, 2014

    Marie,

    Did you say your hubs has got a feeling that you are having twins. Oooooh mmmmmmy goodness LOL. Well, you know my favorite saying, “It’s all good.” Do you mean to tell me, your hubs or you haven’t let the other know yet that you are pregnant???

    It’s nice to hear that you have a co and a family that is striving for the same goal. Alhumdulliah. It’s a beautiful thing.

    “Forrest Gump” was a very funny movie. Every so often it’s on TV and I might catch a glimpse of it while my hubs flip through the channels. I’m not a comedy person much either. I never seem to laugh at the majority of the comedies. Most of the time I think it’s ridiculous, not funny. It’s not my kind of humor. Every now and again I may come across a good comedy, but not often.

    Marie, I pray you will feel better. Just think about what Mary the mother of Prophet Jesus (PBUH) went through and you’ll know you can get through this with flying colors. 🙂

  • Marie

    December 30, 2014

    Asalaamu Alaykum and hello.

    Shabanah, The words you use in your posts, give a good sense of what a fun, happy woman you must be.

    As we’re on the subject of movies, I watch ‘norbit’ last night, years ago I would have found the film hilarious, but I think iv lost my sense if humour or that kind of humour at least. Comedy’s used to be my favourite type if film but most if them contain humour that I just can’t get with. ‘Waterboy’ ‘dumb and dumber’ and ‘forest gump’ are my fav comedies. Although I do still find Kevin hert extremely funny.

    Ana,ummof4. In my case your both right, my marriage is going well and when I’m (not my marriage) not doing well I know exactly what to do. It’s all good here. Although I still feel terribly sick, hubz thinks it’s twins I’m so ill. I can only foresee any drama, when hubz tells the Co wife. Insha’allah, she’ll be Ok, I know she is striving for the same goal as we are.

    Gail, I’m glad your move has been easy for you and that sounds like one good business plan. I’m happy for you and your family.

  • anabellah

    December 30, 2014

    Update on the missing plan, for those interest. I’ve posted it since it’s quiet:

    http://www.newser.com/story/200605/debris-spotted-in-airasia-search.html

  • anabellah

    December 30, 2014

    Shabanah, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    It’s funny. You’re going to retire for the evening and I’ve just gotten up in time for Zhur prayer LOL. Being able to communicate with people from all over the planet is so cool. I know people from everywhere. I’ve learned so much about people and countries by being on this blog.

    Thank you for the reminder for us to thank Allah for everything. It’s soooo important. We can’t be like those who take Allah for granted – those who refuse to serve Him when He has given us everything, our hearing, sight, feelings, understanding. I thank him for giving me access to a shower that I can climb in and out of whenever. I don’t have to go down to the lake or river the way they did in the older days (westerns I see on TV LOL). I thank him for allowing me to breath without the help of a machine.

    Get some rest, you. Insha Allah, I’ll chat with you later, sis. Love and peace to you, too.

  • anabellah

    December 30, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello Everybody, 🙂

    ummof4,

    My thought was similar to yours that it could be quiet here because many are at peace in their marriage now or have a very good idea of how to get there. Many have been on the blog here for years.

    I think the holiday season has a lot to do with the quietness, as well. Many people are off work or visiting with family and traveling.

    It’s weird how the blog goes through spurts with everyone all talking or everyone very quiet LOL. I’d like for the silent readers who are many to come forward, and make their presence known. It would be nice. It’s fascinating too how many readers don’t speak. It’s the norm for blogs. When I discovered blogging, prior to this blog (other people’s blogs), I jumped right in there. It was awkward initially, but I quickly got the swing of it. I had lots to say.

    Speaking of movies, I re-watched one last night that I had watched a few times already. It came out a couple years ago. It’s “Arbitrage”, a “financial thriller” with actors Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon.

    @Gail,

    I really can’t wait to see what Allah has in store for you little man. He does sound to be quite the genius. I was thinking he needs to speak to someone about his thoughts on the rescue efforts. It’s impressive that your nine year old took time to contemplate the situation and articulated his thoughts on the matter. You must enjoy talking with him. He’s got more knowledge and sense than some adults out there five time his age.

    You must be very happy your older son is doing so well. It should be nice that he will be back home with you, and will embark on a course of study. How nice. What a wonderful way to begin the New Year – new home, you, hubs and son, beginning a new career, real estate investments Alhumdulliah!!!

  • Shabanah

    December 30, 2014

    Wa alaikum salaam ummof4 how have you been?
    Im so exhausted just wanted to post a little su um su um before I retired for the night.

    Love & Peace.
    Much Shukr to Allah for EVERYTHING.

  • ummof4

    December 30, 2014

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    You spring chickens should be ashamed of yourselves, mixing up Marie and Mari2. Even I can keep them straight with my old gray self!

    Gail, may your move be beneficial to you and your family. I have nephew who is into HVAC; he’s now the head of the HVAC department at a local major trade school. There’s a lot of money in HVAC, and they really have to know what they’re doing.

    It’s boring when things are quiet here, but it’s also a great thing. If it means that many of us are at peace with our marriages, then I’m all for it. Who knows, soon this may turn into a movie review blog LOL.

    Remember Allah often and thank Him for another day to serve Him.

  • Shabanah

    December 30, 2014

    Lol my bad. But I really keep getting them mixed up. So its Mari2 and Marie? Got it

  • Mari2

    December 29, 2014

    LOL

  • anabellah

    December 29, 2014

    Shabanah just made Mari2 into Marie2 ROFL. I’m on my phone so I can’t add my smiley face. Mari2 can’t catch a break with her name he he he.

    I have more 2 say 2 everyone, but must wait till I get 2 the computer.

  • Gail

    December 29, 2014

    Mari2,
    I will do my best to keep u to gals straight.lol
    Hope all is going well for u.

  • Shabanah

    December 29, 2014

    As salaamu alaikum Everyone, sounds like everyone is doing well alhumdullilaah.

    Gail look at you. You go girl. You’ve been blessed with a new abode, a great way to began a new year 🙂

    Coco puffs Love, thanks for being so lovely and showing me some love. Feels good xo

    Dear Ana
    Now you and coco are making me want to really watch gone girl. It’s on my movie list along with Anna. One day soon.

    Hey alison, nice having you stop by from time to time.
    Spirited love how are your studies going.

    Marie and marie2 salaams. Hope all is well on your end as well as ummlana ummof4 kadija and ummu ain

  • Gail

    December 29, 2014

    Ana,
    I loved the folk tale u told it is perfect for my 20 yr old son I am going to read it to him.He got a hold of us last night and wanted to come back home so we told him fine but he has to study and pass the EPA Universal Exam.We gave him the books today and he has started studying.Hubby went to today and took his EPA Test.We will know the results in 2 weeks.He said he is for certain he passed 608 number 3 for 100%.
    Thats is really awesome because everyone is saying there is more money in chillers.We did find out he has to get 2 yrs experience before he can open his own business.I am really excited because 2 of our sons will be going into heating and air business so I am in very high hopes the kids will have there own HVACR business.
    My youngest son he will be President of USA or Pakistan or United Nations some day.I swear that kid is a genius and totally blows my mind.Today eh was talking about that went down and I mentioned I read the plane is more than likely at the bottom of the sea and would never be found and how stupid that is since we have have microchips etc… and my 9 yr old spoke up and said mom if it is at the bottom of the sea then what about echo location sonar or something other.I mean I don’t know but it sounded like a pretty good idea.Either way his brain is better than mine.lol
    I am very happy with the lease house.

  • anabellah

    December 29, 2014

    I think someone may have shared the following here before, maybe it was coco. I can’t remember. Nonetheless, I’ve posted it again as it’s good words of wisdom:

    polygamy 411

    Two Wolves

    One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a
    battle that goes on inside people.

    He said, “My son, the battle is between two
    “wolves” inside us all.

    One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret,
    greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

    The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,
    kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

    The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:

    “Which wolf wins?”

    The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

  • Mari2

    December 29, 2014

    @Gail,
    Lol that you mix marie and I up. I’m the one whose husband will marry his cousin soon.

    Congrats on the move! I’m happy everything worked out. It’s been a long time coming for you all.

  • anabellah

    December 29, 2014

    coco, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    I just knew, knew, knew, you’d like the movie, “Gone Girl”. I intend to buy it for my collection when it’s released. I checked the other day with “Best Buy” and they said it’s due to be released on January 13th.

    People were in a daze when they were leaving the theatre. I could see it in their faces. I was as in a daze, as well. It one of those movies…

  • anabellah

    December 29, 2014

    Then there is the burning ferry that was traveling from Greece to Italy

    It’s creepy all that is happening in the world.

  • anabellah

    December 29, 2014

    I don’t know how many of you have been following the story of another missing plane. It was headed from Indonesia to Singapore.

    http://www.newser.com/story/200556/official-airasia-jet-probably-at-bottom-of-sea.html

  • coco

    December 29, 2014

    Assalaamualeikum and Hello to all the sisters!

    Ana
    I LOVEDDDDDDDDDDDD “Gone Girl” it was the bomb! Rosemond Pike was absolutely beyond ahhhhhhmazing. I think this movie should be prescribed to all men by their wives to watch hahahahha I won’t get into details as I don’t want to ruin it for others who haven’t seen it yet but WOWWWWWWW I managed to watch it twice this weekend! xo

    Gail
    Your post was so enjoyably descriptive to read I am so happy for you mashAllah stay blessed and hope you are able to find the most perfect Victoria era home to fit your family xo

    Shabanah
    ❤️

  • anabellah

    December 29, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello Everyone,

    @Alison,

    Hey there Thank you for letting us know you are well and you’re still reading along with us. It was nice of you to stop in and give us a shout out.

    @Gail,

    I can’t begin to express how happy I am for you and your family What an awesome way to begin the New Year – in a new home and State. One never knows what Allah has in store for us from one day to the next.

    Lady, you have got a good business plan. You seem to have a handle on what you’d like to do. You are quite a business savvy woman. Insha Allah, all of the business ventures you and your hubs are working on will be most successful.I wish the very best for you.

    I suppose Walmart may have a bad rep (reputation), maybe so, maybe not. It doesn’t faze me. It’s one my most favorite stores. I was just shopping in one yesterday. There is one nearby and another one I go to occasionally, as well, as it’s in my travels. I buy all my toiletries and household items such as paper towels, cleaning items etc. there. I buy the bulk items at Costco, another favorite store of mine.

    I’m not one of those people who boycott stores or items. It’s not my thing. I don’t care enough about anything that much to do such a thing. One time there was a commentator here talking about boycotting “StarBucks”. I can’t remember the reason why . Oh, yair, I think the person said it is owned by Zionist. Whatever I go to “StarBucks” and think nothing of it

    Insha Allah, God/Allah will give you one of those Victorian homes you’d like to own. Never doubt Allah. He can do everything and has everything to give. It’s all good.

  • Gail

    December 29, 2014

    Ana and everyone,
    The move went great and we r loving the leased home.The home is right across the street from Walmart world Headquarters.It is only like 15 minutes from our property but it feels so different because we r living in a brand new home beautiful home which is perfect for us until we build or buy our own home.
    We have all but decided at this point we our going to be able to stay in this area which is wonderful for us since we already own property here and this area because of Walmart World Headquarters has to be hands down one of the most modern areas of the countries.I know Walmart gets alott of bad wrap for underpaying employees etc… but they have taken care of this area better than any other corporation I have ever seen.Up until a few years ago this area was so dead just some hillbilly area out in the middle of BFE.Since Walmart has encouraged all their suppliers to move to this area and boy have they.U would be shocked at how many big name companies have businesses here in this area.It really is off the charts amazing.OK enough about Walmart.lol
    OK so we have officially decided to keep our property in on the Missouri/Arkansas Border and instead of paying a fortune for apt and duplexes we have decided to purchase used mobile homes and put them on the property and resell them at a very very good profit.We put our own piece of crap mobile on list 2 days ago and our phone has been ringing off the hook with people interested in buying the mobile.So we will be buying,selling and rotating mobile homes off our property.The beautiful thing is our property is only 15 minutes from Walmart World Headquarters so it is the perfect location.I figure we will have this mobile home sold this week.Oh and get this we paid 2,000 for the mobile 9 years ago and we traded a professional mechanics car lift to move the mobile home so basically we have 2,000 in the mobile but we come up with this idea to charge 250 dollars per month for 3 yrs and lot rent of 150 for 3 yrs and they can’t move the mobile until they pay it off.now if they go the full 3 yrs we r looking at around 13,000 off this home.This home is a beast or we would shoot for more.Hubby also wrote up that after 3 years their lot rent would go up to 250 per month and would increase 10% every year after that to encourage them to move the trailer off the property and if they don’t we r getting enough lot rent we can buy more property.Oh I should mention my property is does not have any zoning so we r free to do what we want basically.The city has already told us what we r doing is perfectly fine so we r just over the moon so happy.Now all we have to do is either buy a huge Victorian home over by the Courthouse and the Square.Which is an adorable place.I don’t know if u guys have ever watched the show 19 kids and counting but the Jill’s husband Derrick lives in this area and he proposed to Jill right on the square where all these beautiful homes are located just right down the road.I guess my point is it is a very Beautiful area and I am really hoping I can get my hands on one of those amazingly gorgeous homes.I am so into Victorian era homes but with Central Heat and air of course hahah.

  • alison

    December 29, 2014

    Hey guys sorry for the silence though been reading along. I am doing great been busy with school and work. Talk of adult education lol feels like that…
    Ina your story just cracked me up that is the most hilarious story of polygamy that I have heard. Glad you Ok
    to the rest good to know you fine to the New ones welcome to this lovely supportive family.am sure you in the right place

  • anabellah

    December 29, 2014

    @Laila,

    How was the last vacation you just recently took? 🙂

  • anabellah

    December 29, 2014

    @Shabanah,

    I’m glad to hear you have come to feel more secure in the marriage. You know that you belong and are not an intruder. It takes time for everyone to acclimate to a new way of life.

    What you stated happened with the wife who married second makes sense. When you arrived, she probably began to feel the way a wife who married first does. She had to deal with insecurities of feeling that you were replacing her, that she wasn’t good enough, that he may love you more than her. She got a taste of both worlds – what’s it’s like being married first when you arrived and what it’s like being second, before you were there. I see how the dynamics of a polygamous marriages works in viewing you and her. I could see how the wife who really married first (there are three of you) became numb to the experience and don’t give a r@ts @$$ much about what is happening in the marriages with you, she (second) and he. There reaches a time in life when it doesn’t much matter any longer. I’ve seen it with the lives of older women like my mom’s age. Many are divorced and widowed and just don’t care much anymore; although some would still like to have a companion. In the case of the wife who married your husband first, she still has a husband; she still is being provided for; she just doesn’t need to get all worked up about what has happened any longer and, I pray, she’s accepting her fate.

    Getting back to the second in your case, she felt the competition and began to complain as she felt her time would be taken away by the addition of you and perhaps she thought about the loss of resources, as well. On the other hand, you were gaining a husband, time with him and resources. It was taken from the other two when you arrived.

    In the case with Ina’s co, the co may be having a difficult time because she never acknowledged Ina and the children that Ina and the husband have together. She’s tried to block them out and act as though they didn’t exist. Well, it’s just not dealing with reality. As much as she wants to live in a dream world, it can’t be done.

  • Shabanah

    December 29, 2014

    Ana

    I was the total opposite. In the beginning, I felt like an intruder. I always excused myself from our husbands presence whenever my second co entered the room to give them their space. Then along the way my second co turned it into a competition and was complaining how she doesn’t get enough time blah blah. She turned up the heat not I. In a way I could see where she was coming from. I was younger, happier and new. Although the first few years I didn’t have a voice. I let her walk all over me but the past is the past. It made me stronger and hey i found my voice and earned the respect I deserve.

  • anabellah

    December 28, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum and Hello to All the Lovely Ladies and Gents,

    @Laila and Shabanah,

    Congrats to both of you on your new vehicles. It’s always a beautiful blessing to have a brand, spankin, new vehicle that you don’t have to concern yourself about breakdowns and repairs. It’s a beautiful thing. Allah u Akbar!!!

    @Shabanah,

    Yes. I’m happy the blog is back up and running again. I knew the stats were down a bit, but I thought it was due to the holidays and everyone being very busy. I got a couple emails to alert me about it earlier when I was out and about on the road taking care of some thangs. The problem had to do with coding on my site. The hosting company fixed it quite quickly. Alhumdulliah. I checked my emails later this evening and realized more of our dear friends here had contacted me to let me know the site was down. I’m grateful for everyone who contacted me. Sometimes I don’t know when a feature is down or the site itself is down, as I mentioned earlier. Anyhow, all is good in the neighborhood.

    I’m hoping everyone will have a wonderful week and a very happy New Year. The hubs and I, Insha Allah, will just be chilling and hanging out at the home front.

    I’m feeling really good about the New Year. I think it’s going to be a blast with all good things coming my way and I hope it’s all good coming your way too, everybody.

    @Everyone,

    About co-wives that are obsessed about their co’s and the husband’s communication with with them, I could understand it happening in the beginning of a polygamous marriage, but if the jealous, obsessed co doesn’t pull herself together and get a grip on it and herself, she’s only hurting herself, no one else. She will never be at peace in her life, if she can’t compose herself. She can only do it with the help and permission of Allah. If she doesn’t get herself right with Allah, she’s going to have some serious problems.

    Okie dokey, I’ll leave you all for now, only to return, unless Allah seizes my soul. Till we meet again

  • Shabanah

    December 28, 2014

    Gail
    So happy all is moving along greatly for you. Its freaken awesome.

    Laila, you’re welcome hun. What kind of car do you have? I have a Toyota Corolla.

    Ana my Dear
    Thanks for getting the site back up and running. You had a sista loosing it over herrr lol

    Cowives club and Ina,

    I have a friend who has many of those passive aggressive qualities. She’s a first wife and she doesn’t want her co speaking to their hubby during her days even in emergencies, she flips out when her co refers to their hubby as her husband , she doesn’t accept her chikdren from her previous marriage nor her two kids she had with her hubby, she causes scenes its quute ridiculous. Its no way to live. I remind her of Allah and advise her to establish a relationship with HIM alone and everything else will fall into plave but she’s very head strong. I continue to pray as dua is the most effective weapon.

    Hey coco love, I love the poetry quotes you share by maulana rumi. Bless you xo

    Everyone have a prosperous week ahead and don’t forget to thank Allah for the air in your lungs, your hearing, your sight your beautiful children or babies to be and the many other countless blessings HE has bestowed upon you.

  • Laila

    December 28, 2014

    Dear all, thank you for your wishes on my brand spanking new car.

  • anabellah

    December 28, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello to Everyone,

    Some of you may have noticed the site has been down for a while with an error message displayed. The problem with the server has been rectified. We are back up and running.

    I wasn’t aware of the problem until a couple of the ladies notified me of it by way of email today. To the ladies who notified me, I thank you very much Sometimes I am unaware that feature aren’t working or the site is down, so I greatly appreciate the notifications when you notice a problem. Much obliged.

  • anabellah

    December 28, 2014

    Gail,

    You said, “It is shocking that she is smart enough to get a PHD but acting like someone that is uneducated.Very shocking to me.”

    She is “uneducated” – “uneducated” to the Truth. She hasn’t yet learned and may never learn that her husband is not her’s to control. She’s trying to keep tabs on him as though she owns him. She’s not conscious of the fact that he belongs to Allah and is under Allah’s control. If she realized the truth of the matter, she’d back up off him, stop sweating him and chill out

  • anabellah

    December 28, 2014

    Gail,

    Hey there I’m so happy to hear all is going well for you and your family with the move. Thanks for stopping in and letting us know you and your family are well and good. You must be so excited about your new beginning. Alhumdulliah! Insha Allah, keep us posted.

  • Gail

    December 27, 2014

    Everyone,
    I have been so busy moving but finally got moved in.We still have to pick up the trailer but all is going well.

    Ina,
    I agree with your hubby after your cowife starts on her PHD I doubt she is going to have so much free time to scrutinize him.I think it is crazy that woman marry a married man knowingly then want to act so petty.It is shocking that she is smart enough to get a PHD but acting like someone that is uneducated.Very shocking to me.

  • anabellah

    December 27, 2014

    Coco,

    “Gone Girl” is the bomb! It’s an excellent, excellent movie. You will love it. Enjoy! I’m driving, which is why the message is short.

  • coco

    December 27, 2014

    Assalaamualiekum and a hello to all the sisters especially the silent readers! 🙂

    How has everyone’s weekend been going? Mine is pretty swell so far I have a family friend visiting from the U.K he flew in from Islamabad yesterday so been hanging out with him all weekend it’s all about nom nom for us! lol ☺️

    Laila
    Congrats on the new car! Don’t you just love the smell of a brand new car? Ahhhhhh It’s always nice to read you, I think we all need those days to ponder and reflect on where our life is and where we want it to head. Wish you well ☺️ xo

    Cowifes Club
    It’s nice to see you pop back in, your life seems pretty busy which is a good thing so stay blessed! ☺️ xo

    Marie
    Glad to know your enjoying the weekend with your husband and the snow! I sure do miss it! ☺️ xo

    Ina
    I’m sooooooo glad to hear your doing well Alhumdulillah! I noticed you’ve managed to find humor in the situation that only proves your dwelling in positivity in the present mashAllah may Allah keep you in this pleasant state. I agree with Shabanah your post did have many rotfl moments! There’s no question your co is a piece of work hehehe We did miss you don’t stay away so long! ☺️ xo

    Shabanah
    Hey gorj! Hope your enjoying your weekend and new car! I love how you pointed out we are all a little coo coo hahahahha I couldn’t agree more! Love ya you funny funny woman ☺️ xo

    Gail
    How’s the moving coming along? Thinking of you! ☺️ xo

    Ana
    I always love reading your posts they’re so enlightening we tend to get many lil “Taaleem” sessions to learn from and reflect on which is another blessing found here. JazahkAllah! People used to push my mom to stay with my dad and keep working on a mentally abusive marriage saying that if a man is happy with his wife she is rewarded Jannah from his testament! Like really! Seriously! How about follow Allah’s orders and pray for Jannah! Much simpler lol Hope your enjoying the weekend I’m planning to fit in “gone girl” into my weekend I heard its ahhhhhmazing! ☺️ xo

    Lots of love to all ❤️

    “Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone’s soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd.”
    Rumi

  • Cowives Club

    December 27, 2014

    subhan Allah Ina

    i have a friend who has a co wife and yours sound so much more like her’s … and they have been married 3 years and she got worse and believe it or not they live in the same house too

    my friends husband cant talk to her when it’s the others ones time she watches everything and believes everything is belonging to her …oh it’s so mad what goes on their … alhamdu lilah you seem to taking it in your strive …good on you

  • anabellah

    December 27, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello to Everyone,

    I’m not so much concerned with how people on the planet perceive Islam other than I can UNDERSTAND why they perceive Islam in a negative light. I recognize that they view Islam negatively and I understand why.

    It concerns me that Muslims are mislead by Muslim.s Many Muslims don’t read or can’t read and they rely on what others tell them about Islam. New reverts/converts, especially, being new to Islam rely heavily on what they are told. They are just learning; therefore, they rely on what they read in books other than Quran. I was one such person when I first reverted/converted to Islam.

    Shabanah mentioned, “One book even quoted our Holy Prophet Saws as saying something like if women could bow to anyone besides Allah Ta’ala he would command them to bow to their husbands.”

    Sadly, there are quite a number of quotes out there like it that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was said to have said. The problem with the quote above is that it goes against the teachings in the Holy Quran. It goes against the teachings in all the other “Books” of Allah that we are to believe in – “Books” Allah speaks of in the Holy Quran (Torah, Scripture, Gospel).

    Allah has taught all the Prophets, including the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) of the Oneness of God/Allah. Allah has taught that we should worship no one but Him. Allah teaches that setting up partners or making others or anyone equal to Him is a Grave sin punishable by sentence to the Hell Fire.

    Nonetheless, people have the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in other books (not Quran or any of Allah’s “Books” mentioned in the Holy Quran) undermining what the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and all of Allah’s Prophet have said. They have Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) speaking of women bowing to their husbands. Of course the word, “IF” is thrown in there. “IF” doesn’t matter. No one should think of worshiping anyone other than Allah. The thought should not cross a person’s mind. Yet, people have others believing that bowing to a husband is okay to think about. They’ve planted the seed and seeds can grow.

    Again, they’ve painted our Beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) (who lived the Quran) as a hypocrite. He teaches the worship of the One God, as revealed to Him in the Quran, but then he is said to have gone amongst the people talking about the worship of a husband. Now that is blasphemous.

    Sadly, there are Muslim women out there who put emphasis on serving their husbands, falsely thinking they have to obey their husbands in order to have a chance at entering Paradise/Jannah; although, Allah says there are no intermediaries in Islam. Muslim women have been mislead, and they blindly follow what they are told and what they read in other books other than Quran. Muslim women then wonder why they suffer so much. They don’t understand their religion – Islam.

  • Shabanah

    December 27, 2014

    Salaams Beautiful Ladies,

    Ina so nice to hear from you. Your post about your co has me rolling on the floor trying not to wet my pants laughing out loud lol. We’re all a little co coo but she took it to the extreme. LOL

    Laila

    I too just sold my old car and brought a Toyota Corolla. Im very happy with it. Allah is so Generous and Loving.

    Ana & Marie, all of those anti Islam books creates pictures as if Islam is a male controlling religion. They paint men as if they are Gods AstugfirAllah. One book even quoted our Holy Prophet Saws as saying something like if women could bow to anyone besides Allah Ta’ala he would command them to bow to their husbands. Ana I agree with you, No wonder people have a distasteful perspective of Islam with all of these anti Islam blasphemous books floating around out there. Our Holy Prophet Muhammad saws has honored women.

    Have a Lovely day Everyone or night…

  • anabellah

    December 27, 2014

    Ina,

    You’re doing so well. It’s good to hear it. I’m not surprised at all. You’ve been hanging in there tough. Insha Allah, keep up the good work.

    I’m not at all surprised by her behavior. It’s not uncommon for it to happen. There are first wives who have gone through the same thing – keeping tabs on the hubs, not letting him out of her sight on her days, monitoring where his phone is and who he calls or receives texts from. It’s a miserable way to live. Eventually, if a wife is God conscious and is aware of the need to get the heart purified, she works on her insecurities by turning to Allah for His help. He is the only one who can help. If she doesn’t do so, she remains in pain and is agonized by her obsession. To overcome such a thing, we have to constantly remember that Allah is in control. The husband is where he is and doing what he does because it pleases Allah. Allah willed it. When we understand it and remember it, we have peace. It’s a beautiful thing. Allah controls everything in the Heavens and the Earth. He is the “Disposer” of our affairs. Insha Allah, stay with us, Sis Ina.

  • anabellah

    December 27, 2014

    @Ina, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    I’m so happy you are back. I missed you so much. I miss all our regulars when they stay away so long. It’s okay that you needed to take a break. I think we all get that way sometimes. I do. What’s important is that you jumped back in and let us know you’re still alive and kicking.

    You are so right about those who are anti-Islam, which is mostly anyone who isn’t Muslim, but then there are now people born to Muslims parents who are turning anti-Islam. There were some here on the blog. I tell you; I don’t blame any non-Muslim for having a distaste for Islam, based on what is occurring in this world everywhere. All I read about in the media is Muslims killing Muslims and Muslims killing non-Muslims or forcing them to accept Islam. Those people are crazy as Hell. No one can force belief on someone. Allah tells us to leave people alone with there religion. Let them be. He determines who will be Muslim and not.

    Allah says men are maintainers and protectors of WOMEN, not just wives, but WOMEN. All these Muslims in the world and men are not maintaining and protecting women. There are old men marrying very young girls, not thinking about women divorced or widowed with children or without, or young single women. They want the little teenagers. They’ve gone back to stoning women, imprisoning women for non-sense. Allowing people to rape women and imprisoning the women because men raped them, not doing anything about incidents of acid being thrown in women faces, or Mercy killings. I could go on and on.

    These Muslim men say they do what they do and issue these edict and laws based on what? It’s not Islam. It’s not based on anything Allah says in the Holy Quran. Allah is a Just God. He is all that is good – Compassionate, Merciful, Forgiving, Kind, Gracious and the list goes on. Many of these men don’t like what’s in the Quran; therefore, they make their own laws and follow their own books and call it Islam.

    Allah has cursed those who reject faith. Many Muslims reject faith. They don’t follow what is in the Quran. They turned their backs on Allah and His revelation; therefore Muslim, too, have become of those who reject faith and they, too, are cursed – not so the Believers. There aren’t very many of those.

  • Laila

    December 26, 2014

    Dear Ana, missed you too!

  • Ina

    December 26, 2014

    Assalamualaikum Everyone!

    Sincere apologies for staying quiet for so long but I have been reading all the comments. I just feel like I needed to hide in the background for a while.

    What annoys me most about these rules for what women can/cant do is when anti-islam people will use it to say that Islam oppresses women.

    Anyway, I am doing ok after nearly 2 months of polygamy. I have not ask for divorce or gone crazy with sadness. Co-wife on the other hand has asked for divorce 2/3 times. There have been moments of tears, anger, frustration but there also been some stupid behaviour by co-wife which has made me laugh. She literally count the minutes that hubby spends with each of us. So if he leaves her house at 8am then he has to leave my house at 8am too. One time, Hubby is due to leave at 8.30am. I asked him to take the kids to Saturday school at 9am since it’s on the way to her house anyway. She said no and told hubby he had to leave at 8.30am. Eventually he managed to persuade her but I am thinking why does he need to ask her permission what time he can leave anyway? He said he wanted to keep the peace so felt he should ask otherwise he won’t get any peace when he gets to her house.

    The funniest thing I heard was when hubby was due to leave her house at 12.30pm. at 12 he took wudu to pray and ended up spending 20 mins in the bathroom. When he came out she was crying complaining that she lost 20mins of her time. What the heck is she on? Hubby said he can’t take that time from me but he’ll try to make sure he spends 20 mins in the bathroom when he is with me too. I was laughing so hard when hubby told me this.

    When hubby is with her, she wont let him out of her site in case he tries to contact me. He called me from the men’s toilets in a shop once because he tried to get away from her in the men’s department but she followed him. If he is in the bathroom in their house, she will talk to him from outside the door. Hubby thinks she wont be able to keep such a tight leash on him once she starts her PHD in Jan. But I am not so sure. I think she will try to make sure she is with him every minute on her days and do her work when he is with me.

    I just have to get something else off my chest before I call it a night. Whilst they were on honeymoon in Turkey, hubby saw a gift which he thought our eldest son would like. He wanted to buy it but she complained and sulked so he didn’t buy it. She said he should not be thinking about his other family when he is with her. I can understand it if the gift was for me but this was for his son. His comment to me about this episode is that even though he did not buy the gift, it did not stop him from thinking about us. I remember getting a text from him whilst he was in Turkey saying that he was missing everyone everywhere. I thought it strange at the time that he sent me this text whilst on his honeymoon.

  • anabellah

    December 26, 2014

    Marie,

    I’m totally baffled by those clerics and what they decide about women. It’s just a confirmation for me to rely on the Quran and nothing else. Quran is the word of Allah. He says he protected the Book from corruption. He says everything in it is all we need. It was what He revealed to our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). People ran out and put together other books, so they could continue to do what they want and oppress women. It’s how I see it. What makes these clerics of today any different than the clerics and scholars who supposedly authenticated saying of the prophet Muhammad (PBUH)? What was wrong with the revelations Allah gave the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), which were the same revelation sent to all of Allah’s other prophets?

    You said don’t get you started LOL. Don’t you get me started. LOL I’ll run everyone up off the blog because I’m not going to bite my tongue about it. I’m firm in my position about it. Allah doesn’t need any help. He didn’t authorize anyone to go out there and put together any books.

    In those books it’s said, for instance, if a husband goes to bed and he’s upset with his wife (or something to that affect) the angels curses the wife. It’s ludicrous. Allah in the Holy Quran tells us about the angels and what they do and who is cursed and Allah no wheres in the Quran say the angels cursed the wives for the reason cited in other books. The saying is just a means to control, manipulate and oppress women. The Quran liberated women and gave them rights. People put together books to take those rights away. We know, according to Quran, it is good for men to marry women of any and all ages, widowed, divorced, virgins, non-virgins. Yet, in those books (not Quran), men are encouraged to marry young virgins. It’s said marry them so you could play with them and they can give you babies. Yet, the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was married to only one virgin, was married to older women, divorced women, widowed women. What’s said in those other books (not Quran) makes the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) seem like a hypocrite.

  • Marie

    December 26, 2014

    Ana, don’t get me started on woman being banned from driving. As far I know women road camels, when that was the means of transport. I often wonder what’s going on in people’s heads, don’t they have bigger fish to fry lol

  • Marie

    December 26, 2014

    Laila, I glad you enjoyed your vacation, so you have a new car Marsh’Allah. I don’t drive, I never wanted to, it seems like a chore to me.
    Nothing new on my end, hubz is with me, so we will be chilling as it’s started to snow where I am. I’m rather confused and a bit angry about something I just read, I won’t go into detail, but some people are just wrong. We should NEVER trust anyone other than Allah. There’s always a snake in the grass. How sad some can’t be honest. Oh well.

    I read something recently and it stuck with me: a man was once insulted by another, he turned to the man and said, it is your book of deeds, so fill it how you wish.

    Ana,coco they are really cool quotes.

    Yes, it is rather quiet today.
    We should start picking back up again soon Insha’allah

  • anabellah

    December 26, 2014

    Here’s an interesting article. In Saudi Arabia, religious clerics issued an edict forbidding women to drive. From what religion did they find information to support the ban?

    http://www.newser.com/story/200479/saudis-send-women-drivers-to-terror-court.html

  • anabellah

    December 26, 2014

    Laila & cowives club, As Salaamu Alaikum! 🙂

    I’m so delighted to hear from the two of you. I had been thinking of you both. I knew Laila had been traveling.

    Laila, I’m happy your holiday and travel was nice. It’s so good that you are thinking about your life and the meaning of life. When we contemplate Allah’s creation, it’s a good thing. It’s when we receive knowledge – beneficial knowledge. I can get with the saying, “The mind is a terrible thing to waste.”

    cowives club, you certainly have been a busy bee. All sounds to be good with you. The way to go…

    Both of you, Insha Allah, don’t stay away so looooong. I missed you both.

  • Cowives Club

    December 26, 2014

    Asalamu alikum ladies …..

    i havent had net for a little while but alhamdu lilah it is back now …. i have missed out on so much anyway i just thought i would pop by and see how you are all doing and hoping that your all with good health and in with strong eman

    nothing is really happening here … kids are on winter holidays no and hubby is here too so it’s busy busy … he is trying to sort out our garages so that he can rent 2 of them and the other set up a business and in the back make a small hall for sport where he will teach jujitsu so as you can see where busy over here

    love you all and keep in good spirits ladies

  • Laila

    December 26, 2014

    Hi Marie. Yes Ive been very quiet lately. Ive been busy reading up about Islam and sort of thinking of ‘LIFE’ and its meaning. My holiday was great and also sort of like a subtle warning or maybe a hint from Allah s.w.t. Im the type to read on a holiday and this time round I forgot to bring along my book and I could not find any book store or any store for that matter that sold magazines in English. So for five days I was sort of thinking about my life and in which direction I want it to sail in. I just got my new car out last Tuesday and it was so difficult to let my older one go. I really loved my older car but I guess it was time. Im waiting for news on my job and currently I have been invited to an Islamic International school to conduct a short workshop on education and on how to tackle students who have learning difficulties. So whats new with you?

  • coco

    December 26, 2014

    Ana
    Wow! That’s deep and I sooo sooo agree I’m saving that to my collection! Thanks ❤️ xo

  • coco

    December 26, 2014

    Shabanah
    Hey there love! Hope your enjoying the weekend ☺️ xo

  • anabellah

    December 26, 2014

    coco,

    I’m going there now. Thank you for telling me, otherwise, I don’t know when I would have gotten there.

    Thank you much for the quote, as well. It’s a very good one.

    I was watching “Marco Polo” series and got a really good quote: “Pain purifies and brings peace.” I think it’s sooooo true

  • anabellah

    December 26, 2014

    @Spirited, As Salaamu Alaikum!

    I’m glad you poped in, Sis. So you’re having fun with the kids and spending some quality time with the relatives, hey? Nice. You could use a little time from study. Sometimes we’re forced to take breaks from things; although we think the other things are more important.

    I’ve been thinking of what you said in a previous post. I don’t know if it was on this thread or another. You said Muslims take the Quran as a fairytale. It’s so true. Since the beginning of time people have dismissed Allah’s revelations and many Muslims today do the very same thing. Even our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), in the Quran says:

    “Then the Messenger will say: “O my Lord! Truly my people took this Qur’an for just foolish nonsense.” Quran: Surah 25, Ayah 30

    It’s said in Quran that people who reject Allah are cursed. It seems Muslims today are cursed. Gail said it in a nutshell; some Muslims think they’ve got a birthright by being born of Muslim parents. I think many Muslims take on the attitude of Jews – that they are the chosen ones. They think all they have to do is say they are Muslim and they’re good to go – destined for Paradise/Jannah. How deluded they are.

  • anabellah

    December 26, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello Everyone,

    Where everybody be at?

    @Shabanah,

    What happened to bibi? It’s okay. Be whomever you’d like to be. It’s all good.

    It appears everyone is mini vacationing…

  • Shabanah

    December 26, 2014

    Blessed Jumma Everyone…

    Gail I pray your move was successful. Cheers to a new year, new beginnings xo

    Ana Dear, Thanks for posting the links. I finally realized the other day. Lots of catching up to do.

    Hey Shawty (coco) xoxo

    Spirited, I pray you do exceptionally well.

    Much love to All. Ummu Ain I hope your vacation is awesome so far.

  • coco

    December 26, 2014

    Assalaamualeikum and a big Hello to all!

    Jumma Mubarak! It seems pretty quiet here so I’m hoping everyone is enjoying the weekend and holidays inshAllah. Stay blessed sisters!

    The poison leaves bit by bit not all at once. Be patient. You are healing.
    Yasmin Mogahed

    Much love ☺️ xo

  • Spirited

    December 25, 2014

    Salaam, everyone.

    Just popping in to say to Gail, I hope you had a great move and you enjoy your home.

    Other than that, I’ve got family visiting/staying, so that’s keeping me occupied. Unfortunately, also cutting in majorly on study time. Please do continue to keep me in your prayers! Lol.

    Talk to you guys later, whenever I can get a free moment from the kids.

  • anabellah

    December 25, 2014

    Everyone,

    As you all must know by now, we’ve been talking on four threads/posts. Please make sure you check them to make sure you haven’t missed any comments directed to you. For your convenience,I’ve placed the links below:

    https://polygamy411.com/wives-can-peace-polygamous-marriages/
    https://polygamy411.com/why-some-muslim-men-have-secret-wives/
    https://polygamy411.com/how-to-live-a-polygamous-marriage-pain-free/
    https://polygamy411.com/polygamy-411-december-14-discussions/

  • anabellah

    December 25, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum and Hello Everyone,

    @Marie

    Hi there

    It’s very quiet here today. I figured it would be, as although Muslims may not be celebrating the day, many people are off work, so they have time to spend with their families. It’s all good.

    I think I finally caught up reading the posts; although, I’m sure I probably missed reading one or two. Sigh I find this age of information being at our finger tips is overwhelming. I have so much to read, including magazines and emails to catch up on. I love not having to leave the home to go to a library, for instance, to get information. Being able to ask the cell phone question and get an immediate answer is incredible.

    I was wondering where Ina is, as well. I know Laila was getting ready to leave on a vacation last time she was here.

    About having much to say to people, I’m with you and ummof4, if they can’t talk Islam, which I try to have my mind on (Allah) constantly there is nothing I can talk with them about. It’s all vain talk that we as Muslim should avoid anyhow. I like that here on the blog we’re constantly reminded of Allah.

    I pray all is going well with you and your pregnancy. Za is pregnant now, as well. It’s sad that at a time like it (being pregnant) she is going through so much turmoil when she needs to be calm, healthy and strong for the baby. Allah tries us in all kinds of ways. I really think this is an opportunity for her to get closer to Allah, as I think perhaps her focus wasn’t there before now. Allah Knows Best!

    Enjoy the remainder of your day. I’m having a lovely one. My hubs and I are just chilling.

  • Marie

    December 25, 2014

    Just popped in to say.

    Ina, laila. Where are yoooou.
    I know no news is good news but I can’t stop thinking how your getting on, ina.

    Laila, I know you usually pop back in. How are you, good I hope.

    Ummof4, you have a good sense of humour. I know what you mean about being a geek in the deen. When I seen old friends, after the initial how are you, there’s nothing else to say. I’m just Like oooooook, c ya lol

  • bibi

    December 25, 2014

    this is shabanah just changed the name

    Gail im so happy for you. out with the old in with the new. i wish you the best of luck. oh and you are not alone. i get marie and mari2 mixed up a lll the time. I need handy flash cards so i can stay up to date of whats happen lol.

    Ummu Ain Go head with ya badd self lol. Enjoy and cherish every moment of your vacation with your man.

    coco thanks so much for the wonderful posts. what an eye opener. Allah be praised and thanked abundantly.

    Ana
    I love the snow addition

  • anabellah

    December 24, 2014

    For those in climates that never get snow. Well, here it falls on the blog LOL At least you don’t have to shovel or drive in it

  • anabellah

    December 24, 2014

    Everybody out there in cyberspace,

    Although most Muslims don’t celebrate Christmas. I know of some who have or do. I, myself, do not. Nonetheless, it is a festive time of the year. Many people are happy and full of joy, which is a beautiful thing. For those who celebrate Christmas and to everyone who doesn’t

    Joy to the World!

    PEACE!!!

  • anabellah

    December 24, 2014

    ummof4,

    I had written another post to you that I was going to copy and paste, but I think I forgot to paste it unless I did so on another thread. Anyhow, it may be repetitious, but I had thought about people’s eyes and the effect seeing the snowflakes would have on them. I especially thought of you, as I knew you had mentioned you did not like the captcha, which those things (captcha) drives us all crazy I was concerned about everyone, but then I thought that if the snowflakes became a problem, you all would let me know and I would just de-activate it. Ummof4, your post was funny, though , and it confirmed what I suspected – those snowflakes would get people going. Those flakes still mess with my eyes now from time to time. LOL

  • anabellah

    December 24, 2014

    ummof4, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    I was cracking up laughing reading your post. I thought some people may wonder what was going on with the snow falling. I particularly thought of you, as I know you had stated something was happening with your eyes and the captcha. I thought maybe I shouldn’t activate the flakes. I then thought if it was becoming a problem for some of you here, you’d let me know. It was a good laugh though. I’m still laughing.

  • ummof4

    December 24, 2014

    As-salaamu alaikum and hello to all,

    Ana, so the snowflakes are deliberate. At first I thought that I had a detached retina or some other eye condition. Then I thought I was just seeing things that weren’t there. Then I thought that there was a bug or something wrong with the blog, or someone trying to do something to the blog. Remember, don’t scare those of us with bad eyes!

    Love you all for the sake of Allah.

  • Marie

    December 24, 2014

    Asalaamu Alaykum All.

    Iv just caught up on the posts and cannot believe I can get halal burger king, it’s the only food I miss not being able to eat since I became Muslim. I could really do with a burger right now, and with me being prego me and food are best friends lol. Iv just looked up the recipe for Al baik chicken and it’s on my too-eat list lol. Hubz surprised me with peri peri chicken, rice and pita bread. Let me tell ya, he had one happy wife after that alhamdulilah. One thing tho, coffee now makes me sick I miss my coffee. Ok enough about food.

    I’m much happier today Marsh’Allah

    Ummu’Ain, I’m so happy for you. Enjoy your vacation I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time. Allah u Akbar.

    Coco, I love the piece you posted, it’s beautiful. I think I’ll screenshot it to read again jazakallah.

    I can’t remember who has the 10 children in their polygamy family but alhamdulilah, I thought we had a lot. Although we’re still going lol.

    Well chat later Insha’allah, time for salah.

  • ummof4

    December 24, 2014

    Ummu’Ain, have fun with your husband and children and try not to compare vacations. We have to leave it up to Allah to make changes in the mindset of our husbands. Remember to make lots of precious memories for the family.
    As several of you have mentioned AL BAIK CHICKEN IS DEEEELICIOUS. And they are everywhere! The last time I went on hajj in 2006, that’s about all my daughter and I ate. My husband doesn’t eat meat, but I told him what he was missing.

    Everyone have a pleasant day or night, and remember to make ALL of your salahs.

  • coco

    December 24, 2014

    Ummu’Ain
    You have no idea how uplifting and happy it makes me to hear of your upcoming family vacay! I think we all feed off of each others happiness and sadness. When good comes to one sister it echoes in all of our lives too! Wasn’t it just a couple of days ago you felt despair about them vacaying together? Allah has rewarded you for your display of patience and NOW your going with him and the kids subhanAllah sister! Did you ever see that coming and that soon? MashAllah! ☺️ Have a great time you sure do deserve it! Much love xo

    Ana
    Yes I am I reckon I had mentioned it before ☺️ The Pakistani fashion industry is a bit too unnecessarily complex like many of the people lol Anyways I’m aiming for Mercedes Benz New York fashion week inshAllah as I’m an American based designer. Ana sistaaaaaa we must be talking about the same place it was also one of my best meals! My mum, brother and myself plan to go for umrah next year inshAllah so hoping to bite into some AL-BAIK again inshAllah xo ☺️

  • coco

    December 24, 2014

    Assalaamualeikum and a GIGANTIC Hellooooooooo to ALL the gorj-OUS sisters! ☺️

    This is a small piece written by Yasmin Mogahed that gave me solace reading a few years back I came across it again in my notebook and just had to share… ❤️ xo

    What is Your Heart Looking at?

    Often what makes us fall into despair is focusing on the wrong things. For example, if we’ve sinned, we focus on the sin, rather than the Most Merciful. If we’re broken, we focus on the break instead of Al Jabbar, the One who mends. If we are in pain, we focus on the pain itself, instead of on the One who removes all pain. If we are wounded, we focus on the wound instead of on the One who heals all wounds. If we’re scared, we focus on the fear, instead of the Protector. And if we’re facing a problem, we see the problem, but not the One who can solve it. We see the lion, but not the lion tamer. We see the imperfections of dunya, but not the perfection of Allah. We see the immediate, but not the Tomorrow, the tree, but not the fruit, the thorn, but not the rose. All our pain, all our despair, all our hopelessness, stems from looking at the creation, instead of the Creator.

    Ask yourself: what is your heart looking at?

  • anabellah

    December 23, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello Everyone,

    I’m so far behind in reading and commenting here; it ain’t funny. I have so much to say and not enough time to say it in.

    @Ummu ‘Ain,

    I have to write this now and not later. I am soooooo happy for you, sis. Wow, you are packing now and vacationing beginning tomorrow. WATCH out!!! LOL It’s fantastic. Allah is Great!!! Insha Allah, you will have the bestess of time. Enjoy and think nothing of what you leave back here until you return. I pray you have an awesome time. No arguing, stay focused, don’t bring up the other person. Yeah baby!!! LOL Thank Allah much!

    @coco,

    I love reading what you wrote about “Fashion Week” and giving me. You gave me a very descriptive, clear picture of how it’s all done in Pakistan. I enjoyed reading all about it. So, you’re a fashion designer, heh – impressive. And, the place you mentioned that I probably had the fried chicken from while in Saudi, the name you mentioned rings a bell. I think it was the best meal I’ve had in my entire life, as well. It was unforgettable. That chicken was to die for.

    @Gail,

    I’m wishing you and your hubs the very best with all your business endeavors. It’s so exciting. When good things happen sometimes it comes in a downpour. You go, girl 🙂

    @Everyone,

    Insha Allah, I’ll be back. I’m hoping to catch up sometime tomorrow. I have a Redbox movie that I’ve been trying to get through for three nights now. I actually fall asleep at a decent hour at night now. It’s throwing off my movie watching schedule One never knows what Allah has planned for us.

  • Ummu 'Ain

    December 23, 2014

    Assalaamu’alaikum everyone.
    Alhamdulillah…Allah has helped me survive another week of him away with co. And Im picking up my hubby from the airport today. Yay.

    Thank you for all the wonderful advices about my being down while hubby is vacationing with my co. They have trully helped.

    Sis Ana hit it on the head as usual for me when she reminded me that Allah has destined it for them. And it made it so much easier and with a bit of effort…i managed to feel happy for her…huhu

    Anyway…i have such wonderful news. Last night he told me to pack…he’s taking the kids and me for a vacation and he’s so excited about it!! We are leaving tomorrow.

    Masyaa’Allah…what a wonderful surprise from him. Alhamdulillah.

    @Marie

    Congrats dear, for the pregnancy. It must be the hormones. There’s no other time besides pregnancy that you can blame so much on the hormones…so blame away…lol.

    But besides that…i’ve always believed that Allah is letting us to be super emotional at times when pregnant just to test us and train us to control our feelings…and that will surely help in motherhood.

  • coco

    December 23, 2014

    Gail
    supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! lol I’m soooooo ecstatic for you! You sure do deserve it! I think all that has dropped down for you literally in one day is due to the positive ora you have around you. Positive energy generates positive results! Good luck and bless you and your family’s endeavours ☺️ Much love xo

  • Marie

    December 23, 2014

    Ana, the last part of my post was for you.

  • Marie

    December 23, 2014

    @spirited, yes, pregnancy is a wonderful thing minus the vomiting, all day nausea and constant lack of energy lol. I just thought it may be why I feel emotionally crap.

    @gail, my husband is very attentive and I see him everyday and speak on the phone throughout the day if he’s not with me. He was actually here last night, which Is why I said I’d rather be alone. It’s funny you should mention me and ‘other’ babysitting. I had offered to have the youngest one last weekend as I was having my nephews, I was told he couldn’t come, wasn’t given a reason. She would never have my kids, they don’t even stay there when hubz is there let alone without him. From day one she wanted to divide the kids. She wants nothing to do with my family, although sometimes she pretends to keep hubz happy as it’s important to him. But she puts in 0 effort to bring them together. Oh well iv stopped caring about it now, it will be however Allah planned it to be. I feeling a little better today.

    Thanks for your words, I repeated them a few time in my head lol. “I just gotta hold on” it helped jazakallah.

  • Gail

    December 22, 2014

    Everyone,
    I wanted to let everyone know I might be A Wall for a few days.As most of u know I have complained about my old beat up trailer I have.Well I finally had enough and have decided to put it up for sale and get rid of it.I decided to also use my land and buy more use trailers cheap and fix them up a little and resell them on owner finance.I will do 3 at a time and keep moving them off the property as people Pay them off.In the meantime I have leased a home on the Arkansas side and tomorrow we will start moving over to the lease home.I don’t know how it happened to be honest but it seems we r not going to have to move to New York or Ohio after all which I am very very grateful for.
    I don’t know what has gotten into hubby but seems he is going to start a Game exchange on top of the HVACR(heating and Air)business. I am really excited the home we leased is right across from WalMart World Headquarters Home Office and we will be right in the city I am so excited to be out of this nasty trailer.
    Oh I am going to be looking land on the Arkansas side to build this year if everything goes as planned.It is soooo strange I have been thinking plotting and planning but never truly happy to move from this area because I am scared of the crime up north as compared to my area.In like one day it was like G.D open all the doors and informed us on how it was going to work.lol it is amazing!

  • Spirited

    December 22, 2014

    Salaam,

    @Marie . Don’t worry, it doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong to me! I can’t suggest anything to help since I haven’t any experience with what you’re feeling. Gail’s got your back though. Others here might give you some more help. To me, it must be so great to have children and be pregnant . I’m sure you’ll snap out of it soon, you’re a very resilient and strong woman.

    @Gail, well you’ve got it right, I believe. Their names are different though, it’s Marie and Mari2. Just pointing that out . Also, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I do agree with you fully. More people identify themselves as part of a religion, but don’t adhere to much of it. Or they just straight up say they are agnostic, or atheist. It’s a shame. It seems like religion is seen as a fairy tale these days, doesn’t it? People are more interested in chasing oil, money, sex and pushing science as the answer to everything. Well, I guess everyone will find out for themselves one day

  • anabellah

    December 22, 2014

    Everyone,

    Please make sure you didn’t miss any comments. I erroneously approved some comments out of order while on my phone. I went back and saw I had skipped over a number of comments. There are a few threads going at once. Insha Allah, you could all keep up. I’m trying to LOL

  • coco

    December 22, 2014

    Marie
    Tomorrow will be a better day I promise! Until then I’m leaving you with this…
    Love you xo

    “There’s something amazing about this life. The very same worldly attribute that causes us pain is also what gives us relief: Nothing here lasts. What does that mean? It means that the breathtakingly beautiful rose in my vase will wither tomorrow. It means that my youth will neglect me. But it also means that the sadness I feel today will change tomorrow. My pain will die. My laughter won’t last forever but neither will my tears. We say this life isn’t perfect. And it isn’t. It isn’t perfectly good. But, it also isn’t perfectly bad, either.”
    Yasmin Mogahed

  • coco

    December 22, 2014

    Ana
    Well since you all are aware I’m a graduated fashion designer and have my own fashion line catered to the western clientele (as I can’t deal with Pakistanis and their unnecessary bickering and bargaining) I manufacture my line in Karachi and have friends from the industry I thought I would clarify how the fashion industry actually works in Pakistan lol. See there are two fashion councils one in Lahore and one in Karachi as there is a strong rift between both the cities when it comes to fashion. The council in Karachi consists of mostly the pioneers in the industry who have over 30 years of experience while Lahore has the younger new breed of designers. Given that every season there is a fashion week in both cities as there are just too many egos flying around from both sides to put them all under one umbrella. So it’s not just Karachi who is responsible for all the risqué dressing and skin baring Lahore plays a equal role. True Story! LOL As for the trannies and homos out there they have lots in Karachi and Lahore and Islamabad but surprisingly 10 times the amount in KPK! Not sure if it’s cuz the woman are covered up head to toe in public so they end up turning to other men to feed off their lust. Astaghfirullah! The models from Karachi are mostly educated well schooled girls while the models in Lahore are part time prostitutes. It may be since Lahore has a world renowned red light district of East Asia so majority of film actresses and models emerge from there. I felt that somehow a woman can walk in the streets or markets in Karachi without getting whistled at or their derrière getting groped at in public while Lahore is another story the men just leave what they’re doing and stare at woman passing by like it’s nobody’s business while whistling and murmuring offensively flirtatious comments one feels extremely violated. Islamabad is the most civilised of all I must say the people have a civic sense there and are very polite. It’s all good I love all of Pakistan each city has its noteworthy qualities I love Karachi for the experience you meet people from everywhere in the world I’ve actually met a guy from Gaza, Palestine at a friend’s wedding it’s a melting pot and people are very sophisticated. Lahore definitely has its attraction as well it’s very rich in cuisine, art and culture although it’s really funny they have a saying never ask for directions when in Lahore they will always mislead you for a giggle or two which I find kinda funny. FYI tried and tested! The people in Isloo are very articulate so I can see a foreigner feeling right at home if they are linked up with the right people cuz only mixing with relatives can be a bit monotonous after a while. Ana the fried chicken you probably tried is AL-BAIK they say you can’t visit Saudia Arabia and not go eat there. I’m not one to fancy fried chicken but my family was referred by a friend to just try it and OMGGGGGGG I devoured it like it was my last meal! lol Pakistani designers coming out with collections that may be a bit too revealing rub people off the wrong way as its a Muslim country especially the Mullahs which is understandable but I think in almost every field their’s some things that intersects with islamic teachings and principles, for example a Muslim doctor let’s say may have to prescribe birth control pills at the request of a patient knowing its unislamic to use birth control, a lawyer may have to defend a client knowing details of his case that he’s faulty but being his defendant has to find a way to bend the truth to set him free. (common example O.J Simpson) I mean I guess that’s why it’s better to focus on oneself and to steer clear of things that we oppose rather than to market it. Instead of looking down upon such Muslims one should thank Allah for blessing them to stay and choose the right path as it just takes a second for ones faith to ripple. May Allah have mercy on all of us. Ameen and you would surely LOVE Karachi ☺️ xo

  • Gail

    December 22, 2014

    Mari,
    I swear I get u and Mari2 mixed up all the time I can’t keep u 2 ladies straight in my brain.If I am thinking right one of u are married with a man that he has kids with his a woman he was either married to and divorced or they were never married and had like 3 kids together and u married him and then after he married her.
    The other mari husband is in process to marry a cousin in pakiland.I need a post it to look at to keep u 2 straight.LOL

  • Gail

    December 22, 2014

    Mari,
    Sorry to feel u on a downer.I think it is the pregnancy.Girl it is hard to be married and pregnant and not see your husband everyday this is the suck part of Polygamy if u live single.Some woman like Ana and Coco don’t mind it others like me I did.It’s ok to be needy and clingy sometimes don’t worry about it.I know u said u r feeling the opposite but I think your feelings stem from hubby not giving u attention that u may be needing.It’s to bad u and your cowife could not babysit sometimes for each other so u can have alone time or date night with hubby.Do u have anyone else who could watch your kids so u could have some good quality time with your hubby.
    I will tell u this every woman gets like this it is life and we r ruled by r hormones unfortunately.I swear I am a huge believer in imagination.If u r feeling down it only takes a second to change your attitude and start planning something amazing and exciting that will be off the hook exciting for u and your hubby or even your kids.It can be something as simple as a picnic in the bed or a vacation.What ever makes u happy understand.
    I can understand if u really have an issue u need to work out then by all mean work it out with hubby if something is bothering u and come to an understanding.If it is u just being in a dull mood then u can change that pretty easy if u would like. Bottom line always keep your mind active thinking of fun exciting things to do and explore it really does make a huge impact on your mood I feel.Hope this helps Hugs!

  • Gail

    December 22, 2014

    Ana,
    According to what u ladies believe on the blog that the men are not to marry nonmuslims and honestly to be frank and I don’t mean this is a bad way of course since I am not muslim it makes no hill of beans to me who they marry it has just always been a nonissue for me but I can see it from a muslim womans perspective I suppose if she is the first wife and her husband was to marry a non muslim second wife where tensions could sure rise up.Strangely though I am am being serious here I don’t care what faith u r if u don’t follow the faith then u r just that faith in name only.What I mean by that my husband tell me all the time he is going to hell.Maybe he means for marrying me I don’t know or for his bad deeds again I don’t know his cross is not mine to carry as I see it.If he wanted to divorce me G.D knows he could have even today because I have someone right now today that wants to marry me and he knows it.So I don’t get the feeling he wants to divorce me at all or he would push me towards the other man.I think my husband was confused way before I ever entered the picture and for sure he is not the type of muslim that goes to mosque,or hits the prayer rug(I think I have seen him do that only once in our entire 11 yr marriage and that was when we first came to USA)I don’t know why exactly but i never sen him do it again and later in the years he said he stopped practicing and praying and never said anything about the kids because of me.Although to be frank his actions never lead me to believe to this day he was truly interested in following any religion much less Islam.Basically these people r born Muslim and thats it.They think because they were born Muslim it is more of a birthright stamped on their forehead or something as much as I can figure out.Again seems a bit NUTS to me but different strokes for different folks Is all i can say.lol
    I am not saying my husband is bad he is just a man like every other man struggling through life thats pretty much how I see it.
    I will say this we have never had a fight over religion it is just a non issue in our home.I have talked with numerous other foreign woman from all around the world and some have been married as long as ummof4 and they have told me the exact same thing that religion has never been an issue in the home.Again I will be honest here I am about as moral as a person as they come not tooting my own horn but I really honestly try to keep myself on the right path.I don’t eat pork I pray I study I don’t lie,cheat nor steal I am very modest.I believe in one G.D.I don’t know where the problem is.Basically I believe the exact same as u ladies.I just don’t and don’t take this the wrong way.I just don’t know about the Prophet Muhammad(I mean I don’t feel he is like any like WOW WOW figure in history) We did not have stories of Prophet Muhammad here in USA in school and Judaism doesn’t recognize him so thats pretty much all the difference I see with a few minor others like I believe in NEVER LYING period the end.Where I think u guys think it white lies are acceptable I think.Other than that I can’t think of to many others.
    Hope this helps.

  • anabellah

    December 22, 2014

    @Marie, Assalamu Alaikum

    We all have our good days and not so good. You being with child are probably all over the place, which is understandable. Now is the time you’ve got to really think peseverance. Keep praying. Be patient. Don’t despair. The promise of Allah is true. He’s going to see you through this. You’ve gotta keep holding on. Remember, It’s all good! Don’t worry. Be happy!

  • Marie

    December 22, 2014

    Asalaamu Alaykum all.

    Well I’m on a bit of a downer. Sometimes (not very often) I just get so……blah. I don’t really care for anyone to be around me. I’d rather just be alone right now. I feel tearful and keep getting moment’s of rage. Maybe the pregnancy, maybe not. I worry when I feel like this, I worry I’m not doing what I should be, I haven’t decreased in my worship or anything so I don’t really know what to do.

  • Spirited

    December 22, 2014

    Salaam to everyone,

    @Ana, well of course we are all family, silly .

    Hmmm I haven’t been to Karachi, so I can’t say I like it or hate it. I’ve been to many of the major places in Pakistan, but the north (tribal controlled zones) and south, like Karachi, are forbidden — according to just about everyone I know there in the country, lol. Reasons I was given: The northern areas just because they’re dangerous, and Karachi because it’s dangerous and it’s a den of iniquity, to put it lightly. Or so all my elders warn me, though they used less kind wording for sure.

    NYC is a different story, I just don’t like that city because it’s far too congested. I have mild social anxiety, and NYC makes it difficult for me to function. Usually, if I have to go there, someone has to go with me. Lol oh I remember having to go with my husband a few times, and he had to hold my hand and pull me along like a little kid. The city annoys him too actually, but that’s because he’s always come out with some kind of ticket to have to pay! They are really brutal there with those, lol!

    About men marrying non-Muslims, they should be able to stand up for what they believe in, not bend to what they shouldn’t. But I see your point, these kinds of men probably don’t believe in Islam in the first place, right? Hmmm, it does make me wonder about what mine is going to do. He seems to be turning himself around, though, all things considered. I guess we shall see as time goes on.

  • anabellah

    December 22, 2014

    Spirited, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    It was really sweet and kind of you to say I have you all here on the blog as my Muslim family, as I have no biological family member who is Muslim. It’s true, you and all the wonderful people here on the blog are my family. Sometimes it does seems lonely being the only one. I am so grateful to Allah for you all and for my non-biological Islamic family who are actually here with me nearby. My wali and his family take care of me and I take care of them. We lack for nothing. If anything happens to them or me, we’re Johnny on the spot taking care of one another. It’s what I expect polygamous families to be about. It isn’t though, from what I’ve read and seen. I’m grateful to Allah for giving me my wali and his family. No one wants to feel they are the only one. Only Allah is one. It makes me think of the ayat (verses) in the Holy Quran when Allah said to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)” the following:

    “Did He not find thee an orphan and give thee shelter (and care)?” 93-6

    “And He found thee wandering, and He gave thee guidance.” 93-7

    “And He found thee in need, and made thee independent.” 93-8

    “Therefore, treat not the orphan with harshness,” 93-9

    “Nor repulse the petitioner (unheard);” 93-10

    “But the bounty of the Lord – rehearse and proclaim!” 93-11

  • anabellah

    December 22, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello Eveeeeeery Body,

    @Spirited,

    I could see how you wouldn’t like Karachi, as you don’t like New York City. coco likens Karachi to “the New York City of Pakistan.” I could get with visiting Karachi, as I very much like New York City. I find New York City a cool, fun and exciting place to be. I used to go there just about every other weekend and hang out in Manhattan or China Town. At one point I thought I’d like to live in Manhattan, but my hubs said there was no way he’d live there. LOL. My thoughts are evil and sinful people are everywhere. As long as I’m not hanging out in the belly of the beast, and going to the dark side, I’m good.

    I could see myself hanging out in Karachi with coco, checking things out. It’s cool she travels for work. My hubs does a lot of work travel.

    @Gail,

    There isn’t much to say about the subject of non-Muslims and Muslims mixing up other than it happens. It’s the same with anything. We have rules and guidelines to follow, some people follow them, and some don’t. It’s the way it goes. I basically speak on the blog about the mixing of the two, as it’s relevant to the topic of polygamy. The mixing becomes problematic when a husband is polygamous and one of his wives is Muslim and the other is non-Muslim. Which way does the husband swing. Based on what’s in the Quran, he will go the way of the non-Muslim. Could he swing both ways? According to what’s in the Quran, he will go the way of the non-Muslim. He appears to be sitting on the fence. In actuality, he’s on the non-Muslim side

    coco,

    Thanks for giving us some demographics of Pakistan, so to speak. It’s interesting. The food was sounding yummy. I had the best halal fried chicken in Saudi from one of those Kentucky Fried Chicken type franchises. It was so long ago I don’t know what the name was or whether it was KFC. It was weird seeing the halal fast food chains there.

  • Gail

    December 21, 2014

    Ana and Spirited,
    I don’t know what to say about this topic since I am not Muslim without sounding cliche.lol

  • Spirited

    December 21, 2014

    Salaam,

    @Ana, looks like you have plenty of experience with the kind of stuff I’m talking about. I wasn’t so surprised about seeing that happen with Muslims here as I grew up, the US isn’t a Muslim country and people can have a tough time trying to stick to their guns sometimes but it was really shocking to see in Pakistan, a Muslim country. That was an eye opener for me. Oh, infact, there was a “Pakistan Fashion Week 2014” which I think just wrapped up recently that took place in Karachi (surprise, surprise — and by that, I mean it’s known by some as a city of loose morals). If you do a google image search, you’ll see travesties like short skirts, open-back excuses for dresses, the standard no-sleeves, etc. “fashion” my butt. Some people say stuff shown in these are only worn by the elite, so no worries but the general population always tries to copy the elite, and tailors of course make what the customer asks. Obviously these clothes are nowhere near proper clothing for a Muslim, but I doubt the people who came up with them and the ones wearing them will care any — they’ll just want to be modern, hip, “express themselves” or whatever. So sad

    Oh you know, what your wali said sounds really familiar (about if you see someone dressed badly). I think I might have heard that at the mosque one Friday. Your wali’s reaction is a normal one for anyone who cares about the state of Islam these days, it really is depressing. I was thinking also, that sometimes, people don’t want to hear another person’s advice about Islam, they think you’re just lecturing them & they tune you out. Then your good gesture is ignored at best, or you might get physically hurt at worst, lol. I also wanted to say I’m sorry that your chance for another Muslim in your family went out the window. You’ve got us here at least, no need to feel lonely or anything .

    Alright, back to studying, then sleep. Goodnight everyone, I hope I made sense with what I wanted to say! (Sometimes I feel like I’m not particularly clear )

  • ummof4

    December 21, 2014

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Ummu ‘Ain, welcome to the blog. You’re doing fine, Alhamdulillah. Just keep busy with yourself and your children and the time will fly. You’ll look up and your husband will be back home with you and your children again. What are the ages of your children? My children grew up in a polygyny family and are now all adults with children of their own.
    I remember when my 4 children were younger, we were not in a financial situation to take many vacations. My husband and his other wife took more vacations than we did (the extra days spent were given back to me and our children). Their financial situation was better than ours because his other wife had a job that paid well and she paid for the vacations. But we all lived through those days. Now my children take me on vacations or pay for my vacations. One son took me to Disney World with his wife and children; my other son gave me money to help his father and me take a vacation to Cancun; my daughters, their children and my husband all took a cruise to the Bahamas together. So there is light at the end of the tunnel, and the tunnel is often shorter than we think.
    It’s great that you get along well with your husband’s other wife. I have always managed to get along with my husband’s other wives, although we were never the closest of friends. My present co-wife and
    I skype each other at least once a week, and like you, our conversation does not consist of us talking about our husband. She is a very dear sister/friend to me. Even if she and my husband divorce, I believe we would still be friends, In shaa’Allah.

    Everyone take care and serve Allah as He has ordered us to.

  • anabellah

    December 21, 2014

    @Spirited and Gail,

    Another reason the movie didn’t move me in any kind of way is because the movie is an exaggerated portrayal of what is real. I see it happening in my travels in the neighboring areas where I live. I know of Muslim teens and young adults who date non-Muslims.

    Some Muslim teens are known to leave the home in hijab, and before they get to where they’re going they change into everyday non-Muslim attire. They change back into hijab before going home. Adults do it, as well. My hubs told me what happened with him one Friday. After he left Jumah prayer, he saw a Muslimah in hijab, in a car parked on the side of the road. He thought her car had broken down and he went to see if she needed help. As he was walking towards the car, he saw she was taking off her scarf. She was changing. Perhaps she had to go back to work or something after coming from Jumah prayer and she put her regular attire she wears to work back on It happens.

    I personally know of a couple of Muslim young men who date and have babies by their non-Muslim girlfriends. The women spend or have spent nights with them. These young men went to Islamic school their entire lives and have Muslim parents. It’s not the parents fault. Allah determines who will and will not be Muslim. We can’t make anyone be a Muslim. Muslims parents can only do the best to raise good Muslim children, but it’s on Allah as to how they turn out. Parents shouldn’t take the credit for it.

    About a couple of weeks ago, my mom telephoned me all excited. She said my niece (who is in her early 20s) is dating a Russian Muslim. She goes on to tell me that his family owns a huge mansion (his dad is a contractor). I’m thinking, wow, this is good; I now finally have someone in my family who may become Muslim. My mom goes on to tell me that my niece lives with this boyfriend and his family. I instantly came back down to reality They live in a different state than us. He and my niece were here at my nieces’ house (her mom’s house) for Thanksgiving. They went to CHURCH together on Sunday. This Muslim man is doing exactly what Allah tells us will happen when Muslim and Non-Muslims get together in a relationship when Allah tell us not to do it. The Russian Muslim is following my nieces’ way. He probably was astray before he met my niece or he wouldn’t have hooked up with my niece to begin with. My mom then went on to tell me that supposedly his grandma keeps tabs on my niece and the boyfriend (her grandson) when they are all out together, and won’t let them hold hands or kiss – no public display of affection.

    I see young Muslims quite a bit in my travels. Some girls have on the short sleeve t-shirts and tighter than tight fitting jeans without a top that covers their derrieres. Yet, they have on the scarves that undoubtedly make them identifiable as Muslims. My wali and I see it every now and again. He gets sadden by it. I comment sometimes. He tells me not to say anything unless I’m going to stop the car, speak to her and make arrangements to take her shopping. He said it could be all she has to wear or maybe she’s a new shahaddah and she’s transitioning into the proper Muslim attire.

    Many young Muslims are struggling out there. Some are born of convert/revert Muslims and, the same as for some born Muslims, Islam is not for them. They leave Islam. Insha Allah, one day they’ll come back to it. Allah knows best!

    I say all of the above to say about the movie – I get it. It’s life. It’s a depiction of what’s happening out there with “Muslims.”

  • anabellah

    December 21, 2014

    Umm ‘Ain,

    About the vacation, please know that what you are feeling is not unusual. Most likely, it’s just another test for you. The tests should make you stronger despite how painful they are. I really like the quote that coco shared with us from Rumi. I have to go back through the comments and get that quote for easy access.

    It may help you to think of the vacations you and your husband have been on over the years. I don’t know whether you’ve vacationed a lot with him or not. If you did, just remember all the vacations that you’ve had with your husband and she is only starting now with one. You have far more memories with your husband than she does. It should make you feel better. Most importantly it should cause you to see how many blessings Allah has given you and it should cause you to hit the prayer rug and thank Him much for the many blessings, including the vacations, He has given you. It’s important to be grateful for everything we have, and not look at what others have or are getting that makes us ungrateful. Allah says when we are grateful, He will give us more.

    Secondly, don’t look at it as your husband and she having planned the vacation. Think of it, as it is. Allah scripted for him and her to go on the vacation together. It was all put together by Allah. It should cause you to think twice about being displeased with something Allah has decreed for them.

    If you hope they aren’t having a good time or envision they are not, it is not a good thought to have. You’re working from a point of negativity at that point, which will bring NO good. Don’t get me wrong; they may or may not have a good time, but just you try not to go there with thoughts of them having a not so good time or a good time. Those thoughts are from Satan. Only Allah and he and she know what type of time they actually are having. Try not to envision what he and she are doing on their vacation. Try not to think about what type of time they are having. Squash those thoughts of them and their vacation. Keep swatting those thoughts away.

    Keep yourself busy in your daily activities and remember Allah at all times while doing them. Insha Allah, maybe do something different, as well. Go out with a family member or friend or take your children someplace special or go get a facial and manicure/pedi or something or just do what you normally do. Do what makes you feel good. If I could think of anything else , Insha Allah, I’ll let you know.

  • anabellah

    December 21, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum and Hello Everyone

    umm ‘Ain,

    I’m kinda getting caught up with reading the comments here. I just read the one you wrote about your co-wife, and about the vacation. Everyone is giving you really good advice 🙂

    It’s awesome that you and your co-wife get along so well, so soon. Wow, and you actually stayed with her for four days. It’s wonderful! Alhumdulliah! I think you’re the only one I know thus far who has come to the blog who has gotten that far in acceptance of a co. Wait a minute; there was on other. Her name was “Sarata”. It’s seems to me, Allah has truly blessed you and her. I’m so happy for you.

  • coco

    December 21, 2014

    Ummu ‘Ain
    Your such an inspiring and constructive woman sister you’ve handled yourself very commendably in a time of immeasurable suffering! When we want to find a way out Allah helps us gather the resilience to find our way back. You are where you are because you kept yourself positive rather than dwell in the pain. I think it’s smart you both are trying to form a bond without using your husband as the common topic of interest. It’s natural for you to be feeling blue about their going off on a vacation together if she were in your place she’d be feeling the same but I agree with Gail turn your negative energy into positive energy and you sure do have the capability to! You set a great example of how to pivot ones monogamous marriage into a polyganous marriage in a healthy way for all parties involved. Lots of love to you! ☺️ xo

  • Spirited

    December 21, 2014

    Salaam everyone,

    @Gail, I wasn’t upset about freedom of speech, but if you’re going to portray something you have no knowledge of in a movie, at least get your facts straight. It’s insulting how they have the heroine covering her hair, but the rest of her body is out there everywhere. That’s not what hijab is about — it’s about modesty and dressing in a way not to draw excessive attention to your body. The way this movie has it, why have her hair covered at all? What’s the point? There are plenty of Muslim women who don’t cover their hair, no problem. But don’t show someone who does but then might as well be naked from the head down. That’s what irked me the most about it, lol. They could have had her not cover her hair at all and gone along with the story that way. And yeah I can understand it, you might not see it being wrong for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man, but it’s made quite clear in Quran that it’s not allowed — for women OR men, to marry non-believers. People do what they want though . The movie just looks to have glaring inaccuracies that people would take to be true and might learn from, and that’s not good -freedom of expression or not- because it’s stuff like this that helps lead to corruption (in my opinion).

    @Ummu ‘ain, it’s awesome you’re opening up and enjoying the community here! You really have been blessed with a nice husband and a co-wife who sounds like a sweet person. It might be difficult for you when your husband is on vacation, but don’t let thoughts get wild, lol. You know your husband loves you and he will be home soon enough, nothing to fret over. Think of it this way, sometimes vacations can be stressful; the packing, airport security, travel, shopping, running around, etc. he might actually be more happy to be back where he can relax with all his favorite things, in his own bed, surrounded with the comforts of home, so you look forward to that instead!

  • anabellah

    December 21, 2014

    Umm ‘Ain, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    Thank you much for sharing your story. Wow, married 16 year. I thought wow. Then I said, I’m not far behind. I’ll have 13 next May. It’s nothing compared to ummof4’s 40 LOL 40 years is amaaaazing.

    I don’t have much to say to you about your situation because I think you’ve got it going on. In my colloquialism, I’d say, you know what time it is. You did all the right things. You turned to Allah and the pain lessen and before you know it, if you keep going at the rate you’re going, the pain will completely go away. You did good and are doing way good.

    You have a husband who loves you. He never stopped loving you and he shows his love to you for you. You probably notice you and he are closer than ever. Look, Allah has given you three weeks to her one. It was something she must have agreed to.

    The journey’s not over. Satan is always trying to lead one astray and cause us to be malcontents. We have to resist listening to Satan. We have a personal jihad that we’re in. It’s a constant battle, but the struggle gets easier when we turn our attention where it’s supposed to be – on Allah.

    You’re still a newbie, if you’ve only been in a polygamous marriage for a year. You’re doing so good. Alhumdulliah!!! You’ve been following along for a year, so you have a good idea of how I think and feel. I think polygamy is a believing woman’s ticket to her journey to Jannah/Paradise. It’s a means to get women in touch with our Lord – Allah. It’s a means to have Allah purify our souls of based emotions. It’s all liberating. Allah says He disposes of the Believer’s affairs towards comfort and ease. Keep up the good work. 🙂

  • anabellah

    December 21, 2014

    Dear Gail,

    No, I don’t believe in re-incarnation, but it’s okay if you do. I have no problem with you and what you believe. You’re entitled to whatever you believe.

    I think your situation speaks to what I was saying. The way I see it; your ex-co; although Muslim, was only thinking about what she wanted and how she was going to get it. She wanted to be married to your husband who was supposed to get his immigration status squared away by marrying you and then divorce you. It would pave the way for her to come live in the U.S. with him and her kids and live happily ever after. We plot and plan, but Allah is the Master Planner. She nor your husband counted on Allah placing love in your husband’s heart for you, and removing the love from your husband’s heart for his now ex-wife, if the love was ever there. He divorced her and remained married to you. He wants no parts of polygamy. You weren’t receptive to polygamy initially, but after time, you began to see the sense polygamy makes. You got to know her. You wanted to help her, and wanted to raise all the kids together as a family. She’s not going for it and neither is your husband. It’s not what they want. All three of you have different wants, so how do you expect it to work? Neither of them will see it your way, as it’s your way and what you want, not their way and what they want. They don’t want it regardless of how much sense it makes to you. Your way makes a lot of sense to me in theory, but it’s not reality.

    Now, on the other hand, if you, she and he were all Muslims striving to serve Allah and were believers or striving to be believers, you all would say – this is about Allah. Life is about Allah. We are going to come together as a family to serve Allah together so we will all enter Jannah/Paradise, and not be thrown into the Hellfire. You’d all try to follow everything Allah says in the Holy Quran. You’d fast the Holy Month of Ramadan together; you’d eat halal foods; you’d pray your five daily prayers; you’d associated only with those people Allah tells us to associate with; instead of taking trips back and forth to Pakistan, you’d all take the pilgrimage to Hajj. Ummrah and/or Hajj is required for all Muslims. Muslims are so busy traveling all over the place and have disregarded Hajj. They don’t care. If a person could afford vacationing back and forth to Pakistan, the person could afford Hajj. What I’m saying is it’s all about working together for a single purpose, the purpose that Allah created us for – to serve Him.

    No one is doing it, it’s why the polygamous marriages aren’t working. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was a believer. He lived the Quran, the very message he brought us. People who were living when he was alive obeyed him. Allah sent many Prophets and when the people live during each prophet’s time, the people were to obey the specific prophet. When Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) died they obeyed him by living the Quran, which he lived. We can’t obey someone who is dead. We obey him by living the Quran. His wives were all believers, hence they were called the “Mothers of the Believers.” He and his wives didn’t make it about them. It wasn’t about them. Yes, they had some situations, the situations mentioned in the Quran was for us to learn a lesson from.

    The women on the blog in polygamous marriages today have problems because some don’t practice their religion; they don’t know what Allah expects from us; they’re all about their husbands and living for the husbands, and wanting to be the husband’s favorite and so forth and so on. They compete for their husband’s love when we’re only supposed to compete for righteousness. What they’re consumed by has nothing to do with Allah. They then think they can make polygamy work by talking about they need to make it work and they just don’t know how to do it. Allah guide, helps and protects the believer. Muslims have to become believers for life to work for them. It’s the best I can explain it.

  • Gail

    December 21, 2014

    Has anyone ever done a gallbladder or liver flush.I am going to try to do one in the next few days using apples and apple juice and prune juice.I have been sick for the last 3 weeks and the doc seems to think gallbladder is acting up.

  • Gail

    December 21, 2014

    Ana,
    I just don’t know to be honest.I see the logic in what u r saying and it makes totally logical sense but when I see myself and how I wanted to work with my excowife and really wanted to try thinking sense Islam accepted Polygamy and she was dealing it for nearly a decade being silent she was already agreed.As u can imagine it was a great shock to me when I figured out she was in it for herself and wanted me out of the picture.Was I am angel to her during that time no I wasn’t but still the way her and her family acted was shocking I felt.I being a non Muslim should have been the one to not accept it if anyone was not going to accept I thought.
    The reason why I am saying I am unsure of what u r saying is because part of me feels like my excowife is a good person by heart and I do feel she loves Allah.I just don’t know.
    As for mix marriages I can only speak for myself Yes it has been a hell of a rocky road but I really love my hubby and I love my kids.I really couldn’t imagine my life any other way.Maybe I was a Pakistani Muslim in a former life and maybe my cowife was an American.I don’t think u believe in past lives although some Muslims do but not sure what u believe.

  • anabellah

    December 20, 2014

    Gail,

    About the women not getting along as co-wives, most of the time Muslim women in polygamous marriages never wanted to be a part of polygamy, but found themselves in it. They accept the polygamous marriage for various reasons. Most importantly some accept it because polygamy is part of our religion and they have no reason to divorce other than their dislike for polygamy. Disliking polygamy is not a valid reason for a Muslim/Believer to divorce. A Muslim may divorce due to polygamy, but a Believer wouldn’t.

  • anabellah

    December 20, 2014

    Gail,

    I won’t speak of those characters. I will say that it’s complicated when it comes to women getting along as co-wives. If women or women and men come together in a polygamous or polyamory relationship willing – they all agreed to the relationship, and wanted it, the liklihood of them trying to overcome their difference is good to a degree. If, on the other hand, one is mixing people of different beliefs or levels of belief, there is a problem, as there is no singleness of purpose. All the parties have their own agenda. They’re working with desires. It won’t work. For Muslims, the husband and the wives would have to be Muslim/Believers, not Muslim, non-Muslim and believer or Muslim, Muslim and Believer or Muslim, Muslim, and Muslim. There is a difference between Muslim and Muslim/Believer. Muslim/ Believers try to put Allah first and strive for Paradise/Jannah. It’s not about this world life. Yes, we could get our portion of this world life, but our ultimate goal is Paradise. It’s the only way I see it working.

  • Gail

    December 20, 2014

    Ummu Ain,
    Girl your emotions are completely normal so don’t fret about it.I would encourage u to pray for them to have a great time.If these vacations bother u then maybe in the future u can plan a vacation with the entire family(your husband u,cowife and all kids)What i mean is turn this feeling u r having today into a positive exciting feeling for the future understand? It will give u something to smile about and look forward to.I love turning negative energy into positive energy!

  • Gail

    December 20, 2014

    Ana,
    I agree with u it is worthless to try if she is not willing.I won’t pretend I understand why cowives can’t get along after they have been married for several years and be friendly.I feel like it is a relationship that would be nice if woman just relaxed and didn’t go on the defense thinking OMG husband is talking to cowife about me or live in fear of divorce.I think alot of it has to do with anxiety and jealousy feelings towards the other wife.I don’t know it is just my thinking.I don’t think X were jealous although I am sure at first X had anxiety I would assume but I am certain X has alot of those emotions.I think it comes from a place of not having a support network that is accepting of Polygamy in my thinking.

  • Gail

    December 20, 2014

    Ummu Ain,
    If u got a good cowife that really is Allah/G.D blessing.I think it is so awesome u both r getting along I am so happy for u.I wish my excowife and I could get along esp since I am raising her kids.

  • Ummu 'Ain

    December 20, 2014

    Huhu…but do you know…even as we speak…my husband is flying off with her and her son for their vacation…and I can’t help but feeling…ouh so

    That is why I’m writing like crazy here…at the same time wondering is it ok for me to feel this way…? Perk me up sisters. I need a boost right about now!! Huhu

  • Ummu 'Ain

    December 20, 2014

    So far she seems to be holding up well too…but I’m sure she has her share of emotional challenges. I guess our husband has been playing his part well.

    Funny though…she and I never discuss about our marriage in our text convos. It’s a topic that we want to stay away from at the moment. Lol. So we just stick to hellos and do’as and wishes for each other.

  • Ummu 'Ain

    December 20, 2014

    Gail,

    Yes…I have been in touch with my co since the third month of my husband’s marriage with her via texts. And I visited her in the middle of this year when I went up to her country with my husband..upon my request.

    And…masyaa’Allah…Allah actually gave me the strength to stay at her place throughout the 4-day visit…upon her request, so that we can get to know each other better. Alhamdulillah, Allah has given me a nice co-wife. Another ni’mah/blessing to me grateful of.

  • anabellah

    December 20, 2014

    about getting along with a co-wife, when you find your husband is married to a horse’s ass (your co-wife), you leave that alone…

  • Gail

    December 20, 2014

    Marie,
    Thats really awesome your kids like foreign language cartoons.It might be awhile before your one your old is much into anything.lol

  • Gail

    December 20, 2014

    Spirited,
    I watched the clip u posted.Although I do not personally see anything wrong with a Muslim woman marrying a nonmuslim man I do think it is highly disrespectful to represent muslim woman who are trying to be modest and chaste in a negative light.I don’t like it.I do however agree with Ana that freedom of speech and expression is what America is all about but I really wish people would learn to be considerate of others.
    I think it is much harder for a Muslim man to convert a nonmuslim woman than it would be for a Muslim woman to convert a Nonmuslim man.

  • Gail

    December 20, 2014

    Ummu Ain,
    Thank u for sharing your story.It seems like u have come a very long way in a year.U seem to be doing amazingly well.I am curious do u and your cowife talk or see each other?Also is she doing as well as u are?

  • Ummu 'Ain

    December 20, 2014

    Assalaamu’alaikum everyone…

    Here I reiterate how comfortable I feel right away after the warm welcome from sisters ana, shabanah, gail and coco that I am excited enough to share my story.

    Thank you so much. Jazaakumullah khair!!

    It’s gonna be a long post…please do bear with me…

    I am married with my husband for 16 years and we have 4 kids. As I mentioned, my marriage started becoming polygamous about a year ago.

    My husband (not Pakistani…lol) has been travelling to and fro our country and a neighbouring one about 900 miles away, coz he has established a business there since 7 years ago. He is also a trainer, so also frequently conducts Islamic workshops there.

    Last year was when he informed me subtly that he has accepted a proposal by the people in the area which he frequents, to marry one of the many widows there. This is only after a few months of deliberation.

    As painful as I felt when I first received the news, I was actually obliged to try my best in giving a positive response to this as I know the area well enough to understand his situation. It’s where the two of us used to pursue our academic degree.

    She was a widow with one son, 5 years my junior.

    The nikah took place in my birthday month…huhu. But alhamdulillah, they had a small wedding at the request of my husband who was caring for my feelings.

    Our schedule is 3 weeks with me and a week with her.

    Needless to say, the great big waves of emotional rollercoaster began even before the nikah took place.

    My husband was trapped in the middle of these waves of course.

    Initially, I had no one to turn to except Allah ‘azza wa jall to keep me sane. After a while, I realised that He wanted me to turn my nights into a rendezvous with Him alone. That was when He guided me to this blog…and since then this blog has been one of my strongest support to hold me up.

    I did feel a bit lost when sis ana closed this blog for a while a few months ago.

    I am also ever so grateful that I have a husband who is caring and loving enough to be super concern about my feelings. Although he is aware that he has put me in this situation…with Allah’s will of course…he has been try his best to make it easier for me by being reassuring and consistently taking care of my feelings. Although I’m sure he has his share of challenges, he has never ceased to show his love and affection for me…in fact even more so now. I have Allah to thank for all these.

    What sis ana and some of the sisters have been mentioning here are all true. Turn to Allah first and foremost with utmost sincerity…and He will give us strength and clarity of our minds to be able to go through any adversities. Masyaa’Allah.

    Looking back through this one year…I do realise that this is a learning journey that Allah wants me to take in this dunya. And so much was taught to me about the realities of this life…alhamdulillah.

    …about my existence, about being a good servant to my Creator, about being human to another human…fa tabaarakallah…

  • anabellah

    December 20, 2014

    Spirited,

    I think it’s like anything else; we have to know what to accept and what to reject. The producer of the movie had the right to make the movie. We determine whether we’ll watch it or not. It’s what I like about living in the U.S.; there’s no Islamic police.

    All the crap that’s going on in “Muslim” countries with people trying to force what’s called “Shariah Law” on people or whatever else; I can’t get with it. Leave people be to do whatever they do (as long as they’re not raping, murdering, stealing and the like). Leave people alone, it’s all what Allah has decided anyhow. There is no compulsion for a person to live Islam or live any way other than what Allah has written for them. To each his own.

    I wouldn’t watch the movie. I wouldn’t say the movie should be banned either. I just know it’s out there, know it for what it is and I keep it movin. It’s all good…

  • Spirited

    December 20, 2014

    Salaam,

    Hey guys, yep me again 😀 lol

    So I came across this shared by some friends. I found it distasteful, but not entirely unexpected since its just another sad attempt at confused romance with a Muslim theme, then I read some of my friends’ comments, they were slamming it and a big discussion was going on about what movie directors think they’re doing, lol. It just looks like another sad attempt to make what is un-Islamic seem normal, slowly stripping away what is right with politically correct things like women’s choice, female empowerment, etc., etc. Like I keep saying, what is right, is right and what is wrong, is wrong no matter what other people try to shove in your face.

    https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=492450344229811

    I think the movie looks like a reflection of what plenty of muslims are doing anyway though, so “whatever” I guess. People aren’t babies, they should have enough of a moral compass to know what’s what. Definitely not going to go out of my way to watch it though.

  • Marie

    December 17, 2014

    I saw that terrible news yesterday. I felt like crying, in the past I would always cry when hearing anything to do with children dying. But now I remember that children aren’t accountable. And go to jannah.

    Verily in remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.

    Gail, at the moment my kids love Arabian sindibad. No joke they prefer cartoons in different languages. But my 1year old will only watch it for about 10min, not long enough to clean a whole house. Lol.

  • Spirited

    December 17, 2014

    Salaam,

    I happened to read this right before I saw it here. May Allah grant those children reprieve until they are admitted to Heaven (Insha’Allah). /sigh. Thank you for sharing, Ana.

  • Gail

    December 16, 2014

    Marie,
    I remember very well about the Pots and Pan advice.One of the girls was babysitting that time.I don’t know why but that is one thing that always seemed to work on my kids.I guess the loud noise is music to a babies ears.lol
    Another thing that worked very well for me was Barney the purple dinosaur.My 2 older sons watched Barney until he was 11 or 12.I don’t know if u can get your hands on any of the old episodes on CD or even if they have on CD(maybe youtube might have it) but that Dinosaur was my bestfriend and babysitter for a many of years when I needed a hot bath or a clean the house.lol Gosh I feel ancient now.lol

  • anabellah

    December 16, 2014

    This is sad news:

  • Marie

    December 11, 2014

    Ok, so the film “Anna” when it first mentioned I thought it was the scary film with a devil child and thought, no thank you, I can’t watch anything to do with possession and the like. I watched the exorcist years ago and the images still haunt me. Anyway, I googled the title and remembered I had watched it with my hubz, Gail, we was just as confused as you and turned into serious movie critics for about 5min lol. It was a good film, but the ending was an anti climax.

    Gail, I want to give you a biiiig thank you. Awhile ago you gave some advice on how to occupy a toddler, with pots and pans. I got two pots out and a wooden spoon and hey presto, a happy 1 year old. The banging is way easier to handle than a wingy baby. Funny I had never thought of this before.

  • Gail

    December 10, 2014

    Ana,
    I really don’t think it is that deep except for the ending and I was not concentrating that time totally so not sure if I just missed it or what.
    I would suggest u to look up remote viewing before u watch the movie so u have some idea about remote viewing so u don’t feel the movie is just down right stupid so to speak.I will tell u after the movie. I don’t want to ruin it for u.I might have to watch it again so I can try to figure it out 100%.I really liked the movies alot and I am really into remote viewing.I never heard about it until my brother inlaw told me about it.I was like WOW! this is Amazing! and they have documented cases of this which makes it like wow.The human Brain is an amazing thing.Also I totally love the IDEA of how a person can think them self anywhere.

  • anabellah

    December 10, 2014

    Marie, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    I’m with you. I don’t know if many of the men who engage in polygamy are good Muslim husband material for polygamous marriages; although they think they are (arrogant Aholes – many of them).

    I agree with you, as well, that men and women who are in polygamous marriages can benefit from being in polygamous marriages (if they are God conscious). Allah says He tests some of us by way of others. Men and women could both learn about patience, perseverance, and prayer from being in polygamous marriages. Women have a tremendous amount to learn about themselves and their emotions. It could bring men and women nearer to Allah.

    I could see how Muslim men who are not God conscious could be lead straight to Hell by living a polygamous life – the ones who lie, cheat, follow lust and don’t see the errors of their ways. Yes, I see it.

  • anabellah

    December 10, 2014

    Shabanah,

    The movie “Anna” does sound interesting. I was aware of the movie. Gail watched it and inspired me to watch it. She said she was perplexed at the end of it.

    I just went to the “Redbox” and rented it. Insha Allah, I’ll watch it late this evening. I usually watch a movie after my hubs goes to sleep. I’m a night owl.

    I don’t do well with Movies that are intellectually deep. Anyhow, I’ll try to follow it. coco said she was interested in watching it, as well.

    Gail,

    Even if I were to get an understanding of the movie, I don’t think I could let you know what it is. Last time I said what happened in a movie, ummof4 almost chopped my head off LOL. She scolded me. She’s like – Ana, next time don’t tell what happened in the movies, as some of us may want to see it. She said something like it. Therefore, I dare not put my head on the chopping block again.

  • Marie

    December 10, 2014

    The other side if what I said is, muslim women say they want a good Muslim husband but fail at being a good Muslim wife.

    By good Muslim I mean a believer.

    Also no one on this blog has prompted these thoughts and my husband is not a self proclaimed good Muslim, although I think he is (a good Muslim, that is)

  • Marie

    December 10, 2014

    Asalaamu Alaykum All,

    Iv been thinking about how some men state that women need a good Muslim husband (which is true, we all could do with a good Muslim spouse) men sometimes enter polygamy on the basis that they are the “good Muslim” and any woman is in need of them. I don’t know what makes them think that they are multiple wife material from the get go (when they first enter polygamy) personally I feel that there are very few men who are up for the job, from the get go. BUT I also think that Insha’allah if their intentions are right they will get to the lofty rank of a pious Muslim and polygany maybe the vehicle that Allah chose for them to get there.

    I think Allah gives some of these self proclaimed good Muslim men “the crazy wives” on purpose, because it is they who need to learn a thing or two (and the wives too) now, socially I think polygamy helps woman especially widows, divorcees ect (not that they are the only eligible ones) I don’t see how it socially helps men ( I could be wrong on that) but in terms of being or wanting to be pious, I think men and woman benefit.

    Just some thoughts, what does everyone else think about this.

  • Shabanah

    December 10, 2014

    Yes her bitterness starting rubbing off on me. Her complaints became my problems until I stopped and was like I dont care about it. She’s very strong though. She has four children and our husband married and divorced about 3 other people while married to her before my second cowife and I married him so imagine. She got married at a very young age too. She misses out on a lot. The age she married at she should’ve been having sleepovers and braiding her friends hair.
    Anyway, her and the second wife are okay now. It took years to be okay though. But because the first wife does not care anymore and is literally numb to the entire situation she gets along with everyone.
    But what is this move Ana. Sounds intresting

  • anabellah

    December 9, 2014

    Oh, okay, Gail. Insha Allah, I’ll look into it 🙂 Thank you.

  • Gail

    December 9, 2014

    Ana,
    I don’t think it is the same at all.I think they do all that through computer program unless they are Psychic.Remote viewing is kinda like Psychic stuff is the best I can explain.

  • anabellah

    December 9, 2014

    Gail,

    Yeah, I know 🙂 I was caught off guard when he said it to me LOL. Is remote viewing the same as when “Norton” security or my internet provider or Samsung (for my cell phone) goes into my computer or phone with my permission and begin fixing my problems – when they view the info. on my device, and move the mouse etc? If so, I’m familiar with that, as I’ve had them do it in the recent past. What you mentioned is very interesting. Insha Allah, I’ll learn more about it.

  • Gail

    December 9, 2014

    Ana,
    Dang what is your hubby the movie Police!! This makes twice now! hahah
    It has to do with Remote viewing which is a real thing where governments use these kind of people.U can take a person sitting here in USA and see in a Russian Lab and get all info that the government needs.My one brother inlaw is a computer Programmer in Australia and he is very into remote viewing.It is an amazing topic.

  • Gail

    December 9, 2014

    Shabanah,
    I read your post about your 1st cowife feeling bitter.I can totally relate to her being bitter.I am certain it was a hard pill for her to swallow when her husband took 2nd wife.I think the majority of first wives would conceive there husbands as being a selfish pervert when it happens to them at first.I think the only problem with that is that it is just a form a self pity that a wife can’t get past in a lot of ways sadly.I think also with first wives it has alot to do with pride.I think there pride takes such a huge hit.Everyone wants to believe their husband only last after them and wants only them etc… Second and third and fourth wives basically understand thats not the truth in it but a first wife NO WAY she thinks her husband lust only after her unless of course he has an affair or something but until a husband come face to face with the first wife she would never believe her husband would betray her in that way.I think most 1st wives or if divorced 2nd wives think like this and they make their husbands their G.D so to speak like Ana has talked about I can totally see that.
    I am curious how is your 1st and 2nd cowife’s relationship with each other? I bet not very good at all if I had to guess.I also have noticed 1st and 2nd wives do not get along as well as say 1st and 3rd wives in alot of cases.Just somethign I kinda noticed.
    I also worry about Zaisha she is so young and I feel so bad for her that this has happened to her.I don’t know how anyone could mistreat another human like that .I don’t know how her family stands for her mistreatment.

  • anabellah

    December 9, 2014

    Gail,

    My husband already said to me, I won’t understand the movie. Regardless, Insha Allah, I’m going to see if it’s at RedBox tomorrow. I’ll watch it attentively and who knows I may get it – after the movie’s about me right.

  • Gail

    December 9, 2014

    Ana and Coco,
    If u ladies watch the movie Ana please explain the ending to me I never did figure it out exactly.The movie was great though.Kept me engrossed the entire time.

  • anabellah

    December 9, 2014

    Shabanah,

    How nice it is that your first co teaches children at a school. I’m sure she needed it as an outlet.

    I agree with you that if she is bitter, it’s best not to spend much time with her. It could rub off on you. We have to be careful with the company we keep. You’re too young to be jaded and bitter. We’re supposed to be the light. When we remember Allah, stay focused on him and remain positive, we glow. We have the light of Allah. We just have to remember it’s not about what we want. It’s about what Allah wants for us. Things do get better, as He says they will, when we do right by Him. We need to be with like minded people.

    You’re definitely at the right place with people who understand, been there and done that

    There are a lot of jackasses out there, especially in cyberspace, who don’t have a clue. They are angry with life and talk a lot of nothing all the time. You don’t want to be with those people Hook up with those people and it’s all over, but the shouting

  • Shabanah

    December 9, 2014

    Im sure Zaisha will find her way back to this blog sooner than later.

    I do hang out with my first co when she’s home. She dosent like being at home and involved with everyone a lot so she teaches small children at a school here. I don’t blame her. It can be suffocating most of the time. Imagine having to deal with so much and not being able to react in your own way because you’re surrounded by people at all times. She’s been through her fair share of things throughout her life here now she’s numb to it all. Its made her bitter I feel sorry for her. That’s why im so grateful and happy I found this site. Its my emotional outlet. Im surrounded by people who “understand”.

  • anabellah

    December 9, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello Everyone,

    Just want to let everyone know I put together a post/thread about “secret wives”, in case you’d like to take a look at it https://polygamy411.com/why-some-muslim-men-have-secret-wives/

    I’m hopeful everyone is having a lovely day or evening, which ever it is in the part of the world you are. It’s raining cats and dogs where I am – not literally LOL. But, it’s a raining for sure. Alhumdulliah for the blessed rain. It’s a beautiful thing…

  • anabellah

    December 9, 2014

    Shabanah, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    Insha Allah, Zasisha is okay. I’m concerned about her, as I know her husband had instructed her to stay off the blog on a promise that he’d talk with her more by whatever means they useto speak to each other. She, her family and he are actually from the U.K. It is where she supposedly was going to return. Who knows. Men have a way of sweet talking women and women in love have a tendency to listen. She said she was going to get herself back home to the U.K., but who knows. He seems to have a huge sway over her.

    Shabanah, you said you and 1st wife get along okay. Couldn’t you spend more time with her. She’d probably like the company, as well. Is it something you’d be interested in doing?

  • Shabanah

    December 9, 2014

    As salaamu alaikum everyone just read this entire discussion all I gotta say is woah (wipes forehead with a handkerchief) lol. I wonder where Zaisha is now. I hope she made it back to Pakistan safe and sound with her family and friends. She’s my age. Waaay too young for all that $#!+ (pardon me)

  • coco

    December 7, 2014

    Gail
    Agreed! Btw I’ve been wanting to watch “Anna” it’s been in my list of movies to watch. I adore the actress Taissa Farmiga she’s an extremely seasoned actress for her age.

  • anabellah

    December 7, 2014

    Yes, Annabelle. That’s it, Gail. The previews of the movie, “Anna” did remind me of me LOL. How weird is that? Now that is scary Lol

  • Gail

    December 6, 2014

    Ana,
    Yeah thats exactly what I thought! lol
    Your thinking of that horror movie Annabelle or something with that weird doll.

  • anabellah

    December 6, 2014

    You didn’t know that movie was about me, did you?

    It’s how I got Rich. I sold the rights to my book.

    Just kiddin

  • anabellah

    December 6, 2014

    Gail,

    I was thinking of a different movie. I have to find out the name of it. It’s was a movie with an animated doll looking character like “Chucky” or something. Anyhow, I looked up the trailer and the movie you’re referring to looks like I’d enjoy watching it. I had heard of it. It was in the Theater in June 2014. Insha Allah, I’m going to check it out soon. It’s probably in RedBox or Netflix.

  • Gail

    December 6, 2014

    Ana,
    I don’t know if that was in the theater recently or not but more than likely so it seemed a new movie I loved the movie but it left me perplexed at the end.

  • anabellah

    December 6, 2014

    Gail,

    I agree with you that if “someone” were to come back to this blog, he’d have to grow some balls or a thicker skin. We won’t walk on eggshells here, trying to spare “someone’s” or anyone’s feelings who is sensitive.

    I like that we could all be ourselves on this blog, as well. It just feels so nice and refreshing. It’s an amazing outlet. The people here are wonderful. You’re just so natural and comical in your posts. I love reading them.

    Oh, that movie “Anna”, was that the one that was recently in the theatre? If, so, no, I haven’t watched it, but, Insha Allah, will look into getting it. It should be cute LOL

  • Gail

    December 6, 2014

    Ana,
    Yeah I agree with u about Aysh.There is always times in life that people will have different views about things it is perfectly normal.I also hope she comes back and realizes it is ok to agree to disagree sometimes.No harm done.
    I don’t even have a problem if Someone wants to hang out here but he better grow some thicker skin if he plans on hanging with us otherwise someone is going to step on his toes 24/7 and you know me I pretty much say what I feel and I expect others to say the say thing.I like that we are so open and honest here.
    On a different note I am 3o minutes into watching this movie called Anna.It is about remote viewing totally engrossing so far have u see it???

  • anabellah

    December 6, 2014

    Gail,

    Who knows what’s going on in the head of that girl (Lah). She may just be a CRAZY itch

    I think the problem that some have been having with the person identified as “somebody” being here is resolved. He knows there are some, but not all, who don’t want him here; therefore, I doubt he will return. It’s nice that he was able to talk about the issues that he was having, and was able to get some feed back.

    I know I cannot say the blog is open to everyone and advertise it on the web that way and then discriminate against some people. It’s unethical. This blog has principles.

    I’m shocked that Aysh left the blog because she disagreed with you. I must say she’s bound to have problems everywhere she goes with that attitude, cuz not everyone is going to be to her liking. She’s bound to find people everywhere and things that she is not going to like. If she runs away every time she encounters it, then she’ll be on the run for the rest of her life. If she changes, her mind, she is welcome back and I hope she continues to use the same screen-name. I can’t and won’t go running after everyone who gets their panties in a twist and say they will leave the blog. I ain’t got time for it. In my Italian voice – Forget about it!

  • Gail

    December 6, 2014

    Ana,
    I have no idea what u r speaking of.I thought Kim and Jenny were the ones causing u all the grief.I did not know Lah fit into that situation as well.I do not condone anyone harassing others.

    Coco,
    Straight up we have to agree to disagree on this topic.I will not comment furthermore on it as it serves no purpose.I will never change my opinion on that topic.

  • anabellah

    December 6, 2014

    coco,

    Thank you for clarifying to Gail why I banned Lah from the blog, as you stated it was for reasons much more than that she spoke ill to Laila.

    Gail,

    Lah who is either a teenager, a young, immature adult, has mental problems or both is a young immature adult with mental problems, came to this blog to wreak havoc, which she did. She hates polygamy, hates women who married a husband second in sequence or intends to, and hates me because I’m me and I manage the blog. She probably hates herself, as well. All her posts reflected her hatred except the posts she wrote to you. You and she had a common interest, which is Pakistan.

    I banned Lah at the request of others on this blog. Then Lah, began sending me emails and posts that I didn’t publish, telling me to go to another blog to read what a person we on this blog are familiar with as “C” had written. She may have been the one who wrote the initial post on the other blog, posing as “C” because it sounded out of character for what I know of “C”. Then a month or more later, she sends me a post, using my real name and threatening to go to the police to say my husband is polygamous. Soon, thereafter, I closed the blog, gave it a makeover and, has since, reopened it.

    Lah came back to the blog, and wrote civilly. Then I realized she was writing as more than one person, as Lah, Rafat, Polygamous Father and Lah’s mother. I learned she had lied and was blogging from the United States, and not Pakistan. The people on the blog, except for you, took offense to her being here. I put up the poll and it was in favor of banning Lah. I’m glad I did. As I said yesterday, she has been a thorn in my side with her annoying posts that she continues to send me that directly go into Spam, to the point, yesterday, I put an added feature on the blog to prevent her access to the site to sign in. If she continues to be a pain in my tush, I will take legal measures to stop the harassment, and begin to make life Hell in this life for her and her family.

  • coco

    December 6, 2014

    Marie
    I really don’t expect any of the Muslims to get with me on the subject at all I know and understand that religiously it’s forbidden so are many other things lets just leave the judgement on Allah. The point is that Someone isn’t a Muslim and this isn’t a just Muslim blog its for anyone who is in or about to undergo a polygamous set up. If an atheist came here would you all turn them away because they don’t believe in God? I don’t think so but here comes a gay man and POW! Lol There is no compulsion in Islam we should set a good example of our religion but I’m sorry I don’t think we did that here with Someone. Anyways thanks for being civil getting your perspective across I’m done here with this topic peace to all 🙂 Much love xo

  • coco

    December 6, 2014

    Gail
    I still stand by the apology on everyones behalf KILL ME! I feel if 2-3 people disrespect/offend/attack someone who reaches out to any particular group one should step up and apologise PERIOD! At times we don’t see how rude, offensive and hurtful we can come across Gail. As for the apology don’t worry I’m sure Someone is very clear that you aren’t apologetic of anything so why are you so pissed off? You raising a child whose father and mother are muslim as a Jew how do you think others here would feel about that from an Islamic point of view? People would definitely have an opinion no? Why is it that they aren’t saying anything to you, it’s out of something called courtesy or regard for another but you can’t do the same? As I said none of us are perfect. When I assess your situation I don’t see that a child is being raised on another faith when it should be raised Muslim I rather choose to see it this way that Gail has a good heart, good morale and regardless of religion she would be raising a good “human being” Am I still heading towards a spiritual trap? Clearly I’d raise my kids muslim as I’m a Muslim but I can regard you for your choices. Can’t you give others the same respect? You don’t seem to mind taking it do you? Many non Muslims don’t believe in polygamy how would you feel if they said some cruel unethical things to you? Gail you are so blind sighted Lah being banned had way more to do than just slandering Laila or judging and accusing others as myself here but blackmailing and threatening Ana “the blog owner” on a personal despicable level to go to the police! That is why I voted her ban as she sure as hell didn’t want help but to stir trouble here. Someone the gay couple you mentioned fascinated me how they are fighting their temptation and lusts and trying to pass this test. I don’t see a gay couple I see two beautiful beings who took in lost kids and gave them a home and family. If you wanna take someone’s horrible bullied childhood that you know nothing about and pass it off as nothing since your sons have queer habits you better pray to God and ask for forgiveness that your son doesn’t turn gay, we are often tested by what we hate so I hope you will sit there and reflect on others point of views here. Gail we all have the same God just different names as Allah is one and Allah is Allah to a beggar, pious, homosexual, prostitute, cleric, polygamist, adulterer, liar, stealer, murderer poor, rich and whether they are black, white, yellow, brown, everyone and everything to exist in this universe! I think you are very WRONG and need to eat not just a slice but a whole wisdom pie. You didn’t display any class or respect here today you might have not come across as such a homophobe if you would have stated your opinion without a crass tone as there are ways to get your points across with a kind and positive tone . But I still got nothing but love for you sistaaa xo 🙂

  • Marie

    December 6, 2014

    Ana, it happened again, I had already submitted my comment when I saw your post to end the discussion. I agree, it’s going nowhere fast. It’s not what the blogs about.

  • Marie

    December 6, 2014

    Coco, I really can’t get with you on this subject. I personally know a woman who USED to identify as lesbian. It’s not something she wants to be. But unfortunately society has told her that, that is how she was born and must accept and embrace it. My argument there is, we are all born as individuals, as we grow we find out some not so nice things about ourselves. Most of the things we find wrong with ourselves other people find wrong as well. I have have jealous, envious feelings sometimes, should I accept that that’s the way I am and embrace those feelings, should I act on those feelings and make intentions to to FOLLOW my desire to have a monogamous relationship and aim to make my husbands and co-wifes lives miserable. NO, if I came here and said ignore the fact that I’m going off my desires, I need to know how to get my husband to divorce his second wife, or I’m going to trace his phone and snoop through his trousers pockets. Would you advise me on how to do this? would you accept it as part of me that I must embrace and other people need to accept? NO, you as well as others on the blog would tell me I’m wrong and I need to turn to Allah. I see no difference in it. If I want a better life and contentment I need to follow the rules (Allah’s rules)

    I don’t think gay/lesbian people deserve any more sympathy than any other person committing sins. We all struggle with ourselves and their struggle is no grater than the next person.

    Ana, no I don’t blame non Muslims for hating Muslims either. But we must remember that even without some Muslims beheading other Muslim they would still hate us. They hated all the prophets, Why? Because they were told their lifestyle is wrong and they will be punished for what they do.
    I don’t think that white people calling black people “you people” is the same as what Gail wrote. You are born black/white/brown and there is nothing we can do to change that. However we can try to change lifestyle choices or at the very least hate what we do as far as actions are concerned. “Someone” acted like a stereotypical gay man, threw his toys out the pram and said don’t judge me. Well dont come to a blog full of religious women, because the first thing we do us judge you. If you can’t take the heat get out if the kitchen. I think Gail was making a clear cut lune between her lifestyle and someone’s. I think that’s Ok,

  • Gail

    December 6, 2014

    Ana,
    Don’t worry I am not going to comment anymore or acknowledge Someone.I said my peace on the topic and I stand behind what I said to him.If u or any of the others think u can help that squirrel looking for a NUT be my guest!lol

  • anabellah

    December 6, 2014

    Okay, let’s shut this discussion down as it’s going no place fast and it’s beginning to get real ugly.

    Let’s turn our attention back to polygamy. It’s almost 3:00 am where I am so I’m going to sleep NOW. Over and out!!!

  • Someone

    December 6, 2014

    Good lord. Gail, you’re wasting a lot of time typing out something I’ve heard millions of times, you don’t phase me. But while you say my problems will be solved if I beleived in something, I take it you have no problems? A Jew married to a Muslim and in a poly-whatever marriage? I take it your belief has made your life perfect and that you never once complained or had cause to complain? If so, good for you. Don’t waste your time with “us people”. Some of our sins might rub off on you and we wouldn’t wanna tarnish your plethora of good deeds for making people feel so amazing in life.
    For all those interested, the woman who pointed me to this site did so because she claimed a few years back you all helped her through a rough patch when her husband was about to marry his mistress. She said she was only here for a month until she got everything off of her chest and managed to navigate and that she hasn’t had reason to visit since, though her husband is polygamous, his other wife was before her and is in another country. She said you’re good Muslims and you allow nonmuslims space and afford them respect.

    Thank you for those who afforded me respect and were my sounding board.

    As for the rest of you bigoted folk, I truly hope you toss and turn a little tonight as you notice the error of your ways.

    Of note, I know of a lovely Muslim gay couple, living together but not getting married because it’s forbidden in their religion. Not having relations because it’s forbidden in their religion and constantly doing Muslim things and always overcoming temptation. The most contact they have is hugging or holding hands. They too claim it was a test from God, their feelings, their emotions, and they take what they consider a test in stride. They both work for an Islamic charity here in this great city and they’re amazing foster parents. The have 6 well adjusted foster kids, who might I add were going nowhere in life and delinquents, who look up to them and strive to be better people now , because of these two gay foster fathers.

    Now, while I don’t think that my being with another man is a sin, I don’t condone them or cut them out of my life because they do.

    I’m going to repeat this once more, and I’m not going to repeat it again, I trust my husband. We have all channels of communication open, he works in a very non private office and considering I’m his ride to and from work, i have no reason to be suspicious. It might shock you to believe that “us people” have morals.

    And as for three-people-jointly married and sharing a bed, that’s not me. That’s not something I would want, nor is it something he would want. Get over it. I repeat, just because I’m gay doesn’t make me perverted, what is your obsession with threesomes? One would assume you have a secret fetish of sorts.. But no! Not holier than thou Gail! Even if you did you wouldn’t spill; God forbid you ruin your perfected image! But I have a feeling it’s right up your alley since you’re so quick to jump to that as a solution. (Sorry, some people just don’t like being intimate with more than one person. You have your morals and “us people” have ours.)

    Don’t like my lifestyle? I read something about you being in the ice cream business, you can take a Popsicle (or a cone, I don’t judge) and stick it in a hole.. Any hole..I suggest the one a lot of $h!t comes out of, that’d be your mouth 🙂 or you can come to my garden, I could use some fertilizer.

  • Gail

    December 6, 2014

    Aysh,
    First of all I am not a Jew but believe in Judaism there is a difference.I am not a practicing Jew.I feel just at home around Jews as I do with Muslims and are around Muslims more than Jews.Second of all the majority of the Patriarchs were Polygamist.If u r offended by my comments about Gays then that is certainly your own problem not mine.
    Defend Gay people all u want just leave me out of it and don’t complain or bash me for defending the truth as I see it.
    Aysh we don’t always like what everyone says on the blog all of the time and that is just the way it is.There was a woman on the blog her name was Lah and Ana banned her I didn’t agree with the ban but I went with it because Ana made the decision based on her speaking ill towards Laila.I like Laila very much but I still didn’t agree with the Ban.My point is crap happens around here we r not always going to agree on every topic thats life.

  • anabellah

    December 6, 2014

    Everyone needs to understand, this blog is for everyone, regardless of what they are or what their beliefs. As long as they don’t abuse those here or slander Islam, Allah or His Prophets, they are welcome. Otherwise, we are to leave people alone about their beliefs when they come here to discuss their problems or polygamy. This blog is not about whether someone worships God, Gods, Satan, are Gay or are witches. How some here treated or spoke of the person who identified himself as “someone” was WRONG!

  • anabellah

    December 6, 2014

    Aysh,

    You (under another name) left the blog once before as you didn’t like a person who was here and her views and now you are doing it again. I think it’s very immature. If you feel You must leave, then do what you must. I prefer people just leave and not come back than to broadcast their intention. What am I to say but goodbye.

  • Aysh

    December 6, 2014

    Gail,
    Im so incredibly disappointed in your attitude. I really appreciated the advice you gave me on pakistani men but what you say here is so ignorant and offensive. The worst part is that you cant even see how hypocritical your attitude is.

    You talk about following religious laws. I thought Jews arent allowed to engage in polygamy. So you ignored that particular law to suit your situation? Then you blast someone for going against God for being gay.

    Each to their own. Some arguments shouldnt be pursued.

    All the best with your blog Ana, congratulations to the newly pregnant lady here also. I think thats it for me here.

  • Gail

    December 6, 2014

    Coco,
    I forgot to mention u said do not judge people then? U said he was in immense pain I am sure he is but who’s fault is that?It sure the heck is not mine or yours understand.We all know the religious Laws and if he is choosing to ignore them then where is my fault in it? He could choose to live a correct lifestyle but he chooses not to.He wants kids correct well kids come from heterosexual marriages not Gay marriages.Gays want heterosexual things but with a twist(their own way)they r going against the natural course of things.If u want to feel sorry for them be my guest but don’t include me in on it.I know my writing comes across as hard and I don’t mean it to but for G.D sake see reality for what it is.
    U can be nice to them but u should never feel sorry for them because they r making their own choice.That is just the way I see it.
    I will go even further if u try to explain to them what they r doing is morally and ethically wrong they will scream u r Gay bashing!!!
    I hope u think about what I am saying and stop defending things u know is clearly not Halal or Kosher. I feel u r riding on the fence with this topic and it is dangerous for u to do so if u believe Allah/G.D doesn’t condone Homosexual behavior.
    Please think on what I am saying because I believe it is a Spiritual TRAP!

    Ummoff4,
    I respect u more and more everyday.I totally love your way of thinking and believe u have a very sound mind.U r highly intelligent and I feel u understand things on a much deeper level.This is a very beautiful gift to have.I believe Allah/G.D has blessed u well.I want u to know I read your post and u come across as a very wise old soul.

    Ana,
    I have to say I agree with Umoff4 on this topic It really serves no purpose to guide Gay people because they only want to hear soothing things not the truth unfortunately.They don’t want to spiritually grow and when we tell them the truth they lash out as if they r being attacked.It is not a bad thing to tell someone they need Allah/G.D I know I need wisdom.lol
    Now take Denise she belongs here I feel she is trying to fix her life.We can feel that through her post.I don’t totally understand her situation as to why the husband has not married the GF other than Denise is the legal wife and he can’t.
    Nevertheless she is someone we might could actually help.
    How in the world can we help Someone other than giving him a band aid.I just can’t see it logically speaking.
    I admit I may be wrong and just not seeing it but I really don’t think I am in this case.

  • anabellah

    December 6, 2014

    Gail,

    I had not been following “someone’s” posts. I wrote the two comments to him before he let us know he’s married to a man. I didn’t write after it, as I was busy writing posts/threads and furthermore, I didn’t know what to say that would be helpful to him once I glimpse some of his posts and learned he is married to a man.

    Anyhow, I just reread his last post to you and it appears you upset him by calling his husband a “partner” when they are “married”. You then insulted him by referring to Gays as “You People”. You referred to him as “You People” twice. I know it’s a term some people used to refer to African American people in a derogatory way. When a person says “You People” to an African American person, it is insulting and it indicates the person who said it is a bigot/prejudice.

    Aysh said something to the effect that we all have some type of prejudices, but don’t rightly voice it out of respect. Those weren’t her exact words. I hope I summed it up somewhat right. I’m just writing based on what I recall.

    I think you set him off when you said he needs to get “Jesus, Allah/G-d”. I think you can appreciate that no one here has bashed you for being married to a Muslim man, and wanting to be a Jew or are Jewess, knowing the problems associated with Muslims and Jews and that it goes against your husband’s religion. I’m sure there are those here who have strong feelings about it, but they keep they keep the hole in their faces shut, as it’s not what we’re here on this blog about. You’re entitled to believe as you believe.

    Finally, the “threesome” comment you made took him over the edge. I was cracking up laughing at his comeback to you about it. He was saying just because he’s Gay he’s not a freak LOL

    I think the topper was for ummof4 to tell us to ban him because he is Gay. Now, that’s just wrong. We allowed Jenny to be here for years and tolerated her and she actually degraded Muslims here to their faces. Wiccan Woman was here for a very long time and wrote numerous posts. She shared and was a part of the group. U235Sentinel a LDS was here off and on joining us, sharing news about the laws and polygamy. I learned quite a bit from him about his faith. There have been others and they’ve all been welcome. Why should we ban “someone” simply because he is Gay. I couldn’t do it in good conscience anyhow, as this blog is open to everyone as long as they don’t disrespect the people here or disrespect Allah or His Prophets.

    So, it’s what I got from it Gail. Regardless, it’s over and we could put it behind us. It’s all good…

  • Gail

    December 6, 2014

    Coco,
    I am happy u r back but I 100% disagree with u on this topic.
    Yes Gay people r nice and yes they r struggling but u can not condone it any more than u can condone stealing,lying,adultery.I mean come on logical common sense tells us straight that as the old saying goes Allah/G.D made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.Two men can not make a baby or two woman.Even Animals have figured out that much.
    I want to be very clear I believe in Love the person hate the SIN but don’t u dare ever say sorry on my behalf or the blog when u darn well know our views are different.I doubt Ummof4 or marie or some of the others wants u to say sorry for them either I’m just saying.I don’t find anything colorful in Sin.I am not perfect but I try I really try to do the right thing.I do not believe Gays and lesbians are trying(thats my opinion)to me it is the same as child molester saying he feels bad for being a child molester.Do u love the person that time and hate the Sin?My point is Homesexual activity has been played down in society but it does not make it any less offensive and now to top it all off they r allowing them to ADOPT.
    I know most of u will be shocked to read this coming from me but some lifestyles are just not acceptable and I do not believe in live and let live everyone gets a free pass.Polygamy does not get a free pass.U see how the USA government has let Gay marriage slide something so offensiveeee and vulgar to Christians,Jews and Muslims yet is unwilling to accept Polygamy.
    I stand by what I told Someone.
    Also I have had Gay and lesbian friends.My 2 best friends in this world are lesbians but I never condoned their lifestyle choice.I was very verbal about it,
    So I don’t want anyone to think I am Gay bashing because I am not I just believe there are very clear rights and wrongs in this life and I and lets be clear IIIIII believe it is a Sin.
    You mentioned your friends playing with bangles and I have to say to that SO WHAT.My sons liked to paint their nails and wear Hena and my oldest is not Gay.My point is some boys like girly things and some girls like boyish things that in itself does not make a person Gay as much as people claim.Any mother that has a children knows what I mean.
    One last thing then I will shut up I really believe if u do not stand up against wrongs then u r as guilty because u kept silent.Wrong is Wrong and thats my 2 cents on this topic.

  • Gail

    December 6, 2014

    Marie,
    I am so happy for u congrats what exciting new for u and your hubby!!!

    Ana,
    I do not know what in the world I said so wrong to Someone to get him all worked up in a tizzy.He himself said he was mixed Jew/Christian did he not? He came here for advice and I gave it to him as best I could without being totally Gay bashing I thought I don’t know.

    Someone,
    Just to let u know I am Jewish and my husband is Muslim.I stand by the advice I gave u.I am sorry if it hurt your feelings or ruffled your feathers it was certainly not my intent.
    I did not propose a threesome I proposed u both marry the girl and make it a threesome/3 amigos/Polygamy type situation.U need to stop being so dang touchy and listen.You came here for advice and we gave u advice.Granted it was not the advice u wanted to hear but thats the way the cookie crumbles MR.
    U said u don’t believe in judging people but u sure judged me and the blog correct?U need to see reality for what it is.U judged me not to like Gays and u would be correct.We have to judge people and actions that is the biggest lie I have ever heard of not to JUDGE! I mean really then what we just suppose to walk around accepting everything or not standing up for anything or always being politically correct?Come on thats crazyyy!! I am a firm believer that u have to stand for something or u will fall for anything.Someone are u falling for anything? Do u really believe your Husband will not have an affair on u after coming out and saying he is bisexual?If u believe that nonsense then your NAIVE as HECK! Stop being hypersensitive and see reality for what it is before u let your love for this man/husband destroy you and your future kids.You are fixing to be a Dad or whatever u call yourself (heck I don’t know how it works in gay marriages to be frank).Just grow up and stop taking personal I gave u some good advice and a way to fix your problem without being Gay bashing I thought.

  • coco

    December 5, 2014

    Ana
    Perfectly said! The struggle is just so painful to witness my heart goes out to them. Our actions and intentions determine what side we are leaning towards whether hell or heaven every single day so we all must never forget to be kind hearted to others as Allah shows compassion to those who show compassion to his people.

  • anabellah

    December 5, 2014

    coco,

    By the way, I know of Gay Muslims too. I can only imagine what they’ve been through and are going through – the struggle.

    Everyone struggles with something. If it wasn’t for Allah Mercy we’d all be in Hell. He said it, not me. I’m never too sure about where I’m going – Hell or Jannah/Paradise. I can only do the best I can do and pray I end up in Jannah. It creeps me out to think about it, sends chills through my body

  • coco

    December 5, 2014

    Assalaamualeikum and hola to you gorgeous ladies !
    Anaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA I’ve really missed you and the extra personality you display with your emoticons STILL jealy lol I have been trying to keep up with everyone’s posts but it’s been rather difficult as I had so much going on personally, my collection and a few styling projects lined up back to back. I read up on some of your new posts you really have a way with your writing it’s very soothing to read when feeling low. I would also like to welcome Zaisha my heart goes out for her she got hit with a situation pretty early in life when she should be enjoying her youth hang in there sister and don’t lose hope Allah always gets us through calamities, you’ve found yourself in the right place here. Laila it’s always a pleasure reading you, you’ve got swag sistaaaa *snap snap snap* nice to know your well 😉 Marie a hearty congratulations on your pregnancy bless you mashAllah 🙂 I wonder how Mari2 and Ina are doing. Aysh I enjoy reading your perspective in posts it’s very much refreshing. Gail it’s exciting to know your husband is doing well with the tests and you’ve got a great plan to open up a small used appliance shop. Good luck with that. Well to whoever I’m forgetting I wish everyone a happy weekend. Much love xo

  • anabellah

    December 5, 2014

    coco,

    No! It doesn’t feel good!!! It hurts like a *$&#*. You tell it like it is, Sister Word

  • coco

    December 5, 2014

    Someone and everyone else!
    Firstly Someone PLEASE COME BACK!! I think the colourful judgement that was passed on you was atrocious, unfair and I apologise for that on everyone’s behalf. I honestly think you shouldn’t give the green signal to your husband to have his little fling. Now I know where you’re coming from I work in fashion and honestly 90% of my male work colleagues and close friends are gay. For people here who haven’t had stimulating conversations with a gay individual cannot pass judgment and make assessments you DON’T know what they go through or what’s their story. My closest friend is a gay muslim and yes he feels really bad knowing it’s a sin but he often says it’s not a choice for many of us, he as a child would wear his mother’s bangles, clothes, and put on makeup he internally felt like a girl as a child the hurt and pain he went through being called a fag for his feminine appearance goes deeper than the surface. Like seriously if God forbid any one of your children grow up becoming or realising they are gay one day which is very much possible is this how you would treat them?! Would you just throw them to the curb like that? Sad! I’m sorry one can be a practicing Muslim yet beat his wife at night or go to prostitites to feed his lust, molest his children as in any other religion I don’t personally give a f*** about another’s sexual orientation to me it’s what inside one’s heart and their intentions that matters. Did you ever think many gays battle with their lust and religion on a daily basis? I agree with Aysh many here have accepted their husband’s mistresses into their marriage and their own husbands adulterous affairs but it’s A-okay! lol Most of us here live in America and if this land and laws are gracious enough to allow us to practice our faith as Muslims than we should be open and tolerant enough with things that we may not agree with, if not than why live here go live in another country that reciprocates your views or mentality. We want to be accepted as Muslims living in non muslim countries or a polygamous lifestyle yet we are so narrow minded when it comes to others lifestyles. NEVER LOOK DOWN UPON ANYONE, ONLY ALLAH SITS UP THAT HIGH! If you don’t agree with someone’s lifestyle fine but don’t belittle a person like that. A person came here in immense pain, he was looking for a little sympathy and what would have happened if he was shown a little compassion? Shouldn’t we as Muslims alleviate the pain of another human being? Allah is for umm-ul-aalameen not just umm-ul-muslimeen. None of us are perfect enough to pass judgement on another human being. I think we’ve all felt judgment at one given point in life it doesn’t feel good does it?

  • anabellah

    December 5, 2014

    @Someone,

    If you’re still reading. I caution you about your supposed “friendship” with the Pakistani Muslim who sent you to this blog. No Muslim Pakistani “friend” would have done it. Friends don’t do such a thing to a friend. I’m just saying…

    @Marie,

    I really can’t fault a non-Muslims for not liking Muslim with all that’s in the media that Muslims are doing today – beheading Muslims and non-Muslims. The one American or I think it was the British guy had taken the Shahadah on his own and was in Syria helping in charitable services and Muslim beheaded him. They beheaded the Muslim Look what’s happening in the African countries with Muslims killing Christians. Muslim in Muslim countries, Iraq and Syria are killing non-Muslim for being non-Muslim or forcing them to convert. What kind of craziness is that?

    There is no compulsion in Islam. Allah says let people alone. Let them be. He didn’t create everyone to be Muslim. To you your way and to me mine; we’re supposed to say. I certainly can understand why non-Muslims feel and think as they do. Imagine how we’d feel if someone beheaded someone who we love – our husbands or children or ourselves. The thought of it is horrifying!!!

  • anabellah

    December 5, 2014

    Marie,

    The person who identified himself as “Someone” may have been setup. There are a lot of haters and people envious of us and this blog. They want to do all they can to disrupt this blog.

    That little rat -rafat, Lah, Polygamous Father and whatever else it goes by, still harasses me on a regular on this blog, TRYING to lure me over to another blog, and doing what she can to try to annoy me. Her comments goes directly into spam. She must be an ugly little, homely something with no friends to be up into this blog day and night harassing me. I’m her life.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the one who put “Someone” up to coming here. It sounds like something someone with her mentality would do. Talking about wives going through a thing thinking about their husbands and the other wives, imagine what that rat-fat is going through psychologically, obsessing about me. She sent me two posts just yesterday. I had to put another feature on the blog to prevent her from gaining access to sign in. Psycho may try some other method. I may have to have an attorney serve her little ignorant @$$ with some legal documents. See how she likes it then.

  • anabellah

    December 5, 2014

    Aysh,

    You said it way better than I did or could. Thank you!

    I felt badly for “someone” as well. He clearly stated he is hurting and he has feelings. He came here for advice, not for people to critique his lifestyle. I didn’t say much to him as I didn’t know what to say. It’s easy for me to talk Islam. I’m very rigid with that or I play around a lot on the blog.

    You’re correct; we’ve had all kinds of people here sharing all types of information about their lives. They didn’t come here to get a beating. We all sin. No one is free of sin. Some people come forward and speak of the wrong they’ve done or are doing and some pretend to be holier than Thou. They want people to believe they’ve got it all together and they don’t sin. It’s why I have from time to time, let people know this blog is not about a bunch of dos and don’t. There are Muslims out there whom I can’t stand to be around and I don’t like their forums because it’s nothing but a bunch of Muslims putting on a facade and shaking fingers at others – don’t do this sister and don’t do that sister. Bad Muslimah, bad, bad bad. It makes me want to vomit.

    The people who do that don’t are clueless. We all sin. Allah created us to sin. He wants us to repent and call on Him for forgiveness. He wants us to humble ourselves to Him. He is a Merciful God. He tells us repeatedly that He forgives again and again and again. He tells us what sins are more serious than others and what He will and won’t forgive. He says He removes the ills and evil from the believers. A believer is one who repents.

    There are Muslims out there who see another Muslim smoking a cigarette (which is not a sin) or drinking an alcoholic beverage or whatever and want to label the person a bad Muslim. They don’t know what test or trial Allah put people through. There are Muslims who are drug addicts. It could be a test Allah has given them. Allah tries us with good and Evil. Now, the Muslim has been labeled a “bad Muslim” because one day, some time or another someone saw him or her doing something that they thought the person should not have been doing. The person who labeled the other a “bad Muslim” doesn’t know whether the person is struggling with an addiction or problem or not or whether the person has gone home, pleaded and begged Allah for help, for His Mercy and His forgiveness. Yet, someone sees another up in the Masjid day and night and he’s classified “a good brother.” Why? He could be there to be seen by man and seeks praise. He may not even offer his salats at home. Who knows what the person is doing. People have to be up close and personal with people and have dialogue with them to know what they are all about.

    I want people to come here and speak honestly and openly without being ridiculed or made to feel like a piece of sh!t. They didn’t come here for it. It’s why I want to us to go with the policy of no do’s and don’t. I think most people here know what I mean; although I may not have said it that well. On the older version of the blog, I had place the following video when I gave the last dos and don’t speech LOL

  • anabellah

    December 5, 2014

    Marie, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    You’re pregnant. Whoo hoo!!! Alhumdulliah. I be real happy for you. You’ve been truly blessed. Allah gives you beautiful children. It should be interesting how the “other” takes it. I’d imagine it has a certain degree of effect on a wife when another wife is pregnant with the husband’s child. It only confirms they’ve been doing the “nasty”. Oooops, I better not refer to it as the “nasty”, some people intentionally want to take what I say (calling it the nasty) literally; although they know, good and darn well, I’m using a ” colloquialism. Their “nasty”. Keep us posted on the little bambino. I’ll make duah for you.

    It makes me feel good that your husband says I know what I’m talking about. It means a lot to me. It’s good for you to hear it from him too. All anyone need to do is read Quran with SINCERITY, and ask Allah for guidance and to teach him or her and, Insha Allah, He will. All I say about Islam is there in the Holy Quran for all to read with their own eyes. Those who read the Quran to prove me wrong or to find fault etc. will not be able to understand the Quran. Allah says He puts a veil between the Quran and the reader (when they read it without sincerity to learn it and live it). They only waste their time reading it or trying to read it.

    All is good over here where I live. No new developments. My life seems so status quo, but it’s all good 🙂

  • Aysh

    December 5, 2014

    Thank you Ana for an empathetic response.

    I gather some people feel homosexuality is a worse sin than others. Thats their right.

    A poster listed other sins like adultery, lying, stealing, slander.

    People have come here and blogged how they have committed some of those sins (or have accepted them into their relationship). Like the woman whose husband has the young mistress sharing a bed. Or the woman and her husband who are lying to the “native” girl for their own financial gain.

    Nobody suggested they get banned. Were their sins more acceptable than Someone’s?

    Most people blogging or reading here wouldve experienced discrimination of some sort in their life – be is because of their hijab, their skin colour, their accent, socio-economic status. Its not nice.

    I felt badly for Someone to think hes a found a place to get advice and got trashed on instead. Especially when the blog welcomes everyone.

  • Marie

    December 5, 2014

    To be honest I think “society” will accept anything that isn’t Islamic. The non Muslim community that iv personally encountered and the information given out via media, hates everything about Islam. We’re told in the quran that they will never accept our belief. Now, I know Mormon and some Christians engage in polygamy but I honestly think that if Muslim didn’t engage in it, it would be more acceptable. Ana, you said something awhile ago, you said that some people find fault in you mear existence, yes, because your a Muslim. They find fault in us because they hate the truth. They want to carry on their lives in the fashion they see fit and what society accepts. Or convinced to accept based on what they call “love”. As long as you love it, do it, seems to be the motto.

    Furthermore, because I know that I am a follower of the truth I have no need for society to accept me and they way I live my life (according to islam). The only validation I need is the quran. Hence why people of other moral standards and beliefs NEED society to accept them, because they themselves know they are wrong.

    I put all illegal sexual activity in the same basket (gay,lesbian,non married men and women) it’s all wrong. Only difference is you cannot make gay/lesbian relationships legal (halal). But of cause satan will lead most of mankind down the wrong path, and make their actions fair seeming.

    I too question the motives if the person who advised ‘someone’ I had even thought that the whole story was made up, to see how we would react. Im aware that people do live the lifestyle that ‘someone’ depicted, but for the life of me I couldn’t work out why they would have came to this blog. There must be blogs out there designed for such lifestyles.

    There is no advice that I or, any Muslim could give “someone”. He, and the other people involved make up the rules as they go along, there will be no solution to a situation such as it, if they continue in that lifestyle.

  • Laila

    December 5, 2014

    Dear Someone, good morning from my side of the world. Okay let me come out clean here. I do not approve of gay and lesbian lifestyle. It is something that I have just avoided. But the irony is I have a few gay friends who are my hair stylists. We talk about everything under the sun. From movies to the latest sale to relationship issues to finance. A whole load of topics. As Ive said, I do not approve of their way of life etc etc etc. But, I do respect them. Just as they respect the fact that I am in a polygamous relationship. I am happy to note that you have worked things out with your husband and things are moving along. However with that said I do somewhat agree with Gail. When there are kids in the picture we have to be clear in our minds and be parents. I have not been blessed to be parents but I can understand the sheer importance of being responsible and accountable. It is huge step. I do hope you blog here from time to time. We will not mince our words but at least it is our insight into your issues at hand. I thought your husband is reacting in such a manner because as Ive said, each and every huge step in our lives will indirectly create some form of nervousness and all. So I assumed he might be reacting in a manner whereby he now wants to have the presence of a woman too. I suggest you have another round of talks, because it is not only for your sake but for the sake of the future children. Make sure once and for all everyone is on the same page. Have a great day ahead.

  • anabellah

    December 5, 2014

    Woh, Woh, Woh, I don’t think I’m at liberty to ban someone from the blog because the person is Homosexual. Someone says he has a husband and is considering someone else in their union. In the description out there on the web, the blog is for all those in polygamous marriages and those with an interest in it.

    If we are going to ban Homosexuals from the blog, then we need to ban “polyamory” people – those with women married to women and men – I think it goes like it. Wiccan Woman was here and is “married” to a man and a woman. If we ban Homosexuals we’d have to ban the non-Muslims who are intended to Muslims in dating relationship who may have fornicated.

    We can pass judgment according to Islam. We can determine who to invite to our homes or who to hang out with and things of that nature. Someone simply came here for advice. He’s hurting. If someone wants to talk with him, it’s okay. Maybe someone else who is in a homosexual “marriage” may have something to say to him. He hasn’t disrespect Islam, Allah’s Prophets or any of us. He came here seeking help. He only retaliated after he was attacked.

    I don’t think I can ban someone. I question the motive of the Pakistani person who referred him here. Did she do it vindictively. He should quesion his friendship with the person and what her motives were for sending here to a blog that is predominately Muslims.

    If someone would like to stay and talk and there is someone who has something to say to him, so be it. He’s welcome here the same as a Wiccan or anyone else.

    He did say something profound. This society in the U.S. is more receptive to Gays than to polygamous individuals.

  • ummof4

    December 5, 2014

    As-salaamu alaikum and hello to all,

    Ana, please do not accept any more comments from “someone”. It will take away from the blog. I do not believe that you set this blog up to promote homosexuality as a valid, halaal lifestyle.

    Someone, if you are still reading, you are correct. This is not the place for you. The woman who advised you to come to this blog for advice sent you to the wrong place. That’s okay, every blog is not for everybody. You are also correct in that many people in this society will accept a homosexual couple before they accept a polygynous family. Just because society accepts it, doesn’t make it right. Just as you feel you have a right to live your lifestyle, those of us with different moral standards and religious beliefs have a right to believe that your lifestyle is a major sin against Allah (The Creator and Lord of us all). We do judge people and their actions based on our religious beliefs. That’s what religion is all about–belief shown through actions. Also, there is a difference between judging a person as committing sins and persecuting the person. Homosexuality is a sin, fornication is a sin, adultery is a sin, theft is a sin, lying is a sin, slander is a sin, cheating is a sin, there are many sins that people commit.

    Gail, thank you for saying what some people wanted to say, but felt they had to be politically correct. Some things are just unacceptable, and homosexuality is one of them.

    May Allah guide us all to the straight path, keep us on it, and protect us from Shaytan in our ranks.

  • someone

    December 5, 2014

    I’m sorry, I said only for Gail, I didn’t notice how many of you wholeheartedly agreed with her, guess the same goes for you appeasers/followers as well.

    Laila, Aysh, thank you for your advice. Truly appreciated. Thanks for not being so bigoted and for not profiling me. Truly, I appreciate it.

  • someone

    December 5, 2014

    firstly, he’s not my partner, he’s my husband. get that straight.
    secondly, “you people?” so much for tolerance. guess i came to the wrong place for advice. i wasn’t asking about what i should do in regards to the future children, i already know what our lives will be after that.

    no matter, we spoke and he’s off of that train. he invited her over before work and told her its off before it began right in front of me. we’re a united front, nothings done without the others consent, more than i can say for you people. (oh, doesn’t feel so good to be classified does it?)

    and a threesome? i’m gay, i’m not a perverted, sick minded, jealous crazed lunatic. even if he were to have relations i wouldn’t want to be there to witness something so absurd, that’s disgust at the utmost level. it takes some really deep seeded issues to want to have a threesome; drop the whole “gays are insane” mindset. maybe then you’d wake up and realize that “us people” have feelings, and have a right to be who we are without being branded.

    and no offense, but “us people” are more accepted in society than you polygamous folk, not that i’m hating on polygamy, you see, i work with the mindset of “to each their own”. you don’t judge me and i don’t judge you. our neighbor is in a polygamous marriage, his wife is a pakistanian muslim and she told me about this site for advice, i guess she was wrong about how helpful you are.

    this is just a blast for the gail girl. thank you for the rest of you who didn’t judge me and assume the worst. i appreciate that. as for gail, get off your high horse. don’t tell me what i need in a spiritual sense, that’s not for you to say. i believe in a higher power who judges people based on what is in their hearts and how they make people around them feel, what they do; with that said, the high power, whomever it is, probably put you on the naughty list for judging and being prejudice.

    you probably would have been the type to classify japanese as a group of “you people” pre ww2. the type to classify african americans as “you people” after they received their rights. someone like you called jews “you people” post the hitler regime. take your “you people” and sleep well tonight knowing who you’re exactly like. maybe grow some tolerance as you sleep.

  • Marie

    December 5, 2014

    Asalaamu Alaykum All,

    @Ana, don’t worry about my “tellings off” they was much needed at the time. From my recollection, you’ve only ever spoke the truth from an Islamic view. We don’t always like to hear when we’re doing something wrong, like focusing on our husbands or ourselves too much. But it’s needed. How would we move forward if everyone just agreed with the woe is me post. We need a PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER WOMAN moment lol.

    Me and my husband loved your two posts on fair and just. My hubz said ” she knows what she’s talking about” I thought soooo you think iv been speaking with women who don’t have a clue hmmmm Ok. Either that or he hasn’t been listening to me. I think it’s the latter, lol.

    So I’m pregnant again. This will be baby number 4 Insha’allah. It’s early days yet, and for now ‘it’s’ only a collection of cells. I hope I end up with a baby. I’m wondering how ‘other’ will take it. I’d imagine she wouldn’t be upset, it should be expected. Allah knows best how she will react. Everything else is chugging along smoothly, other than my occasional hormonal outburst lol. I usually get over it quickly alhamdulilah.

    Ohh Gail, woman you sure do have a way with words. Often your straight down the line thinking, is exactly what needs to be said.

  • Laila

    December 5, 2014

    Dear Gail, well said woman!!!

  • Gail

    December 5, 2014

    Someone,
    OK I am a little slow people so I have to ask to be clear.
    Someone u r a man and this is a bisexual marriage if I am reading right correct?
    I don’t know where to begin on that topic as I am not gay to be frank but if I guess I am not really seeing it as a problem then.Look logically speaking why don’t u just take her in as another partner the woman I mean.I don’t see a problem in it
    personally just make it the 3 amigos if he his bisexual.I thought u people were open minded?It is not like he is doing another man after all.
    Oh really I don’t know how I can be of much support in this situation.It is blowing my mind to be frank(nothing against u) but your sister egg and your husbands sperm and miss hot pants on the side and an adoption to boot.Will u confide in your sister?Don’t take personal please but this is some really messed up crap meaning I do not think for one second he will leave the girl.this si a problem u can’t sweep under the rug understand?If he is bisexual then it is what it is and it is a problem u will have to deal with.
    I don’t know don’t take this wrong because I mean it in the nicest way but u people need JESUS,ALLAH/G.D whoever u worship but for sure your situation is Jacked up! U have babies coming into this mess and u r allowing it like a wounded child u need to grow some B@lls and figure this out really fast and I mean ASAP.If it were me I would divorce the dog and ask your sis not to sign over rights if she can do that and u raise the kid yourself and if your sister is willing even better. I would cancel the adoption.Kids r a full time job and when u have one parent who obviously doesn’t give a crap considering what he is doing then it is time to accept u r drowning and save yourself is my advice.

  • Laila

    December 5, 2014

    Dear Someone, omg!!!! And I thought you were a woman ☺ well yeah. You too have feelings and all but I think in this matter your partner is probably feeling some sort of funk due to the upcoming kids maybe? Its a huge step for him to be a parent. I knew that when I was about to get married I was in a fix of emotions and I was a bit crazy. So maybe its his way or reacting and personally speaking people have different reactions and approaches. In regards to intimacy it is not your fault. Some couples do have issues in the sack. It could be stress t work to about what ever else that could be bugging him really. I feel right now hes not respecting you as a partner.

  • Aysh

    December 5, 2014

    Dont blame yourself Someone. A few weeks without intimacy isnt such a long time that it would drive him into the arms of a woman!!!!

  • Aysh

    December 5, 2014

    Wow Someone, what a curtain raiser that is!!!! I didnt expect that.

    I hope you dont mind me saying that it makes sense to me now why he even asked you and got you two to meet. Gay/bi makes sense of that because I dont know any hetero guys that would do that.

    I still say no dont let him. If he hasnt got it out of his system by now, he never will. It will rear its head again at some stage, maybe 3 or 5 or 10yrs later. He obviously still has bisexual tendencies and that wont go away just because you have children together.

    Ask him how he would feel if you were to have fun with another man for the next year or so. Just because hes cheating with a woman doesnt make it better.

    Good luck to you though with the babies and everything.

  • Someone

    December 5, 2014

    We are pregnant; a surrogate is carrying a child for us.(my sisters egg and his sperm) And, aside from that, We started the adoption for a child a little bit ago and it will be finalized this summer, it’s for an overseas baby and a little stressful. We didn’t think the adoption would go through but it is, this summer, knock on wood . He has his sperm stored in a bank and he’s gotten a vasectomy since (this was before he met me). Even if he sleeps with her he can’t impregnate her.

    I’m not really any religion, I suppose we are a Jewish and Christian family as I was raised Jewish and he was raised Christian, but we aren’t practicing. He’s actually atheist but he grew up Christian. I don’t label myself as anything, I go with the flow. We do the whole menorah Xmas tree deal because, well, tis the season!

    I’m sorry for the confusion, I’m my husbands husband as well. He’s claiming now that he’s always been bisexual, but when he married me he married me so it shouldn’t matter should it? If he still wanted to ride the bisexual train he shouldn’t have hopped on the marriage train.

    Don’t get me wrong, just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings too. Right? In trying to be cool about all of this but I also want to hit him on the head with a frying pan when he talks about this. We just finished speaking and I told him he could have the fling but to expect the same from me. He said to forget it. I guess we will see.

    He won’t go behind my back and lie to me; he’s not the sort, he can’t keep a secret to save his life. We always talk everything out, that’s why he came to me with this. He said he just wants one more girl hookup to get it out of his system before we’re all settled down with a family.

    I feel bad about it. Is that wrong? Should I feel guilty? He’s a guilt machine I swear. Pouty like a child. Should I just let him have at it? I won’t actually be with another man but I’ll make him believe I was just to get him to feel what I’ll feel. Truth of the matter is, we haven’t been intimate in a few weeks since this whole pregnancy thing with the appointments and whatnot. Maybe it’s my own fault.

  • Aysh

    December 4, 2014

    Either you yourself are 2mths pregnant and going to adopt your baby out after birth.

    Or when you say your 2mths preg you mean like a surrogate is preg with the baby you will adopt into your family.

    Sorry to be nosey its just it might change peoples advice to you.

  • Gail

    December 4, 2014

    Zaisha,
    If I were u I would reach out to my family for help mom,dad,cousins anyone that could get u a plane ticket home.Do u have your passport?If not contact UK embassy and tell them your husband took your passport without u knowing and u r stuck what do u need to do to get back home.Hope this helps.

  • Aysh

    December 4, 2014

    Sorry im a bit confused re the adoption and pregnancy.

    So you 2 are pregnant and going to adopt the baby after its born? And thats when he’ll finish with her?

    If so then he wants her for sex while you are pregnant? And when you have adopted the baby he’ll end it with her?

    Sounds like emotional blackmail to make sure you go through with the adoption?

    He’s tellinh you secrets behind her back I’m sure he’s doing the same to her. And hes pretending to be upfront by having you meet.

  • Gail

    December 4, 2014

    Ana,
    I just wanted to let u know I have been helping hubby study to pass his EPA exams well he has past 2 so far.One certificate is in small appliances and the other is 609 MVAC putting refrigerant in cars and working on the Ac units in vehicles.Next is the HVACR exam to work on Central heat and air units and heat pumps.I am really excited this is going to be great I am going to open a small used appliance shop and put my oldest son who is 20 in charge of it after he passes his exams.I am so ready to move away from the ice cream business it has been really good financially for us but just ready to move on from it.

  • Aysh

    December 4, 2014

    Someone,

    If you let him go ahead he’ll never stop. It’ll just be a different workplace, different woman, different excuse.

    It’s like trying a delicious chocolate, the forbidden fruit, you just want more of it.

    Why not ask him if you get to do the same? Until the adoption like him?

    Hope its not too personal but you dont think he’s thinking about having a child with her??? Its not all an excuse for that is it?

  • anabellah

    December 4, 2014

    Gail,

    I agree with you 100%. The little I know of her (Zaisha), she deserves way better than him. She wants to live Islam. She wants to be a good wife to a husband. That husband she has now is an absolute loser. He is the pits. How could he place that girl in a foreign country and leave her there that way, lying to her the entire time, telling her that she is the favorite wife, while all along spending most of his time with his other family and refusing to take her calls/respond to her.

    She just needed some direction and I’m so grateful she found us. I pray that she doesn’t ever listen to or believe a word he says. He filled her head with nothing, but lies. I pray she gets back home, and gets her life together. She is young. She doesn’t have to settle for the nonsense. As long as she gets herself right with Allah, she’ll be okay.

  • Gail

    December 4, 2014

    Ana,
    I read your post happy to know Zaisha is trying to get back home.I really hope she doesn’t waste her young years on this guy.When we r young we feel like we will never love again but love does come and life can be so great and joyful.She is young she will do just fine I have no doubt.I think if she stays with him her life will be hell thats just my thoughts.He is way to controlling for me.

  • Gail

    December 4, 2014

    Someone,
    Hi welcome to the group! I agree with what Ana has told u already.If u don’t like what is going on flat tell him to divorce u but keep in your mind he may give this woman up this time or tell u he has given her up and just go behind your back is my sincere thinking.U really have to decide now that u understand what type of man he is if u want him in your life or not and if so then it seems u have no choice but to accept his adulterous affairs.I know u being pregnant makes things more difficult but not impossible if u so choose to leave.The other option is he marries her or takes her for a wife verbally.I personally think u will be making a HUGE mistake to accept this insult don’t do it is my sincere advice either divorce him or have him marry her I would not accept adultery u will cry the rest of your life and it will be never ending.

  • Laila

    December 4, 2014

    Dear Someone, If it were to be me, I would pack his things up and say good bye. Many reasons for my move. First, in our religion flings are not accepted. Secondly, what I think he’s expecting out of you right now is unacceptable especially now that you are pregnant. I think men should know that when a woman is pregnant they really should not mess with them emotionally. Based on what you said that she said she would make him leave you I think is just over the top for me. Women who enter an existing relationship ALWAYS assume that they have this magical and more loving relationship, and that it is only them that understands the man more and that the man will eventually leave their wife. Im okay with it because of their crazy over-confidence. What I find it not okay is the fact that even before anything can start they are on a journey of destruction of another’s relationship. Im amazed that you took it in your stride. Seriously if it were to be me…. I would make myself very clear to lady bombshell here and my husband who seems to think that having flings are all okay and that society as a whole condones it. In my personal opinion here, based on my experiences with friends who condone flings, and that they are not Muslims in my country. They condone it because really it gives them a break from taking care of their husbands fir a bit.one of my friends even confidently told me that as long as her husband does not marry the fling and gives her monthly money promptly every month, it should not be n issue. This one friend even told me that she will not take her husbands fling seriously as it’s just a booty call and nothing more. For me, as Ive said, I do not tolerate flings, and neither do I tolerate the fact that even before I can say anything he expects me to be friends and bake cookies with his fling. Just my thoughts on the matter.

  • anabellah

    December 4, 2014

    Someone,

    After giving it further thought, if you don’t like what your husband wants to do then tell him so. Tell him to divorce you and go get with her, but it’s not the way you want to live. Tell him it’s unacceptable to you. He may go ahead and do it behind your back or he may not. Only God knows. There is nothing that you’ve said to me that leads me to believe you must accept that type of behavior from your husband. Do you have any religious beliefs?

  • anabellah

    December 4, 2014

    Hello someone,

    Based on what you’ve said, my understanding is that your husband has met someone who he wants to have an affair with (make his mistress), and wants your permission to do it. Some people have what they call “open marriages” and engage in activities such as it. Some people who are religious see it as adultery and fornication, which are grave sins. They are heinous acts that could lead a person to the Hell Fire.

    Most of the commentators here are in polygamous MARRIAGES or anticipate they one day soon may be. What you’re speaking of doesn’t sound that he intends to marry her and remain married to you, which would make your marriage polygamous if he did. Usually those who are in polygamous marriages identify with a religion, such as Mormons and Muslims.

    If you don’t follow any particular form of religion that accepts polygamy and you, your husband and the person whom he is interested in doesn’t want to be polygamous (meaning your husband would be married to you and the other woman whom he has an interest in) then you’re speaking of doing your own thing – whatever you want to call it. Muslims would view it as adultery or fornication.

    It’s difficult to advise you as we don’t know what, if any religion you follow. Furthermore, it sounds he wants to have a fling with her for a short while. You and he would have to figure that one out. I can’t advise you what to do in your lives as I don’t know whether you have any beliefs and if you do, what they are

    By the way, I watch the show “Scandal”. I think it’s an excellent show LOL Do I condone what the people on the show do (the part they portray)? No, I don’t. It’s just entertainment and I see the abomination that I read about in my studies.

  • someone

    December 4, 2014

    my husband claims he fell in love with someone he works with, he hasn’t spent time with her outside of the office, but they spend their coffee breaks talking and he wants to be with her now, physically.

    he made me watch a show with him, “scandal”, and showed me how me and his wife could get along because he said i could consider her a mistress since she will not legally be his wife? i watched the stupid show and i still don’t feel good about it. so what if the priests wife is okay with his mistress after he dies, so what if the presidents wife is okay with his mistress and encourages him to be with his mistress, i’m not an actor. those aren’t real people. he also made me watch “house of cards” because the president on that shows wife lets him have a threesome. disgusting. i have morals.

    he introduced us and she told me they’re in love and that they have what we don’t have and that she’s going to change him and that he’ll leave me for her. he said, in front of her, that he won’t ever leave me for her.i’m not worried about him leaving me. i know him and i know what he really needs, and i think this is just a phase that will pass, but i mean should i put up with it even if its a phase? shouldn’t he have gotten all his phases out of his system BEFORE he married me? god knows i didn’t marry an angel. should i just let him get it out of his system? maybe he’s infatuated with her because they work together. i thought we were always on the same page but i guess we are not now.

    i know he won’t leave me, i’m not worried about that, but i won’t let him have that woman on the side forever. he told me, once she left, that the minute our adoption goes through it’s over between them. our adoption should be going through by the summer of next year, and i want him to tell her that, but he refuses and told me to just not mention it. the fact that we’re two months pregnant should also be a reason for him to not go through with it. i’m just stressed by all of this. if the tables were turned and it was me interested in another guy i’m sure he’d be up in arms about it.

    by the way he says we could be friends, me and her. i don’t even want her in my life, why would i want to be friends?

    i’m thinking of telling him its okay as long as he finds a new job after the adoption goes through and he leaves her.

    what do you all think?

  • anabellah

    December 4, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello to all our friends out there 🙂

    I just published another post/thread in which I elaborated a bit more about what is just and fair in polygamous marriages. The link is: https://polygamy411.com/what-is-fair-and-just-in-polygamous-marriages/

  • anabellah

    December 4, 2014

    d.k., WA Alaikum As Salaam,

    You have been most helpful, Alhumdulliah! You are right. We need to investigate, as Allah tells us to, and do things seeking His good pleasure and not our own. Thank you, brother.

  • anabellah

    December 4, 2014

    Zaisha, WA Alaikum As Salaam,

    Everything will be okay. You are correct; everything is from Allah. Keep putting your faith and trust in Him and He’ll see you through all of this. Apparently Allah wants good for you. You should be happy and feel good about yourself. You are taking a major step and standing up for yourself and what is right for you. Yes. Get back to your home and family. We are here for you. You did good. Lots of hugs to you, Sis and love. Alhumdulliah!

  • Zaisha

    December 4, 2014

    As Salam aleikum everyone you are all right and honestly speaking he rules me no doubt he doesn’t want me to talk to any one. But this is my life now I am trying to Go Back As Soon As Possible. Good and bad is from Allah

  • dk

    December 4, 2014

    Assalaam u alaikum

    Sisters

    will i woud like to saye that it is not all pakistani men hu i lauyer
    alhamdulilah.
    and how come the sister hu marrige in a poligamys matter dont check that how is this brother or sister in the way of allah does he give the haq of allah swt and r u doing it for your own plecsher and than u blaim that men r rong and r not fair whit u all that staff.
    But sister could be that it is u hu r having the roung way of chuzing the brother.
    it is like u always says that pakistani men hmm but i now many brothers
    hu treat there wifes good alhamdulillah and them some not but we r humans
    and do the mistakes all the times.
    jazakallah

    sister zaisha

    r u living alone in this place or whit his cousine and the advice u r having her is good alhamdulillah just think what allah swt says about having a wife long away from husband and then thel your husband what allah swt says about it and move back to uk fast and be on this blog it is good alhamdulillah .may allah swt help u ameen

  • Aysh

    December 4, 2014

    Zaisha,

    Maybe he does “love” you.

    But his behaviour says his priority is his wife and kids. Even if it is true that her family hate him and its not safe, the end result is the same.

    He is choosing that life.

    If he was a man with honour he would try harder to live polygamy with you in the UK. He would stand up to her family.

    He’s a coward. He’s treating you like a mistress.

  • Aysh

    December 4, 2014

    Zaisha,

    It is very easy for men to promise things. But just ignore his words for a minute and look at his behaviour.

    He sends you to live alone is a foreign country.

    He doesnt visit you every 2weeks as agreed.

    He doesnt want you on this blog (because he knows he behaving badly and people will tell you).

    He makes you stay inside the house all the time. (Thats not for your protection. If he truly wanted to protect you he would never have moved you so far away!).

    He wont let his 2 wives talk. He has obviously been lying to you both and doesnt want to get found out.

    He is isolating you from people so he becomes the only person in your life.

    Zaisha, you know this is wrong. Thats why you came here. Even a polygamous muslim man is here telling you its wrong.

    When I was very young I had a relationship similar to yours for a few years. He would promise me everything but never did it. When I left him (100 times!!!!) he’d sweet talk me and lure me back in. And the cycle continued…..

    You could be doing this for years. He is stealing your youth. Dont let him.

    Please get some help. You must have family or a good friend you can talk to.

  • Laila

    December 4, 2014

    But lets not attack Zaisha. Lets wait for her to shed some light on the matter. Catch you guys later. I wanna pray for Zohor. Already late!

  • Laila

    December 4, 2014

    I feel like the husband is controlling her and is doing it successfully. Leaves her in a totally new and isolated place, makes her more dependant on him for survival, and seriously, she is at his mercy.

  • anabellah

    December 4, 2014

    She only answered the question of how she’s stuck in Spain for 4 – 5 years when d.k. asked her. Allah apparently sent d.k. here to ask her.

    The only thing my wali and I could think of that would force her to stay in Spain would be probation or parole or she’s in psychiatric facility. Who would have thought her husband placed her there

  • anabellah

    December 4, 2014

    Gail,

    When I and others were defending Zaisha’s husband, we had no idea Zaisha and her husband are from the U.K. and he uprooted her and dumped her off in Spain. That’s some crazy @$$ sh!t (excuse my French) – some off the wall bullcrap.

    What the heck was her family thinking to let it happen? This is the most bizarre, backwards, whacked crap I’ve ever heard of. Her polygamous situation tops all others that I’ve heard of. Her husband is a serious piece of work.

    On top of it all, however, Zaisha still thinks she’s his “favorite wife”, although he listens to his other wife and is there with her on a regular while Zaisha is 800 miles away in another country. How is she thinking Then he tells her not to leave the house and stay off the blog. If she doesn’t get up out of there, she’s bound to go

    Everyone out there need to know they need to give us the nitty gritty facts for us to give accurate advice.

    Spirited is absolutely correct. She shouldn’t listen to anything her “husband” tells her. He is a self-serving so and so

  • Gail

    December 3, 2014

    Zaisha,
    I will be honest in your situation from everything I have heard and thought on I think u made a mistake to marry your husband.U may love him and that is all fine well and dandy but lets face it 1 week every 6 weeks is not enough and when u start having kids are u willing to be a single mom because it is not easy.U will get sick at times and just need a break what will u do because after all u can’t go outside right?
    The bottom line your husband is controlling u and u r letting him it is going to drive u MAD eventually.
    I also agree with Spirited 100% don’t trust on a Pakistani man unless u r willing to Paint STUPID on your forehead chicky.
    Bottom line u better learn Islam and start Standing up and demand your rights or better yet in your case chalk this up as a learning experience/life lesson and move on and go back home and get a man that can commit to u.I don’t honestly even consider this a marriage this is a disaster FAYE!!!!
    If u do decide to stay u better figure out your future of getting out of the home and having friends and having a life since u don’t even get a part time husband.These are my sincere thoughts.
    I see it different than Ana on this a little Yes u can not Blame your husband on one hand because he did tell u the truth BUTTTTTT was he looking out for your best interest or his best interest to Marry a woman that he could not give once a week every 6 weeks to.Seems very selfish and ugly to me on his part.

  • Spirited

    December 3, 2014

    Salaam guys,

    Just a quick comment from my end. Figures it would be another Pakistani male dimwit involved lol

    @zaisha, sorry but, you need to read about Pakistani men. They are among the biggest liars and hypocrites in the world. Most of them don’t know the first thing about Islam either. I wouldn’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth unless you can check it for yourself. That’s probably the reason he sent you to Spain — so you can’t meet anyone and find out all the lies.

    Also, don’t take any blame you have for your situation and put it on his 1st wife. You have no idea what her life is like or how many lies he’s been telling her. You don’t even know if she’s as bad as he tells you because he won’t let you talk to her. Almost every word out of these men’s mouth will be a lie when they want to keep the fun (for themselves) rolling. If anyone is at fault, it’s whoever came up with the plans to marry in secret in the first place — both of you (that’s how I see it). Ana is giving you great advice — either you take action to change your situation by moving back home or you deal with it the way it is, or you get a divorce.

    Heck, he might even have a 3rd wife in another country who he promised a week every month to. Do you know for a fact that it’s the same woman on the phone all the time? Lol The lesson here is — never believe what a Pakistani man says.

  • anabellah

    December 3, 2014

    Gail,

    Where are you? You called that one right. What tipped you off that Zaisha’s husband is Pakistani? You’ve got some serious antennas or sensors. LOL

    Zaisha,

    People don’t realize that it’s important to give us all the facts so we could give the correct advice. I didn’t know you are originally from the U.K. and so is your family. I didn’t know your husband dumped you in Spain to be supervised and maintained by his cousin. I suppose when he visits you in Spain he tells his wife that he is with his cousin. It explains why he takes all her calls and talks with her anytime and as long as he wants when he is with you, with no regard for you.

    Zaisha, your husband didn’t need a reason to marry another woman. The parties in every marriage has ups and down, problems, troubles and things each spouse doesn’t like about the other. Men use those problems to tell another woman so she will accept being married to a married man. Then the new wife comes on the scene thinking she is way special when she is no more special than the other wife, except during the honeymoon faze (unless, as Allah says, she is more righteous). You’re a new wife and are going through the stage of needing to feel you are the favorite, more special wife. Insha Allah, maybe one day when you grow nearer to Allah, it would matter more to you how Allah views you and you won’t make life all about your husband. Allah created us to worship Him.

    Anyhow for the time being, you’ve got to focus on you, not his wife, nor his children. They should be the least of your concern. You need to focus your attention on getting yourself back home to your husband or to your own family. It makes no sense for you to be alone in a foreign country with no family or friends, simply because he wants to appease his wife, and serve her.

    You talk about being the favorite wife. He didn’t leave his other wife and it’s not her who he sent away. She’s there with him and you are in Spain. He’s hiding you from her and everyone. So, it’s apparent he’s more concerned about losing his wife than he is about losing you.

    You could sit there in Spain and listen to him if you want to. No one knows what Allah has in store for us tomorrow. Here he is telling you to wait 3 or 4 years and he will then do what??? How does he know what will happen in 3 or 4 years. He may have a plan to keep you there indefinitely, but is buying time for the moment. He doesn’t want you talking on this blog because he doesn’t want you to get good solid advice. He doesn’t want you to know that he is treating you wrongly.

    You will only do what Allah has planned for you to do. I suggest you get yourself back to the U.K. pronto where you could be with your husband on a regular. If he divorces you, it lets you know who exactly the favorite is and how much he cares for you. If he divorces you, thank Allah much, and move on with your life. You are young. Allah could give you a husband who is single and you could live a monogamous life with him – a husband who will appreciate you and want to be with you without a hassle. Keep messing around with him tossing you out in foreign land to visit like a prostitute and you may find yourself old before your time, ugly and maybe crazy… It would be very sad.

  • anabellah

    December 3, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello Everyone,

    @Marie,

    I wrote my post earlier this morning quickly, shut the computer down, and ran out – errands to do. I checked the blog while out and saw you had written. It happens like it every so often when people on the blog write simultaneously. It’s funny.

    I laughed so much when I read you said to Zaisha you got a few telling offs. I just believe in being straight with people instead of beating around the bush, but really it’s just my natural. I don’t mean to hurt anyone. I don’t, usually, set out to hurt anyone. I need work on being gentle and kind. Insha Allah, Allah will allow it to happen for me.

  • Laila

    December 3, 2014

    Dear dk, nice to hear from you and tq ☺ …

    Dear Zaisha, I think I helped you because I was just like you many years ago. I was lost, angry and just not in the right place. Do blog often and hopefully the blog family will listen to you. But do not expect us to sugar coat things for you. If you are not on the right path well, you will read it through our comments. You are young Zaisha, and you have hopes and dreams. We all do, but at your age, I
    understand. You want to start a proper marriage. But my advice is this, do not be too impatient. Take it one day at a time. Work on yourself first. Especially your faith. After which all will fall into
    into place. You may not see it but it will happen.

    Dear Ana. I really thought for a while there that things might actually work out for us. But this time she went really far. This time too, her actions threatened my marriage. She got information from me, used it to her advantage, poisoned my in-laws and now, all my in-laws won’t even talk to me nicely. I was so upset and really just dissapointed. Ive come to some sort of conclusion or idea that some people will never see the bigger picture in life. They want to keep touching on their hurt, their resentment and how THEY FEEL ALL THE TIME. Life is not about us and our feelings. Its about our character, our lessons learnt and what we contribute.

    Just want to share this quote with you.

    Only in sheer madness does one ‘find’ themselves.
    They ‘find’ their true selves, their core.
    Only in sheer madness does one finally obtain total clarity.

    I am going through so much in terms of my in-laws being tough on me. My family is also turning their backs on me due to my religion.
    I am pretty much going through a storm in my life. But I believe all troublesome and difficult situations will come to pass. I will overcome this too, in time. Once its over, I would have learnt a few valuable life’s lessons. And I will look back at all this when I am old granny and laugh, and enjoy my coffee with a big fat cat on my lap. I really believe, whatever issues we go through in life is nother way for Allah s.w.t. to be a teacher, life is the classroom, issues are the questions the teacher throws at her students. We as students find the answer. When we do, we have satisfaction. And we move on to more challenging questions.

    In Zaishas case, I know its plain and simple. But sometimes, the heart wants what the heart wants. Logic is difficult to grasp in situations like this. ♥

  • Zaisha

    December 3, 2014

    I belong to Muslim pakistani family and my family is in UK am from UK too. Brother are you in polygamy is well and where you from. And I really like the way laila explained God bless her. Brother I am on nikkah and am happy with it but still her family is so bad they even hates my husband and they hurt his children’s is well and spoils his children. She was fine with marriage but her family made her against him and me. From 6 years they are living together and they had lots of ups and downs which made him to marry another women. I was not ready for marriage but my Bro made account on pure matrimony lots of man came but I ignored cause I really don’t want to marry yet I want to learn about my islam I feel so much interest but I don’t know God joined our hearts when I heard his story he been through lots of hard time I accepted him and he really appreciates in this age and in UK I accepted him and became second wife he really loves me but he is in hard situation she created so many difficulties for him and even she against children to there father and he is really upset and he really likes to stay with me but he don’t want to loose his kids is well. And Allah knows I don’t want to destroy her house cause I don’t want to go to hell I want we both stay happy with him but she wants to talk with me because she wants to hurts me and my husband don’t let her talk with me. Ana is right I was wrong I was blaming him where he wasn’t wrong he was trying his best to please me because of Ana I realised where I was wrong am so sorry Ana you were helping me Ana Allah knows I really don’t want to destroy her house but look if by heart he is more closer to me then that’s his heart feelings it’s not my fault and even it’s not his fault it’s natural our prophet peace be upon him loved aisha more then other wives. But am not saying he don’t loves her that’s his personal even I don’t know it’s between them two. Jazakallah khair

  • dk

    December 3, 2014

    Sister Zaisha

    it is good that u r ownerts whit your husband but sister somtimes
    it is good to have some body else to thalk whit and i now some pepole in Eng that have tree wives alhamdulillah
    u dont need to register the marrige just do the nikkah and where is your family and r u pakistani or what.

  • dk

    December 3, 2014

    assalaam u alaikum
    Sister laila u r mashahallah vary good person and your advice is
    so good alhamdullih.
    may allah swt revard u for your effort ameen

  • Zaisha

    December 3, 2014

    Brother wa aleikum Assalam. His cousin is here in Spain he provides me everything and I came here from UK he said for 3 to 4 years I have to live here cause his wife can hurt me and complain about him he did nikkah and in UK it’s not allowed to keep two wives so he said until she controls her self I have to stay away from her she came to Spain is well but my husband didn’t told her where am I cause he said his family is not practising they can hurt me. But we sort everything now cause he promised he will give me all these nights when I go back to UK In Shaa Allah

  • Zaisha

    December 3, 2014

    Thank you so much and Ana plz am so sorry I got you wrong. Ana I want to leave blog cause I told my husband about it and he said am not allowed blog he said he will give me time on call so plz how can I leave blog.

  • dk

    December 3, 2014

    Assalam u alaikum to all

    Sister zaisha

    What r u doing in spain and how do u get all the grossirys and all the other stuff.and what about befour u got merried to this brother.
    how did u mannig all this i was just cirius.
    And i hope this brother start and triet u better and give u your haq
    what u diserve acording to the quran. ameen
    i will make dua for u and your husband and your other sister inshahallah
    i hope i am not to personal and if i am then forgive this brother
    jazakallah.
    wassalaam dk

  • Marie

    December 3, 2014

    Ana, we was blogging at the same time, I submitted my comment and then saw your post to Zaisha lol. Marsh’Allah

  • Marie

    December 3, 2014

    Zaisha, welcome to the blog, iv been reading your posts and replys. I think it’s a lot to do with what we want and expect and what Allah gives us. I think no matter what order a man marries a wide at some point she may try to control him, especially when someone has been hurt by love, trying to control the situation is almost an instant reaction. No the is no difference in rights between 1,2,3 or 4 wives, however if a woman agrees to less nights, money ect.. then that is what the husband sets out to provide and THINKS he can handle. When a wife (whichever one) changes what she wants or demands more, the husband has to reevaluate and becomes stressed thus making him shutdown, which is what I think has happened to your husband.

    I don’t think Ana hates second wives, my husband married me first and iv had a few telling offs. We try to tell it like we see it, don’t take offence. I think your upset because you complained to your husband and he hasn’t pandered to you whims and your complained to us/the blog and we haven’t agreed with everything you said. It happens and it’s Ok, it’s part of accepting what our lives are and what Allah has given us. We make intentions and sometimes Allah allows us to go through with the intention. But we must remember that out purpose is to worship Allah, not to please ourselves.

    You said you are new to Islam. I’d take this situation and put into practice what iv learned about the religion. E.g patience.it’s time to live what we’ve learned.

    Stay with us Zaisha, it’s good to talk things out and see where we are being unreasonable, uncooperative.

  • anabellah

    December 3, 2014

    Zaisha, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    Despite what you may believe, I have no hatred in my heart for second wives. It’s ridiculous to have hate for people due to a number they married their husband in. Now, if I had a husband who had another wife, I could see you maybe saying I don’t like her. She would be up close and personal to me for me to have a dislike of her (if there was a valid reason).

    I have written posts here on the older version of the blog in support of women who married 2nd, 3rd or 4th. Wives are all equal other than that Allah says righteousness makes the difference. The most righteous person is the better person in the sight of Allah. I encourage wives who married in any order to be here and speak. We need more people here to speak and share and, Insha Allah, Allah will send them.

    If I see a wife who married first being in the wrong in my view, I speak on it. For instance, if a wife who married first and has kids says she wants her husband to come home every night and tuck Joe Joe and Wendy in bed, read them their bedtime story and kiss them on their heads and she gets mad because he doesn’t do it every night, I would write my thought about it. Allah determines what we do. If we dislike something that is happening with our spouses, all we can do is speak with them about it, 2ndly, call in third parties to mediate and if it doesn’t work, divorce or suck it up and deal with it. It’s all that can be done.

  • anabellah

    December 3, 2014

    Dear Laila,

    I agree Zaisha is in a “fix”. I, however, don’t think it’s a fix her husband intentionally put her in. He was straight up with her and said he was married was from the get go. She knew he was in the U.K with his other family. She knew she was living in Spain, and had some agreement of some kind with whomever that she couldn’t leave Spain for four or five years. Her husband comes to see her regularly, as regularly as he can, barring a problem with the initial 2 week agreement that wasn’t doable. Zaisha’s complaint is that she can’t be with her husband, when, where and how she wants to be. Who’s problem is it? It’s her fate. She has to learn to be patient and accept what Allah has decided for her. She wants to place the blame on her husband and his other family for the jam that she is in.

    I could see if her husband lived down the street and around the corner, and won’t go see her. I could see if he had lied to her, and didn’t let her know he was married. None of those things have happened. We’ve had ladies here with complaint of those very things. Their husbands weren’t giving them their rights. Some husbands were swinging by the second wives house for booty calls, and weren’t spending any nights. Some had serious issues with dead beat husbands. It’s not Zaisha’s situation. She need to stop pointing her finger at her husband and his other family and see the fingers pointing back at herself.

    Yes she need to get herself busy and get her life, Insha Allah.

  • anabellah

    December 3, 2014

    Dear Laila,

    Wow, I really thought you and your co was onto something – that after all these years she was coming around to becoming receptive to a polygamous lifestyle. When you mentioned you and she had been discussing Islam, I thought you two had made a breakthrough.

    My husband’s ex-wife used to loath me and I had done nothing to her other than try to befriend her as sisters-in-faith. She and my husband had an amicable breakup and divorce before I met him, therefore I thought, why should she not like me? Now, however, as of late, things have changed between her and me. She began to practice our religion (Islam). She was always a convert, but not practicing. She and I are on friendly terms. We go out for events involving my husband and she, me, my family and my husband’s family all get along nicely. All his colleagues sees her and I together and think it’s quite funny that his ex-wife and wife are friends. They’re surprised he’s still friends with an ex-wife. It is kind of unusual. I thought it was what was happening between you and your co.

    If it’s all game playing with her and she’s just trying to get the 411 on you and your marriage, then stay clear of her. Now you know she is still about the old way and hasn’t changed, leave her be. Let it only be about you and your husband, Insha Allah. Don’t waste your valuable time in jerking around with her.

  • Zaisha

    December 3, 2014

    Thank you so much laila you understand me and believe it I will always remind your words just I have to find some activity to make my self busy

  • Laila

    December 3, 2014

    Zaisha, sorry too many replies on my part. Look Islam is not about right and wrong. Its about how you feel about it. Im not the perfect example of it. But I accept Islam and everything that it teaches. You cannot pick and choose. Its your faith my dear. Faith is very important. By you looking at it as a problem, now that’s HUGE problem. Because if you plan to stay in this marriage how are you going to teach your future kids? That Islam has some good points and some real sucky points? You can’t….. I always believe a woman is the main pillar in a home. If the main pillar at home is weak, the house will surely collapse. You have to ask yourself, is Islam really for you? Or did you convert because of your husband? Ask your heart.

  • Laila

    December 3, 2014

    Ana I get what you are saying about second wives not being treated like pampered women. But Zaisha here is sort of in a fix. I believe youth does play a part. Not all relationships are based on rules or contracts. I used to be so rigid you know Ana. My time and my day sort of a wife. I don’t know whether its age or maturity of whatever reason, but along the way Ive learnt to loosen my side of the contract. Like recently he needed an extra day with her and her kid, I allowed and in fact Ive not asked him to replace. I know he will do it in due time, I just don’t want to pester him. Yes first marriages are important especially if there are kids involved. However, second marriages too need to be respected to keep the peace and allow another family to grow. I know the type of person my co is but hey whatever she pulls I will just ask hubbs. I just do not see the need to call her, create more chaos, throw words…. oh goodness and all hell breaks loose. I feel in my experiences, being too rigid is not all that great. Because even hubbs sometimes feels like life can be just a schedule, and I know his character. He hates to be placed in a schedule all the time. There are days he misses my co so, he would take care of my feelings and say he wants to spend time with his daughter and I am okay with it. Ive started to make my marriage just about him and me. Ive kept her and her kids out of the equation. I think its healthier that way. For us, and for me.

  • Laila

    December 3, 2014

    Dear Ana. Time has shown me that the calls from my co was just a show. All she ever wanted was just more info. So, its final. Im not receiving her calls anymore. She called earlier in the afternoon, I returned the call out of courtesy. She did not pick up. I left it at that. My marriage to hubbs is with him. She does not count. I saw the mess and lies created recently. I do not want to elaborate. But it was an eye opener.

  • Laila

    December 3, 2014

    Dear Zaisha. I was super young when I got married so I kind of understand from where you are coming from. You are feeling lots of feeling and usually when you are these feelings are very strong. But, you married a MARRIED man dear. So you have to learn to navigate yourself and understand that you come first. Now, do not get me wrong and assume that I expect you to put up fights. I at some point sort of got fed up and decided to be independent. I got my first car and worked part time and then got a full time teaching job. You talk about calls. Mine was worse. Hubbs used to even switch off his phone after 5 to 6 pm. Imagine that?!…. once there was an emergency and he only called me back the next day in the afternoon. I learnt very fast that in many ways he could not be depended upon. I started to flex my independence by working, paying half of my cost, worked part time at night to make extra money to save, and during the week even go to the library at night to just read and relax and just not think about him. It helped. But then, I also got attention from other men who thought I was single. I had to sort of make sure my outings was not too much. But yes, along the way I took care of myself. I also went for belly dancing classes. Hehehehe!!!!….. hey at least I am working out. You are unhappy because you are all cooped up in your home. Why don’t you start a hobby? I started baking recently and it works wonders for my mind and creativity. Look girl, if you are going to compare, it will lead your marriage to death. I used to do it all the time and realized my stupidity. So much time and energy wasted on comparing. Your marriage is about you and him. Not her. If you feel something is not right, then tell him, and do it nicely. If you feel that you are not happy then think of ways to achieve some level of happiness by maybe moving to him. Life is all about choices dear

  • Zaisha

    December 3, 2014

    No comments on your topic but I must say God is just and only he can do justice I don’t know why but I felt you don’t like second wives. When I was married I was promised after 2 weeks he will come to me it was our contract why can’t you understand second wives got feelings is well I do respect for first wives but Islam is equal for 1st 2nd 3rd 4th. Am sorry to say but you always helps first wives only. First wife have no rights to stop his husband to visit 2nd wife and blackmails him. She can’t rule husband and her cowife and I asked my husband for divorce but he denied he said he can’t leave me. Ana plz it’s not good I saw hate in your heart for second wives Allah knows she is my sister and I do respect her I always makes dua for her is well when ever I do for me. I was in pain and shared everything what’s in my heart my husband knows I never hurt him or forced him for anything and he always says am his favourite wife if anyone feels jealous then it’s not my problem and thanks you teach me a lot you made me realise that my husband is not bad actually he truly loves me. Cause I asked him divorce but you know what he said he can’t leave me because of her. And he promised he will give me my all missing nights In Shaa Allah. Plz don’t hate second wives they are not your enemies and all are not same. Some time first wives tries to control there husbands in Europe countries then husbands get sick and brings second wife for there peace.

  • anabellah

    December 3, 2014

    I see it as a typical case in which some women marry married men, accept the conditions for the marriage, then don’t like what they’ve accepted once they get it. They get their foot in the door and then begin making demands. I want this and I want that, and I don’t like this and I don’t like that.

    They think the husbands’ lives should be all about them (the new comers) and the husbands should get rid of their existing families, disregard them and treat them like trash. They don’t like the fact that the husbands still love and care for their first families. It’s friggin wrong.

    Youth is no excuse. When one is old enough to marry and have sex, it’s time to put on the big girl’s panties and suck it up.

  • anabellah

    December 3, 2014

    Regarding Zaisha, please, if anyone sees what I don’t see about her situation, please speak up. I get it. She’s very young. She wants to be with her husband every waking minute and have fun with him, have sexual relations with him and live as husband and wife HOWEVER, conditions that they agreed to don’t allow it. He hasn’t abandoned her (left her hanging) as it says in Quran for a man not to do. He has offered her divorce, which she and he both say they want one minute and don’t want the next minute. So what is left for them to do????

    He clearly wants her to remain in the home and go no where, as he can’t protect her from 800 miles away and he probably fear she may meet another man or someone that may lead her astray from him or Islam – who knows.

  • anabellah

    December 3, 2014

    Zaisha, As Salaamu Alaikum

    You should read the post/thread https://polygamy411.com/polygamy-is-it-one-two-three-or-four/ It will clarify what the “1, 2, 3, 0r 4” means.

    I clearly think you are not listening. It doesn’t sound to me that your husband has wronged you. I don’t see how he has violated any rights you have.

    You agreed to conditions to marry a married man, and now you don’t like the conditions. You want more, which he cannot give you. How is it his fault?

    You married a man who is not wealthy and he lives almost 800 miles away from you. What do you want him to do? He says he can’t see you more than every six weeks for a week. He has been consistent in getting there pretty much every six weeks and stays with you the week. He said to you that he will free you of the marriage, if you can’t accept the conditions. If you don’t feel you can accept the conditions then tell him to divorce you and you stay FIRM and insist upon the divorce.

    The only problem I see for you is that he doesn’t devote the quality time to you that you want and need when he is with you the one week every six weeks. He’s on the phone with his other family. It’s a problem you have with him that doesn’t constitute him not giving you your rights. We don’t own our husbands. You can’t make him do what you want him to do when and how you want him to do it. You could only let him know you don’t like him being on the phone or however he communicates with her and his children when he is with you. He can listen to you or not listen to you. Unless you beat him up and take his devices from him so he can’t speak with her, I don’t know what you could do.

    Please tell me clearly what you want the man to do?

  • Zaisha

    December 3, 2014

    Laila am not working no school no nothing even not allowed to go out cause my husband said in islam women is not allowed to go out alone. But can’t understand his wife goes to different countries for holidays alone bye air in this situation is well she goes alone on holidays I know it’s not permissible in Islam for a women to travel alone in different country even she goes for holidays. You tell me if she is hurt how can she left his husband alone and went out for 2 3 weeks and if he comes to me she threads him of divorce. He doesn’t allows me even am not allowed to go to shop is well why islam is for one wife and other one is enjoying. He always takes islam between us. And that’s true am emotionally dependant on him. Can you Plz tell me how did you took out your self of this situation. I am always thinking him I always wants to hug him and cry and would never stop and want to tell him am in so much pain everything happened too early we only lived together 4 weeks after marriage I feel his need so much even my body needs him. Plz I don’t want to make any silly decision I just want his attention only if he call me and say am there for you and talk with me when I needed him I’ll be happy

  • Zaisha

    December 3, 2014

    I heard from many scholars they says in 2 3 4 marriages there will be no excuse will be accepted in injustice it is allowed only when man is able to do fair am so much confused cause I am new learner I didn’t know anything about islam and am studying now and when I go more closer I found things which are not right in Islam and it’s happening to me. Am little confuse what Islam exactly say about polygamy is first wife and second got not equal rights if have children does she have more rights is she the winner she uses kids in everything to get attention is her behaviour is allowed in islam? ?? Plz ans my questions am sorry if it’s too much but write down everything which is in my heart

  • Laila

    December 3, 2014

    Dear Zaisha. Are you working or something? When I was your age and in polygamy I was kind of nuts in the sense that I depended a lot on hubbs. I was emotionally dependant on him. Maybe that is what you are going through now?

  • Zaisha

    December 3, 2014

    Thanks Gail. Yes my husband is pakistani and he don’t allow me to talk with his wife even she wants to talk is well but he don’t let us. Gail you plz tell me is it fair is he right? I know I have to be patience but at least I want to know what quran says I read words for quran there is clearly written to do justice even it was his choice to marry me he can marry women from UK where he can do justice night by night like prophet SAW said. Do his excuse is valid? Is he doing right with me and before marriage he shouldn’t done a commitment and he should truly told me financially he can’t afford it he emotionally black mailed me my wife is not attractive and got sexually problem’s and he doesn’t want to keep her only kids are between that’s why she is with me and even he says she done so many mistakes I can’t forgive her. I don’t care she is his wife and I don’t say he took her rights no cause I don’t want to go to hell I just wanted is he do fair it’s OK if can’t come regularly I will cope with it but on phone why I can’t talk and if he talks he is always in anger and says she makes me upset so when I come to you I am in anger and I always says what is my fault where am I? He aspects too much from me already isn’t it enough

  • anabellah

    December 2, 2014

    Zaisha,

    I understand how you feel. Yes, you are very young and you have a lot of feelings and love in your heart for your husband. I get it. I totally get that you’d like very much to be with him. The things is, he can’t perform miracles. You and he knew when you wed that it was going to be a long distance marriage. In order to see him on a regular, you’re going to have to move there somehow. I doubt you expect him to uproot his family and moved them to Spain so you could have more time with him. What is he to do? He is not a wealthy man to travel to see you more. What is keeping you in Spain for the next 4 or 5 years that you spoke of?

    You have to take some responsibility for what you are going through, as well. You agreed to the set up. How did you think things would be?

    I suggest you let him know that at least if he can’t spend more time with you, you expect he will call you or face time you, wassup it or whatever is available, on a regular. You’re going to have to pull yourself together so you could speak with him without being so emotional all the time. Men don’t know how to deal with women who cry and display how unhappy they are all the time. He may avoid communicating with you to avoid hearing your complaints.

    It’s ridiculous that he tells you not to leave your home unless you live in a dangerous area. Are people in Spain as barbaric as some of the people in other Muslim countries? I don’t know anything about where you live. If it’s not dangerous, you should be able to move about and go out for your own sanity, if you’re in a safe environment. Only you could make that assessment.

  • Gail

    December 2, 2014

    Zaisha,
    Welcome to the blog!!!
    I read your comments and I am curious have u tried to reach out and contact your cowife?I am curious.I am also curious and u r under no obligation to answer but by chance is your husband Pakistani????

  • anabellah

    December 2, 2014

    Zaisha, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    Your husband showing concern for how the wife he married lst has to do with compassion. It has nothing to do with any specific rights wives should received when in a polygamous marriage. A polygamous marriage is like a monogamous marriage other than the fact there are more wives than one to a husband.

    I was simply trying to give you an idea of what may be going on between him and her. You just intruded into a family that was in existence. They have a 3 year old and a five year old child. I don’t know how long they have been married. Did you think he would waltz home and announce he had just married you and she’d be honky dory with it. I don’t think you expected her to give him a hug and congratulate him. Her hurt may go a bit deeper than your, as she has more history with the man.

    You may think he doesn’t love her because he complains to you about the things that he does not like about her. A person can dislike a lot about another person, but still love the person. You need to be mindful that he did not divorce her, which says a lot about their marriage. A man who is head over hills about another woman to the point he can’t function without her divorces his wife to be with the woman whom he loves more than life itself. I don’t see it happening with you. He’s still with her. So, he could fill your head with all kinds of lovey, dovey stuff, but the fact remains he is still with his original family.

    I, in no way want to hurt you, but you need to know the truth. I don’t doubt your husband loves you. I’m only trying to let you know why he takes all her calls and deals with her day and night when he is with you. It’s because he cares very much for her and it hurts him for her to hurt, even though he may not like a good deal about her.

    You are new in his life. You may fill the void for what he is missing. You may be what she is not. There may be qualities in you that she doesn’t have. It doesn’t take away the love he has for her.

    You said he loves tells you that he loves you more and he doesn’t love her. You said you don’t know what is truth that he says. A man can love more than one woman at a time. What does his actions say to you? He’s only with you one week every six weeks. Who is he on the phone with and communicating with, during your time with him. Where is he when he is not with you the one week. Yet he won’t take your calls and tell you not to call him. He has to wait till he is away from her to speak with you. Does it sound like a man who doesn’t love his wife.

    You are not replacing her. You and she are his wives. I’m sure he loves you both. You just have to keep it real.

  • Zaisha

    December 2, 2014

    Ana I tried to leave him but every time when I say he doesn’t let me go. And then he him self says you can go if you want to and when I say OK am leaving he never let me go I can’t understand him he says he only loves me and married me with his choice he always says he is allowed in Islam in heart he can keep loving only one wife and it’s me cause she never gave him peace that’s his words I can’t understand what’s true and what should I do????

  • Zaisha

    December 2, 2014

    Today didn’t got any call am so much hurt can’t deal with my pain I miss him so much really want to hug him and want to share my feelings can’t take it my head is blowing. Is it fair???? I do have feelings for her I do understands her what about me when I miss him why I can’t even call???

  • Zaisha

    December 2, 2014

    Thank you so much I really want to save my marriage and I kept quiet not saying anything to my husband.

  • Zaisha

    December 2, 2014

    I am new learner of Islam I studied quran and hadith and I didn’t read any where first wife got more rights or husband should give more time to her if she is hurt. Am hurt too am newly married and he is not with me I’ve got so many desires am 23 and got so much feelings. Spirited thanks and sorry am not allowed anything am not allowed to go out alone and do anything jazakallah khair

  • anabellah

    December 2, 2014

    Zaisha, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    The blog has been in existence for 5 years and nine months. I don’t speak about the details of my personal life on the blog since approximately three months ago after some people in cyberspace felt the need to let everyone know my husband’s and my real names and where we live. I have researched the topic enough and have spoken with many women and men from all over the planet about their polygamous experiences to speak of it from a knowledgeable perspective. I accept polygamy as a way of life that Allah has permitted for men. As Forest Gump said, “It’s all I’ve got to say about that” … 🙂

  • Zaisha

    December 2, 2014

    Assalam aleikum thanks everyone for comments Ana thank you so much for rep In Shaa Allah one day everything will be fine. Ana are you in polygamy is well?

  • Spirited

    December 2, 2014

    Salaam,

    @Zaisha, welcome to the blog. I’m sorry to hear about your trouble. No one who is newly married, whatever order or even in a monogamous marriage, wants to spend the new marriage alone.

    I thought of something, you said you are living alone in Spain, so it sounds like there isn’t anything keeping you there (unless you have school or work there?). Couldn’t you move to the U.K. So that you are able to see your husband more often? Moving there would make it less expensive for him to visit you as well. If you’re in school, you could look into transferring. If you’ve got a job in Spain, that might make it harder, bit you could start by looking for jobs in the U.K. or if you work in a company that has a branch there, maybe you could get a transfer through the company also?

    Anyway, I wanted to write out some of my thoughts that came to mind when I read your experiences.

  • anabellah

    December 2, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Good Day All. Top of the morning to some and good evening to others on this planet.

    alison, hey there. It’s nice you’ve made time for us. Delighted you stopped in.

  • ummof4

    December 2, 2014

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Zaisha, it is difficult for a man to travel from country every two weeks unless he is extremely rich, and I believe you stated that your husband is not rich. It is easy to agree to a long-distance marriage with the hope that it will change for the better. Well, sometimes it does not change for the better. Talking online makes every situation seem wonderful, then reality hits. You, your husband, and his other wife are dealing with reality now. I will make du’ah that it turns out for the best for all of you.

    Just remember, if you feel that you just can’t live with a long-distance marriage, it does not make you a bad person or it does not mean that you are wrong. Sometimes we don’t know what we can or can’t deal with until we have to actually deal with it.

    May Allah make it so we all love Him more than we love ourselves.

  • anabellah

    December 2, 2014

    Zaisha,

    You said he leaves her to see you for a week. He then comes back to you after six weeks to stay again for a week. It’s your schedule now. You and he initially had agreed he would see you every 2 weeks. Okay, well we plot and we plan, but Allah is the Master planner. Two weeks won’t work for him.

    You have to understand she has one week “to go crazy” when he is away with you. She can’t cope. She blows up his phone (ringing him); she says she’s having problems with the kids etc. It’s understandable. She’s going through a serious transition. Just as you say you are depressed, can’t sleep or eat and things to that effect, she most likely is going through the same thing.

    He knows she’s hurting and it hurts him, as he loves her and the children. She threatens him with divorce, which probably every wife who has married first does. He’s dealing with a lot. I know it’s difficult for you that he’s on the phone and dealing with her during the time you have with him. Insha Allah, eventually, she will pull herself together, and come to terms with her new way of life.

    It sounds he doesn’t want to abandon you and he is doing all he can under the circumstances. Spain is quite a distance from the U.K. As you know, it’s not a hop, skip and a jump to travel between countries. It may not be unreasonable that he gets to you every six weeks. Some women only see their husbands twice a year for perhaps a month each time or something like it. It’s easy to agree to an arrangement, but once in it, realize it’s more than one can handle. He tries to call you from work, which is good. I know it may disturb your sleep, but we’ve got to make sacrifices. He’s trying to get his wife right over there and he has to, based on his abilities. You need to be grateful that he calls you when he can.

    He knows you are unhappy and he has given you a way out. He said you could leave. It seems he’s doing all he can do right now. I doubt he wants to divorce you. I think he wants the marriage to work. He’s just having a tough go of it right now.

    What would you like to do? You could request a divorce and I doubt he’d fight against it. You could try to work with him, and accept the relationship for what it is for the the time being, and put your faith and trust in Allah that it will get better.

  • anabellah

    December 2, 2014

    Zaisha,

    It’s very good that your husband was honest with you from the onset and let you know he was married. About lying to you that he wanted another wife as his current wife was ill, it’s typical for some men to make excuses for wanting another wife. It doesn’t really matter much the reason he wants another wife unless he’s marrying just to have sex. To marry just to have sex, to fulfill a lustful desire is wrong. Anyhow, whether he married because his wife didn’t have sex, didn’t cook or won’t listen really doesn’t matter. It would be best for him, if he didn’t badmouth his other wife to you. What’s to say he won’t badmouth you to his other wife? It’s really something that shouldn’t be done, yet we know it happens. Insha Allah, we will all repent for the wrong we’ve done, do and will do.

    I do not get the impression that he is with you only for sex, based on what you have said. It sounds to me that he wants to be a good husband and be there for you, but is having problems with his other wife, which is understandable. Polygamy is difficult as you already know firsthand. You’ve only been married for six months. His other wife just learned of you and the marriage. It’s Hell on earth for her right now, just as it is a Hell on earth for you right too. Sometimes it takes a wife who married 1st years, and years, to adjust to a polygamous lifestyle and accept it. It’s not easy for any woman (barring probably a few exceptions) to accept a polygamous lifestyle.

  • anabellah

    December 2, 2014

    Zaisha, Wa Alaikum As Salaam 🙂

    I like the name Zaisha a lot. Good selection I’m glad you’re here with us. It’s good you’ve opened up and shared your story. We’ll all try to help as best we can here. You are not alone and, Insha Allah, we are here for you whenever you need or want to chat.

    You asked if you are wrong or not. In all you have stated I don’t see any HUGE wrongs that jump out at me about you or your husband. It seems you both are going through a huge adjustment. There is no perfect life, so there are bound to be some problems between you and him even if your marriage was monogamous.

    About having to marry him to do right according to Islam, there is nothing that says you had to marry him. You learned during the get acquainted stage that he was married and you initially rejected him. It was within your right to do so. You are young. You’re only 23 years old. There are single men out there for marriage; although, we know you are now married and Allah selects our spouses for us. So, it’s alright.

    Now, to flat out reject polygamy is wrong. Allah permits polygamy for men and we should like what Allah likes. Allah may not have chosen polygamy for some people, but we should still accept and embrace it whether it’s for us in particular or not.

  • alison

    December 2, 2014

    Heey gang sorry been a crazy month at work end of year craze…Missed you all but tried to follow up once in a while..Hope all is well with everyone
    May Allah bless you all

  • Zaisha

    December 2, 2014

    Dear Aisha 2014 I don’t know your story but it seems like your first wife and your husband got new young wife and he is inclined to her. Aisha my story is bit same but opposite my husband tells his age 31 and he tells it’s wrong and we are all sure he is more then 36 and his ex he told 30 but Allah knows and I became 23 on 8 Aug and I am youngest wife but it’s totally opposite he is inclined to first by blackmailing of children it’s very very hard for me I am in serious depression and helping my self alone even my husband had sexually problems and he blamed me it’s from me I got my test they are all clear. Am newly married and having so many difficulties in start in these 6 months I faced a lot. People’s says second wife is bad but Allah knows my intention when I got married I just thought brother is in problem if he goes for zina it’s gonna be wrong if I had chance to stop zina then why should I not accept him. And see result but I have trust one day he will realise and am waiting nobody knows it’s so much hard but if he is wrong Allah will punish him in this world and here after and sorry I don’t know your full story but I feel very bad for you I can feel your situation cause am in same too. I just want to say don’t let other girl win he is your husband is well do istakhara then make your decision cause after every night there is morning and after every hardship there is ease. Can you believe am saying these words to you who was crying from last 6 months your story gave me strength that am not alone in this pain in fact After God all thanks to Ana who created this blog and she is proving women’s are stronger then man’s only we have to wait for Allah help. Nobody can’t give justice to women only Allah can. Look my family is not with me look at me am 23 and new in married life and totally alone in country where no one is my relative it’s so hard but honestly Ana’s blog really gave me strength and I feel there is hope. Allah help you to make right decision and give you better life In Shaa Allah. Plz stay happy I can’t see anyone in same pain I know it’s so much hard to move on with this pain. Now I know all first wives are not bad jazakallah khair

  • Zaisha

    December 2, 2014

    Assalam aleikum ana it’s me aisha I’ve changed my name zaisha. I want to share my story and want ask I am wrong or not. This time I am in depression I’ve lost my self confidence. I am 23 year old I was 22 when I got married to a man who is already married with 2 kids 5 year old and 3 year old. He is 31 years old and his ex is 30. I was on pure matrimony finding my life partner one he he requested me to visit I visited his profile he was such a nice guy very practising I said let’s move forward then he said I want to tell you something I am already married I was in shock he said he didn’t lied you didn’t asked me. Then I asked him why you want second wife he said his wife is ill and he really needs a second wife he was so upset first I denied then he told me hadith then I Stert thinking that I am doing wrong I was born in Muslim family but wasn’t practising and I was new learner I thought am wrong if I am denying then asked him will you able to do justice with me he said he will do justice I said to I don’t want to be a hidden wife I want before marriage you inform your wife he said his wife is agree she just said don’t involve me it’s hard for me. I have to stay in Spain 4 to 5 years due to my paper work problems it was done before nikkah and I agreed on one condition he said and promised me he will come after 2 weeks for one week I said OK that’s great then we got married 11 may 2014 one week he stayed with then he went back to UK then I said to him like you said you are going to tell your wife about nikkah now you coming to me every time lying with her it’s not good your sinning tell her before you leave first he said no then I told him I said before marriage and you said she knows only you have to inform nikkah is done then he told her and Allah knows he informed her or not but when she found out she said she wants divorce and he doesn’t want to leave kids. Then she ripped his passport you can’t go to her then he came after 6 weeks for a week I was in so many difficulties that time then he came and all one week he is all day night with her on the phone WhatsApp even all night it was so much hurting I compromised cause he said its hard for her it’s first time I said it’s OK but when he came back again he came after 5 weeks and all the time on phone still I compromised then I asked him about my rights and I remind him about commitment first he denied by saying you are disrespecting me he said I can’t come before 6 week’s if you are agreed then good otherwise you leave but you tell me how can I leave he lied with my family that she is not compromising and I said to my family do justice at least when he comes after 6 weeks for a week tell him to avoid his phone she always makes excuses that kids are not well in fact he knows she is lying but if he doesn’t answer her she blackmails him for divorce. And one more thing now I find out his wife is not ill his wife doesn’t fulfil her duties that’s why he married I still accept it my family and all still not helping me my one small brother he knows and he accepts it’s all wrong but he can’t do anything. I want to save my house I don’t know some times he is so loving caring but some times when she disturbs us he becomes so much upsets he even ignores me. Now I accepted everything but I am my self in depression now all the time alone thinking what he is doing and I am not allowed to call him only I can if it’s seriously emergency but still his phones are on silent when I text him he never reply me on the time when he goes on what app only then he reply and he calls me late at night when he goes on work when it’s my 11 12 and doctor said to me you have to sleep at night. He is in UK 6 weeks and one week in Spain and even he says he spends more time with me even he does lots of holidays from work by saying am ill I am so depressed my family is not with me not even husband so now I left on Allah but I want to know every one is saying am wrong plc you tell me am I wrong or not. Am fulfilling my all duties even extra I take his shoes off cuts his nail with my choice cause I love him so much and make dinner which he likes even he told me his ex is so lazy dint cooks fresh food and she don’t listen to him. Plz I want to get rid from depression and am not allowed to go out and I don’t mind I never said to him I want to go out he is financially not good I need so many house things but I never forced him I always understands and it’s hurts me why he can’t understand he knows everything still. Plz guide me there is no Islamic institute near me and even no mosque and there are Muslims but are not on right path so Plz guide me my emaan is going weak and I want to go closer to Allah. I really like you blog it’s so nice we can share our problem’s jazakallah khair

  • Laila

    December 2, 2014

    Dear Aishah!!!!! God I missed you!!!! Now you are encouraging me to come out of my cave 🙂 ha……. I am already feeling good. Do write in more. I want to know what you’ve been up to. Really. MISSED YOU! ♡

  • anabellah

    December 2, 2014

    Dear Gail,

    Your questions and post about Aishah2014 and her situation inspired me to write a post. I had been thinking what to write my next post about and as I began to write the answer to your question, it hit me. Alhumdulliah.

    The post is: https://polygamy411.com/what-to-do-when-husband-is-polygamous-and-unfair/

  • Gail

    December 1, 2014

    Ana,
    Boy I feel horrible for Aishah2014.I was hoping her husband would come around and get back into the groove of things but I just don’t know anymore in Aishah’s case unless divorce happens between him and the girl.From the way Aishah talks it seems like she doesn’t have any faith left that he would not just go out and get another wife if she or miss thang divorced him.It’s a sad situation.I do sometimes seriously wonder in Aishah’s case since she is not happy in the marriage if it wouldn’t be better for her to just move on with her life and maybe find someone else and try again.I don’t know why but something has never sat right with me 100% about Aishah’s husband and the way he treats her verses miss thang.
    I do think when u r dealing with such a huge age gap and the 2 wife is younger and not really inclined to work as family unit trouble can sure occur esp.. if the husband is not being fair I think.I just don’t know like I told Aishah I sure feel conflicted in her case.

  • Gail

    December 1, 2014

    Aishah2014,
    I hate to here that u are still having a hard time with those two dang and separation.I have been wondering what was going on with u.I am sorry things have not leveled out and he hasn’t made more of an effort towards u.
    I don’t know in your case I do wonder since u have tried to deal with everything that if it is not time to just move on with your life if u r unhappy to be honest.
    I know u gave it good honest try.I don’t know feeling really conflicted for u.

  • anabellah

    December 1, 2014

    Aishah2014, Wa Alaikum As Salaam, 🙂

    I had a feeling you were still with us silently reading along. I miss hearing from you though. You’re going to be just fine. I think a woman who has children and deal with a polygamous marriage definitely has a tougher go of it than a woman without children, especially if he’s with a younger wife without children. He probably gets to thinking he’s young himself again and forget he still has a family and responsibilities.

    Aishah – patience, patience, patience. Insha Allah, the tide will turn. It may seem a long time coming. Get yourself right with our Lord while he’s out gallivanting.

    Remember, while you’re taking on the extra duty of dealing with children alone and you’re conscious of Allah while doing it, you may be racking up mega barakats. If you do it with a chip on your shoulder and with anger in your heart it may be a different story. Tests are tough at times. You’ve got it going on. Never despair.

    Whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Ya know what I’m saying

  • Aishah2014

    December 1, 2014

    Salaams hi Ana im still here.hi laila,gail,marie,coco,everyone.silently reading.always.not a whole lot to tell.i am well kinda separating self slowly.things are difficult with kids involved.i am pretty emotionally detatched from what those two do…basically a man who wants two wives but cant balance things fairly ..well he ends up with one wife eventually ,which is really ironic.then he will prob.be chasing that situation again…but im ok.coming through it stronger inshallah.does really change a person,and make you aware of parts of yourself that you need to change,toughen up with or whatever!

  • anabellah

    December 1, 2014

    “Aishah2014” is here, as well. Aishah2014, are you still with us

    Fatima, Maureen, (Hilly’s been gone) Anybody home? Hellooooooo. Fatima, we’re over here on December thread. https://polygamy411.com/polygamy-411-december-14-discussions/ in case you’re having a blonde (hair) moment LOL

  • anabellah

    December 1, 2014

    Aisha(h), Wa Alaikum As Salaam!

    Welcome to your new home You certainly can join us here. It what we are all about, blogging as a blog family with commonality – polygamy as an interest. Allah swt let you find us, so you are here. Alhumdulliah!

    I took the liberty to add an (h) to your name only because we already have a “Aisha” here and an “Aysh”, so we don’t want to get confuse. You could chose another name, if you’d like. Any name you want to use is okay with us, just let us know it’s you and don’t use your real name.

    I’m glad you found us and we are all here to help you out as best we can. How did you end up in Spain without your husband? What’s up with he and his ex? What reason does he give for not having you there with him?

  • Aisha(h)

    December 1, 2014

    Assalam aleikum sister’s and brother’s. Sorry I don’t want to share my real name I am 23 years old and I am second wife living alone in Spain my husband and his ex are in UK. He visits me after 6 weeks for a week and am having so many problems I am so alone here. Can’t find any mosque which gives authentic knowledge plz can I join you all. Jazakallah khair

  • anabellah

    December 1, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello to Everyone!

    Polygamy 411 welcomes everyone to our December 2014 discussion post/thread. I’m delighted for you all to be here as part of our blog family

  • coco

    December 26, 2014

    Ana
    I totally agree that many Muslims take on the attitudes of Jews thinking they’re the chosen ones. Ooo and can you please swing by your email when you get a chance ☺️ xo