Do Polygamous Men Abuse Their Wives

Do Polygamous Men Abuse Their WivesOften we hear that polygamous men abuse their wives and are unjust to them. Do Polygamous men abuse their wives? First, you tell me; do monogamous men abuse their wives? The answer to both questions is, yes. Some do.

There are all kinds of men, and they are in all types of marriages and relationships. I’d imagine that abuse is common in all of them. I don’t know the numbers of men who abuse wives. I don’t know if anyone has done a study on it.

All in all, it’s about the man and not the marriage. Spouses in marriages are all different. Needless to say, they will have some conflict. Spouses must learn to tolerate each other, which include sacrifice and compromise. For the most part, sometimes they can resolve the issues that they have, and other times they can’t do it. When they can’t do it, they either stay together and suffer the results, be it abuse and injustices, or they may part ways as in separate or divorce.

So, when asked: Do polygamous men abuse their wives. Of course some do, but not all

Basically, one needs to look at a man’s character, attitude and the way he acts. Some men are simply mean-spirited, as some women are, as well. On the other hand, some men are kind and thoughtful. They have qualities that are good and shine through, at least most of the time.

Mainly, men act based on their own disposition. It is a fact that Allah determined the kind of person that each of us are. In effect, He decided if we are evil or good. Don’t get me wrong. I have not said that we won’t account for all that we do. We will.

We must not look at the type of marriage, but look at the person. I read something in a book (“Knowledge and Wisdom”) that would shed light on what I have stated.

It has been related that God the Exalted said:

“Indeed, I am God, there is no God but Me; I created good and evil and for each of them I created people. Blessed are those whom I created for good and through whom I caused it to happen, and woe to those whom I created for evil and through whom I brought it about; and woe also to those who ask why and how.”

In conclusion, do polygamous men abuse their wives? It depends on the man. In particular, it depends on what Allah created him for, good or evil. “Woe to those who ask why or how”…

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6 Comments

  • Mari2

    August 14, 2017

    @Ana,
    I also want to mention that women too need to not set themselves up to possibly be tossed into an unhealthy situation. They too must know their rights. A wali is fine if he has the woman’s best interest at heart? But if the wali is only looking out for his interests? And the woman doesn’t know she can pursue her own rights because she too is not a reader of the Quran? Though a woman may have a wali, her true wali is Allah. The Quran is not a guide just for men, but for women as well. A woman must have a wali, but also must be her own wali as well with the guidance of the Quran.

  • anabellah

    August 12, 2017

    Mari2,

    EXCELLENT post! Well said. https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_good.gif I agree with you wholeheartedly! You summed that up nicely!!!

  • Mari2

    August 12, 2017

    I agree with what Sarata said. Abuse is abuse and if a man is so inclined it doesn’t matter if it’s monogamous, polygamous, or a dating situation. Abuse is abuse, it transcends categorical constructs.

    However, to some degree, culture can exacerbate the use of, and social acceptance of abuse. And this isn’t an Islam acceptance of abuse thing, it’s actually a cultural (in defiance of Islamic norms) thing.

    And of course the practice of arranged/forced marriages, lack of women’s rights (which is unislamic), the weird idea that women who don’t have sons are somehow inferior, multi family living situations, the unislamic practice of requiring dowry from the wife’s family, and complete lack of knowledge of anything in the Quran…all of these things set women up for abusive situations be they in monogamous or polygamous marriages.

  • anabellah

    August 12, 2017

    Sarata, As salaamu Alaikum,

    It’s nice to hear from you. It’s been a long time. I am totally not surprised by what you said you encountered on Facebook. It’s sad the number of Muslims who share the same beliefs about polygamy as the non-Muslims do. Allah says that when one thinks as they do they are of them. In essence, they are equally unbelievers.

    Polygamy is no different than monogamy, other than the man has more than one wife. If they condemn polygamy, they need to condemn monogamy as well. It’s ignorance for anyone to think that all monogamous marriages are good, wholesome and healthy ones.

    It’s not about the institution of marriage, whether monogamous or polygamous. It’s about the people. The rules for polygamy are the same as for monogamy other than the emphasize that Allah places on justice to orphan children when the men enter polygamous marriages and that it limits the numbers of wives to four.

    Thank you much, Sarata, for imputing.

  • Sarata

    August 12, 2017

    Exactly! Abusive men are the problem that should be addressed, no point blaming polygamy. If a man is so inclined I doubt the number of wives he has makes a difference.

    I recently ventured into the murky depths of a Facebook comments section (a Muslim page posted short info-vid on polygamy in Islam). Jeez!
    The abuse I received for daring to defend the practice – from other muslims!

    Their argument is so similar to those anti-Islam haters – because some men practice polygamy incorrectly then polygamy itself is to blame and should therefore be impermissible.
    When people say that about Islam we are quick to correct people. “Don’t judge the religion based on the actions of some muslims!”
    But so many muslims do the exact same thing when it comes to polygamy! 🤷🏻‍♀️

  • anabellah

    August 11, 2017

    The book I quoted from was, “Knowledge and Wisdom” by Imam Abdallah ibn Alawi al-Haddad, Translation & Introduction by Mostafa Al-Badawi. The author didn’t cite where he got the quote from.