Entitlement to Wealth in a Polygamous Marriage

entitlement to wealth in a polygamous marriage

It seems many Muslim women claim an entitlement to wealth in a polygamous marriage. They think that they could do whatever they want to do with the money that they have. From where did they get that idea?

Some women here at polygamy 411 have urged women to keep all the money that they have or to spend it mainly on themselves. It goes against what Allah tells us in the Holy Quran. They may not intend to encourage others to hoard. They do so without knowing it.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that a woman should not have her own money. Nor am I saying that she should not have a say in what she does with it. However, it seems women think that they don’t have to do what Allah says in the Holy Quran about spending.

Everyone should spend his or her wealth the way that Allah tells us to in the Holy Quran. Allah tells us on whom to spend our wealth. Furthermore, He tells us how much to spend. Allah makes it all clear for us.

Does this entitlement to wealth in a polygamous marriage coincide with what is in the Holy Quran?

There are many ayat (verses) in the Holy Quran that address money, wealth, and spending. They apply to both men and women.

It’s important to realize that in surah (chapter) 4, ayat 36 – 38, Allah tells us who He does not love. He does not love the “niggardly” or those who enjoin “niggardliness” on others. Just because man is the maintainer and protector of women, does not excuse women from spending as Allah instructs us to.

In Surah 4, ayah (verse) 4, Allah says, “And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, Take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.”

It says to me that it’s okay for a wife to give to her husband and help him the same as she helps anyone else. Her husband could take it and enjoy it. No one should tell a woman that she should keep all her money and not share it with her husband.

When it comes to a woman and an entitlement to wealth in a polygamous marriage, she should check herself

Does she keep all her money in hope that it would prevent her husband from marrying another woman? Does she try to keep it all to herself? Hence, in doing so, her husband must spend more on her. He would have less for another wife. What does it do for her soul, and what does it say about the kind of person that she is?

We Muslims are one brotherhood. We should take care of one another. It’s not about a women only getting her wealth to try to secure her future. When she spends the way Allah tells us to, she will gain rewards in this world. More importantly, it could go towards her good deeds to help her enter Jannah/Paradise.

A wife should contemplate what entitlement to wealth in a polygamous marriage means

Allah says, “But seek, with the (wealth) which Allah has bestowed on thee, the Home of the Hereafter, nor forget thy portion in this world: but do thou good, as Allah has been good to thee, and seek not (occasions for) mischief in the land: for Allah loves not those who do mischief.” Quran: Surah 28, Ayah 77.

We should spend what Allah has given us to please Him. It’s to strengthen our souls, as well. Trying to stop her husband from marrying more women is not what a woman should set out to do. A wife shouldn’t keep her wealth to cause problems for her husband in hope that he won’t marry another. She’s wrong, if she tries to make life difficult for him.

A wife shouldn’t hoard her wealth for fear of poverty, either. Fear of poverty is a sign that one does not believe in what Allah says. It’s a sure sign that she lacks faith. Allah says fear nothing and no one but Him.

A wife who thinks only about her right to her husband’s wealth and wants to keep her own, misses the big picture. She doesn’t know what this life is all about. Therefore, she gets in her own way. She gets in the way of having the good in this world. Most importantly, she gets in the way of her chance to enter Jannah/Paradise. In conclusion, we should use wealth the way that Allah tells us to.

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23 Comments

  • anabellah

    April 28, 2015

    @Lily,

    I think you don’t know the audience here. You have addressed the wrong people. You need to go to a blog that has people who dislike polygamy and want to continue to dislike polygamy. Go talk your talk there. You can’t begin to understand the people who are here. It appears you only understand your wants and desire and want to encourage others to become like you. You really don’t have a clue. I don’t think this blog is for you. You seem to be barking up the wrong tree.

    Anyhow, thanks for stopping by. Your comment motivated me to write a new post/thread, which is https://www.polygamy411.com/reason-muslim-ladies-stay/

    @Everyone I addressed Lily’s comment in the new post I wrote, so I removed my previous post and incorporated it into the new post/thread.

  • lily

    April 28, 2015

    Assalamualaikum sisters, just some heartfelt advice from a sister who has been through similar experiences to yourselves. Firstly Allah is just His religion does not do injustice to anyone. A muslim woman does not have to live in any situation she does not want to, that includes polygamy. I would advise any sister who feels polygamy will be too hard for her to bear to get out. You do not have to live in a situation which is too much for you to bear and might make you bitter even towards your religion. Your relationship with your Lord is the most important if you feel this will be jeopardised then get out. Polygamy is allowed in Islam I acknowledge this but does the individual have to live in it if they do not want to? No they do not have to. That is my point. Fight to prevent it as it brings untold chaos into the lives of families. If you cannot prevent it and cannot bear it, then get out. Do not stay for ‘the children’ they will not benefit from a miserable depressed mother. Do not stay for money Allah is the provider. He provides for all of His slaves. You need to empower yourselves with the fact that you DO have a choice. For those sisters who have accepted it, I send you my salaams and love, you have a big heart. I respect you deeply. Personally I am an extremely wealthy business woman Ma shaa Allah, I have worked hard and am a world class expert in my field.Like you Farah I understand your burning that you have worked for years for someone else to enjoy it. But you do not have to accept it. Are you really only entitled to 50% surely it should be more as you are entitled to keep your half and have him spend on you too. You need to check this my darling. You have wealth and a good heart its a big world out there. Enjoy it. Do not live in pain and misery especially as your personal wealth affords you a way out.

  • rabiabint

    March 31, 2015

    As salaamul Alaikum sisters

    Sarah to be just to you why not split the income between your husband in the businesses in half 50% to you n 50% to him n he can take that n provide for both houses. The other 50% you do as you wish?

    You shouldn’t be aiding to his responsibility towards her. He’s not being just to you. Allah speaks about this in Sarah Nisa… Talk tohim and if he doesn’t listen take it to the imam…your local leaders. Because his actions isn’t of the Quran n Sunnah…

  • Laila

    March 30, 2015

    I think money will always be a touchy subject. It even is more complicated when the first wife worked together with her husband to build up a business. It is touchy also if the husband is a wage earner and started from zero and has gone to be somebody. The wife feels like the co-wife is enjoying the fruits of hard labour without putting in any effort whatsoever. It all depends on the husband. If he divides his money fair and well among all the wives I think there should nit be a problem. My co always feels very strongly about money. I do not blame her. She has a right to feel that way. At the end of the day it is how everything is divided and to make sure that it is done in a crystal clear manner. So all parties do not harbour any form of suspicion. In my side of the planet, all wives share a legal relationship. So it is the husbands responsibility to draw up a will so as to avoid legal issues.

  • anabellah

    March 26, 2015

    Carissa,

    Don’t sweat it Carissa. It’s no problem whatsoever. Post here when you sad, mad or glad. No difference. Your posts are welcome. :-)

  • Carissa

    March 26, 2015

    Sorry, I guess I should not post when mad with hubby. LOL. But mostly I do agree with what I said. I should have clarified what I said. I don’t think people should horde unnessasarily.

  • anabellah

    March 26, 2015

    I agree with Marie that getting closer to Allah is the only way a woman can be relieved of the pain and suffering she endures as a result of her husband becoming polygamous. Allah is the only ONE who heals us.

    We can’t expect relief in just asking Allah for it. We must have the correct belief, and do what Allah instructs us in the Holy Quran. A person has to read the Holy Quran first to know what’s in it. We should not rely on any ole thing someone tells us about our religion. We need to learn firsthand. Allah teaches. Allah brings believers together.

  • Marie

    March 26, 2015

    Further to what Ana said. No wife here who has experienced the pain of polygany ignores another woman’s pain. When women come here and voice that they are hurting, we know, we understand. We can’t describe the pain to them (the women) and they can’t describe the pain to us. It’s something I think, you have to feel to know. But we also know that things can get better. It’s what we try to do…advise on how to feel better. We know all to well that a woman just wants the pain to stop.

    For me when a woman says she’s in pain because of polygamy, I could cry for her (sometimes I do) I wish I could jump through the screen and give them the biggest hug, sit with them and let them pour their heart out. We’d probably cry together too.

    But we have to move forward from their and focus on getting better. The only way I know is getting closer to Allah.

  • Marie

    March 26, 2015

    Farah, just emphasise on the mutual feelings. I used the words hate, bitter, pain and anger. Those words don’t even come close to how I felt. In fact I don’t think the English dictionary even has the words to describe how I felt. It was that bad.

  • Marie

    March 26, 2015

    Farah, I don’t know weather your aware of my story or not, but believe me I know EXACTLY how you feel. The pain of my husband marrying another is the worse pain I have ever witnessed.
    I never built a business with my husband but Allah allowed me to play a part in building him (my husband) my co is my husbands ex girlfriend. When my husband wasn’t acting right she wanted nothing to do with him, I went thought terrible times with him and his behaviour. Then some years later when she (my co) saw a change in him (a positive change) she wanted him back. I felt like I was the one who went though all his crap, for her to come along 10 years later a marry him when he was acting right. Trust me Farah the anger, bitterness and hate consumed me. My co could have my husbands money, heck she can have my money. But Iv never felt like she deserves my husband, my husband is a good believing Muslim, I thank Allah much for him and because Allah gave me such a husband I treat him well, which is more than I can say for my co.

    This is why I gave you the advice I did. My co may have my husband but by the will of Allah she will not take my jannah. I won’t allow her to turn me into a bitter angry woman for the rest of my life. Allah says good deeds purify the soul. Insha’allah I will use the pain Iv experienced to purify my soul, and become a true believer. Iv learned so much since being in polygamy and feel like iv become a better Muslim. My co may have got a husband but I got something way more valuable.

  • anabellah

    March 26, 2015

    @farah,

    I know your post was directed to Marie. I just want to say sometimes in my posts I come across insensitive. I don’t mean to. I know exactly what you’re going through. It’s a type of earthly hell. I just want you to know that you can get through it, if you follow our lead.

  • farah

    March 26, 2015

    Thanks Marie but you don’t understand what I’m going through

  • anabellah

    March 25, 2015

    @ummof4 and Marie, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    You’re rockin and rolling with your last posts. Beautiful kutbahs. We much need it. I know I do. Alhumdulliah.

    Many Muslims are living for this life and ignoring the Hereafter or simply don’t believe there is one. If Muslim are living and believing the same way the non-Muslims are, they are unbelievers, as well. There is no and, or, if about it. No one wants to think him or herself an unbeliever; they could be one without knowing it.

    Allah says, “By no means shall ye attain righteousness unless ye give (freely) of that which ye love; and whatever ye give, of a truth Allah knoweth it well.” Quran: Surah 3, ayah 92

    There are Muslim women who love their husbands and don’t want to share them with their Muslim sisters. There are Muslim women with wealth and hate the thought of another Muslim sharing in it. It makes one wonder. uhmm sigh, okay Pondering and Thinking

  • Marie

    March 25, 2015

    Farah, I understand your angry and upset about being in polygamy. I feel your trying to hold on to anything that makes you feel in control, for now that something is money. You’ve worked hard (with your husband) for yours and your children’s future (in this life) and Allah has rewarded you with a successful business. My advice to you is to work hard for a successful hereafter, we can only take our good deeds with us once we die, everything else stays here. The hereafter is a whole lot more rewarding than anything we have here. Why waste the chance?. You gain nothing by withholding wealth, your co wife will get nothing less than what is willed for her. The only one you wrong is yourself. If we do anything for the sake of the creation we get nothing, so staying in polygamy for your children will not benefit you.

    In a way we can be selfish with our hereafter, hasten to do good deeds tell others to do good deeds and let no one divert you from your goal (jannah) we must use this life to prepare for death.

    On the day of resurrection people will be asking to come back (to this life) to do more good deeds and give in charity. Try not to be one of those people.

  • ummof4

    March 25, 2015

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Many “first wives” complain about their husband marrying another wife after the first wife has helped him build up their business. They are afraid that she will live a life of ease and luxury and did not work for it. Remember, whatever wealth we are blessed with in this life is from Allah, not from us. We do the best that we can to attain wealth, but Allah decides who gets wealth, who does not get wealth, and how much wealth we get. When we die, all of our wealth stays behind.

    As Ana has stated, all Muslims are ordered/encouraged to give sadaqah(charity) to those who need it, whether they are family members or not. I pray that the Muslim women who have wealth or extra money give in sadaqah on a regular basis. I pray that Allah grant all of the husbands to be good providers for all of their wives and children. I pray that none of us become those who hide or hoard their wealth so that others cannot use it. I pray that all of us who are talking about the amount of wealth that they or their husbands have will use that wealth to go to Hajj if they have not already been.

    My husband has never made the money less to support our household when he married another wife. This was not because I asked or told him, it’s just something that he did. He’s a firm believer in “You pay the cost to be the boss.” I have never been involved in the finances of my husband and his other wife.

    However I can understand how a wife might feel that she is being taken advantage of when a husband marries a second wife and expects the first wife to support the second wife.

    I’m just waiting for my husband to marry a rich believing Muslim woman who is willing to give her wealth in sadaqah; maybe that will be a benefit for the both of them. And if he does find one, I plan to be her friend :) because I could use a nice friendly treat once in a while (like a spa day).

    Everyone remember to thank Allah for whatever He has blessed us with many times a day.

  • Farah

    March 25, 2015

    Assalamualaikum All

    I believe i worked hard and that it is mine and my husband money for our children future.This does not mean i work hard day and night and his second wife enjoys.I am sorry not even as zakaah i believe she is not entitled to any of the money we worked hard for,when he had nothing i was with him

    He must work for her not me work for him to provide for her !!

    I am a strong muslim and that how i feel.
    Why should my children suffer never ever
    I hate that woman and i will never accept a second but forced to stay in my marriage just for my children

  • anabellah

    March 25, 2015

    @Jen and Kristina,

    I thank you both for sharing your thoughts about the post/thread with all of us. I appreciate it much!

    @Marie, Wa Alaikum As Salaam

    I hear you about “Scary”. What really is scary is MANY people don’t listen to Allah. They yap on and on about their desires, what they want and how they want it and what they won’t stand for and … They blow right past what Allah says in the Holy Quran as though they hadn’t heard a word or heard it and just don’t care. Then they wonder why their lives are all jacked up Beating head against the wall

  • Marie

    March 25, 2015

    Sorry I hit submit before I had finished.

    Ana, that’s a very scary ayat. We really need to be careful of what we say.

  • Marie

    March 25, 2015

    Assalaamu Alaykum.

  • Kristina

    March 25, 2015

    I understand this post and agree to a certain extant. I think women are trying to do all they can to prevent their husbands from re-marrying, but I think this is the wrong way around it. He might find someone who is “cheaper” and he’s gonna sit there and think, wow this is so much easier than my first wife. Lol this is what I’d think if I was a man.

  • Jen

    March 25, 2015

    Asa, I agree with Carissa. As far as allowing the husband to use my earnings or wealth to provide his self another wife is a touchy subject. In my case it would be no because I don’t feel like my husband is a man who should have such a beautiful privilege, I know that sounds horrible but it’s solely based on his actions and intention. I believe polygamy is and can be a great experience when done correctly and with the best of intentions and actions. I want to grow with my husband and help as much as I can but not to the point where it’s just to allow him to please his self.

  • anabellah

    March 25, 2015

    Carissa,

    When you said, “If Allah declared he should have a second, or third, or fourth. Allah would have given him the provisions. So why should I not keep what is mine to mine”

    It reminded me of an ayah from the Quran in which Allah says:

    “And when they are told, “Spend ye of (the bounties) with which Allah has provided you,” the Unbelievers say to those who believe: “Shall we then feed those whom, if Allah had so willed, He would have fed, (Himself)?- Ye are in nothing but manifest error.” Quran: Surah 36, ayah 47

  • Carissa

    March 25, 2015

    Ok, if I was a woman and I had a lot of money, given to me by the great substainer of the world. Why should I pay for my husbands other wife with it? If Allah declared he should have a second, or third, or fourth. Allah would have given him the provisions. So why should I not keep what is mine to mine. I am not saying a woman should try to spend her husband into the poor house so he can not have another wife. But as long as he covers her needs and she covers her wants? Why make women feel bad for saving her money for when she needs it? Sorry to be such a witch. But if I worked my duff off all week and my husband took that money to pay for another wife? I would quit my job.