The favorite wife in a polygamous marriage is what just about every wife wants to be to her husband. Therefore, it is not surprising that wives compete for the place of his favorite wife. Needless to say, wives fight for their husband’s love and affection.
A wife wants her husband to prefer her above the other wife. It’s quite natural for wives to want the number one spot. She wants first place in his heart. What wife wouldn’t want that? Of course a woman wants her husband to love her. If there is more than one wife, she wants him to love her the most.
Let’s look closer at the concept of his favorite wife in a polygamous marriage
A story in the Holy Quran lets us know how some people compete for love. In the story of Prophet Joseph (PBUH) and his brothers, their father Prophet Jacob (PBUH) loved his one son Joseph more than he loved his other sons. Joseph was Prophet Jacob’s favorite son. Joseph’s brothers disliked him due to it. As a result, they did devious things to him. All should read the story of Joseph. It is “Yusuf” (Surah 12).
The incident is about a favorite child. Nonetheless, the idea is the same. Written material show that the mother of Prophet Joseph (PBUH) was Prophet Jacob’s (PBUH) favorite wife, as well. The brothers who gave Prophet Joseph (PBUH) problems was of another mother. Some women compete for the spot of her husband’s favorite wife in a polygamous marriage. It is not only common with siblings.
I believe there are stages wives must go through in polygamous marriages. In the beginning stages of a marriage, a wife competes for her husband’s love and affection. It’s a phase wives go through. Hopefully, they will get over it sooner than later. It is hopefully short-lived.
Why do wives vie with one another for the place of favorite wife in a polygamous marriage?
It seems a useless thing to do, as Allah decides who the husband will love the most. Allah decided who the favorite wife will be. So why waste valuable time and energy battling for first place? A woman wouldn’t do it, if she took the time to learn about her Lord who is Allah.
Allah places love in the heart. We can’t put it there. It is impossible to do. It is useless for a woman to try to get her husband to love her more than he loves the other wife or wives. When a wife understands and accepts this fact, she no longer compete for her husband’s love.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) felt uncomfortable about loving one of his wives more than the others. Allah then revealed to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) that it is okay to love one wife more than the other. There is an ayah (verse) in the Holy Quran about it. It is okay to love one more, as He (Allah who is God) controls the heart.
We don’t know why Allah places the love in the husband’s heart for one wife over another. It could be that the husband is a righteous, pious man. Allah may have placed love in the husband’s heart for the wife who is the most righteous and pious one. On the other hand, the husband may lack faith in Allah. Allah may have placed the love in the husband’s heart for the wife who lacks faith, as well. Allah knows best.
It’s useless for a woman to compete for the place of her husband’s favorite wife in a polygamous marriage
A husband may lean towards one wife more than another, but it is okay. Allah controls the heart. If the husband feels more love in his heart for one of his wives than the other, it is because Allah placed the love there. The husband should not feel guilty about it. The less loved wife shouldn’t make her husband feel guilty about it. Allah knows best why He decides as He does.
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