Five Polygamy Related Problems

five polygamy related problems

There are five polygamy related problems that I can think of that will stop a Muslim woman and a man from having a good, healthy polygamous marriage. They are quite common.

First of all, before the spouses marry, they need to know what some of the problems are that they may face. Therefore, in this post, I will speak of a number of them. I am hopeful that when the wives know of the issues, they will deal with them head on.

The first of the five polygamy related problems has to do with disputes

As soon as the husband tells his wife he is thinking of marrying another or has married another, the fighting begins. Thus, the arguments become heated. Furthermore, sometimes the dispute turns physical. It’s very bad when that happens.

The spouses need to find a way to speak to each other without getting overly emotional. They need to sit down, try to stay calm, be humble and talk. Additionally, they need to stop thinking of the points they want to get across and listen to what the other is saying.

Allah says in the Holy Quran, “and fall into no disputes, lest ye lose heart and your power depart; and be patient and persevering” Surah 8, ayah 46 For this reason, spouses should not quarrel.

The second of the five polygamy related problems is blame

Unfortunately, many times the husband blames his wife. He says it was her fault that he became polygamous. For instance, he may say that she didn’t give him enough attention or that she didn’t give him enough sex. Maybe she hears it echoed from others, as well. For instance, her family and friends may find fault in her for it. They specifically may think that she did something wrong for her husband to want someone else.

It’s important to note that this is when the wife has to know her Islam. Hence, she needs to understand that nothing happens without Allah’s consent. Notably, her husband’s marriage to another woman wasn’t about her. Although it seemed it was, it wasn’t. It had everything to do with Allah and what Allah willed.

The wife needs to know that Allah tells us not to fear the reproaches of others. He loves those who are, as he says are “never afraid of the reproaches of such as find fault” Quran: Surah 5, Ayah 54

The third of the five polygamy related problems is competing for the husband’s love

Allah places love in a person’s heart. People can’t put it there. There is no need to compete for love. The husband can love all his wives for different reasons, and in varying degrees. The husband already loves the woman or found something attractive in her that led him to marry her. She’s in there.

If anything, she needs to compete for Paradise. It’s okay to compete for righteousness. Allah says, “then strive together (as in a race) towards all that is good.” Quran: Surah 2, ayah 148

The fourth of the five polygamy related problems is taking people into one’s intimacy who aren’t of one’s rank

If a wife speaks about her marital problems with people who aren’t Muslim, she will have problems. Non-Muslims don’t know the truth about Islam. Islam is not their religion. Only a foolish person would ask an ignorant one how she should live her life or what she should do.

A wife needs to think twice when she asks a Muslim for advice, as well. Many Muslims do not know their own religion. Many of them don’t accept polygamy. They are equally unbelievers. Allah lets us know that believers are those who have no problem with anything in the Holy Quran. They accept the entire Book.

Allah tells us not to take those outside our ranks into our intimacy. He says, “O ye who believe! Take not into your intimacy those outside your ranks: They will not fail to corrupt you. They only desire your ruin: Rank hatred has already appeared from their mouths: What their hearts conceal is far worse. We have made plain to you the Signs, if ye have wisdom.” Surah 3, Ayah 118

The fifth of the five polygamy related problems is the trust issue

It’s the last of the five polygamy related problems that I will speak of. Some wives say their husbands betrayed them by marrying other women. She thinks he betrayed her by keeping the other marriage a secret. He betrayed her by not keeping a promise. Most of us were taught that we should be able to trust others. such as a spouse. It’s wrong. A person can’t trust himself, let alone have someone else trust him.

Allah tells us in the Holy Quran that a person who trusts should put her or his trust in Him. Allah is the One that all can trust. We can trust that all that Allah says in the Holy Quran is the truth. We can trust that His promises are true. He wrote the script. He is all-knowing. No one else is.

So, there we have it, five polygamy related problems. Insha Allah, knowing them will help wives move forward peacefully in polygamous marriages.

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Five polygamy related problems

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9 Comments

  • anabellah

    December 12, 2016

    As Salaamu Alaikum, Mamahutsana https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_bye.gif

    Thanks for stopping in.

  • anabellah

    December 12, 2016

    There’s the sister whose name I love 🙂

  • Mamahutsana

    December 12, 2016

    https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_bye.gif

  • Gail

    September 24, 2015

    Mari2,

    How is your life going these days???? How is hubby and his mother getting along living in their new place???

  • Alison

    September 23, 2015

    Hugs thank see you in September discussion 🙂

  • anabellah

    September 22, 2015

    @Alison,

    You’re not stupid at all. You just had one of those days. All women in polygamous marriages have had them at one time or another, and are still having them. Tomorrow will be better, Insha Allah. Don’t be hard on yourself. The whole she is better than you and you’re not good enough is cliche. Many co-wives who married the husband 2nd will use the saying. It’s their trump card. It’s just like the woman who married first saying, for instance, “couldn’t you get a man of your own”. “You’re a sloppy second” None of it is true. Women just want to feel better about themselves. They say things they know will hurt the other. We lose consciousness for the moment that it’s hurting our own souls when we do such a thing. It is wonderful that Allah knows we will do such a thing. He knows everything. He is our Creator. He said we all would be in the Hell Fire, if it wasn’t for His Mercy. He continuously let us know that He is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.

    You faltered today. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep it moving. Insha Allah, you’ll be stronger for what happen. We have to go through changes to get to the good place where we need to be. It’s okay! 🙂

  • Alison

    September 22, 2015

    Lovely don’t know how I missed this but timely jealousy got the best of me today and we fought…oh she is better than me and am not good enough lol stupid me

  • anabellah

    July 22, 2015

    @Mari2,

    Alhumdulliah! I’m so happy you liked the post. As long as Allah continues to inspire me, I will continue to write. Many people rejected ALL of Allah’s prophets and the Message, so I don’t expect anything from anyone. I did think people would listen, but I’ve got my head on straight now LOL. I know what time it is. LOL

    Keep turning to Allah and stick to the Quran. You’ll be alright. Allah’s promises are true. You don’t have to question the authenticity of the Quran. Allah says He has protected it from corruption. It is an unadulterated Book. It’s the only Book He has protected. You should feel very good about yourself, Mari2

  • Mari2

    July 22, 2015

    Another incredible post that inspires reflection. Thank you Ana!