There are five polygamy related problems that I can think of that will stop a Muslim woman and a man from having a good, healthy polygamous marriage. They are quite common.
First of all, before the spouses marry, they need to know what some of the problems are that they may face. Therefore, in this post, I will speak of a number of them. I am hopeful that when the wives know of the issues, they will deal with them head on.
The first of the five polygamy related problems has to do with disputes
As soon as the husband tells his wife he is thinking of marrying another or has married another, the fighting begins. Thus, the arguments become heated. Furthermore, sometimes the dispute turns physical. It’s very bad when that happens.
The spouses need to find a way to speak to each other without getting overly emotional. They need to sit down, try to stay calm, be humble and talk. Additionally, they need to stop thinking of the points they want to get across and listen to what the other is saying.
Allah says in the Holy Quran, “and fall into no disputes, lest ye lose heart and your power depart; and be patient and persevering” Surah 8, ayah 46 For this reason, spouses should not quarrel.
The second of the five polygamy related problems is blame
Unfortunately, many times the husband blames his wife. He says it was her fault that he became polygamous. For instance, he may say that she didn’t give him enough attention or that she didn’t give him enough sex. Maybe she hears it echoed from others, as well. For instance, her family and friends may find fault in her for it. They specifically may think that she did something wrong for her husband to want someone else.
It’s important to note that this is when the wife has to know her Islam. Hence, she needs to understand that nothing happens without Allah’s consent. Notably, her husband’s marriage to another woman wasn’t about her. Although it seemed it was, it wasn’t. It had everything to do with Allah and what Allah willed.
The wife needs to know that Allah tells us not to fear the reproaches of others. He loves those who are, as he says are “never afraid of the reproaches of such as find fault” Quran: Surah 5, Ayah 54
The third of the five polygamy related problems is competing for the husband’s love
Allah places love in a person’s heart. People can’t put it there. There is no need to compete for love. The husband can love all his wives for different reasons, and in varying degrees. The husband already loves the woman or found something attractive in her that led him to marry her. She’s in there.
If anything, she needs to compete for Paradise. It’s okay to compete for righteousness. Allah says, “then strive together (as in a race) towards all that is good.” Quran: Surah 2, ayah 148
The fourth of the five polygamy related problems is taking people into one’s intimacy who aren’t of one’s rank
If a wife speaks about her marital problems with people who aren’t Muslim, she will have problems. Non-Muslims don’t know the truth about Islam. Islam is not their religion. Only a foolish person would ask an ignorant one how she should live her life or what she should do.
A wife needs to think twice when she asks a Muslim for advice, as well. Many Muslims do not know their own religion. Many of them don’t accept polygamy. They are equally unbelievers. Allah lets us know that believers are those who have no problem with anything in the Holy Quran. They accept the entire Book.
Allah tells us not to take those outside our ranks into our intimacy. He says, “O ye who believe! Take not into your intimacy those outside your ranks: They will not fail to corrupt you. They only desire your ruin: Rank hatred has already appeared from their mouths: What their hearts conceal is far worse. We have made plain to you the Signs, if ye have wisdom.” Surah 3, Ayah 118
The fifth of the five polygamy related problems is the trust issue
It’s the last of the five polygamy related problems that I will speak of. Some wives say their husbands betrayed them by marrying other women. She thinks he betrayed her by keeping the other marriage a secret. He betrayed her by not keeping a promise. Most of us were taught that we should be able to trust others. such as a spouse. It’s wrong. A person can’t trust himself, let alone have someone else trust him.
Allah tells us in the Holy Quran that a person who trusts should put her or his trust in Him. Allah is the One that all can trust. We can trust that all that Allah says in the Holy Quran is the truth. We can trust that His promises are true. He wrote the script. He is all-knowing. No one else is.
So, there we have it, five polygamy related problems. Insha Allah, knowing them will help wives move forward peacefully in polygamous marriages.
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