Have a Pain-Free Polygamous Marriage

Have a pain-free polygamous marriageTo have a pain-free polygamous marriage a wife must do what Allah says. We all should do what Allah says. He says that when a thought from Satan comes to mind, we are to seek refuge in Him. Generally, we must remember Him. If the wife keeps thoughts in her head about her husband, his other wife or about he and his other wife or she thinks badly of herself, it’s not good.

It’s terrible to let her thoughts play out in her mind. When they do, she is not remembering Allah. Anytime something is on a person’s mind and it’s not Allah, she’s not remembering Allah.

For the most part, we can remember Allah and do our normal, everyday, regular activities. For instance, remember that Allah created the sun, the moon, the night and the day etc.  Thank Allah for the rain, for giving us our sight, hearing, understanding, and for protecting us etc.

Additionally, remember Allah’s attributes or repeat his names. Reading the Quran is important to know what Allah expects of us. Simply think of Him. Furthermore, don’t neglect offering Salat (five daily prayers). Do whatever reminds us of Allah. Specifically, everything should remind us of Him

To have a pain-free polygamous marriage, a wife needs a pure soul

Allah purifies and purifies whom He wills. The only way a wife will win the battle and overcome her suffering is if Allah purifies her soul. He could purify it of the envy, jealously, hatred, selfishness, and all the other base emotions, but she has to worship Him for Him to do it.

To have a pain-free polygamous marriage, it’s not good enough for one to simply say she is Muslim. Nor is it good enough for a wife to ask Allah to remove the pain and suffering that she feels and she does nothing in return. It takes much more. Allah says have patience, persevere, pray, remember Him, and offer the five daily prayers (not 0,1,2,3, or 4, but all five of them). Those are just some of what He tells us to do.

So, how could a wife have a pain-free polygamous marriage?

Well, there is no quick fix. She must ask Allah to heal her. A wife must ask Him to relieve her of the suffering. Only He can relieve the pain.

Allah causes us to suffer so we could learn humility. It’s important to humble ourselves to Allah. A wife shouldn’t humble herself to her husbands or anyone other than Allah. Allah says He removes our pain. He purifies and He heals us.

In conclusion, remember that Allah’s promises are true… What He says will come to pass.

Read part one: Live in a Polygamous Marriage Pain-Free

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Have a pain-free polygamous marriage

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  • anabellah

    April 15, 2017

    Amonie and All,

    Please talk over on the April 2017 Discussions thread to make it easier. Thank you! 🙂

  • Amonie

    April 15, 2017

    What to do when there is verbal or causing trouble tired me? Because this did happen the first time. Just would like to be prepared if it happens again

  • Amonie

    April 15, 2017

    Flower thank you so much for your help..It has helped a lot…I am glad I asked for help

  • Flower

    April 15, 2017

    Welcome to 411. Good to have you here. I’m going to get straight to the point. Polygamy rule number one, the other woman and her business is non of your business. Doesn’t matter why he married her or if you trust her or not. Shes not your wife and not your problem. You didn’t mention that she was verbally or physically attacking you or causeing trouble so there’s no problem there. Staying out of the other marriage does wonders. It seems your just going through the motions of adjusting to polygamy. Its ok, its normal. Your life will change because the situation has changed, embrace it. Whether the change is for the better or worst depends on where you put your priorities. If you on focus on the other marriage and what’s going on there your life will be one big stress. If you focus on Allah your life will move towards ease and acceptance of the new marriage. It won’t happen over night, but it’s small steps in the right direction. I wouldn’t concentrate on how you’ve been a good wife and stood by him though thick and thin, your still married so polygamy is now part of the ‘thick and thin’ just because he has another wife, doesn’t mean you throw the baby out with the bath water. Its normal to fear the new change as you don’t know where it will lead, you must trust and rely on Allah, the more you do this, the less scared you will feel.

  • Amonie

    April 14, 2017

    Ok so I got married to my husband a year ago and a month after he married another woman, I guess to help keep her stay on her dean. Witch I was not very understanding at the time and was just becoming Muslim. Now I no that I am supposed to me there for my fellow sister in all, but there was something about her I didn’t trust. Well a month of them being married passed and she wanted him to leave me but he wouldn’t, so she was pregnant and left him. Time passed he finally gave her a devorce and she was no were to be found. I have been here with him threw thick and thin. Now she came back around with not so good things going on and the child is with children services.she has been homeless and fell off her Dean. Now he feels he needed to marry her again. For the sake of her Dean and the child. Now I have made Dua for her and him. At the same time I don’t feel it was right to jump into things marrying her right away.considering before. He did it, he married her. And I am very hurt.this is someone that wanted me away from the picture before..I no that I have to call on Allah when I am thinking bad things, but this is very hard. I feel like my life is going to change from what I have built with my husband and I am very sceard. I don’t feel right about this at all.

  • anabellah

    April 14, 2017

    Amonie, Welcome to the 411https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_bye.gif

    I’m glad you found the blog, and we are happy that you are here. We are willing to help you as best we can.

    Please note that I’ve copied your comment over onto the thread for April where we are all talking. It is easier to talk with you there, so you don’t get lost over here on this thread all by yourself.

    Feel free to explain as much about your situation, as you feel comfortable sharing. We’ll try to get back to you as soon as we can, Insha Allah.

    Here’s the link for the April 2017 Discussions

  • Amonie

    April 14, 2017

    I am only a year in converting to Muslim and I have a problem dealing with this poligomy. I need advise..i would like to explain my situation if anyone is willing to help.

  • ummof4

    January 26, 2017

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Xallma, again, welcome to the blog.  May it be a source of information for you as you strive to gain a better understanding of polygyny.

  • anabellah

    January 25, 2017

    Xallma, AsSalaamu Alaikum,

    Welcome! Thank you much for commenting and for your kind words. Feel free to follow browse etc

    Insha Allah, if Allah places you in a polygamous marriage, you’ll have real life experiences of the ladies here to help see you through it.

  • Xallma

    January 25, 2017

    Can I just say, as a sister to other sisters, you’re so beautiful – each and every one of you. The issues discussed are such real and raw insight into a world that is so unknown to many of us Muslim women across the world. 

    May Allah swt make this space you sisters share a source of blessing and reward in the Akirah. 

    I’m just wandering and broadening my understanding, so I hope you don’t mind me just scrolling along and cheering on the strength of My sisters. I always though us female kind were the stronger force, now I’ve read it for myself. https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_yahoo.gif

  • anabellah

    December 29, 2016

    Hi Nicole, 🙂

    I’m hopeful we can help you out, but we’ll need to know what your situation is. Tell us as much about you as you feel comfortable sharing. We’ll try to help as best we can

  • Nicole

    December 29, 2016

    https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_yahoo.gif I’m in need of a support group in my area I’m dying in side don’t want to do what I used to do because I love him so. Please help

  • Karima

    December 22, 2016

    Salam my humble opinion is that only women with pure heart and strong deen can handle polygamy well to the point they don’t feel the pain due to Allahs mercy mashallah

  • anabellah

    December 7, 2016

    In case some of you were wondering what Alison was talking about, this new post/theme that Sis Alison replied to is a reminder. It’s just showing up now on the front page. https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_mail.gif

  • anabellah

    December 7, 2016

    Hi there, Alison 🙂

    It’s not an easy thing to do. It’s doable though. You must continue to want it and persevere with patience.

    Allah says seek His help with patience, perseverance and prayer. It is indeed difficult except for those who bring a lowly spirit, who are humbly submissive to Allah.

    You’ve got to get down on that prayer rug and plead, beg and cry to Allah for His help.

  • Alison

    December 7, 2016

    A much needed reminder easier said than done I realize I cause myself so much pain by imagining and believing stories in my head about Co and hubby I know its wrong but can’t seem to stop at times other times am good others am stuck in a funk….