Have Success in a Polygamous Marriage

have success in a polygamous marriage

A writer asked how she could have success in a polygamous marriage. To do so one must know the meaning of life. One must know that Allah created us to serve and to worship Him and Him alone. We should do every act to please Allah. He tells us to serve Him with exclusive and sincere devotion.

There aren’t many who know what the meaning of life is. Allah says those who will be foremost in faith and foremost in the Hereafter from later times (our times) will be few. It lets us know that not many will obey Allah and His commands.

Many give all kinds of reasons why they became polygamous or want to. For instance, a man may say he wants to do it, so that he could follow the way of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). Others say they simply want to take care of women. Many men may use those reasons in hope that no one would question them more about it. After all, one would think that those are admirable reasons. However, they are not good enough.

A man should want to marry women, so he could worship Allah with them as a family. For instance, wouldn’t it be nice if they could offer Salat (five daily prayers) and fast the Holy Month of Ramadan together? They should have one goal in mind, which is to enter Jannah (Paradise).

How did the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) have success in a polygamous marriage?

He was all about serving, worshiping and obeying Allah. To help him do it, he married women from various tribes to bring them to Islam. He taught the worship of the One and only God (Allah). His mission was to spread Islam.

He didn’t marry his wives to fulfill any desire other than to seek the good pleasure of Allah. Unlike the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), for most Muslims marriage is all about fulfilling their desires.

The desire for sex or variety or ego stroking or immigration or wealth or a desire for a beautiful wife or to obey a command of a parent(s) are not most important to have success in a polygamous marriage. Those things shouldn’t define marriage.

Will marrying another to get refreshed help a man have success in a polygamous marriage?

A male writer here at Polygamy 411 said polygamy refreshed him. Polygamy may make some men feel alive again. For instance, some men may want a spark to give them a jump-start or get their engine going, so to speak. Hence, they become polygamous.

Another writer asked if to feel refreshed was a shallow reason to marry again. If wanting to worship Allah is not the reason to marry, it is not good. The person misses the point. The spouses will have serious problems in their marriage, if they don’t live to serve and worship Allah.

The husband may get a jump-start, but what happens after that? What’s to stop it from going downhill? To become refreshed and to stay that way in a marriage and in life in general, one must focus on Allah.

To have success in a polygamous marriage, one must make the worship of Allah most important

One must know and understand our religion. It’s done by reading the Quran to learn it and to live it. Muslims should ask Allah to teach them and to give them understanding.

It’s important to know that Allah did not create this life for sport and play. We are not on this planet for fun and games.

Muslims need to have a single purpose. That purpose is to worship Allah. One such way to do it is to view marriage as an act of worship.

Ask yourself what to have success in a polygamous marriage means to you?

If you do not know clearly what you need to do to have success in a polygamous marriage, you will have problems in the marriage. If you are not clear on why Allah created you, you will have much trouble in life.

Surely, a believer who places all his or her attention on Allah would have a good marriage. Don’t forget to ask Allah to help and to guide you.

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  • Nushka

    March 9, 2015

    Cool I’m glad you got something from it. We’re hear to share and learn from each other afterall.

  • anabellah

    March 8, 2015


    Beautifully said. Wow, I needed to hear it, especially what you said about patience. I’ve been waiting for a certain thing to happen financially that seems to be taking sooooo long and I have to remind myself often to be patient. I love what you said when you stated, “This makes it easier to see the signs of His love and blessings when they come because it’s never how you expect it to be and not as instant as the technological world in live in. With everything at our fingertips we need to practice patience more than ever. Prayer and the Book are our best guides.”

    I’ve been telling myself to be more grateful to our Creator. He has given me sooo much and I’m still looking for the next thing. I should just be grateful for what I have, as it’s more than enough for me.

    Nushka, thank you soooo much for the beautiful reminders. Well said!!! I’m glad the blog has been helpful to you. It’s words such as yours that are motivational.

  • Nushka

    March 8, 2015

    In life and marriage I try to remind myself. Would God be proud of my actions or thoughts? He is the beginning and the end so sees things we can not. Sometimes when I’m at the end of my tether and see no light after all the effort I make, I have to remind myself I work for the Creator and no one else. He sees my efforts when my husband does not. He can warm my husband or my heart when I can not. He can shed light and make the impossible possible. This makes it easier to see the signs of His love and blessings when they come because it’s never how you expect it to be and not as instant as the technological world in live in. With everything at our fingertips we need to practice patience more than ever. Prayer and the Book are our best guides. Praise be to the Almighty. I know I don’t write much but this site is really a blessing for me. X

  • anabellah

    March 7, 2015

    “On that Day no question will be asked of man or Jinn as to his sin.”
    Quran: Surah 55, ayah 39

  • anabellah

    March 6, 2015

    Interestingly, a while back there was a commentator here at polygamy 411 who used to speak about Muslims being questioned on the Day of Judgement. She, for instance, said, what will you say to Allah when He asks, did you try hard enough to befriend your co-wife? It used to baffle me that she thought Allah’s main concern on that day would be about whether a person befriended a co-wife. Of all the deeds that we need to do to enter Paradise that is commanded of us, she thought about befriending a co-wife.

    Well, it really is not the point. We need to read the Quran and not rely on what people say or tell us. Some here may have listened to her and thought they’d better befriend the co-wife. The thing is, no one will be questioned on the day of Judgement when we receive our individual books. Allah in the Holy Quran says no one will be questioned on the Day of Judgement about their sins. Everything they need to know is in their books and Allah already knows what is in their books. It’s why it’s so important that we learn for ourselves and investigate.

  • anabellah

    March 6, 2015

    I’m on my phone, so this will be brief and quick. I hear people say alot that only Allah knows. I hear only Allah Knows what is in a person’s heart. Yes Allah knows everything and He is the best of Knowers. One need to realize we should know a whole lot more than we say we don’t know. Allah tells us everything we need to know to live a meaningful life on this planet and to enter Jannah / Paradise. Everything we need to know is in the Holy Quran, which is a wealth of knowledge. There is no excuse to say we don’t know. Yes, there is a heck of a lot we don’t know and will never know, but we have the means to know a lot more than we do.

    I probably wasn’t clear in my post about meaningful marriages. A person who does not serve Allah properly will NOT find contentment, peace and happiness in a marriage. To think so goes against all that Allah says in the Quran. A person may fool him or herself. Allah says some people’s deed are fruitless, but theythink they are doing good.

    People have their ideas of what a meaningful marriage is snd they are searching for it, hence all yhe divorces and malcontents.

    A believer won’t be in a crap marriage. She or he may get tested in it, but they prevail and are victorious. He disposes of the Believer’s affairs towards comfort and ease.

  • Mari2

    March 6, 2015

    I think that a “meaningful marriage” or the ideal of one most likely differs from person to person, country to country, religion to religion, and culture (country/familial)to culture. There could feasibly be an infinite amount of answers as to what a “meaningful marriage” entails. Allah knows. We do not. And as you have pointed out quite succinctly Ana, there really is no answer to the question unless one has the answer to the meaning of life. And only Allah really has that answer. So, you are right in stating that Allah must come first, and the worship of Him must prevail, and intent must focus on Him and His teachings as well. The only marriage that can be meaningful is one that Allah has deemed to be so. One may actually be in a meaningful marriage but not realize it as we cannot know the mind of Allah. So instead of worrying about what a “meaningful marriage” may entail, we should worry more about creating a meaningful relationship with Allah instead. One could exist in the most craptastic marriage ever but still have a meaningful relationship with Allah.

  • anabellah

    March 5, 2015

    Last night, I watched a documentary, “Marilyn in Manhattan”, about the late Marilyn Monroe. She was married and divorced three times. She overdosed on pills, which some suspect was suicide.

    The movie made me contemplate marriage since I had just written a post on it. I have concluded the average marriage is problematic, whether monogamous or polygamous. Most people in marriages, Muslims not excluded, are very unhappy. Some men think their lives will be better, if they marry more than one woman, but discover those marriages are problematic, as well.

    I don’t think a marriage will be entirely problem free, as Allah will test the believers. Nonetheless, we can pass the tests and, all the while, find harmony and peace in our marriages. We, however, must be of those who know the Truth and the meaning of life. If we don’t, we will live in mediocre marriages that miss the mark, the same as the late sexy Ms. Marilyn Monroe.