How to have a successful Polygamous Marriage

how to have a successful polygamous marriageHow to have a successful polygamous marriage is what some Muslims want to know. The key to success is the same for one who lives a polygamous lifestyle or a monogamous one. One must have the right belief in Allah to have success. Many people have misled Muslims. They’ve been fed wrong information. Due to it, many Muslims suffer.

To have a successful polygamous marriage, the spouse must believe in the One and Only God. He is Allah. She or he must believe Allah has no partners. Nothing and no one is equal to Him.

To have a successful polygamous marriage, a spouse must believe in all of Allah’s Prophets  spoken of in the Holy Quran. His Prophets were merely servants raised to honor. Allah gave them all a message. He gave them all the same message.

For one to have a successful polygamous marriage one must believe in the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). He was the last prophet that Allah sent to mankind. Most Muslims today recognize only one Prophet who is the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). They dismiss all the others. By it, they have wronged their own souls. some have made the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) more important than Allah or have made him equal to Allah or have made him a partner to Allah.

How to have a successful polygamous marriage is a commonly asked question by Muslim

To have a successful polygamous marriage one must believe in all of Allah’s Books. The Books that are referred to in the Holy Quran  are His Books. The Books contain His words that He indirectly revealed to all His Messengers. Allah did not approve any books other than the ones that He sent to His Prophets.

I will try to answer the question, how to have a successful polygamous marriage , as briefly as I can. A spouse must accept the Holy Quran as the last Book of Allah that He sent to mankind. What one needs to know to have a successful life is in the Holy Quran. Allah teaches through it. He guides people by way of it.

The condition is that one reads the Holy Quran. Read it to seek knowledge for no other reason than to learn how to serve and worship Allah. A person must read the Quran with sincerity. He must want to learn it and live it. He should want to help others (believers) to learn it and to live it. He shouldn’t learn it to dispute with others about it or to discredit anyone or for show.

How to have a successful polygamous marriage is a question that not many know how to answer

It’s important to know that one must not associate anything or anyone with Allah who is God. Allah tells us that most people do not believe in Him without associating partners with Him. They worship others besides Allah and make them His equal.

There is more information on the internet and in bookstores about the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) than there is about Allah. Most Muslims say the Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) name more than they say Allah’s. They can tell you what is in any book other than the Quran. They don’t consider that the Quran is the word of God.

Most Muslims cannot see what is happening. Allah explains it in saying they are, “deaf, dumb, and blind”. They cannot see and it’s not their eyes that cannot see. They follow the lusts of their hearts and they are astray. Only they don’t know it. Only believers can see it.

I will cite a few ayat (verses) from the Quran that support some of what I have said above. They are as follows:

“And most of them believe not in Allah without associating (other as partners) with Him!” Quran: Surah 12, Ayah 106

“Yet there are men who take (for worship) others besides Allah, as equal (with Allah): They love them as they should love Allah. But those of Faith are overflowing in their love for Allah. If only the unrighteous could see, behold, they would see the penalty: that to Allah belongs all power, and Allah will strongly enforce the penalty.”  Quran 2, Ayah 165

“Verily We have brought the Truth to you: but most of you have a hatred for Truth.” Quran: Surah 43, Ayah 78

“Then the Messenger will say: “O my Lord! Truly my people took this Quran for just foolish nonsense.” Quran: Surah 25, Ayah 30

It was the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who said, “O my Lord! Truly my people took this Quran for just foolish nonsense.”

How to have a successful polygamous marriage or success in life itself, read the Holy Quran in any language that you can read it in

To have a successful polygamous marriage or success in life itself, read the Holy Quran. Read it in any language that you can read it in. If you can read it in Arabic, it is good. If you could read it in Mandarin, it’s good. If you could read it in Urdu, it’s good. If you could read it in English, it’s good. If you could read in Yiddish, it’s good. Just read it!

We have all we need to have a successful polygamous marriage and a successful life. The Quran is our constitution. It is our road map. We can have the best in this life and the best in the Hereafter, if we obey, worship and serve Allah, as He commands us to in the Holy Quran.

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11 Comments

  • Gail

    October 12, 2014

    Ana,
    I should also mention I don’t really live Judaism as I am not a Jew.We celebrate Chanukah and Eid and we honor Shabbat weekly we don’t eat pork.
    My husband belongs to the Shia sect and they cut their backs and that is just not my cup of tea to be frank.My husband no longer cuts his back but if the boys wanted to cut their backs which they don’t but he would not stop them I think.I am against that.
    If u notice I get along with Muslims perfectly fine and for the most believe the exact same as u like Polygamy for example Jews do not allow Polygamy anymore from what I understand.I don’t understand how Polygamy can be ok and then not be ok.That is not logical at all to me but then again revenge is not logical to me either.lol

  • Gail

    October 12, 2014

    Ana,
    Honestly we have never had an issue over our belief system it has always been culture issues that have caused us are main issues.
    From day one we never disagreed on religious beliefs but yeah we have always talked about G.D. This is what I have noticed over the years I am morally more stronger yet he has a stronger faith than I do.I help him morally and he helps me with my faith.We really do compliment each other.
    Where we differ at a little is about the Prophet Muhammad.In USA we r not taught about the Prophet Muhammad in school or in church so I just really didn’t have much Idea at first about all that but over the years he has told me and taught me alot about the Koran and I have taught him about Christianity and Judaism.
    Ana I totally love the idea of the Burka and a woman keeping her head covered and praying 5 times a day,don’t eat pork etc.. .I have no problem with Islam and never have.I watched a documentary a few years back and it talked about Israel and how Jews and Muslims use to live together as neighbors and watched each other kids.I can totally relate to that because we live together in peace when it comes to religion.
    I should mention on topics we don’t agree on which is not to many topics we still talk about them and have interest in what the other says.
    I have gone into looking into more science like energies.Positive and negative energy and how we need to be the light and make the world the way we/G.D has commanded us to live which in return positive energy begets more positive energy as to where negative energy sins begets more negative energy.From what I have read and understand we all come from the same source which is G.D.From what I understand humanity is working it’s way back to G.D.
    This is far different from what I grew up learning in a christian church.
    Oh I will say we do have some differences where we don’t agree and that is revenge.I do not believe in revenge but my husband does.I don’t believe he is as strong about that as he used to be but I know he sure believes in it and I don’t.I might think of more later and let u know.

  • anabellah

    October 11, 2014

    Gail,

    You talking about your beliefs doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve never heard you slander, ridicule or disrespect any of the Prophets, Islam, or God/Allah. We’ve been together here for a looong time and you never rubbed me the wrong way with anything you’ve said about religions. I respect people’s different beliefs. I just can’t sit by idle when people cross the line and become abusive. It’s all good, Gail. Is your husband still okay with you wanting to live Judaism or do you two not discuss it?

  • Gail

    October 11, 2014

    Ana,
    Yeah I know u believe different when it comes to praying for your enemy.It comes from Kabbalah teaching in Judaism.It’s ok we think differently on the topic.I am certain 99.9% of the woman on the blog will believe same as u do.
    I started laughing when u mention how christian people act and yeah it does sometimes rub others the wrong way.I have heard my people also say when they say they r going to pray for someone the other person will whisper and say well u better get the log out of your own eye before u try to get the splinter out of mine.hahahahha
    I could chat forever on this topic but out of respect for u and the blog and the other muslim woman here better I just not go into my personal faith.I will try to catch myself in the future as much as I can.But if u ever like to discuss it I have some very interesting views seeing G.D/Allah through Science/Energy.I believe the Torah,Koran, Bible etc.. are all historical books and deserve their place to morally guide us but Science is very real and it also explains G.D/Allah I feel in a very real way.

  • anabellah

    October 11, 2014

    I know some Christians get hostile when another person says she will pray for her (when she done something wrong). It sounds condescending, as thought the person thinks she’s better than the person whom she says she will pray for. The person prayed for doesn’t take kindly to the saying; she doesn’t see it as a good thing. She doesn’t say, for instance, thank you very much. I appreciate it greatly. She says, HUH! you better pray for your own self. I’ve heard it said

  • anabellah

    October 11, 2014

    @Gail,

    No offense, but Nope, I don’t believe in praying for an enemy. NO WHERE in the Quran does Allah tell us to do such a thing. It’s utter nonsense. The enemy should be an enemy because the person is an enemy to Allah. Yes, people will pay for the wrong they do to others, if they don’t repent to Allah, but MOST IMPORTANTLY Allah will punish the person for not believing in Him – for not following His dictates, commands, and decrees – for not obeying Him. It makes absolutely no sense to pray for an enemies – to make the enemy strong, so the enemy could harm you more or attempt to.

    The path you speak of and say not everyone is up to speed on and may need time, some are not on the straight path at all and may never be. Not everyone is on a straight path to Allah, only at different stages. Some aren’t there at all. Allah determines who will be and will not become Muslim. I’m simply speaking from an Islamic perspective based on what Allah says in the Holy Quran.

    What Marie speaks of is different from what I spoke of above. I get where Marie is coming from, but it’s a different situation than what I’ve spoken of. Marie speaks of a Muslims for whom faith has not entered their hearts. There is a difference between someone who has accepted Islam and is a Muslim and a Muslim who is a believer.

  • anabellah

    October 11, 2014

    @Mari2, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    I almost missed your post. What a BEAUTIFUL POST!!! It touched my heart. It was soooo inspiring. Alhumdulliah you wrote it. You’re an amazing woman. You are doing so good.

    It takes time. I think women in polygamous marriages all go through stages. NO ONE jumps in there, gets it all right, and not have emotions over power them. We have to go through pain, toil, and struggle to get begin to get to a good place.

    Ina, don’t beat yourself up and feel badly. Nothing is wrong with you. You’re only at the very beginning stages. You’re going to be just fine. You’re doing really good. You’ve just got to keep pulling your focus away from the other parties involved in your life and put your focus where it matters and needs to be. It’s a personal Jihad – a battle with yourself. Don’t worry. You can do this…

  • Marie

    October 11, 2014

    Gail, I don’t think your crazy, I see your point exactly. I know someone who has recently embraced islam (a few months) you see every time I see this person I remind them how important it is to pray, I have tried asking them to spare some time and I will teach them if Allah wills. I go on and on. Sometimes I just want to grab them by the the throat and shout in their face “what the eff is wrong with you, you say your a Muslim, you know your going to die and you don’t pray” but I have to remember, that when I first embraced, I didn’t get the importance of prayer immediately, it took time, not a lot if time alhamdulilah, but everyone is different.

    Ohh ina, I think about your situation often. I talk with my husband about it to try to get a man’s point of view. I still have days or parts of the day when I think, this is just too much, I’m better off on my own ect… it’s all part of the process. ithe problems I thought I’d have never happened. Like intimacy I thought I’d never want to have sex with him again, but I was fine. Now there are other things that I didn’t expect, but I’m getting through it, but by no means is it easy. It’s an everyday struggle against my naffs and shaytan. I like gails advice on seeing the bigger picture although that can by trying when your part of the painting. You can do this ina. You’ll feel better once it’s all out the way and you’ve settled onto the schedule Insha’allah.

  • Gail

    October 11, 2014

    Mari2,
    YES I am going through the exact same thing now exactly as u have described.I no longer feel the need to control others and it feels glorious.I can want their best without feeling like I have to control every situation.I do believe in fighting for your rights like in Ina’s case with her kids but as far as controlling everyone else forget it I figured out now the only person I can really control is myself and that is a hard enough job.I can not tell u how liberating it is to tell not feel like I have to control every single thing.
    I think people that try to control come from a good place and it is out of love they do most of their controlling but it is useless when the other person u r trying to control will not listen.
    I also see the beauty and joy in life now it feels like heaven to be honest.
    I think u can describe hell as loosing site of the larger picture and getting stuck in your daily struggles.I liken it to getting stuck in quicksand or mud.I don’t think G.D/Allah wants us to get caught up in our daily struggles but instead to see the larger picture.
    Ok I might be wrong here BUT lets say someone wrongs u obviously a persons natural response is going to be OHH I HOPE JOE BLOW WILL GET HIS.Ok fine u hope Joe Blow will get his but is it not more intellectually higher to think OH he is not spiritually mature enough yet I pray he will hurry up and become spiritually mature.
    I don’t know if Islam speaks about praying for your enemies or not but I see people as being on different spiritual levels.U can think of it as being in school U may be in 10th grade and your cowife just might be in second grade.Now if u see it that way is it logical for a 10th grader to say OHHH I hope that whiny second grader really gets his I am going to hide and see when he gets his.hahaha or is it more logical a 10th grader would think and say oh man that kid has a long way to go I sure hope he figures out and even maybe give him some pointers on how to grow better or just ruffle the kids hair and smile and walk away knowing he will mature at some point.
    I really do see people spiritually like that.Everyone is on their own personal journey.Not sure if I am right or wrong but I have kinda come to that conclusion about people in general and amazingly if u think about it like that it is very easy to kinda see what level people are on and growing it is really neat.
    ORRR I could be crazy not sure which hahahhahah

  • Ina

    October 11, 2014

    @Mari2, you are doing really well. I am a little envious at how well you coping with it all. I must admit that I have not reached the stage where I can sit back and let things be. At times I want to but then I think I need to fight for what I want to from the marriage instead of letting 2 other control my life. I just need to come to terms with whatever the outcome is, it has already been decided and not within our control. My father-in-law reminded me that we may not know what is best for us but Allah does. He ask to pray when feeling emotional. I agree with Marie that praying will be a good way to control anger too.

    I knew polygamy would be hard but never expected to have some of the hurdles that I had to deal with…knowledge of his infidelities, a little devil whispering to me, a difficult co-wife and on top of all this, difficulties in the bedroom. I do feel like it’s too much to deal with at times and wonder if I would be better off without this marriage.

  • Mari2

    October 10, 2014

    Ana,
    When I was first in polygamy as the second when M was still with number 1, I was okay with being second, but I will honestly say in hindsight my faith was weak. As a result I let myself be riled up by the behaviors of others rather than focus on Allah. I was caught up in emotional crap of my own and suffered from the fallacy you spoke of once when some women make their husband, rather than Allah their lord. What I mean to say is, that in my early stages of polygamy, my focus was narrowed upon M rather than focused upon Allah. It was all about M, his issues, our issues,culture, crazy #1, etc instead of being focused on learning from the Quran and seeking guidance from Allah or better yet just opening my self to Allah’s guidance. The end result was that I was tightly coiled with emotion because my energies were focused on him rather than HIM.

    I firmly believe that my cancer scare was a wake up call about what is really important in my life. And it served well to remind me of what I already have by the will of Allah…M., a loving family, a job, health insurance, good health, friends, an awesome life (if I look past petty stuff). It was as if there was an epiphany…my sometime misery in polygamy was of my own making. Then my clear diagnosis right before Ramadan, moved my focus upon my rightful lord…Allah. And Ramadan was spectacularly moving for me. It’s hard to put into words what I experienced, I can’t exactly explain it but to say I thank Allah for moving me to a place where schedules, dowry, M’s upcoming marriage, cultural stuff, etc no longer make me crazy. MASHALLAH I am a much calmer person with regard to polygamy and I can’t explain why. I just am. I think much of where I am mentally is a result of knowing/believing that I am where I should be because Allah has willed it. I have what I have (which isn’t much, but enough) because Allah has willed it. And I am content because Allah has willed it. My husband will marry as he will, and do what he must do, and the results (good or bad) will be what Allah wills. Allah is all knowing. It’s not about me. And coming to that understanding that “It’s NOT about me” and “I can’t control others” was the most freeing thing I ever did for myself.