Is there such a thing as living polygamy the right way? If so, what is the right way? Many women say that the men aren’t doing polygamy right. So, what is right? It’s what we must ask ourselves.
For one thing, we know a husband should be kind and just to his wives. In fact, being just and kind are a must for us in all our dealings. We know that he should live with his wife or wives on an equal footing. Additionally, he should feed, clothe and house them the same as he does for himself. Basically, it’s his duty to maintain and protect them.
When one speaks of a man living polygamy the right way, does it mean the way the wife wants it done?
Let’s take a look at what the ideal may look like. Ideally a husband would have a desire for another wife. Perhaps, he goes to a masjid (mosque) to speak to a woman’s guardian about marrying her Happily, they all agree to it. Now, he’s intended to her for marriage.
He goes home and tell his wife that he has found someone to marry and had received her guardian’s blessings. The wife says, Alhumdulliah (praise be to Allah) and may Allah bless your marriage.
She, her husband and the woman who is now a wife instantly become friends. They raise one another kids and love their husband dearly. He is lovey dovey with all his wives, kissing each on the check and all else. He shows no favoritism. They all live happily ever after. Not. They all get a wake up call. Welcome to reality.
Living polygamy the right way isn’t based on the wife’s ideal vision of it
The world is not lived based on ideals. For one thing, the husband, the wife and the co-wife all have different wants and desires. Sometimes those things clash causing conflict. To think there is such a thing as living polygamy the right way could leave a wife disappointed
Sometimes it’s best not to dwell on him and how wrong he is or how wrong she thinks he is. Rather, it’s better to accept that he lives polygamy the way Allah scripted it. It’s better to accept what is real and now. Then work from there.
Of course, if he’s physically or mentally abusive or isn’t maintaining and protecting properly, it’s a different story. In this article, we’re not delving into blatant wrongdoing.
Living polygamy the right way means living it according to Allah’s plan
Men live polygamy the way that Allah has decreed it. Allah who created the Heavens and the earth and all between decided who our mates would be. He decided how they’d meet, how they’d wed and how they would live.
Allah decided their lives for them. He decided which wife the husband would love more, as well as which wife would receive whatever she gets from her husband. What she gets comes from Allah. The husband simply delivers it. It’s important to realize that Allah gives based on His measure and his Will and Plan.
Furthermore, Allah says he tests some of us by way of others. He says that we cannot enter Paradise without being tested like those who came before us. Maybe polygamy is a test for the husband or the wife or both.
Polygamy could be a means to bring a person closer to Allah or to take a person further away from Him. Not all who say they are Muslims are going to enter Paradise/Jannah. Some will go to the Hell Fire.
There are examples in the Quran of stories that let us know of the trials of some people. Mary, the mother of Prophet Jesus (PBUH) gave birth without being married. She had no husband by her side. Prophet Abraham (PBUH) dropped his wife and son out in the desert and left them there. Pharoah’s wife was a believer, but look at what her husband was.
I say it all to say there is no ideals in life. Realizing that fact could change our lives for ever.
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