March 2016 Discussions

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polygamy 411 March 2016 discussions

polygamy 411 March 2016 discussions
polygamy 411 March 2016 discussions

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227 Comments

  • anabellah

    April 1, 2016

    This thread is now March 2016 discussions

    As Salaamu Alaikum and Hello All

    Once again, we have come to the close of another wonderful month of discussions only to begin anew. Letโ€™s say goodbye to the March 2016 discussions and welcome in April 2016.

    Please join us at https://www.polygamy411.com/April-2016-discussions/

    March 2016 discussions

  • Mari2

    March 31, 2016

    27
    I would ask your wali as to how much more time you should spend waiting. If you feel as though you are being used for sex only, then raise this concern with your wali. Do not decide upon your own to become pregnant with a child from a man who has at no point been interested. Discern your husband’s interest in children via your wali. If your husband expresses no interest in having children with you, and it is your desire to have children, then make plans to divorce so that Allah can give you what you desire.

  • Mari2

    March 31, 2016

    Unhappy,
    There is never an excuse for violence toward another, especially while pregnant. No man is worth a physical altercation for. Honestly. I am not sure which country you live in, but if in the west, you as the legal wife have significant rights and claims to the marriage, marital property and the children. You have the right to your own income and support for the minor children of the marriage. It doesn’t matter what a man threatens, it depends on what laws your country has regarding your rights and his obligations of support. Seeking advice from a lawyer in your case may give you an idea of where you stand legally and how much of what he says is posturing vs. reality.

    And many here do speak of polygamy as a test from Allah, and I am a believer of that. Polygamy is a hard test even with the most patient of husbands. But from what you have described, you’re at the very end of the exam…180 questions? Done! 10 short answer questions? Done! Now you and your foray into polygamy are on essay question 3. The last and final question. And there is no right or wrong answer. There is only your answer. Allah will guide you to it.

  • anabellah

    March 31, 2016

    As Salaamu Alaikum and Hello Everyone!

    In case you were wondering where the videos came from that popped up all over the place, there was a techincal malfunction on the blog It’s fixed now. Alhumdulliah! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • anabellah

    March 31, 2016

    Unhappy, As Salaamu Alaikum

    Insha Allah, you are still with us. I assume you’re still reading.

    You’ve receive very good advice from all the ladies here. I suggest that you read and re-read jasmina’s post to you. She mention something that is so very important for you to do in order to get your life together and it is to turn to Allah. Turn to Him for help and guidance. You must start living Islam according to what Allah says in the Holy Quran, if you are to have any happiness in ANY aspect of your life.

    Learn about tests and learn about punishment. Allah has you in a polygamous marriage for a reason. Is it to test you so that you will know where you stand and where you need work and improvement – where you fall short – so, you could purify your soul and grow closer to Him or is he punishing you for maybe not worshiping Him in the manner that He instructs us to ? Allah says in the Holy Quran that He does not like part-time worship. He doesn’t like those who select the parts of the Quran that they want to follow and disregard the other, either. It’s all or nothing.

    Every woman wants to run from her marriage when things aren’t going well. They think divorce is the answer. jasmina shared with you what happened when she and her husband divorced. Did she become happier? Divorce is permissible and sometime it is the best course of action. If your husband is physically abusive to you, maybe it’s the answer. Only you know what is happening between you two.

    Anyone who divorce and think that it alone is the answer to her problem and she will then live happily-ever-after, needs to think again. Your problems will follow you where ever you go, unless you deal with what is wrong with you and get it fixed. You have got problems for a reason. Identify what the problem are and what you’re going to do about them.

    When I read your post I wouldn’t know that you are Muslim other than that you said, “As Salaamu Alaikum.” Many Muslims say that are Muslim and that is it. They go about living their lives the same as anyone else on the planet with no regard for Allah. Some offer the salat only at Jummah prayer. Some offer it only doing the Holy Month of Ramadan. Some offer it only when they are presented with a calamity. Some never offer it. Allah says offer our prayer five times a day at prescribed time and guard strictly our prayers.

    You said that you would tell your daughter to say know to her husband if he wants a second wife. You may want to rethink it. Do you want your daughter to make unlawful for her husband what Allah has made lawful. It is a sin. You should teach her better than that.

    Those are just some more of my thoughts on the matter.

  • Gail

    March 31, 2016

    27 yr old,

    I personally would never give my body to any man that was not on the same page with me.Are u on birth control? I totally understand where u are coming from as u feel he is just using u for sex and satisfying his own lustful needs while your needs are going unmet.
    Here is the problem though if he don’t want kids and u force his hand by withholding sex more than likely he will give in but he will be bitter and nasty towards u and the child later on so I think it is better to assume u both are at different places in your life.
    Men in Polygamous marriages(and for the life of me I don’t get this) are mentally connected with the first wife and that family.What I am trying to say is that he had a life before you and children etc… You on the other hand are a newly married wife who is just starting out with a clean slate and don’t have all the baggage that your polygamous man has.I think it would be very very wise for women entering into polygamy to get some facts straight before jumping in head first into a polygamous marriage.For example… when and how many children each of u would like to have.. housing situation,time spent together,the other wife personality towards polygamy etc… I am sorry u are going through this but in all honesty it comes with being in Polygamy.Also understand more than your husband his first wife might have flat told him straight up not to get u pregnant.His first wife may have not have adjusted yet(does it suck for the 1st wife to play a role in your life heck yessss but the reality is it happens everyday).

  • 27

    March 31, 2016

    As salaam alaikum
    I am 2nd wife and married to him for more then 2 years now. I am 27 years old wanting to have children as I am always alone at home. My husband is not showing interest on it and looks like he just wants to have sex with me. As his other wife is 22 and has 2 children already. I am so much frustrated when he says me to wait for the time. Why should I wait more. Do you think it’s good reason to leave him as he’s not wanting to have children with me now and I am. I feel pain a lot and hurts me. I am women like he’s first wife and have same feelings. I told him clearly don’t touch me or have sex with me till you want to make me pregnant and I am Sleeping own my own. Am I doing wrong? Do I still let him sleep with me and keep giving my body for he’s pleasure and I can’t get pregnant till he wants.

  • Jasmina

    March 31, 2016

    Unhappy

    I agree with all the advice given however I want to offer another perspective. Perhaps Allah is giving you a test and until you begin to accept Allahs Qadr and turn to Allah for happiness, you will be miserable married or divorced. I’m assuming you are Muslim.

    I was divorced after a very miserable marriage and it didn’t fix my life at all or the sadness I felt, I was already in a deep depression. I remarried my husband and I’m not always happy now but I’m not depressed as I have realised how to turn to Allah and he gives me so much strength and happiness despite the difficulties in my life.

    I am saying, try to work on yourself by giving yourself 100% to Allah and forget about your husband. You will know once what your husband does or doesn’t do does not affect you in any way, when you distance from him emotionally and your heart is fully for Allah. Slowly Allah will inshaAllah heal your pain and you can make a rational decision that will benefit your life and your children’s life and also if you leave it will hopefully be in a friendly way with your husband. If you stay then inshaAllah You and him can fall in love and place your life in order. Life and marriage is hard but we do make it harder for ourselves.

    it just sounds to me like you are hurting very bad and you are spiteful and angry, and that’s not the time to make any decisions. I do not think a man would marry another woman to spite his wife. It just happened because Allah willed it, and the fact there was haram involved, that’s for your husband to answer back to Allah.m so don’t get caught up about how they met, the fact is she is his wife and you are his wife also and there is no difference between the two of you.

  • Gail

    March 30, 2016

    Unhappy,

    In your situation I can totally see where u would feel disgusted with your husband and want a divorce.If u have proof that he is practicing polygamy or u can gather proof and pictures then I think it will help u not to mention if your children are older they can tell the judge they want to live with u and their dad is a polygamous.
    I am sorry u are going through this insane nightmare as I had to go through something pretty similar to this myself and it caused me so many issues in my life leading to alot of health issues and mentally disturbed me for so many yrs.
    I will say this collect your thoughts and make a real plan and stick to it.If u decide to divorce him but now is not the time then just start getting your ducks in a row like getting him to put the home in your name etc…be smart is what I am trying to say and when your youngest kids gets old enough and your oldest kid is though college then u will be free to walk.If u decide u want to stay in the marriage then u will need to confront your husband and his other wife and try to figure out a way that u can live with the nonsense your husband has created.

  • ummof4

    March 30, 2016

    As-salaamu Alaikum Unhappy,

    Allah did not command us as Muslims (or humans in general) to live in misery. However, you said something that caught my interest. You said that you believe your husband married a second wife out of spite for something that you did. Please don’t tell us here what you did, because we should not reveal our sins; and it sound like you have repented.

    I do believe we often create our own misery. You seem to be very focused on what your husband and his other wife are doing to you. What are you doing to yourself by constantly thinking about them?

    You say you have children, make sure they are okay and try to be the best mother you can be for them. They can sense when you are upset, even if you don’t tell them.

    A few questions?

    1. You mention physical violence when you were pregnant. Hopefully this has not happened again and won’t happen again. Do you two often fight physically?
    2. You say you have been miserable for 2 years. Why are you staying in the marriage? Is it because of love for your husband, a sense of duty, family tradition, the child(ren), financial reasons?

    Please concentrate more on Allah than on your husband and his other marriage. Let Allah guide you to what is best for you. Ana has given you some sound advice.

    Everyone, have a good day, week, month, year and life that can only be obtained by worshipping Allah in the proper manner that He has prescribed for us.

  • anabellah

    March 30, 2016

    Unhappy, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    Insha Allah, He will give you the strength and where with all to leave the marriage, if it’s what you truly want. You must really want it in your heart and ask Allah to remove you from the marriage.

    If you were to stay, you would need to change your attitude about polygamy and what you believe about our religion as well. If you don’t like polygamy and you don’t want to be in it, then you will continue to be miserable in the marriage.

    If you come to believe that Allah placed you, she and your husband in the polygamous marriage that you all are in, and you want to accept Allah’s decision that He made for you, and accept all His decisions and try to do all that He says, you will find peace and contentment in your life. It’s no cake walk and it doesn’t happen over-night.

    You mustn’t blame yourself for him becoming polygamous. You didn’t drive him to do it. Allah wrote the script for him to become polygamous before he was even born. It’s not your fault that he is polygamous, so please stop blaming yourself.

    If you are firm on divorce, you may want to go consult with a divorce attorney to see what your options are. You said he will make life hell for you, if you seek a divorce. Well, it sounds as though you’re going through an earthly hell now.

    Things aren’t going to magically get better for you. You’re going to have to make your intention as to what you want to do. Either you go get legal assistance and get up out of a marriage that seems to be destroying you or you try to find away to get right with your life and your beliefs. Polygamy is a part of our religion. Some people want to argue that it’s an option for men. I beg to differ.

    If ANYONE is in a polygamous marriage, it’s because Allah put the person there for whatever reason that He had. If you believe that you’re in it because of your own free will and accord, then stop making excuses and get up out of it.

    We’re here if you want to talk more. I’ll try to get back to you as soon as I can.

  • Unhappy

    March 30, 2016

    As salaam Alaikum. I happen to google and came upon this website. I’ve noticed that these comments are from last year so I’m not sure if this comment will be seen. I am in a polygamous marriage. My husband took on a second wife a couple of years ago. He did it out of being spiteful towards me. Before he married his second wife, he worked and became friends with this woman. I knew of her because her children would sometimes play with my children at times. She was in a relationship with her children’s father before he left her to go be with somebody else. Once she became single, her and my husband text each other more, call each other more, he would be at her house, took her and her kids out while I was gone to work. Then they starting sexting each other one day and the next following month he married her after I found there conversations they were having on his phone. I hate both of them. They make me sick to my stomach. For the past couple of years, I feel he did out of spite and what he thinks I did to him which I have made amends to making our marriage better. Every time I try to express how I am feeling about the situation. I got called childish, I was told to get over it, he has physically fought me while I was pregnant over this woman. It has gotten to the point that when he touched me, he makes me cringe. When we have sex, I don’t feel anything I feel numb. I have lost my drive and momentum in my career…it has gotten to the point that I hate my job, I hate my side business, I hate my life…I don’t wanna be around people because I’m always feel unhappy. When he is home he sleeps, we barely talk to each other, we never go out anywhere. I want a divorce but I know for a fact that he will make my life a living hell and try to take my kids away from me even though truthfully I take care of them. I regret ever getting married. It’s overrated. I feel miserable. I just pray my daughter will be smarter than I was and ask her husband not to take on another wife because it’s miserable. Ishallah I get the strength to exit out of this.

  • anabellah

    March 26, 2016

    Haqqiya, Wa Alaikum As Salaamu and a warm hug back to you, too,

    I’m so happy that you’ve found this site. What makes me super happy is that you read some of the February posts and you found a lot of your answers before I needed to write to you. You are a quick learner. You summed up what this life of living polygamy is about in just a few sentence. YOU’RE GOOD. Alhumdulliah.

    You’re on the right track. Focus your attention on being a good servant to Allah and on pleasing Him. When you do that, you become a super good person yourself and your husband and all those around you get pleased by default. You will naturally become a good wife to your husband, because you’ll do everything to please Allah and Allah will let you do good. Make life about your husband and you will suffer for it. If you turn all of your attention to Allah and turn it away from His creation, Allah will turn His creation towards you. It’s beautiful. If you turn your attention to Allah’s creation, He will turn His creation against you. It includes a husband. If you want good in your life, love Allah. Learn to prioritize. Keep Allah in mind when doing all that you do. If you go get your husband a glass of water, think of Allah while you’re filling that glass up with water to take to your husband and say you are doing it to seek Allah’s good pleasure. Even if your husband doesn’t say thank you for the water, you wouldn’t care cuz you didn’t do it for him. Your reward is from Allah. When you wash the dishes or clean your house and all that you do, remember Allah and do it to seek the good pleasure of Allah. Imagine all the barakats (blessings) that you are storing up to help you enter Jannah and to have the best in this world and the best in the Hereafter.

    Again, I am pleased to make your acquaintance. You seem to be a beautiful being. We’re here if you want to talk more. I’ve been tied up with other things and don’t write posts/thread as much right now, but I’ll try to answer everyone as best I can and join the discussions. Allah has sent us wonderful, bright and beautiful people here. Alhumdulliah.

  • Haqqiya

    March 26, 2016

    Come back here again after scrolling Feb posts.

    And Hey, you guys make me realize that there will be such a big things than conflicting our own heart. Okay its just natural. We all facing those kinda feeling. We’re just human.

    Now I know I have to prepare for those things. Improve myself and focusing myself just to please Allah. Whatever might come,it will be good for us and even bad for us just the way we react. The life is just a glimpse, yet we search for more joy here, not the true life after.

    Marriage is just the way we turn and devoting ourselves for Allah. It’s just the test. Hope we will bring some good checkmarks for the true journey by this path we take inshaallah.

    Hope we’ll always keep in touch and strengthen each other.

    For those who questioning “why me?” (As I’m questioning about) It’s just the way that Allah bring for us and He believe that we can surpass this. Inshaallah

    Jazakumullah khayr for everyone,
    And especially sis Ana for creating this beautiful web.
    Barakallah fikum

  • Haqqiya

    March 26, 2016

    Assalamualaikum, warmth hugs everyone, I’m new here and quite enjoyed with your discussion alhamdulillah.

    Can I try to fit in with talk about myself?

    Well, I’m not married yet, but I think I’m going to be the third. Lol. Even me still don’t believe what I’m going through. But that’s what’s going to happen inshaallah.

    Thing is, I’ve always convinced myself that all what I’m going to do is just one of the best I can to devote myself for Allah. It was hard from the beginning , because my cultural thing doesn’t allow this situation easily. So I’m the one who always try to understand and learn. I’m asian anyway.

    But the fear that I have since the beginning is, can I be mean for my husband? Can I being ‘someone’for him? How do I can face the life after with him and his wives?
    As I always wanted to believe that I have to be the best for him. In every way I can. But it’s wrong, isn’t it?

    Nowadays I thinking that probably I don’t have to compete the others, but I only have to compete myself to be the best?
    But still, I ended up like “Allah, if he’s the one for me then I want you make me the best for him.”

    I’m still confuse with all basic question about heart and heart and heart. Can anyone subject me what is this? And how do I overcome with all those feeling.

    Anw, to be known, this person who I’m going to marry is knowing me first than the others. He only make the before me because it’s easier to get them first. The problem with me was about the distance, before. And He marry the widow with one girl.
    He hide me this news before, till I feel that he had something to hide. And told me everything about her.
    First time I know it, I was not surprised because we talked about things like this before. And I’m cool with that.

    Jzk

  • Gail

    March 26, 2016

    Mari2,

    I was happy to read things are going alot smoother for u these days.

  • baseema

    March 25, 2016

    Oh Mari, that’s awful, never seeing each other. That’s very sad. I hope somehow it gets better for you. ๐Ÿ™

  • Arzoo

    March 25, 2016

    Mari2, that looks like a great improvement over what i remember was going on earlier at your home. I bet they are missing living in a nicer place with you paying majority of the bills.

  • Mari2

    March 25, 2016

    Baseema,

    The reason that I currently have 1 night per week with M is because he works the night shift at his job, 10pm to 8am, 7 days per week. It’s always been this way. So I was delighted when he was able to convince his boss to let another person do night shift 1x per week allowing him and I to have a night together. Then the day manager decided the new night guy wasn’t doing enough work during the overnight shift so she told M that he had to go back to 7 nights. As of today, M spoke to the boss and told him that either he gets the night off or he [M] will not continue to work a 70 hour week, partially off the books. So it looks like for now M will keep his night.

    I work days, M-F and leave at 7 and arrive home by 6. So even when M lived here, he was away when I awoke, and asleep when I came home. He wakes at 9pm, prays and then leaves. So weekend mornings have always been our only time together. And yes, he and MIL live down the street, but he comes here weekend mornings and we spend time together until he returns to his other home. With MIL being in her own place, now our weekend mornings are no longer interrupted by her or frequent calls from Pakistan. And M now leaves his phone in the car when he enters the home. That is working very well for us both.

  • anabellah

    March 25, 2016

    I’m on this stupid smart phone and I ‘m sleepy, so I hope this message reads right smile

  • anabellah

    March 25, 2016

    Arzoo,

    Insha Allah, I’ll be more careful when joking or exaggerating and will let all know it’s what I was doing. I shouldn’t assume that everyone knows what I’m doing. We all have different sense of humor, plus it’s easy for us to misread one another on a blog.

    But, yeap, the other craziness doesn’t matter. I’ll share a story that I would love to be able to be the way the character is. I’m going to bed now.

  • arzoo

    March 25, 2016

    oh i took your reference to people wanting to behead you literally. Glad to know that you didnt get any such threat ๐Ÿ™‚
    Other little things dont matter and are common on blogs when discussions get heated

  • anabellah

    March 24, 2016

    Arzoo,

    LOL, No, I have never received any threats on the blog against my life, safety or well-being, by email or any other kind of way. I was just emphasizing and dramatizing. The closest to threats that I’ve gotten on this blog is by a number of people who were angry because I banned them or they didn’t like what I said and they threatened to bad mouth me all over the internet and tell people to stay away from my blog – like I really care. Allah says to ignore the ignorant. I try to obey Allah as best I can ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Arzoo

    March 24, 2016

    wow you get threats for speaking against sects on your blog! Well nothing new i guess. Thats going on all over the world. Those people making all muslims look bad and violent

  • anabellah

    March 24, 2016

    Arzoo,

    I agree that there is a lot of divisiveness among Muslims. I speak of it all the time about the sects that all of the Muslims are divided into when Allah says don’t do it. But, when I say it people want to behead me and say that I’m a certain type of Muslim for simply saying what Allah says in the Holy Quran. I have spoken about the sisters who will not give the salaams to those other Muslims who aren’t in burka, just because they think they are better due to the way they are dressed. I’d be the first to say that we are one brotherhood, the same as what Allah says. He says that we are. He says that He named us Muslims. So why are people associating titles with the name? There are born Muslims out there hating on reverts because – why? Is it because the reverts are trying to learn Islam and live it and the born Muslims feel ashamed, cuz they probably never picked up a Quran to read it? Some hate on reverts because they want to accept polygamy and be pleased with Allah’s decrees. Others Muslims want all women to condemn it and see it as something outdated. Allah says the Quran is for all mankind and for all times. It’s why I have made this blog a pro-polygamy blog. If anyone is in a polygamous marriage, it’s because Allah has placed the person in it. Islam is about submitting to His Will. If we submit to Allah’s will, we have no will of our own.

  • Arzoo

    March 24, 2016

    Ana, I am not here with any agenda. Its just that most discussions i see among Muslims in-person or on internet tend to be divisive. Bearded men who dress a certain way look down on men who are clean shaven and dressed in regular simple clothes. Same with hijabi women. I just see a lot of this going on around me. What we need is unity sister/brotherhood. Thats why i commented when i felt the discussion is going in that direction. Maybe i misinterpreted.

  • anabellah

    March 24, 2016

    Arzoo, Hi,

    I must not have been clear in my post OR you misunderstood mine and others. I can’t recall ANYONE here having bashed monogamy to make a point. In fact we ALL have said that monogamy and polygamy are both lawful forms of marriage and the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) engaged in both. A man cannot be polygamous without having been monogamous first. AGAIN, you must keep in mine that this is a PRO-polygamy blog. It’s why it’s best that people who are here talking are in a polygamous marriage, expect or accept that one day they will be or are interested in it from a POSITIVE perspective. It prevents us from getting caught up in comparisons that lead to DEBATE . When we refer to monogamous marriages it’s not to discourage anyone from it or to make it seem inferior to polygamy. We can however state the benefits that we see in polygamy that outweighs those of monogamy, if we want to. It’s okay for us to talk about polygamy and monogamy in anyway that is conducive to us accepting Allah’s will. Please keep in mind that we are not going to comment in a way not to offend someone who may be in a monogamous marriage. As I had said before, there may be a problem with you being here if you are not for polygamy and don’t view it in a positive manner or want to learn to do so. I hope you aren’t here with some other agenda.

  • Arzoo

    March 24, 2016

    Hi Ana, I kind of understand the advantages of polygamy that you all mentioned below. Just wanted to say that its not right to bash monogamy or women in monogamy to make a point about benefits of polygamy. Monogamy is the norm/default and polygamy is an option (not requirement) for Muslims. Majority of Muslims are monogamous. They are not doing anything wrong. Some of the posts here sound like monogamous Muslims are missing an important or required experience that brings people closer to Allah. I think this kind of thinking or comments create division. I see similar divisions being created in hijabi vs non hijabi, born muslims vs reverts and so on.

  • anabellah

    March 23, 2016

    Jasmina,

    I agree with you that in monogamy a lot is taken for granted by the wives. They become complacent. A wife sees a whole another side of herself once she’s in polygamy. Those taking her husband for granted days are long gone. Then she has to struggle with not going to far to the opposite side and making her life about her husband, or she will suffer indefinitely. She has to find a balance and the balance comes from knowing the meaning of life and making life about Allah, as you stated.

  • Jasmina

    March 23, 2016

    I have not experienced monogamy to know the difference but I like the days off to do my own thing and be myself. Polygamy makes me very conscious about my egos and wanting to be in control of internal desires to focus more on Allah. Polygamy makes my journey as a Muslim in this world an everyday reality check. Before I would go by not thinking life through too much but now it’s on my mind everyday as I try to let go of any pains and think about the true reasons of life. It’s harder so obviously it’s going to be on my mind, if I don’t think of Allah as much then I would think of self destructive things and get depressed and ruin my life. I think you would take a lot for granted in monogamy. It’s a good thing but it’s very hard as well, it could be our destruction or our salvation and source of much reward. May Allah ease everyone’s marital problems whether in polygamy or monogamy, none of it is easy, unless you have an amazing husband and wife couple and they don’t exist.

  • anabellah

    March 23, 2016

    Number4,

    I could get with all the reasons that you gave as to the benefits that you derived from being in a polygamous marriage.

    As far as the husbands go

  • anabellah

    March 23, 2016

    The wives really need to ask themselves WHY they are doing whatever they are doing. I don’t think it’s uncommon for wives to buy their husbands clothes (or anything else) whether they’re in a monogamous or polygamous marriage. It’s quite common for wives in monogamous marriages to buy their husbands clothes.

    Many men are not into clothes and don’t buy themselves anything. They’d wear the same clothes year after year until worn and while worn unless the wife replace them. Most women want their husbands to look nice and represent.

    Of course, business men and such will be more concerned and conscious about what they wear, but for home and everyday social wear, they don’t get all into it. It’s not absolute, of course. There are some men who are very GQ and fashion conscious all the time. They shop more than some women for clothes and accessories.

    Now, on the other hand, if wives are in polygamous marriages and they are trying to compete to see who could buy the best and most clothes for the husband, it’s a whole different ball game. It’s just an additional burden that the wives place on themselves. First, they aren’t buying the clothes to get barakats (blessings from Allah)if they’re doing it for recognition or praise or thank yous from the husband or if they are doing it to agitate the co.

    My thing is:

    How would the one wife know that the other wife bought the husband anything?

    How does the wives know the husband didn’t buy whatever it is, himself for himself?

    Did the wife tell the other wife that she bought the husband such and such? Why would she do that?

    Did the husband tell his one wife that the other wife bought him such and such? Why would he do that?

    Whether he told it or she told it doesn’t bring anyone closer to Allah. There is some personal desire that’s being satisfied that has absolutely nothing to do with Allah when such a thing happens.

    Jasmina said she used to always buy her husband clothes when she had the money. She said she had extra money and bought her husband some clothes
    It’s what she said. She knows best why she did it.

    How did the co know Jasmina had bought the husband clothes and the co damaged them? Or, did the husband damage his own clothes?

  • Number4

    March 23, 2016

    I think for me…

    1.I think it makes me a better person bc it fits into my own independence and forces me to always return to the remembrances of Allah bc this is not always easy.

    2.I enjoy my days alone, just being in my own head, doing for self.

    3.I’m studying more, it helps to learn and not take directions from men’s perspective.

    And 4
    …finally, I’m not sure that I can say polygamy has made my husband a better person, I’m still learning him. I do admire his devotion to Allah, hw refers to the Quran n Sunnah in all matters….

  • baseema

    March 23, 2016

    i guess it just seemed weird that they are buying him clothes, i’ve never had that experience, so i don’t really know lol…but so that creates more of a problem because they have another thing to fight over…if he bought his own clothes, then there wouldn’t be problem (maybe lol) and the wives wouldn’t feel so possessive about clothes. or he could be like Mark Zuckerberg and buy all the exact same clothes for every day. LOL!

  • anabellah

    March 23, 2016

    Spirited, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    I second your opinion, Spirited!!!

  • Spirited

    March 23, 2016

    Salaam, hey guys

    @number4. That’s an interesting question. I would say it teaches you how to refocus onto Allah and makes you less concerned about your husband, and more self-reliant with a more acute awareness of God always being nearby and listening to you. If you have kids, I suppose you would become more attentive to them (and your job or personal activities) and less on a husband.

    Basically, through my own experiences and some of others’, I feel that polygamy changes a woman’s perspectives and makes her more independent and more aware of Allah. Even if it’s at the cost of potentially losing respect and love for her husband. You remember that humans lie, cheat, abandon, etc. but Allah will always be there and truthful, He will keep his promises, it’s up to you to get yourself to the point where you can get the benefits of His promises.

    It might be different with a husband who works towards living a good life with his wife (wives) in the interest of having a harmonious marriage and follow the recommendations and examples set by our prophet (and even prophets previously as they are all our examples). This sort of family could be great in helping each other achieve the goal of becoming closer to God and Heaven at the end of the road.

    Those are my opinions anyhow.

  • Number4

    March 23, 2016

    Asalaam Alaikum sisters, .,

    I have a questions..,how does polygamy make you a better person? What is it about polygamy that you like? How have you strengthened your knowledge of Allah and Islam through polygamy? And lastly how do you know if polygamy has made your husband better people?

    I’m just curious.

  • Jasmina

    March 23, 2016

    Number4
    He never used to, but I think that since she is acting out and I asked him he sort of told me in an indirect way. otherwise no he doesn’t even bring her up ever, I’m the one to bring her up.

  • Jasmina

    March 23, 2016

    Mari2
    Thanks for sharing that with me. I not know what to think though after what you said. I mean yeah my husband does not seem fair with his time… But after you describe your situation and your husband as tender for it I somewhat feel like mine isn’t as bad as I thought. My husband gets home late between 9 and midnight and we are up will about 1am. Weekend mornings he is home, not doing much, and lately he does spend more time at home though it started to reduce after the co started acting up which was when I got upset… Okay it seems so trivial now… Ana you are right… It’s such a roller coaster ride, we can either vomit through it or enjoy it, I think I’m going to try enjoy the ride.

    Mari2 are you the lady that had your husband and mil move out? I think I recall your story. But yeah it sounds like you are solid and happy and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what kind of life or lifestyle we have so long as we are content and able to wake up in the morning and breathe without any kind of anxiety or depression. I am happier these days as my husband and I do not fight anymore, it used to be almost every day. I have to be grateful to Allah for this.

  • Jasmina

    March 23, 2016

    No I don’t like the word cowife and only use co on this blog to describe “the other”. Just makes it easier, makes no difference to me, if there’s a better word then I will use that…

  • Jasmina

    March 23, 2016

    Thanks Arzoo that sounds like a very reasonable approach

  • Jasmina

    March 23, 2016

    Gail

    Your story is interesting and there’s always more. It seem your co wasn’t very smart in how she handled things. It happened to me in the past, I acted out on emotions and lost big time, that is why now I try to think and rethink before taking any action.

    I do want to stay as I said because my husband has improved and I think he is growing as a person through this as well and I do hope inshallah that we all get to a good balanced life. If things get to hard or go back to how they were 6 months ago I would reconsider.

  • Jasmina

    March 23, 2016

    Yes Ana I ifnd it completely childish, I don’t have the time to monitor what my husband wears and when, I just make sure it’s all ironed and then it’s up to him… Lol. i like gifting my husband and I used to gift him a lot many years ago when I had money, now it’s hard and he tells me not to buy him anything but I had to to see if it made a differenc. He did wear some new clothes I got him to the other wife and they came back damaged so now he takes them off before going to her lol.

  • anabellah

    March 22, 2016

    What jasmina described about her co and her husband’s clothes reminds me of some divorced parent who have children.

    The one parent puts the child in new clothes when the child comes to visit. Before the child is sent back home, the parent put the child back in his old clothes that he arrived in, instead of letting the kid go home with both his new and his old clothes. They give all kinds of excuses for why they do it. For example, the kid is always sent to me in ragged and dirty clothes and I have to buy him new clothes all the time.

    What’s happening with jasmina’s co sounds like selfish, childish, petty stuff. She has to be a very unhappy person right about now.

    Granted all wives go through a thing in polygamous marriage. There is no exception. At a point, however, one has to pull oneself up out of the craziness and find a sense of sanity. Everyone has to get there at their own pace and time. The important thing is to get there sooner than later, for one’s own peace of mind.

  • anabellah

    March 22, 2016

    What’s more crazy to me is that he lets the wife dictate to him how he could come into the home and how he is to leave it.

    All the wives homes are the husbands home, as well.

    He should be able to come into his home, wearing whatever he wants and leave his home, wearing whatever he wants. Again it’s his homes and his clothes.

    It’s all just pure to me.

  • anabellah

    March 22, 2016

    baseema,

    I was just going to bite my tongue on that one. But, now that you spoke up about it, I will too.

    Who cares if the wives buy their husbands clothes or anything else. What’s wrong with it?

    What makes me scratch my head is that the husband is allowing the wife to dictate to him where he wears his own clothes. Once the wife has given the clothes to the husband (I assume the clothes are the husband’s gifted to him and she and he aren’t sharing the clothes) the clothes are his. He can do whatever he darn well pleases (whatever it is, Allah willed) with those clothes.

    Once a person gifts or gives something to another, it belongs to the person who it was given to. The person could give it away or throw it away or whatever he does with it and it’s okay. That wife should have no say as to what he does with his things once they are given to him. It makes absolutely no sense to me what jasmina’s husband is allowing to take place. I understand that it goes way deeper than it. Allah allows us to do things for a reason. Some He allows to do messed up things so they go astray others he let do good for the good of their souls.

    Jasmina’s husband has made his other wife, his lord. It’s not a good thing. He’s in more trouble then he thinks or he knows right about now, and it’s not with his wives.

  • anabellah

    March 22, 2016

    To me, it appears that some of the husbands like the drama. They like women having cat fights over them. It makes them feel like manly men. Some men get totally stressed out by the drama and don’t want any part of it. Some, on the other hand, love drama. Not only women love drama. It makes him feel like, “THE MAN”.

    I still think it boils down to desires that women want fulfilled by the husbands and a certain amount of control they want over their husbands.

    Jasmina knows that her husband inclines towards his other wife right about now. He dances to the other’s beat. It’s because he wants to (Allah has directed him in that direction for the time being). She knows she has no intention of leaving him. If he divorces her, she’d have to move on, as it would be their second divorce. It’s would be all over for him and her. She’d have to marry another man who divorce her or dies before she and her current husband could hook up again.

    Jasmina’s husband comes home to her on her days. He just doesn’t come home at the time that she wants him there. He hasn’t left her, as it were “hanging”, feeling that she has no husband. He just isn’t being what she wants him to be when she wants him to be it.

    As long as the wives get caught up in their worldly wants and desires, they will be unhappy. They haven’t learned what it means to be Muslim/Believer and what Muslim mean. Muslim and Islam is about submission to the Will of Allah. Life is about what Allah Will. They don’t know or care to know about Allah’s “Will” and “Decree.”

    Is jasmina’s husband wrong or being unfair. Who knows, but Allah. Allah may flip the script tomorrow and her husband may begin to cater to her and not to the other wife and it all has evened out. We don’t know what Allah has written for tomorrow, as in the future. So, how could anyone be certain that something that happens today is unfair or unjust?

    As long as every wife make life about herself, she will be unhappy. Only when a wife makes life about Allah, will she find peace and contentment. It’s something a person learns when she becomes closer to Allah in wanting to please Him, and less concerned with what she perceive to be a “right”. It’s not about our wants and desires. It’s the bottom line. It comes down to self (wants and desires) vs. submission to Allah’s will. What exists is Allah’s will. Allah tells us when to act and when to leave things alone and let Him deal with it Himself.

  • baseema

    March 22, 2016

    wow, Jasmina, why are you both buying him clothes? is that normal?

    and Mari2, once in 4 years and he ditches you?? why have you stayed with him 4 years?? maybe i have missed your story, but i’m so confused! i hope i have it wrong, but he never goes with you for the night?? and all those problems besides?? oh man, i am so glad to be single!! who needs this!?

  • anabellah

    March 22, 2016

    I can’t get with the word co-wife either. I just think it doesn’t represent what wives truly are who are married to the same man. I think “sisters wives” is more accurate and it’s not totally so. It’s the husband’s wives. Sisters-in-faith would probably be better, but yet not all the wives are sisters-in-faith whether Muslim or not. It all boils down to the woman being the husband’s wife. I don’t know what the best name would be other than, “my husband’s other wife.”

  • Number4

    March 22, 2016

    Jasmina,
    I don’t get why your husband tells you the negative things from the other wife (notice in none of my post do I use the term co wife bc there is no cooperation in most of these situations).

    Mind games, iut witting the other, it’s pointless and so unrewarding.

  • Mari2

    March 22, 2016

    @ Jasmina
    I can very much understand your frustration. However, though you think co wife is manipulative, it is your husband who is the true manipulator. Is he being tied and forced to spend more time with her? No. He chooses to. That is his choice and he owns it. Not her and not you. No person owns the choices of others. And nary spend a moment wondering why or trying to place blame upon yourself or her. Your hubs failure to give you the right to his time is neither your problem or hers. It is his problem and he alone owns it and will answer for it. I have learned that there are some polygamous men who look at polygamy not as a lesson, a test, but as a right to have options to do as they please. Then there are wives who think that their husbands live to please them and them only. Then Allah gets lost. Toss in ridiculous, non Islamic,culture norms and viola! Shaitan reigns supreme in the minds of erstwhile normal woman. And I say this because I have lived this. And I walked away. Not from Allah. Not from the idea of polygamy, but from the falsity of husbands who talk religion out of the side of their mouths and combine the grace of Allah with stupid cultural norms, misogyny, and whims of their tribal upbringing.

    My husband is on a very tender rope with me as I speak. Not because he has a second wife who is a pest, and his mom always is interrupting, and relatives blah blah demanding money. Nope. He agreed after 4 years of marriage to take 1…ONE night off to spend with me. Albeit, the one night required me to stay up until 11PM tho I wake for work at 530am. But I was happy for this small miracle. Then the other week he told me a lie that the person covering his shift was fired. And he couldn’t come anymore. Why? Because he needed to sleep. So this is what I told M: Wow since you can’t be here on Thursday, I guess we’ll just see each other on Sunday. He said: I will come to see you on Saturday morning too. Me: No. I am going back to my regular Saturday morning gym routine. Sorry. I won’t be able to be here when you arrive. But feel free to hang out and wait for me.

  • arzoo

    March 22, 2016

    Jasmina, What you wrote shows you are doing great. Speaking up is very important but doing it at the right time is even more important. Its much more effective when orher person sees your actions first e.g. you keeping your head high and making good use of your time that he chose to give up. First it keeps you in high spirit and second it will give him some relief and time to introspect. He knows he is making excuses so he might be expecting you to get angry again and possibly be afraid to face your anger and trying to avoid any talk. Now you responding differently and staying in good shape and mood will get him thinking about you and paying attention to your new response to this same old situation. This will surely change your relationship dynamics. If he still doesnt show any signs of mending his ways then give some subtle hints e.g. if he making excuses to go to Masjid tell him it will be nice if he will take his son with him and you will get time for your gym or a beaty/hair appointment etc. This way maybe he will start spending that time on children and not your cowife. If cowife herself is struggling with polygamy she will handle it better that husband spending time with kids than with you. Hopefully she will get used to the schedule and him away at that time. If you see you are making all the effort with no response from him maybe after a month of you trying then speak up. He will listen for sure if you bring it up after making changes in yourself. Also when he sees you working on your own health and not sitting at home waiting for him he will not take you for granted.

  • Jasmina

    March 22, 2016

    Ok I will join in on the conversation tomorrow got to go now

  • Jasmina

    March 22, 2016

    Ummof4
    Thank you for your well wishes. It truly was black and white maybe 2 months ago, where it felt like I needed to make the choice to accept this or leave but my husband has improved and is trying to be here for me. Since then is when the company has taken out her claws and she has now revealed her true feelings and desire for me to leave, in fact she is desperately trying everything.

    I’m sure he does incline more to her, you are right, his actions show it, but I also feel that she is very very manipulative and very good at perhaps threatening him maybe. I have spoken to her a few times where words were like daggers, and I was left just speechless so I can imagine. If it wasn’t for his improvements I would say there is little hope. But I see that there is hope and I’m going to continue trying and get out more, find new activities. I start a new job next month so I hope that will keep me busier.

  • Jasmina

    March 22, 2016

    Arzoo
    Thanks I like the idea of exercising, I will make a point of joining a gym sometime this week. But like Gail says its best to speak up so I will continue to let him know I do not accept any injustice and just keep myself busy so I don’t let it get to me in the mean time.

    number4
    That’s bad what you went through, some women really know how to play their cards right. Like do they sit and plan and plot for hours to come up with some of the things they do? I just don’t get it because it’s so calculated but ever so painful to the other wife and it looks so innocent the husband never picks up on it or the ill intention. My husband would never pick up on it and I won’t mention it because he will think I’m the bad one, like Ana reminded me, it’s happened before.

  • Jasmina

    March 22, 2016

    Thank you to everyone who has been so kind to share their advice with me. I try to take everyone’s experiences and opinions and see what’s best for now…

    I do appreciate the practical advice and if it wasn’t for the fact that my husband has improved 10 fold I would not be trying more. We have come a long way, our fights are so civil and classy now. Like someone adviced me to buy him clothes and so I did and now he comes home to get changed here… It seems the co doesn’t want him brining the clothes she gave him here so that’s why he would go there to get changed all the time. Little things makes a huge difference.

    Ana
    Put the smack down… Lol. Yes thanks I won’t outwit her, it’s best to leave it to Allah. Hubby told me she wants me to leave him which explains a lot. But he wouldn’t leave me, I’ve given him plenty of reasons and he hasn’t so why would he now that we are getting along. But yeah I think she might be going through a difficult time and so I will try be patient and just not respond negatively. Inshala

  • anabellah

    March 21, 2016

    Women chasing after the husbands and competing for their love and attention has nothing to do with Allah in the sense that they think they’ll get Paradise as a result. All that chasing has to do with their desires. They don’t compete for Allah’s love or anything associated with Him. It’s all about them wanting to get their needs and wants fulfilled. Allah says we will not attain to righteousness until we give freely of that which we love. What we love equates to desires. The desire for this world’s life and the things in it, we have to give up in order to enter Paradise. It doesn’t mean that we can’t have good and nice things. Allah says He created the good for the BELIEVERS in this world and exclusively for them in the Hereafter. We shouldn’t make what is in this world our priority. Women are making their husbands their world and priority. They suffer as a result of it. It not what Allah created us for. Women are getting it twisted. They are being schooled by the very men who have taken their rights away from them. They listen to those very men thinking it is Islam. When the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) left this earth, men went back to pre-Islamic times. They went back to treating women as property and chattel. It’s why they don’t believe in the Quran and make no reference to it. Quran would show them up as wrong.

  • anabellah

    March 21, 2016

    Number4, Wa Alaikum As Salaam

    I’m glad you mentioned the following: ” I just donโ€™t believe that Allah is really concerned with how well I wash my husbands underwear, lol, I donโ€™t believe that men are the way to Allah”

    I have written many comments and posts on this blog about the very thing you mentioned. Men have mislead women from the path of Allah by leading them to believe that their husbands are their vehicle to get to Paradise. It is so wrong. Many women think they are doing good by serving their husband, but they aren’t. Allah says that there will be people who will think they will be in Paradise, but they will be in the Fire. Hell waits for them in ambush.

    Allah says to serve Him and Him alone. To serve a husband is the equivalent of making the husband equal to Allah. Allah never said that we should serve our husbands.

    When you mentioned that a wife thinks she will get to Paradise by washing a husband’s underwear and by doing things such as it – if she washes his clothes and thinks she’s a good wife by doing it because her husband will be happy and pleased with her, she loses. She gets no barkats (blessings). Now, on the other hand, if she washes her husband’s clothes, while remembering Allah, wanting to do a good deed, in hope that Allah will be pleased with her and has written it as a good deed for her, she will receive barakats for it. She’s doing it simply to seek the good pleasure of Allah. She shouldn’t care whether her husband say thank you, says nothing, tell her to go to hell, treats her like a dog or anything else cuz she didn’t do it for her husband. Anytime someone expect ANYTHING from another, she or he blew what could have been barakats. If a person holds the door for someone and the person doesn’t say thank you and she say daaag the person didn’t even say thank you, it mean the person did it for the thank you. She didn’t do it to seek good from Allah. We need to be conscious of why we do thing.

  • Number4

    March 21, 2016

    I also don’t like these cat n mouse battles between wives, it’s wasted energy, misplaced aggression because hisbands are the root of that nonsense. It raises their machismo to know that women are fighting over them….what is the great prize? To have men who don’t truly value anything but themselves? Men get over because we allow it, we want so much to be married, to follow what MEN have said Allah wants…look how well they do in this religion? They are on pedestals, everything o
    Is fashioned to honor their habits, I just don’t believe that Allah is really concerned with how well I wash my husbands underwear, lol, I don’t believe that men are the way to Allah, I mean come on, Allah created us knowing what strengths weaknesses and gifts he’d give us, so this Chess game we think is life is really orchestrated by ideas that men foster…

  • Number4

    March 21, 2016

    Salaams sisters.

    Gail I agree with you that wives shouldn’t be kept apart, I don’t agree that they should reside in the same home. I didn’t know that I would not meet them and that pissed me ofd for many months. I’m about 4 days shy of one year martied and I still have not met anyone except his adult children from the monogamous marriage he had during his twenties to early thirties. Divorced from her 20 years ago.

    I’ve now resigned myself that my idea of family n community is mine alone.
    None of us 4 wives have children with him. He has assisted in the current 1st wife’s raising her children. They have been married over 20 years…we all also have good careers. One is retired. So he’s really free from children, financially free from us and I’m sure he’s got a good penny saved but it’s not my concern…in both experiences with polygamy there have been imbalances. I never met the other wife and appatently it won’t happen hear. I no longer bring it up…
    I didn’t even have a walimah bc he didn’t want it to get back to tje first wife.
    Marriage should be about community family and Muslims should keep Allah first in this too…but that is rare.

  • Gail

    March 21, 2016

    Jasmina,

    U are not alone and I hate to say this but this is pretty normal stuff when u are in a Polygamous marriage I have come to understand.Look most women are possessive and want to control their husbands to a degree or maybe a better way to say it is they want to loyalty from their husbands.If a wife don’t feel her husband is loyal to her then she starts acting possessive of him.
    I did go through this myself for many years with my own cowife.In alot of ways it did become an unspoken war between us.
    The second or third yr into my marriage I started suspecting my husband was hiding something regarding his 1st wife and since I had a biological child with him and was raising his baby son also from his 1st marriage I decided I would adopt his son from his 1st marriage to get the upper hand and keep the family unit together should he try to pull something on me like divorce me(I wanted to protect the kids).Fast forward after first wife figured out what I did she ran and grabbed husbands sister to marry with her brother trying to get the upper hand.When I found out I was furious and wrote her an email telling her she may have won the battle but I will win the war!
    Fast forward again a few more yrs and hubby confesses he was keeping her on the side in Pakistan all those yrs.I again made the choice to ride it out and accept Polygamy for the family sake and give it a go for the sake of the family unit.
    Long story short I kept trying with her not knowing I was giving her enough rope to hang herself.In the end hubby figured out she was trying to set everything up so she could force him to divorce me.The hole she dug for me she fell into herself understand.He divorced her and now can’t stand her guts.I got Cancer twice last year and he has been the perfect husband helping me though my crises.
    When u have a cowife that is against Polygamy it becomes a nightmare real fast.
    U have to make the choice if u are going to stick it out or walk.If u stay it will be a long hard miserable road to be frank and I don’t know your fate if u leave him.U have to make the call what u want to do.
    Now I will tell u in your case if your husband is lying then it means he is weak .If u caught him in a lie then if it were me I would ask him straight why he is such a coward as to not commit to a schedule and stick with it.If u are not speaking up because u don’t want to rock the boat hoping it will get better I think u are lying to yourself.
    I am a firm believer if u see someone doing something wrong u have a moral obligation to open your mouth and speak up and tell the truth.It’s hard to speak up when u know it will lead to a fight more than likely but the alternative is u remain silent and he keeps doing what he is doing and u give him a free pass.The choice is yours choose wisely is my advice.

  • Gail

    March 21, 2016

    Number4,

    See for me personally I would never agree to my husband marrying a women without any regard to me or the kids.I only agreed to Polygamy in my case because he had children with the first wife and I already knew her.
    Everyone has their own belief system and guidelines they have to live by bit for me I could never accept Polygamy an other way than being in a one family unit.Now in saying this it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t accept Polygamy again with my hubby marrying another women who could not have children(that is not the issue for me) My issue is where women are living separate and not in a joint family relationship(they have little to no contact and are not a family unit).
    Now in saying this Ana makes it work in her life and it works well for her(everyone is different) but for me personally it wouldn’t work because I view Polygamy as a joint family unit where everyone needs to live together in a one family unit.
    I am serious if my husband was going from home to home and marrying several women I would leave him because to me that is immoral.I also think wives should be friends and not try to back stab each other as well.(Polygamy in it’s beautiful form is so hard to practice in my opinion but if one can do it WOW amazing advantages) I will also say in my Polygamy marriage it has been hell letting the first wife/my cowife go.We both have children with my husband and I had this vision of us three being their for the children but it didn’t happen that way and that hurts alot.

  • ummof4

    March 20, 2016

    As-salaamu Alaikum and welcome to all,

    Jasmina, it appears that for whatever reason, your husband’s heart inclines more to his other wife than to you. She is not doing anything that he is not approving. She doesn’t make him spend more time with her, he does it because he wants to. What you have to come to terms with and decide is if you can live in such a situation, and if so, for how long. You can’t change him and you can’t change her.
    However, you can make some changes in yourself. As others have suggested, get involved in other healthy activities so you don’t spend so much time thinking about how your husband is doing you wrong.
    May Allah make your marriage easy for you.

    Everyone have a good week, In shaa’Allah.

  • Spirited

    March 20, 2016

    Salaam everyone,

    @Jasmina, I agree with the general mood of the advice given so far. If you really want to stay on with this arrangement, I feel it would be best to get someone your husband trusts or looks up to (a parent? grandparent? maybe someone from the local mosque?) and have them sit down with you two and talk through the problems. I wouldn’t recommend just springing it on him, but let him know you’re inviting this person to speak with you two and try to solve the issue. If he wants, perhaps the trouble-maker could come too. Meet at a neutral place — the mosque maybe, NOT at either wife’s home.

    The whole situation has truly become absurd at this point, especially on the part of your husband. Quite frankly, he doesn’t seem to have the balls to be head of any household, let alone two.

    @Number4 & Ana, I agree with you guys completely. Women being more self-sufficient has given men the freedom to be deadbeat husbands (even in monogamy). It is pretty pathetic how they want, want, want but can’t seem to step up and do what they’re supposed to be doing!

  • Number4

    March 20, 2016

    Exactly ana.

    If the men had to support all their wives there would be less polygamy.
    Also, they forget that for the majority of his life the prophet, (pbuh) had one wife…polygamy came after Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) had past away.

  • anabellah

    March 20, 2016

    I tend to think that many of the men engage in polygamy to boost their egos and make them feel POTENT. It’s probably as close to having a harem as they’ll get. I known in one Muslim community that I’m familiar with and hear stories about, the men enter marriages and divorce wives like they’re dating the way non-Muslims do (dating relationships). They don’t appear to take it serious as in – it’s marriage. It’s supposed to be long term, unless there are irreconcilable differences.

    Based on what I’ve come to know of it, many don’t financially support all their wives. The wives either support themselves or are on public assistance. It makes it easy for the men enter polygamy, to flop from one home to the next. If they really had to man-up and take full responsibility, we’d probably see less polygamy although only a small number of Muslims engage in it anyhow. Some of the ladies probably see that the husband don’t try hard in making a good marriage because they can easily go to one of his other homes in which they are comfortable. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going…

  • Number4

    March 20, 2016

    Gail,
    It’s good that you stated how polygamy can be a blessing especially economically for all involved.
    Iny case it isn’t beneficial economically. None of us have children with tje husband, so no need to support the others with child rearing.

    Some days I’m ok with everything, thankfully I have a career and my own income, in neither of my marriages did polygamy offer financial benefits. I really do think that in this day it’s more beneficial for men to have various women. When they tire of one place they can go to another house hold. I’m not certain that most polygamous men can committ. So it’s better for them to have many.
    Polygamous men marry quickly n marry often. That’s kind of difficult for me to look at because it makes me wonder how seriously men really take these marriages.

  • Number4

    March 20, 2016

    A salaam Alaikum…
    Jasmina I went through this in my first marriage. I came into a situation where the first two wives did not get along well to say the least. The firsr wife eventually gave up n left the marriage. Enter me.
    The wife who stayed caused many problems. Whenever it was my time with our husband she has him bring all 6 children. Wife number 1 had split n left 5 with him. Wife 2 had one with him.
    Any way I didn’t let that bother me, but then came more conniving. And more of my time was being taken. I finally realized that she wasn’t the victim she claimed and was indeed the antagonist with wife 1 and later me.
    My husband revealed that he married her legally and I suspect that she co owned his store with him…any way I eventually asked to be released from the marriage it was too much to deal with. I felt like a mistress not a wife. I felt that she controlled his movements and since she had legal ties she could cause more financial problems for him, I’m just guessing.

    Some men play at polygamy Allah knows best. Put yourself first. Do things that you enjoy…to a point some of what we choose to deal with has little to do with Allah…it’s man…so live a good life for you. Truly, do less to please him.(yeah yeah, pleass the husband go to paradise) theres more to paradise than pleasing husbands who don’t please wives….

  • anabellah

    March 20, 2016

    As Salaamu Alaikum and Hello to All of you out there in cyberspace

    I’m hopeful you all are having a lovely weekend

    CoW2ives club (anisa),

    It’s nice hearing from you. It has been a long while. You cross my mind every now and again. I wonder what’s going on with you. It seems as though when I think of someone here, they pop in. I’m not saying I have any psychic powers or anything like it LOL So, no co for you. Alhumdulliah. Yep, just go with whatever Allah has decreed. Life is so much easier that way and you’ll have peace in your life.

    arzoo,

    Nice advice that you gave jasmina. I think she’s too wrap up in her husband and trying to get him to change. She has made him her world. You suggested good things for her to do. Working out is definitely a pick me up. It makes me feel so good. Body and mind are inseparable

  • arzoo

    March 20, 2016

    Hi Jasmina, what do you do at that time of the day i mean between when you expect your husband home and when he gets home. How about you start an activity maybe with your children. Like go to park or join a moms group or an activity at the library. A gym where they take care o children or have activitiea for them while moms exercise. Basically get out of the house at that time. Tell your husband that if you stay home you miss him and get upset that he is never home in time. Tell him that you dont want any more anger or fights so you chose to do this evening activity. I think do something that involves waling, exercise or aomething good for your health. Your husband and cowife can meet at that time. Its like stealing and also a sin but you on the otherside is making your health better. A healthy body is important for healthy mind. Who is the winner in this situation. Obviously you and i am sure if you stay patient and work on your own body and mind life will get better.

  • cow2ives club (anisa)

    March 20, 2016

    Asalamu alikum ladies it has been ages i have had so many things going on in my life but Alhamdu lilah all good

    I hope In shaa Allah you are all well and in good health

    still no co’s at this moment in time but Allah is the best of those that knows as to if and when this changes I am that stage in my life i just go with it and Alhamdu Lilah kuli hal

    Jasmina sister ..wow from what i have read you are defiantly going through a lot May Allah rectify your affairs ..your in a catch 22 situation either you do or you don’t … but you know sis the reality i believe lies with your husband he needs to be the head of the family and lay the law down and not allow his other wife to cause so much trouble and until he does this all you can do is make dua for her that Allah changes her heart as Allah is the changer of all hearts

  • anabellah

    March 20, 2016

    Jasmina, Wa Alaikum As Salaam

    The way I see your situation is your hands are tied. You found out that your husband actually is with her when he says he’s at the masjid or someplace else, during what you feel or think is your time. It was just a matter of time before you learned the truth. I’m sure you must have suspected it anyhow.

    You’re dealing with two individuals whom you have no control over. You can’t control what your husband or your co do. You could speak with him about what is bothering you, other than it, there isn’t much more other than having someone else speak with him on your behalf.

    When your co acts out against you, you could merely speak with her about it or speak with him about it. You know where it gets you when you go to him about her. You usually end up looking like the bad person in your husbands eyes. He gets angry with you. So any conniving to outwit her doesn’t make sense to try to do. I really don’t know what anyone would do to outwit the other co. It all amounts to game playing and it basically accomplishes nothing.

    I try to look at things from an Islamic perspective, which we as Muslims should always do. Your husband is where Allah wants him to be and when. Your co is doing what Allah has allowed her to do. Does it mean it is good for either of them? Not necessarily. Allah allows some people to do good to benefit their own soul. He allows others to do bad or evil at the detriment of themselves; they ruin their souls. Allah doesn’t want good for them at the time they are doing the evil. Allah doesn’t reward evil with good.

    I’ve come to learn that it’s best to let Allah deal with those who want to jerk me around and try to harm me. I’m getting good at ignoring it. I know that Allah has got this. Allah Sees and Knows All Things. He is a just God. No one gets away with doing wrong. Sometimes it seems that people are getting away with wrong. Many times they are just being given by Allah a rope to hang themselves. They are digging themselves deeper and deeper in a hole that they dig for themselves. I just sit back and wait for Allah to do what I call, “Put the Smack Down on them.” ๐Ÿ™‚

    I’m not saying that someone should do nothing when wrong is being done to them. When you’ve exhausted all avenues, there is nothing left for you to do. You just stress yourself out, get depressed and aggravated, which hurts you, or you sit back and let Allah do His thing without your interference. Most times it’s best that way. Allah will do His thing regardless. People think they outwit someone and many times they are being outwitted themselves without knowing it.

    Allah says:

    “…but the plotting of Evil will hem in only the authors thereof.” Surah 35, Ayah 43

  • Jasmina

    March 19, 2016

    Salam laykum all

    Needing some support… It’s same old so bear with me.

    So since hubby has been home on time and making effort to spend more time with us the co has tightened my husbands leash that she’s not even subtle about it now.

    He is back to not spending time on weekends and not coming home earlier, and he has come up with the most ridiculous of excuses, he has really run out of reasons. I try to believe him and just go with it to keep the piece but I caught him in a lie and now know 100% he lies to me and he goes to hers when he tells me he is working or at the mosque. There is no doubt.

    My time or her time she seems to expect him at her place at a certain time that if he isn’t she will hunt him down and drag him home lol. He switches his phone off now.

    She is doing in on purpose, she wants me to leave or cause us drama so he leaves me. Just knowing for sure that he is cheating me of my time though I do not want to allow him to do this to me, yet I don’t want to cause us drama so we r always fighting again, we have been through so much and at the moment we are somewhat happy. How can I stop her from coming between my husband and I like this? How can I protect my marriage? Has anyone gone through something similar and managed to outwit a conniving person like her?

  • baseema

    March 18, 2016

    Thank you Ana!! And thanks for all your hard work. You provide a valuable service where women can come and share and feel comfortable. That is priceless! Can’t wait to hear what the surprise is you have been working on!

  • anabellah

    March 17, 2016

    baseema,

    Health stuff is okay to speak of. If there’s a problem with a link or something like it that someone posts, I’ll just remove it.

    No need to thank me for the blog, Sis. Everyone who writes make it what it is. I’m grateful to Allah for it. I’m happy to have you here. I like when we all get along as well.

    I had to move a couple comments that I made in error here over to the Pakistani post. I’m losing it LOL

  • Arzoo

    March 17, 2016

    Ana, yes it only normal for family members to care about each other and share their whereabouts. Its a good for personal safety. It becomes abuse when its not mutual and is done to control the woman or to keep her financially and otherwise dependent on him.

  • baseema

    March 17, 2016

    Hello Wiccan Woman! Omgosh you sound overwhelmed! I’m so sorry for all the problems. I’ve heard that an organic all-vegan diet works wonders. I see a lot of good videos at nutrition dot org (hope that is alright Ana!) they show the amazing health problems that are turned around by diet. The problem is we are all so used to the SAD diet (standard American diet) that it’s very hard to change your life. But it’s worth a try, in my opinion. Good luck!

    I understand Arzoo. I like it here when everyone is friendly and gets along! Hopefully more people will talk. One thing I love is hearing from women all over the world. It’s so neat! Thank you Ana!

  • anabellah

    March 17, 2016

    Arzoo,

    I know what you mean. Some women do not leave the house unless the husbands give them permission. I don’t know about it. I’m American and married an American. I come and go when and where I want (with the permission of Allah). I don’t ask permission and I don’t tell him where or when I’m going either unless I want to. Of course, if he’s home and I’m going to leave, I tell him where I’m going etc. I just don’t get dressed and go LOL

    Some reverts are taught they have to get their husbands permission to leave the house etc. They follow the lead of foreign Muslims. In the United States, unless one lives in a high crime area or goes to one, it’s safe to go out alone day or night. I could see a husband being concerned about where his wife is for her safety. For him to own her and control her life is a whole different story. My husband has enough sense not to try to tell me what, when and how.

    Many women don’t understand what it means to obey a husband. Allah says, as well, not to obey or listen to someone who neglects the remembrance of Him. A woman has to know when to listen to her husband and not, based on what’s happening with him, his life and what he believes. A believing man is good to obey because He obeys Allah.

  • Arzoo

    March 17, 2016

    You are right Ana. Thats why i changed my view about your blog. It does bring a lot of good that is needed in Muslim communities. When i said women choose to give up rights and not seek legal help i am not referring polygamy itself i am referring to all the male dominant practices that are prevalent in communities like men telling women how to dress, restricting where they go, who they meet to the extent that some women can’t even visit their own parents when they want, their right to education and career etc. They live in a country where law is there o protect their freedoms but they choose to make men their lord like you often say Ana.

  • anabellah

    March 17, 2016

    The problem is that Muslims listen to the so called scholars, Imams and Sheiks to tell them what Islam is about. Those people don’t follow the Quran either. So everyone is learning ignorance. The leaders of countries in the free world know that what those people propagate isn’t Islam. Why doesn’t the Muslims living there know it? Do anyone know what Allah means when He speaks frequently of the deaf,dumb and blind. There are people who Allah has sealed their hearts. They can’t see. They can’t hear. When they speak, they lie. He didn’t give them light. Not everyone gets the TRUTH from Allah. Not everyone can see. Allah only guides those who seek His guidance.

  • anabellah

    March 17, 2016

    The bottom line is that Muslims lives are as they are globally because they have turned their backs on Allah. They don’t know what Allah says because they don’t rely on the Quran – the word of Allah. They don’t obey Allah. They don’t do what Allah tell us to in the Holy Quran. Allah tells us what to do and what not to do. Those Muslims who are suffering, oppressed and living in impoverished countries, it is because of the masses lack of faith/belief in Allah. They have turned their backs on Allah and Allah has turned his back on them. If they listen to Allah, they would be prospering and living large in peace and contentment. They suffer as a result of what their own hands have wrought.

  • anabellah

    March 17, 2016

    arzoo,

    I understand what you mean to a degree when you say that some women in the free world give up rights and legal assistance when women in other countries want to have them. Women have to make their intent to follow Allah’s laws or follow man-made laws.

    Yes, polygamy is not lawful in many countries including the United State. Does it mean that a woman should live by the laws of the country because it benefits her, although the laws are contrary to Islam? A believing woman will follow Allah’s laws. She won’t rely on the law of the land that contradict Allah who is God.

    The woman has to make her intent as to whether she is going to live the laws and lifestyle of this worldly life or obey what Allah says in the Holy Quran. To some it may sound backwards to someone strong in faith it’s obeying Allah.

    Although polygamy is not lawful in the United States. The United State honor religious freedom. Therefore a United States citizen is free to engage in polygamy with no repercussions. Now if the Muslims are ignorant and go register more than one marriage with the State/Government, then shame on him or her. Ignorance of the law is no excuse. One cannot have more than one legal marriage license, as it is considered bigamy. A Muslim man can still have 3 more wives than his legal one, he simply need to draw up personal contracts between him and his wives. No one cares about those contracts as they aren’t viewed as legal and binding in a court of law.

    I think you may see it as the Muslim women going backward and not forward. It isn’t the case. No woman loses when she obeys Allah. She may be going through what appears to be an earthly hell. Allah says He tests the believers. He is a just God. If the women get caught up in a whole bunch of useless dialogue, philosophizing and questioning what Allah says, then she’s a rejecter of faith. Who are we to question Allah? If she has a husband who disobeys Allah and abuses her, she needs to know what her rights are based on what Allah says in the Holy Quran, not based on what man says – laws that he devised. The funny thing about it is that the laws in western countries are more just and fair than those of Muslims in so called Muslim countries. Muslims in so called Muslim countries are the oppressors.

    Sadly, most Muslim women who are mistreated and abused are treated that way at the hands of Muslims from so called Muslim countries. Then you have the new Shahadah, revert Muslims who follow their lead instead of learning their religion via the Quran on their own. They rely on what born Muslims say when many of them never read the Quran. Many born Muslims rely on word of mouth that is passed down from generation to generation and most of it is culture. Then you have American Muslims living Middle Eastern culture, as well, thinking it is Islam. So, they are taught ignorance, but think they are living the right way. An example is how some revert Muslim adopt the desert way of dressing, thinking it’s Islam when it culture.

  • arzoo

    March 17, 2016

    Tasliyman, i am one of those who is here to read stories but i feel so sad when i am reading. I so much wang the wend situation to get better. I learned a lot from the stories. One main thing i learned is that polygamous marriages exist for real in this day and age. I learned its practiced in developed countries and women willingly give up the rights and choose not to seek legal help. It was a big surprise for me a couple of years ago. Where i come from women will do anything to get the rights and freedoms that are available here.

  • anabellah

    March 17, 2016

    Tasliyman,

    Thank you for letting us know your thoughts. If you or any of our regulars have ideas or imputed as to how to get the blog to run better, please let me know. I can’t implement everything that every one says, but I’ll listen and see what I can do. I try to weed out those who are here to do good and help from a pro polygamous position from those who are trying to distract and lead us away from polygamy due to their dislike of it. Moderating isn’t easy because you’re dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. No one says everything will always be easy. I don’t relish being hard-nosed. Nonetheless, the blog must have direction. Those who seem to be here to disrupt and mean us know good, will have to go. We have to do what is good for the betterment of the majority.

    I totally understand and appreciate your input, Tasliyman.

  • Tasliyman

    March 17, 2016

    I cant speak for everyone but sometimes I decide not to write about what’s happening in my life on this blog as it appears we have people on here who’s just looking for some juicy stories to entertain themselves.

    That could be part of the reason why it gets “slow” on here sometimes.

    It’s like people forget that “stories” that are shared here is actually someone’s reality. The fact that they write about it on here is because they could do with some support, help or advice. They are not looking for attention and most certainly do not need to be the source of other people’s entertainment.

  • arzoo

    March 17, 2016

    Baseema, i meant i got educated and that lead me to better opportunities in west where status of women is better.

  • anabellah

    March 17, 2016

    Arzoo,

    It’s all good. I apologize if I came across as harsh. I just get tired of battling with people here. I try to keep it a pleasant atmosphere here.

    It’s nice to have you back. I’m glad you see the blog differently as well. Insha Allah, all will be good. I’m sure you could be helpful.

    I remember the sister who you spoke of, but can’t remember her name. She was nice. I hope she’s okay. I think it was the sister who said this blog is banned in the country in which she lives.

    Insha Allah, I’ll be able to write more post/treads soon. I’ve been crazy busy. I’m just trying to wind down now and I’m typing on this crazy phone.

    Thank you for your honestly!!!

  • Arzoo

    March 17, 2016

    Gail, I respect you for really wanting your polygamy marriage to work out.
    Ana, You misunderstood the story i mentioned of the woman. I meanest that she was banned by her husband to participate in this blog or discuss their polygamy situation anywhere on internet. I can’t recall her name but i think she was from UK and her Muslim husband took her away from her family into another country. I don’t think she mentioned the name of the other country. She did mention that her husband told her not to write here anymore. She was pretty much confined to her house and when her husband used to be away a friend of his was keeping an eye on her. Tahts all i remember about that story.
    and yes i myself was banned from your blog a couple of times
    Thats why i thanked you for posting my comment and then wrote another comment about how i see your blog differently now. I now see the value in your blog. I will keep my personal views to myself. I just wanted to mention my position once so that people are not thinking that i am not sharing anything about myself. I hope thats all right. I will be reading silently and will only post what is relevant to this blog.

  • Gail

    March 16, 2016

    Arzoo,

    I really just wanted to get the word out there to women to please be careful when dealing with Pakistani men for certain.Not all of them are horrible but dang good luck trying to weed out the good from the bad in that country is how I see it.
    I am sorry u don’t see more good in polygamy as a whole though.I see it like this Polygamy is not really as much for the man as it is for the family unit.I see it as a families real wealth are it’s children and polygamy esp in the past and even now can be a huge economic help if the family stays together.I really wanted it to work out with my own cowife but it was just not meant to be sadly.
    Polygamy is very amazing to me if done correctly and is a huge blessing as I see it but if done wrong it is hell.

  • WiccanWoman

    March 16, 2016

    It makes me happy as can be to know I am remembered.

    The medical condition which both my husband and wife have cannot improve, but it can stay steady if under the right medication, but SisterWife refuses to take it. The condition is called Rheumatoid Arthritis, and it is crippling her, day by day. Her joints are red, swollen, frozen and painful. Her choice not to medicate is because the meds are chemotherapy — a poison — and it frightens her to inject and ingest poison. Hubby does medicate, and he is not as immobile, but he is depressed. He wears a back brace, wrist braces, and cannot do much physical labor. It is hard for him to take out the trash if it is too heavy. I want them to feel less pain… I want her to be less fearful and more trusting that I will never let her go (she is afraid she will have to go into a nursing home)… I want her to be able to sleep… I want him to find more interesting things he can do without strain… I am not asking for a miracle cure… except maybe for my Daughter, although for her, I would settle for an ANSWER. By the way, her name is Anna.

    I will always be around, Sis. Sometimes I lurk, but I’m always tempted to post. I had a few minutes tonight as hubby went to a rally (YAY! he enjoyed something!) and Sis went to sleep early. Wednesdays are my day off, so I am winding down for bed.

    Good night, all. I hope you remember me! – WiccanWoman

  • anabellah

    March 16, 2016

    Helloooo there, WicanWoman,

    I am so happy that you stopped in. I think about you from time to time, more often than you think. I am so sorry to hear of all the sickness that has plagued your family. So many people have so much going on in their lives that they are struggling with. My older sister is going through a lot with her grown children who all have children. She and her husband are in retirement and haven’t been able to stay out of their children’s lives long enough to fully enjoy it.

    Life is full of challenges and obstacles that we must overcome. I hope your family members all get better soon. Stay optimistic and fight the feeling when you begin to feel way down. You are your families’ ROCK. Stay strong and keep on pushing. Push through it.

    I’m glad you have something very good to look forward to with your daughter’s wedding. You all must be so excited. I’m very happy for her. No one should give up on him or herself when it comes to marriage. See how your daughter thought it couldn’t happen. What a surprise for her ๐Ÿ™‚ Some things that people think are virtually impossible do happen. It’s good to hear you haven’t given up on blogging. As you see, I’m still here. I don’t write as often as I used to, as I’ve been bogged down with various things that I’m involved in. Anyhow, it is what it is.

    Again, thank you much for stopping in Lady WiccanWoman. I hope to hear from you soon with much better news. Keep on keeping on….

  • WiccanWoman

    March 16, 2016

    Hellllloooo everyone!!!

    Just thought I’d stop by to see you all again, and offer a heads-up in what’s been going on in my life.

    Both of my spouses, my husband and my sisterwife, have had ongoing physical illnesses. His is impacting him with depression because he can no longer work. He loved his position and what he did there. Hers is impacting her quite adversely. She has had many new invasive surgeries lately which depresses her as well, and frightens her to a large degree. I am the healthiest of the family, and am working a full-time job which gives me very little time to relax and enjoy life as I am doing most of everything that needs doing. I am asking for your prayers, please. I am so much in love with my family, and it saddens me to see them suffer so.

    My daughter was proposed to for the first time in her life, and will be marrying! All are overjoyed. Her twin sons will be giving her away. They will be 15 by the time the wedding happens next year, and my hubby will be performing the ceremony. She has an illness the doctors cannot pinpoint. She has Vitiligo; suffered emergency gall bladder removal; Fibromyalgia; full-body edema; ongoing infections; loss of calcium — all her teeth have rotted and must be removed; OCD; insomnia; obesity, even when dieting and working out which is hard due to the pain from the fibro; anxiety; agoraphobia; OCD, and more. She never thought ANY man would ever love her, but this man does and they have been together for several years now. They have moved from New York to Tennessee, and there are not many good doctors nearby. Please pray for her and her family as well.

    Someone very dear to me — I call him my Brother — lost his 200-year old home to fire a year ago, and is disabled as he is blind in one eye and deaf in one ear. He is alone in Virginia with his pets, living in a borrowed camper on his 40 acres of land, but has no way to build or buy a new home. I am his main support person, spiritual, emotional, and monetarily. I was able to obtain his retirement benefits for him as he turned 65 in June, so that is a big help, and some food stamps as he is below the poverty line. Please pray for him and his mental health as he is very lonely and sometimes sick. We hope to see him in May.

    I have not been blogging as much as I’d like, but believe me when I say I am not gone for good, just a little overwhelmed. I wanted to bring you my love and best wishes! Please pray for me as well.

    with blessings from your friend – WiccanWoman

  • anabellah

    March 16, 2016

    It’s sad that people come to the blog knowing they don’t like polygamy and want to stir stuff up… Trouble makers.

  • anabellah

    March 16, 2016

    The child had severe autism and was a teenager.

  • anabellah

    March 16, 2016

    baseema, Alhumdulliah, thank you for the kind words. I think I’ve come a long way too, baby. You made me laugh and remember an advertisement: You’ve come a long way, baby…

    I remember the person who you were speaking of. Her name is right on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t remember it – probably because I’m trying. She was from Australia and has a severely handicapped child. I felt badly for her because she did all she could to try to prevent her lying husband from taking another wife after he divorced another one. She had serious back problems and needed surgery, but she still tried to accommodate her husband by having sex with him every which way, but up. He still went out and got himself another wife after having divorced the other. He was a habitual liar. It’s goes to show no one can stop Allah’s show. If Allah decrees polygamy or anything else for someone, nothing and no one can stop it. Those who think they have the power get a wake-up call. They learn quickly that they aren’t Allah who is God. Oh, okay, it came back to me. Her name was Dell or Dale.

  • baseema

    March 16, 2016

    Arzoo, if you “got educated and you are safe from all that,” well, how do you know? We can’t predict the future. Are you married? Because your husband may decide to do that one day. You never know. And there are a lot of educated women in Polygamy. I don’t think it has anything to do with education.

    It would be nice to hear from some of the old time commenters! I remember when there was a woman who, I can’t remember where she was from, Egypt? and she was married a long time to her husband. Maybe she had a disabled child too? But then one day her husband told her he married someone disabled or widowed or something, that was older, and then she was happy to find that out(even though she herself had a lot of health problems) and then she found out it was actually a healthy young woman, and he had lied to her the whole time. She always sounded so sad and unhappy. I have silently followed the blog on and off for years, and lost track of some people and their stories.

    But I have to say, I am most proud of Ana. She has come a long way, baby!

  • anabellah

    March 16, 2016

    I’m getting a feeling that you were one of those people who was once banned. You may want to tread cautiously if at all.

  • anabellah

    March 16, 2016

    Arzoo,

    I don’t know how Ina, Laila or coco are. I haven’t spoken with any of them, since they last wrote on the blog. People come and go all the time. Some write for help and never come back after receiving it. I assume coco (puff) is very busy with her career. I expect that one day she’ll stop in and chat with us again, Insha Allah. I miss her. I’m very busy and I don’t have the time to socialize with the ladies off the blog except for one regularly and another off and on. As I’m sure you understand, I can’t keep track of all the ladies and gents who have been here with us off and on over the last several years. I can’t recall who you are speaking of with regard to being told not to visit the blog again. There have been many. If anyone was banned from the blog it was for a good reason that I determine for the betterment of the blog and my life administering it. Now, I’d rather not discuss who is speaking here and who isn’t and why. I’m not going to go there, as I don’t have time for it. It’s not what this blog is for. It’s nice that you are commenting. Please remember this blog is pro-polygamy. So, if you are not so, if you are not pro-polygamy and your dialogue won’t represent it, but will represent the contrary, you too may want to rethink being here, as I don’t want to become confrontational with you. I won’t expend my energy in that direction. You already have given an indication that you are not about polygamy as in pro.

  • Arzoo

    March 16, 2016

    Ana, I understand that very well but just wanted to share that i don’t have a personal polygamy story to tell. I will keep reading and time to time asking how people are doing. I have been wondering for long time how is Ina. It hurts to know how her husband used her hard earned money for his second marriage. Also wonder how is Laila, Coco and the woman married to Pakistani Sheikh who lives in same house with cowives. There was another person whose husband took her to another country i guess and almost keeping her locked. I think she was told not to visit this blog anymore or something like that. I get so sad thinking about a woman isolated from family, society and even from anonymously expressing her views or venting.

    Mari2, I follow your story too. Are you still living separately from MIL

    Gail, i love you for telling the truth about your experience with Pakistani in-laws family and helping many people here. You more than anyone else understand well what most men from Pakistan/India/Bangladesh etc think of a divorced woman, a woman who is older than him or who have kids from previous marriage. Western women don’t understand that. These men think that they are doing a favor to these women and they should be thankful for whatever duration of time they are spending with the women. They never think of such relationship or marriage as a possible lifelong partnership. They know from very beginning that sooner or later they want to have what they consider a normal marriage with a woman only devoted to him and his family. Woman who will work if she is allowed to but her primary role is to give him his own biological kids. If western women can understand this simple concept they can save themselves from a lot of pain and suffering.

  • anabellah

    March 16, 2016

    Maybe you need to go back to reading and not comment then. Play it safe.

  • Arzoo

    March 16, 2016

    I don’t have a story to share. My close family and friends have lived in a male dominated society. I got educated and am safe from all that craziness. Thats all i have to share. I personally see polygyny as a part of history just like Slavery. I will not say much or i will get kicked out ๐Ÿ™‚

  • anabellah

    March 16, 2016

    You must remember too, this is a pro-polygamy blog. Most people are anti-polygamy, which equates to being anti-Allah. I’m very selective as to who I allow on this blog; it’s one of the perks of being a blog owner. Anyone who is anti-polygamy or anti-Ana aren’t permitted here.

    The lovely part about it is this blog doesn’t put food in my mouth or clothes on my back. It doesn’t sustain me. Allah provides my sustenance. This blog is free for those who would like to read it and free to those permitted to comment. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • anabellah

    March 16, 2016

    Thanks for sharing, Arzoo.

  • anabellah

    March 16, 2016

    Hi Arzoo,

    Every day is a new day and each day is different than another. Sometimes it’s busy and sometimes it’s not. Allah determines who share and who doesn’t. Allah determines when they share and when they don’t. Allah decides ALL things. He controls the heaven and the earth and all that is between. I don’t share as much as I used to either. The blog is always available for those to read.

    Perhaps Allah will allow you to share. Many people read. It’s the easy part, but few comment. It’s how it is on most blogs. Usually the same people share most of the time. Perhaps you’d like to fill us in and joined the list of those who share, if it pleases Allah. What’s happening in your life these days?

  • Arzoo

    March 16, 2016

    Hi Ana, The blog is very slow these days. I used to love the blog in past. Anytime i checked there was so much going on and so many stories to follow. I don’t see people sharing as much recently ๐Ÿ™

  • Number4

    March 15, 2016

    Mari 2…
    Well said!!!

  • anabellah

    March 15, 2016

    Mari2,

    I share your sentiments EXACTLY!!! Thank you for speaking for me, too. We’ll said!!!!!!!

  • Mari2

    March 15, 2016

    FGM (female genital mutilation), is mostly prevalent in Africa and the practice dates back to before Christianity or Islam. Currently, FGM is practiced by both Christians and Muslims in countries such as Nigeria and Egypt. Fortunately, this year Nigeria outlawed the practice. And in Egypt, well-informed imams are urging parents to refrain from such practices as there is no basis for it in Islam. MASHALLAH, there are Christians and Muslims alike fighting for the young girls in various countries to prevent the continuation of pagan borne, cultural ignorance.

    Then if one shifts their eyes to Pakistan and the Womens’ Protection Bill accepted by the Punjabi state, one might rejoice. But then today, a bunch of cranky, old, dried up, half literate scholars who most likely attended the religious school called “Somebody said..” held a press conference to declare the Womens’ Protection Bill “un-Islamic”. Why? Why because freedom from spousal abuse, forced marriages, dowry demands, the right of a woman to seek divorce, the right of a woman to prosecute her rapist, anti child marriage proposals are ALL apparently “un-Islamic”. They offer not one shred of Quranic verses to support their misogyny, yet now the govt men are going to back down. And we think we have problems? But for the grace of Allah I was NOT born in such an un hospitable place. I pray instead for all women world wide who are constantly heaped upon by those who should know better. And I thank Allah each day for what HE chose for me.

  • baseema

    March 15, 2016

    I like number 4’s answer. Take a vacation! Go with a friend who you have been missing. Have fun, if he sees you out enjoying yourself he is going to turn around and take a second look, believe me. lol Don’t let any man make you so miserable. Life is too short. And you have a child to think about. Separate your money, take a breather, you deserve it! Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Act happy, make the motions, and your attitude will follow.

  • Gail

    March 15, 2016

    Farah,

    My heart goes out to u because I once walked in your shoes and it is a hard long road ahead of u.
    I am curious do u get along with your cowife?What is your relationship with her?
    One thing I will say to u don’t sit and compare our life to her life so much it is not mentally healthy.What u need to do is make up your mind if u are going to stay in this marriage and if u are then u have to be mentally hard on yourself and what I mean by that is stop focusing on you and focus on your family unit.There are so many things u can do like focus on the positive things in your life and being happy what Allah/G.D has blessed u with.I know it is hard but having a pity party everyday for yourself is not going to make things any better.
    Listen just sit down and drink a cup a tea and write down everything that is bothering u in your marriage and talk all the things over with hubby and make a plan how u are going to fix these issues.
    U mentioned u wish u had your own husband well u do.Just because he is practicing polygamy doesn’t change the fact u still have your husband.Now if it bothers u him not being in the home everyday then u need to figure out a way to fix that problem.Now as far as sex u should chill out on that topic because he is only coming to u and your cowife only for sexual relations so unless u r jealous of her enjoying sex with him and him her(and u need to be honest with yourself if this is the case so u can fix it).The main thing is being honest with yourself and fixing what is bothering u.
    I am certain your cowife has issues as well.I honestly see it like the husband has a right to remarry but that is it as far as I am concerned.If the women want to have a relationship and be friends then more power to them and if they don’t that is fine as well.
    If it bothers u that he is taking her all the time on trips then u tell him u want to go as well on trips with him and I think u said u have a child either get your cowife to watch the baby(if she is trustworthy) or u get your family to watch the child.Don’t stop living your life or feeling tied down simply because u have a child that is crazy and don’t let your husband do that to u either.Try to see the bright side instead of the dark side is what I am trying to say.

  • anabellah

    March 14, 2016

    Many women make the mistake of thinking that if they turn to Allah, He will make their husband act and be how they want the husband to act and be. It’s not what turning to Allah is about. Turning to Allah is about doing as he says. It’s about seeking His help and guidance to do all that He says in the Quran for us to do. It’s to turn to Allah seeking to accept what Allah has ordered to exist. What exists is what He ordered. Allah tells us in what situations we should act or not act, and how to act. We need to focus on ourselves and doing what Allah says to do. If something is happening that is not good in your life, do what you can to help bring about a change. If Allah has written the change to take place, it will happen. Alhumdulliah. If He has written for the change not to take place and for things to remain as they are for the time being, or however long, the person has to learn to accept it, because Allah willed it and we shall not will except as Allah wills.

    I keep saying it and will continue to say it; we have no power. Only Allah has power. I didn’t come to this conclusion and it’s not my opinion. It’s what Allah says. Allah says we can’t bring any good or harm to ourselves unless He wills it to happen. Islam is about submitting our will to Allah. If we submit our will to Allah – what does it mean??? It means WE HAVE NO WILL OF OUR OWN. If anyone thinks he or she has a will then will yourself to have exactly what you want when you want it. What stopping you? What’s preventing you from having all that you will? Think about it…

  • anabellah

    March 14, 2016

    Farah, Wa Alaikum As Salaam!

    It’s nice that you’ve joined us again. I’m sorry to hear things haven’t gotten much better for you. The ladies here have all given you very good advice. There is no need for me to repeat what they’ve said.

    I will, however, add that until you make your life about Allah, things won’t change for you. I’m speaking from experience. If you reread your post, you’ll see you have quite a few of, “I wish” there. I’m sure you have some “I wish” that you didn’t list, as well. There are desires that keep us from serving Allah. There are desires that keep us from growing nearer to Allah.

    “I wish” is a desire. A good desire is, for instance, “I wish” I could grow nearer to Allah; I wish I could be more patient; I wish I could hasten to salat instead of trying to finish other things first; I wish I could be more charitable; I wish I could be a kinder person; I wish I could be more tolerant; I wish I didn’t get angry so often. Those were some examples. Instead of wishing for it, you pray for it.

    What you have been wishing for, based on what you’ve stated is about desires that aren’t good. You wish you could have your husband to yourself. Well, Allah didn’t write it for you to have your husband to yourself. So, you’re going against the grain. You’re not accepting what Allah has decreed for you. He has decreed for you to share a husband. You’re putting your desire (what you wish and want) above what Allah has ordained for you. Allah didn’t give you a husband all to yourself at the current time. Many people have a God complex. I spoke of it before. It’s about – I want, I need, I wish, me, me, me, I, I, I. Life is not about you, me or anyone else. It’s about Allah. Until a person can except it, the person will be unhappy.

    You don’t like the way things are. You want things to be to your liking. Only Allah has everything to His liking. Allah has greater rights over everything. People wants other people to act the way they want them to, to talk the way they want them to, to come home when they want them to, to go to work when they want them to, to be romantic when they want them to be etc. Allah determines ALL things. Unless a Muslim understand it’s and believe it, the “Muslim” will NOT be content and at peace in his or her life. Allah says we shall not will except as He wills. All that is happening to you,me and everyone else, Allah willed it for whatever reason. He willed that the other woman not work and that you do. He willed that the other wife travel with the husband and you don’t.

    You say your husband is using your wealth to take care of his other wife. Did he go into your bank account and steal your money? If you know that he is using your wealth to take care of his other wife without your permission, do as the others have suggested to you. Separate your monies from his, so he won’t have access to it until or unless you give him the money. It solves that problem.

  • Spirited

    March 14, 2016

    Salaam guys!

    @Farah, Jasmina & Number4 make great points. He shouldn’t be using what you make to run his other household. Your money is yours, it would be different if you let him do so, but otherwise, you shouldn’t be letting him take advantage of you like that. Other than that, I would say Jasmina is spot on. You have many blessings from Allah.
    You have a job and are able to provide for your own needs, you don’t need to be at the mercy of a husband who doesn’t have any idea how to be a hood human being, let alone a husband.
    You have a healthy baby. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to want a baby and always turning up not pregnant?
    You have your health.
    You have your faith and a drive to do the right thing.

    You might feel robbed or wronged, but you should remind yourself– and I have to keep reminding myself too — a Muslim strives to be content with what they receive in life and recognize there is a time and reason for everything. Allah is always near, always watching and He will take account of what is what, give you what is best for you and punish those that deserve it in due time, here or in the hereafter. He tells us, none who believed will be wronged by Him, and He is not a liar like a husband can be.

    So really, the main issue is the misuse of your hard earned money, and his time use. If he won’t go traveling or vacationing with you, go by yourself or with some family or friends. As long as you aren’t doing anything haram, who says you need to wait around for him? Enjoy your time, enjoy your child, enjoy conversing with God, enjoy your life. With him mis-using your money, you might have to either cut him off of your account or get an elder involved and all sit together and explain that unless you allow it, he can’t be using a wife’s earnings to fund his other wife’s life. The “want for your brother/sister what you want for yourself” argument isn’t applicable here, because that assumes you give of your own will, not that he has free reign to take as he wants.

    Praying for all the best and that you realize you have so much good to be thankful for and enjoy!

  • Jasmina

    March 14, 2016

    Waa layout assalam farah

    It takes as long as it takes you to come to terms with it all. You may turn to Allah and accept his qadr tomorrow and it will all be easier or it may take you years to see the blessings in your situation and be grateful to Allah for it. Only Allah can help you come to terms with Polygamy if your husband is just with his time.

    If he is unjust then I think you need to make some changes and then trust in Allah that you have a positive outcome.

    How do you feel your husband is being unfair?

    You co may not be working but she may have savings or may be on long service leave or maternity leave. You don’t know. Is your husband demanding more finances from you? Has your financial situation changed since she stopped working? Does he demand you work or do you have a choice?

    Why doesn’t he take you travelling?

  • Number4

    March 13, 2016

    Asalaam Alaikum sisters. …

    fara,
    you sound like you’re in a lot of pain. Prayer helps to heal our hearts, minds and souls insha Allah.
    you say you don’t grudge anyone, but clearly you do. Your husband and the other wife. I completely get it. There should be no double standards in polygamy but we know that’s false because men choose to do what they want.
    I HOPE that you have a private bank account that’s all your own. Rather than be unhappy and lose yourself begin to focus on you, love yourself, treat yourself to Muslim events, go with girl friends. If you are truly unhappy, change your situation, divorce and seek happiness. Be good to yourself, stay focused on Allah and make yourself first in YOUR LIFE.

    If there are qualities in your husband that you like, love, re evaluate your circumstances and move from that perspective but don’t stay stuck.

  • farah

    March 13, 2016

    Assalamualaikum

    It’s been a while since I wrote I always read everyone post.

    It just so hard for me still been 1 year 3 months sInce I found out and coping very difficult

    I just recently found out that my hard working efforts is being distributed to the second wife ?

    I work everyday and very hard even when I had a baby I had a ceacerIan on the Friday and Monday I joined the office

    Just found out the second one stopped working for the past 2 months now while I work

    When he goes to her they enjoy time alone and he takes her with him travelin

    I’m praying a lot but I’m very depressed
    I’m feeling I’m going to lose myself

    I don’t like anything anymore
    When I didn’t know nothing bothered me now that I know even sex bothers me

    I just keep crying on my musala in namaaz

    It’s easy to say be strong but to actually be strong is very difficult

    I just wish there was an easier way

    I just wish my husband was mine alone

    I just wish at times I was dead yet I have a strong faith I keep wishing things like this

    I dont have any grudges but I feel robbed

    I don’t know if I’m making sense but that’s my head now

  • Gail

    March 13, 2016

    Ana,

    Thank You it has been a long hard road when it comes to my marriage and my health but thankfully all is going well.

  • anabellah

    March 13, 2016

    Gail,

    I’m happy the medication is working for you. Most importantly, I’m so very happy that you, the hubz and your in-laws are doing so well. God is Great!

  • Gail

    March 12, 2016

    Ana,

    I am pretty excited for this anniversary.Hubby and I are getting along so good.The Celexa medication for me was nothing short of a miracle.The inlaws are not disturbing me at all.I can deal loud noises alot better although my youngest son his voice still bothers me when he screams or laughs loud but it is getting better the longer I am on the medication.I am cool as a cucumber these days.lol

  • anabellah

    March 11, 2016

    Gail,

    I’ll be just one year ahead of you at 14. It’s so cool. I’m looking forward to 15, but 30 will be – WOW!!! I can’t remember if ummof4 was 30 or 40 years last year. I think it was 40.

  • Gail

    March 11, 2016

    Ana,

    U are correct my marriage anniversary is in June.It will be 13 yrs.

  • anabellah

    March 11, 2016

    Don’t hurt yourself!

  • anabellah

    March 11, 2016

    Lol, you made me laugh. Before I became Muslim, I thought it was peculiar and perverted too. You’ll get used to it. It will become second nature to you.

    So the youngens have jumped on the bandwagon to, aye lol. It’s a whole new world. The shaving issue was covered in one of the “Sex and the City” episode. I guess shaving is vogue now. Well, it’s time for you to go to work down there. Explore… ๐Ÿ™‚

  • baseema

    March 11, 2016

    thanks for the explanation Ana, that totally makes sense! i guess another problem is that shaving down there has always seemed like kind of creepy to me that a man would want you to do that, because then you’re like a baby, you know? but to do it for yourself, because you want to, is okay. i guess everyone does it now, so it’s not so abnormal, but just thinking back like 20 years, a man asked me if i shaved and i thought he was a pedophile! it never crossed my mind back then that anyone would shave! LOL i no longer feel that way now, but that is what i used to think! then my daughter told me she did! and i was like whatttttt!?!? haha omg! and she said MOM everyone does that! i guess i am getting old!

  • anabellah

    March 10, 2016

    baseema,

    Some things seem weird to some and not to other LOL. I think shaving down there has to do with cleanliness. I always thought a bush down there was ugly any how. I think it’s the same as shaving the arm pits. One could ask why shave them. I think hairy pits are ugly too. They get sweaty and smelly. A hot, sweaty bush doesn’t sound appealing, let alone probably smell good. I’ve heard some men say they like hairy legs on a woman. I think it’s probably vogue in some countries as their culture.

    Some things won’t be in the Quran. It’s the same as expecting Allah to tell us how to brush our teeth. A lot of things are passed down from generation to generation. It’s the same with praying. People show us how to pray. They learned from others how to pray. The others learned directly from the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) as to how to pray. We all learn how to brush our teeth. It’s passed down.

    Of course, there is information in the Quran about how to pray. Wudu (washing) is in there and how to do it; what direction to pray in is in there; not to look to the sky (some non-Muslims) look to the sky when praying is in there; what time to pray is in there; what positions to pray in are in there. I don’t know if I missed something about it.

    It still comes down to distinguishing between what is Islam and what is culture. It’s said we shouldn’t tatoo our bodies. It makes sense to me. Probably it makes sense because I think tatoos are very ugly. It seems a whole lot of people have them though. I don’t like anything that won’t come off my body. Tatoos give me the heebee jeebees LOL. It’s said women shouldn’t wear wigs. I could see why. Anyone I’ve ever known to wear wigs, their hair thinned and fell out. The follicles can’t breath. It’s the same with people who wear weaves and extensions, their hair usually breaks off and thins.

    I’m just sharing my thoughts with everyone, and have no intention to offend. I wear make up and nail polish on my toes sometimes, usually in the summer. Some people may think a woman shouldn’t do that in Islam. To each his own in their beliefs about it. I’m more concern with avoiding the sins that Allah refer to in the Quran. He says he forgives all, but the most heinous sins. I’m not encouraging anyone to go out and sin, thinking Allah will forgive them. No one should say their sins will be forgiven, so what the heck – just do whatever. It’s not what is meant.

  • baseema

    March 10, 2016

    oh thank you Ana for answering that. not sure i can ever get used to it but perhaps! i just wonder why it is there for? you know, usually everything we have is there for a reason. hmmm. and female circumcision omg how awful!

  • Number4

    March 10, 2016

    Jasmina I pray that you are OK. I’m sad tThis angers me.

  • Number4

    March 10, 2016

    Female circumcission is NEVER PLEASURE GOR WOMEN. Men created this idea to force women to mutilate their bodies, as it is often a complete removal of the lips and clitoris…. It’s barbaric and usually performed by an unlicensed bush woman. Men get all the pleasure. Some men have been known to have the woman’s vagina sewn shut if they need to leave the wife to travel…when they return, he actually uses a knife to open the stitching of her vagina n has sex with the wife who is in pain. This practice is the cause of several illnesed that affect African women.
    Also the book Fire In My Eyes was written by a Muslim woman who had this mutilation formed on her against her will at age 15…. Her story is heart rendering. ( My phone has not allowed me to type the letter I ….hope this post comes out well).

  • anabellah

    March 10, 2016

    I’m glad to hear you’re all fine and good now. It wasn’t one of those planned ones, fortunately.

  • Jasmina

    March 10, 2016

    Hi

    It was painful for a month but fine now. It hasn’t affected me in anyway as at the end of the day it was a result of labour. Part of pregnancy I guess and incompetence of medical staff. But yes if that was a forced thing that would be psychologically harming.

  • anabellah

    March 10, 2016

    Jasmina,

    WOW, I have never known anyone personally (It’s as though I know you personally) who had the procedure performed on her. Thank you much for sharing about it. I’m sure there are other who are reading or have commented who it was performed on. Many times we hear of things happening that are eye-opening, but don’t seem real. The reality only sets in when we know of someone who has been through the ordeal. I’m glad it hasn’t affected you to the point that you are in a whole lot of pain regularly. I’m sure it was complete torture when it was happening. It makes me cringe to think about it. I admire you for being so strong and not letting it affect the quality of your life. You are awesome!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Jasmina

    March 10, 2016

    So the African female circumcision I have read about, it is not circumcision it truly is complete mutilation. It is a cultural thing that even some Christians and other non Muslims such as pagans practice in that region. Just so happened that these people became Muslim but continued with their atrocious thing. I have read some hadiths on female circumcision which said point is a small incision to expose the clitorous and therefore made intimacy more pleasurable. Most cosmetic surgeons offer this service.

    I for one have had both, none of which I wanted lol. I hope it’s not too much info. After labour the whole area split and had no stitches, and the stupid midwife did not care to check until days later which it started healing. I had to get the healing would cut open and stitched up. No anaesthetic. It was complete torture and can not imagine any baby girl going through this intentionally. The area was exposed and it did a big difference making it more sensitive.

  • Number4

    March 9, 2016

    Shukran ana I’m excited too. He’s planning a nice outting. Life moves so quickly.

  • anabellah

    March 9, 2016

    Woo hoo!!! I’m soooo happy for you. Alhumdulliah. I love to hear about wedding anniversaries. I’ve goy one coming up the end of May. I think Gail’s is in June. They roll around so quickly. What good news about yours. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Number4

    March 9, 2016

    I’m still here, sometimes I read without commenting. But for the past few weeks I’ve just been working, some days I just get home and rest.
    For some reason my phone was skipping the i in all my words…

    My one year marriage anniversary is coming at the end of March.

  • anabellah

    March 9, 2016

    Excuse my errors. I get worse by the day. I keep telling myself the errors don’t matter, but I’ve been programmed over the years with all the writing I used to have to do, as part of my career.

  • anabellah

    March 9, 2016

    Number4, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    I didn’t even notice any typos. I knew what you meant. I had thought about you and wondered what happens as we haven’t heard from you. It gets quiet here on and off ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Number4

    March 9, 2016

    Excuse my typos, I was trying to explain that shaviing the pubiic haiir is Sunnah but not mandated.

  • Number4

    March 9, 2016

    Asalaam Alaikum,
    Shaving the pubic hair isn’t a required thing but it is Sunnah. I do it but not because it’s a mandate.

  • anabellah

    March 9, 2016

    baseema, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    LOL, your question doesn’t offend me. When I first became Muslim, of course I didn’t know anything, so I listened to just about what most Muslims told me. I was told I had to shave my pubic hairs. So, I started shaving my pubic hairs and I continued and continue. Whether it is a must or not, I don’t know. I don’t think it Hurts or is contrary to anything in the Quran. I like it better this way. I’m not on a schedule. When it grows, I shave it. I don’t wax it, nor any hair – eyebrows, underarms, definitely not bikini wax because my skin is super sensitive and waxing would remove my skin. I thought it was unusual and I felt awkward in the beginning, but when I got used to it it became just another part of my hygiene routine.

  • baseema

    March 9, 2016

    Salaam! ๐Ÿ™‚ Can I ask you guys a question? (now that we’re talking about that region lol) It’s been on my mind and well, are Muslims supposed to shave their pubic hair?? I never read anything like that in the Quran. But my friend tells me it’s required every 40 days. (btw, not trying to stir anything up, i just geniunely want to know.) I tried this once and it was awful! Ouch! Yuck! When it starts growing in, ugh! And why would we remove something God created? Although I do shave under my arms! I hope I’m not offending anyone!

  • anabellah

    March 9, 2016

    Spirited, Wa Alaikum As Salaam, dear Sis ๐Ÿ™‚

    Yeap, It was really warm where I be, as well LOL Spring is definitely in the air. I’m waiting to get hit with a big snow storm before it’s all over. Usually we get hit with at least a big one before the winter is actually over. The type of weather that was with me today could put me right to sleep – have me thinking the winter is over. Time will tell. The winter has been mild, so I can’t complain. It’s hard to believe that Day Light Savings time is this weekend, too. Boy oh boy, how time flies.

    Spirited, you scared me for a moment, when I read the sentence of your post in which you said, “You should have seen those women, they were saying poor me, I donโ€™t have a clitoris so I donโ€™t know what Iโ€™m missing out”. I said to myself, oh, know, Sis Spirited is missing a clitoris. Then I read the rest and saw that you meant the ignorant out there made the assumption when they were speaking to you.

    I can see how having the skin removed for men is hygienic. I have heard of boys who weren’t circumcised who found ants or bugs underneath the skin. It’s logical for the procedure to be done on men. I read a lot of sad, horror story of it from women who it was done to. I had a post/thread about it on the earlier version of the blog. Not only does it remove the sexual desire for women, which makes the sexual experience very bad, but it makes it painful, as well. My Egyptian friend had said that he didn’t want to marry an Egyptian woman, cuz most of them had had the procedure done.

  • Spirited

    March 9, 2016

    Salaam guys,

    It really got warm out there today where I am!

    @Ana, yep I hear ya. There’s much misinformation and cherry picking even in our religion.

    You should have seen those women, they were saying poor me, I don’t have a clitoris so I don’t know what I’m missing out when I’m with “limp dicked Muslim men” (yikes). I was like PSH, first of all, that’s not in Islam, secondly, I do have it intact, thank you very much so in yo’ face. (ok I didn’t say it exactly that way). Third of all, what business is it of theirs anyhow… Regardless, yeah female circumcision is said to be from scholars only as far as I can tell, and was recommended to “reduce female desire”. Just another way for men to control women, but which has NO basis from Allah. That makes me wonder what the draw of male circumcision would be for the old days, as it’s not in Quran but Muslims and other peoples before them, practiced it. Probably the hygiene and less diseases part. Well, I still don’t have much of an answer in this. Most learned people just say because it’s sunnah and a part of good hygiene which is an important aspect of Islam. That’s as good as any answer I suppose, although nonmuslims bring up good points against the practice as well, so

  • anabellah

    March 9, 2016

    Spirited,

    About the subject of circumcision, I don’t know about the men. I know there is nothing in the Quran that supportd female circumcision. It’s a horrific thing that was done and is done to women. Some selfish men came up with that procedure. There is absolutely no good in it for women as far as I can see and based on what I know. It’s a tragedy. It’s the same with hysterectomies that were being performed routinely on women years ago. They said women were hysterical beings, and needed hysterectomies to control their hysteria. Women were having hysterectomies left and right. It was the norm for women to have them way back when. Some of what is done to women is whacked. Women can’t sit back and let men dictate to them about their bodies and life. The men are supposed to be maintainers and protectors of women, but they aren’t. They’ve fallen way short. They have been remiss in their duties.

  • anabellah

    March 9, 2016

    Spirited,

    As you stated, all it takes (for most) is for them to hear that an Imam said something and they believe it. All they need to hear is the title Imam, scholar, or Sheik and people take it as “word” as equivalent to the word of God or better. One can show a person what Allah says in the Holy Quran and they’ll go with what a Sheik or Imam or scholar says that contradict what Allah says.

    With the stoning issue, Allah CLEARLY says in the Holy Quran that flogging is the punishment for the adulterer or fornicator. Yet, someone comes along and says the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) stoned people or said stoning was the punishment and they go with that instead of what Allah said in the Quran. Someone may have lied on the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), misunderstood or twisted his word. Most people can’t remember what happened yesterday let along over 1000 years after the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) left the earth. Maybe the person did twist what the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said or maybe stoning was the punishment before the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) received the ayah that pertains to the punishment for adultery and fornication. The Quran took about 25 years to be revealed to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). It was not revealed all at once, as some mistakenly believe. They think the entire Quran was revealed during the Holy Month of Ramandan, but it wasn’t.

    No, you’re not missing anything. You’re right that a lot of people till this very day go with the stoning for adultery and fornication. They are misinform and, if you try to share knowledge with them with proof, they want to chop your head off. I’ve read in Islamic material that most people hate a knowledgeable person. It goes hand in hand with what Allah says in the Holy Quran; He said, most people have a hatred for truth. Most people want to keep doing things the way they want to do them, and want to keep believing what they want to believe. What they believe coincides with their own desires and lusts that they want to satisfy.

    Spirited, you said something very important and it’s that many people confuse religion with culture. It’s a major problem. Many people aren’t educated enough to know what culture is. They have no idea what it’s all about. If one says to another that something is culture and not religion, it flies over their heads. A lot of what is said about the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) falls into culture, but most people just don’t understand. They take everything as part of religion. They don’t know how to differentiate. Arabs had a culture the same way as any other people have one. Many have taken the Arab culture as being religion – Islam.

    The Eskimos had a culture; Africans have one; Pakistani’s have one. All nationalities and ethnic groups have culture. Americans have a culture. Arabs too have a culture. It doesn’t mean their culture is Islam. Muslims really must educate themselves and stop being lazy in that they let other people give them information that they instantly take as truth. They need to learn for themselves, research, study and ask questions. Don’t just take the word of someone because they call themselves Sheik so and so or Iman so and so or scholar so and so. Allah gave us the Quran, which is His Words and it’s not complicated. He said He made the Quran easy to understand and remember. Sheiks, scholars and Imams and the like make it difficult.

  • Spirited

    March 9, 2016

    Salaam guys!

    UGH the things things Muslims deal with. I had some conversations that kind of tie in to what’s been going on here (sort of).

    You try to tell people that what they’ve heard or are asking you about Islam is probably culture, not religion, or just someone being extreme and they come at you with “well so-and-so imam said…” or “I read that your prophet said…”. Most of the time what they are quoting from the Prophet Muhummad’s (peace be upon him) sayings is out of context or leaving out the rest — like with stoning women for adultery. And these are usually what the imams are using also, as sunnah of Prophet Muhummad (peace be upon him). A lot of these people also, if you say well certain things are also in the Bible (no homosexuality, hair covering i.e. Nuns, etc.) the response is “that was Old Testament. Jesus, God’s son, died for our sins and made all the Old Testament obsolete. He spoke love” and so on. Basically just discounting what they don’t like.

    I had this conversation recently actually. I was being asked how I could want to be a part of a “cult” that stones for adultery, and only stones women at that. I told them, stoning isn’t a punishment for adultery in the first place, it’s not in Quran anywhere. They said your prophet said it and did it. Well, lo and behold, while he was alive, he did have some people stoned and did say it, BUT in the context of what was going on — those punishments were meted out to habitual offenders and those who never denied their guilt or repented to Allah, and both men and women were punished, not just women. It’s amazing how people — Muslims too — twist things around. How many Muslims believe stoning is a punishment for adultery? Even people in my own family think so, they said stoning is for married women, lashing is for unmarried men and women. If I was one to cuss, this would be one such time. I’m like NO that’s not the punishment, it’s the same for everyone — lashing. Unless the person repents, then it’s up to Allah. Or am I misunderstanding something?

    On that note, I do have a question for some of the more knowledgeable women (or men) here. Please skip this paragraph if you aren’t interested, but this question has been weighing on my mind. I haven’t been able to sort this one out when I’m asked about it and I’m not sure there’s a good answer for this based on my own understanding. What about the practice of circumcision? Is it just a tradition that has been practiced just because ancestors did it? I was attacked on the practice of female circumcision originally but it also encompassed male circumcision. This isn’t in the Quran either. There is mention of following the religion of Prophet Abraham (peace be upon him) which I always read as he had the same God we all do, not to mean that we do all the things he did. Allah does specifically say in Quran that He has made mankind in the best if molds and He also warns us that satan will try to make us distort ourselves. Based on that, it would seem that circumcision is a cultural or traditional act, not necessarily a religious one because we should not be altering our bodies if Allah has already made us in perfect form with everything there for a reason (outside of defects). Male circumcision can even be seen in ancient Egyptian wall paintings and has a basis in one of their god origin stories where one god circumcised himself and two new gods formed from the blood. I’ve looked around at what the scholars and imams say, which is that it’s admirable for women to undergo it, but obligatory for men (the way it is done on women is not the same thing as how it is done on men, but that’s not the point here). What they say is based on sunnah, with some weak (or disproven, depending on what you get out if it) reports about benefits. For men at least, some say there are benefits to being uncircumcised, others feel there are more benefits with circumcision. Anatomically, there are protective features of the foreskin and nerve fibers in the foreskin that are removed, which also leaves a special connective tissue without a purpose when the foreskin is removed. To me, there doesn’t seem to be a particularly strong case and I would say it should be up to the person. I was told (by these non-muslims) that Muslims who feel this way are considered heretical. I wonder about that. Offhand, none of the females on either side of my family are circumcised, all the men are (as far as I know).

    Some Muslims have said to me that I shouldn’t worry about what non-Muslims point out, but I think why not be able to give answers? Shouldn’t we be educated about our religion? Shouldn’t we know what is religion and what is culture or tradition? It can be pretty confusing, especially when people try to twist Prophet Muhummad’s (peace be upon him) words to be at odds with Allah.

    Well, I don’t know if you guys have insight, but I would be appreciative of any wisdom . Talk to you guys later.

  • anabellah

    March 9, 2016

    baseema,

    Thank you for the encouraging words They mean much to me, more than you know. I will do exactly as you said and disregard those negative, hateful posts that are meant to cause dissension and division, meant to upset this forum. I’ll continue to just read and delete, read and delete. It’s all good. Thank you, Sis

    We’ve been going strong for all these years. Ain’t nobody going to stop no show, unless Allah decrees it ๐Ÿ™‚

  • anabellah

    March 9, 2016

    I see it as the Jews reject Prophets Jesus and Muhammad (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon them). The Christians reject the “Old Testament” Prophets Moses, Abraham, Joseph and all the others, except for Prophet Jesus (May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon all of them) whom they believe Prophet Jesus is the son of God. The Muslims have followed suit in that many reject all of Allah’s Prophets except for the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). There is no difference between the Muslims, the Jews and the Christians in how they believe. Muslim have become like the Christians and the Jews. It is why the condition of the Muslims in the world is as it is today. If one reads the Quran they will realize based on the many ayat (verses) in the Quran that many of the Muslims of today are cursed as well, the same as the Christians and the Jews. The Muslims have turned their backs on Allah and His message – the same message that He gave to all His prophets. Muslims are so blind they don’t know why their lives and condition today is as it is. It’s very sad.

  • anabellah

    March 9, 2016

    Mari2,

    Another thing I want to mention is that there have been a number of people over the years who have come to polygamy 411 blog and repeated that there will be about 72 or so sects of Muslims and only one sect will go to Jannah/Paradise. I don’t listen to it for the mere fact that Allah says there should be NO sect – NONE – NADA. If people believe there will be one sect that is superior and correct, each sect will believe that it is the one. Therefore, if a person is of NO sect, listening to Allah, and is strictly, purely Muslim as what Allah named the person and obey and serve Allah, the person can’t go wrong.

  • baseema

    March 8, 2016

    some people just like to rile things up. be yourself Ana. don’t let them get to you, life is too short. just sweep those comments into the dustbin, like dirt on your floor.

  • baseema

    March 8, 2016

    ana, i’m with you. i hear so many things that i should or should not do from my pakistani friend. ever since i started reading your blog, i ask him, “is it in the Quran?” he always says yes and i say then show me, but he never does.

  • anabellah

    March 8, 2016

    Sorry, I didn’t include you. I suppose I should have said 3. I didn’t realize you asked me it. I wasn’t speaking of you in the article.

  • Fatima

    March 8, 2016

    Well I did ask u what u believe nd you’re talking about the people who asked u what u believe.

  • anabellah

    March 8, 2016

    I haven’t thought about you. Why do you feel a need to make it about you?

  • Fatima

    March 8, 2016

    Are u talking about me?? Wow, I don’t follow any sect

  • anabellah

    March 8, 2016

    Our religion is very simple. Man has complicated it. I suppose if I called myself something such as, Sheik Ana from the slap-a-ho tribe people would listen to me and take me seriously LOL. Maybe the other two people needed me to have a title so they could know who I am. Some people can only relate to titles.. They don’t know how to go about learning. In a sense college is good because it helps people to learn how to digest and process information

  • anabellah

    March 8, 2016

    Mari2, sorry. In the other post I meant to say Prophet Jonah (PBUH) got disgusted with his people and their lack of faith and he ran up out of there – fled.

  • anabellah

    March 8, 2016

    Mari2,

    So, you read it in the Quran about what Allah told us – not to divide ourselves and our religion into sects. He said we are one brotherhood. Yes, it’s there, as you stated and it’s plain and simple. But, someone wants to cut the person’s head off who doesn’t join a sect. They want the person who doesn’t join a sect to disobey Allah and label him or herself something. Those two individual contacted me and wanted me to label myself something. SMH Allah says we are one brotherhood and shouldn’t be a part of any sect, but as I said, it doesn’t appear anyone much cares what Allah says. Sectarian stuff is not real. It made up, make believe. Everyone divide themselves up and call themselves something and call someone else something, labeling themselves and labeling one another.

    I’m just a plain, simple Muslim which is what Allah in the Quran says He named us. I don’t belong to any sect because Allah told me not to. I don’t identify with any sect. Muslim is what I am.

  • anabellah

    March 8, 2016

    Mari2,

    I basically was saying that each of Allah’s prophets (mentioned in the Quran) are our examples. It’s what Allah says. He says to follow His MessengerS. We are to apply their stories to our lives today. Everyone who lives should read the Quran and study the stories, as there are loads of lessons in them. They tell us how to live life today, as it told people how to live yesterday and will tell them how to live tomorrow. There is meaning in those stories for us today, which is why they are there. Allah speaks to us through the Quran. It is how we follow the examples by knowing, learning and living our lives based on the lessons in the stories. Ex. the story of Prophet David (PBUH) is about honoring contracts and not following emotions when making a judgment call. The story of Prophet Jonah lets us know that we shouldn’t try to run from our fate. He had gotten so disgusted with his people and their lack of belief that he ran up out of there. Allah took him back there. He had to learn patience and tolerance. The story of Prophet Joseph (PBUH) lets us know how envy and jealousy are low base emotions that can cause one to kill or harm other. I’m of course simplifying it all to give examples.

    All of the prophets were given the same message. The message that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was given was the exact same as that given to the Prophet Moses, Jesus, et al (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon them). The only difference is that Allah says in the Quran that He, Himself, has protected the Quran from corruption. The Quran is an unadulterated Book. He says He left out of the Quran what is now unnecessary and included all that we need to know. He says it leaves out nothing big or small. He said it is complete and replete with knowledge.

    When the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was on this planet he was to be obeyed by those who lived during his time. It was the same with all the other Prophets. When they left the earth, they left their books with the message for all to follow – The Torah and the Gospel. There were other Books that were given to other Prophets, as well. The Prophet were to be obey at the time by those who were living. No one can obey the Prophets anymore, BUT, the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) the Seal of the Prophets left the revelation that he received for us to follow – the protected, unadulterated Book – The Holy Quran that has everything that we need in it. It was left and only the believers will accept it, follow it and live it. It’s so easy and simple.

    I totally get when you said that what brought you to Islam was the Quran and the familiarity of the messages. It is the same that happened with me. It’s why Islam is so very beautiful because it has the Torah in it and the Gospel. It has Prophet Moses and Prophets Jesus and all the other Prophets that Christians and Jews are familiar with. They are in the Quran because they are important Messengers/Prophets who received revelations. The Christian and Jews who lived when Prophets Moses and Jesus lived receive the same message as Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). It’s why they were considered the “People of the Book” and the Muslim living BACK THEN could marry them and eat their foods. They received the original Torah and Gospel, which had the same message as the Quran. It’s why the Quran is so cool; it encompasses all of Allah’s Books.

    I don’t know what happened. Somewhere along the lines, I’m assuming the Arabs wanted Islam to only be about an Arab Prophet. They encourage people to disregard the Quran and focus on what is about Arabs and their customs. SMH

  • Mari2

    March 8, 2016

    And my favorite part of the Quran: DO.NOT.FORM.SECTS. Simple. So awesomely simple. And what do the Muslims I know do? Form sects. Why? Because someone, somewhere, said sunnah. There’s shia, sunni, etc. Then there’s Sunni Paki vs. Whabbi KSA, vs Shia Iranian. Each with their own version of sunnah. So, I’ve learned that no religious congregation has a clue. And sectarian stuff gets complicated. Nail polish, beard length, women drivers, womens choice for purdah, henna and the issues with, dowry vs bride price, etc.

  • Mari2

    March 8, 2016

    @Ana
    I think I get what you are trying to explain. Allah created many prophets. Each created for a particular group, place and time. Muhammad was the last prophet who revealed the Quran. Allah created the Quran to be followed. He did not create prophets to be followed. The actions of the prophets and how they lived were exclusively for their place in time. It’s the messages Allah revealed, not the way the prophets lived that is the focus.

    Christianity suffers from “what would Jesus do” issues. Sectarianism is rife, and Jesus worship, and doing what Jesus would do becomes more of a focus than Jesus’ message: no usury, forgiveness, focus on Allah rather than judging fellow man, helping the poor and the sick, etc.

    Muhammad was the last messenger. All others before him are spoken of in the Quran. But no where in the Quran does it say to follow the prophets. We are to know what the prophets endured. We are not to adopt, or focus, or emulate the lifestyle of the prophets. Our focus should be on the final message/direction of the final revelation of the Quran.

    How can one follow sunnah and the Quran? Muhammad was monogamous, then polygamous. But the revelation said four wives. If one is focused on sunnah, then wouldn’t they first have to marry an older, independent woman. Then later have 9 wives? That’s what Muhammad did. If one focuses on the prophet Noah, did you build an ark? Who got dropped off in the desert ala Hajar with a newborn?

    In the Catholic religion there is catechism which is “sunnah” Catholic style. A huge volume of jurisprudence spanning centuries, and scholars who make decisions then sometime later amend or rescind them.

    What originally brought me to Islam was the Quran. The familiarity of the messages. What I do not like about worshiping in an Islamic community is the constant minutiae of “what would Muhammad do”. Nail polish or no? Purdah? Husband enforced, or a choice of a woman?

  • anabellah

    March 8, 2016

    Someone wrote me yesterday, and asked a question that made me shake my head and scratch it. She wanted to know what I believe. If there is anyone of the same mindset as that person, I’ve written a post/thread that may help you and her, but…. I really don’t know. It is What Ana Polygamy Believes Revisited

  • anabellah

    March 7, 2016

    baseema,

    Thank you! You’re a sweet heart ๐Ÿ™‚

  • baseema

    March 7, 2016

    shh deep breaths <3
    "raise your words, not your voice. it is rain that grows flowers, not thunder." -Rumi

  • anabellah

    March 7, 2016

    As I said, period, point blank and end of story!!! Goodnight !

  • anabellah

    March 7, 2016

    Now if you want me to start talking sectarianism, I’m not going to do it. I’m going to obey Allah. I am simply a Muslim trying to obey Allah. Period, point blank and end of story!!!!

  • anabellah

    March 7, 2016

    I never said that I don’t follow the “sunnah”. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) lived the Sunnah,- the revelation that was revealed to him. As his favorite wife said, he was the walking Quran.

  • Fatima

    March 7, 2016

    Can u explain why U dnt practice sunnah, Do u believe that it’s bad 4 someone 2 to make effort to follow the Sunnah of rasulullah as well as the sunnah of the other prophets?

  • Tawakkul

    March 6, 2016

    That’s fine Anabellah, have a good night, may Allah increase you in whatever is good for you in this life and the hereafter

  • Tawakkul

    March 6, 2016

    And like I said three times now!! yes, all the messengers are examples for us, and we have to follow all of their sunnah’s. You keep bringing the same thing up when I already agreed with you, I never said that the prophet Muhammad was superior to any other prophet.

  • anabellah

    March 6, 2016

    You grabbing a few ayat verses is not going to make a difference. Don’t you understand that I said Allah says the same thing about each and everyone of His prophets. Can you get it through your thick head? You need to put the entire Quran here.

  • Tawakkul

    March 6, 2016

    I already clarified that all the prophets are examples for us, so I really don’t understand why I’m being talked to like this , I still feel the need to post all those verses, to clear my own name and of course it will benefit all of us to read the words of Allah, if you “mute” me for posting Quran verses then that’s between you an Allah

  • anabellah

    March 6, 2016

    I’m not going to repeat myself and tell you to read the Quran all day and night. I’m about ready to mute you, if you don’t step off cuz I ain’t got time for you and your nonsense. Goodnight!

  • anabellah

    March 6, 2016

    What part about what I previously wrote don’t you understand? The Ayat verses in the Quran are about all of Allah’s Prophets. Allah says that each and everyone of them are our example. READ THE QURAN!

  • Tawakkul

    March 6, 2016

    You say I’m tearing the Quran to shreds to prove my point so how about I requote all those ayat with the ayat that come before and after them, it doesn’t change the meaning actually it only solidifies the meanings, it’s going to take a while so be patient inshallah.

  • Tawakkul

    March 6, 2016

    WHAT!!!!! I brought to your Intention verses that were relevant to our conversation, how is that tearing the Quran into shreds!! Are you saying that it’s not true that we should follow the prophets!??! I literally just quoted verses from the Quran how is this “sectarianism”? If I am wrong and we’re not supposed to follow the prophets then please bring an actual verse from the Quran itself that says that we’re not supposed to follow the prophets. Maybe you know something that I don’t.

  • anabellah

    March 6, 2016

    I’m not going to deal with sectarianism.

  • anabellah

    March 6, 2016

    You tore the Quran up in shreds the way Allah says some people do to try to prove a point. You grabbed Ayat verses that you wanted to support what you believe and distorted the TRUTH. It’s a huge sin.

  • Tawakkul

    March 6, 2016

    This conversation is not about favoring the prophet Muhammad over the other prophets, you’re posts come off as is you’re trying to indirectly say that we’re not supposed to follow his sunnah at all, and you’re belittling people who strove to follow his ways of worship, and manners. That’s why I mentioned verses where Allah is telling us to follow and obey him. No where did I say that prophet Muhammad was superior to the other prophets. It’s good and it is halal for people to strive to follow the sunnah of the prophet Muhammad as well as the sunnah of the other prophets, in fact it is obligatory for us to do so.

  • anabellah

    March 6, 2016

    You act like I made this stuff up. Do anyone out there have a Quran?

  • anabellah

    March 6, 2016

    As many Ayat verses that you recited about the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) I can recite the same number and more about Prophets Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jacob, Joseph, Solomon, Jesus, Yayah, David et. al. that Allah speaks of in the Holy Quran. Why did you dismiss them.

  • anabellah

    March 6, 2016

    Read the Quran. Islam is not only about the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). The Quran the word of Allah is about all of His Prophets/Messengers. READ THE QURAN!!!

  • anabellah

    March 6, 2016

    Why did you leave out all the ayat verses in the Quran in which Allah says the same thing about each and everyone of his others Prophets? Why did you leave out the ayat verses in the Quran that says don’t differentiate between any of His Prophets.? Why did you leave out all the ayat verses that speak of all Allah’s Messengers? Why did you leave out the verses that speaks about all Allah’s Books, The Quran, Torah, Gospel? Why did you only select Verses about the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and dismissed all that Allah says? You virtually dismissed the Quran.

  • Tawakkul

    March 6, 2016

    Here are a few more verses: there are so many I could go on forever

    “Indeed in the Messenger of Allah (Muhammad SAW) you have a good example to follow for him who hopes in (the Meeting with) Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much (Surah Al-Ahzab, Verse 21)”

    “There was certainly in their stories a lesson for those of understanding [yusuf:111]

    “Believe in Allah and His Messenger and the light which He sent down.” [Al-Qur’an 64:8]

    “We sent you as a witness and a bringer of good news and a warner so that they might believe in Allah and His Messenger.” [Al-Qur’an 48:8-9]

  • Tawakkul

    March 6, 2016

    Anabellah,

    Im really confused by some of the things you’re saying! I don’t want to assume things so I’m hoping I misunderstood, but it seems like your hinting that it’s wrong to follow the sunnah of Muhammad s.a.w. Allah tells us so many times in the Quran to listen to the words of the prophet s.a.w and follow his actions and to obey him and this is obedience to Allah. People want to follow the sunnah of the prophet s.a.w not because he is superior to other prophets but because they want to practice Islam as close as possible to how he practiced Islam, and because Allah told us to. Like you said the Quran is complete and in the Quran it tells us to listen to and obey Muhammad s.a.w.

    โ€œHe who obeys the Messenger has indeed obeyed Allah” [al-Nisaaโ€™ 4:80]

    โ€œO you who believe! Obey Allaah and obey the Messengerโ€ [al-Nisaaโ€™ 4:59]

    โ€œAnd let those who oppose the Messengerโ€™s commandment beware, lest some fitnah (trial, affliction, etc.) befall them or a painful torment be inflicted on them.โ€ [al-Nur 24:63]

    “But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you [Muhammad] judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission.โ€ [al-Nisaaโ€™ 4:65]

    “O you who believe! Answer Allaah (by obeying Him) and (His) Messenger when he calls you to that which will give you lifeโ€ [al-Anfaal 8:24]

    “And obey Allah and obey the Messenger and beware. And if you turn away – then know that upon Our Messenger is only [the responsibility for] clear notification” [ 5:92 ]

    “O you who have believed, obey Allah and obey the Messenger and those in authority among you. And if you disagree over anything, refer it to Allah and the Messenger, if you should believe in Allah and the Last Day. That is the best [way] and best in result [4:59]”

    “These are the limits [set by] Allah , and whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger will be admitted by Him to gardens [in Paradise] under which rivers flow, abiding eternally therein; and that is the great attainment. [4:13]

    “He will [then] amend for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly attained a great attainment. [33:71]

    “And We did not send any messenger except to be obeyed by permission of Allah . And if, when they wronged themselves, they had come to you, [O Muhammad], and asked forgiveness of Allah and the Messenger had asked forgiveness for them, they would have found Allah Accepting of repentance and Merciful” [4:64]

    By the star when it descends, Your companion [Muhammad] has not strayed, nor has he erred, Nor does he speak from [his own] inclination, It is not but a revelation revealed, [53: 1-4]

  • anabellah

    March 6, 2016

    The ignorance of people out there is incredible. The fact that most people listen to anything someone with a title says is a huge problem. The only thing someone needs to say is he is a sheik, scholar or Imam or whatever and some people think the person is the equivalent of a brain surgeon. If a Muslim reads the Quran for the right reasons and Allah gives the person understanding it’s all the person needs. Allah didn’t give us a Book (The Holy Quran) that needs interpreting by someone else. People just don’t understand that the Quran is a Holy Book and He teaches. Allah says in several ayat in the Quran that He has made the Quran easy to understand and remember. People must not believe Allah if they think they need “scholars, juris, Sheiks and Imams to learn their religion. Allah tells us how to read the Quran and when the best time to read it is. He said to pray seeking refuge in Him from Satan the accursed before we begin to read it. We’re supposed to read it out loud in a slow rhythmic tone. The best time to read it is the early morning hours like around Fajr time. He tells us all of it. People don’t want to read Quran. They rather someone else tell them what Islam is about, which is why they get so much ignorance and erroneous information. Some people Allah won’t give understanding because they pick the Quran up for the wrong reasons. They may try to use the Quran as an encyclopedia type book to find a particular answer to something or to discredit someone. A person has to read it with sincerity to learn it and live it. A woman could begin to read the Quran because she’s in a polygamous marriage and is hurting; she wants the pain to go away or she wants her husband to love her. It’s not what the Quran is for. It’s not a quick fix. Muslims need to learn their religion. They rely on other books that disregard all of Allah’s Prophets except one when Allah clearly says don’t differentiate between any of His prophets. He says don’t do it. All of His Prophets named in the Quran are the same and none in better or more special than the other. People say the Quran leaves out how to pray and do wudu. They lie. It’s all in the Quran. Furthermore, how to pray has been passed down for years just like how to walk and talk. It’s so sad what is going on out there. But Allah says there will only be a few from later times (our times) who will be foremost in faith and foremost in the Hereafter. People listen to everyone and everything other than Allah who is God. ๐Ÿ™

  • Mari2

    March 6, 2016

    I get a bit annoyed as well as to alleged scholarly men who lecture on menses as if they have any idea. It is not helpful to women if their husbands have minds filled with erroneous ideas as to menstruation and fertility. There can be nothing worse for a woman than to have infertility and or miscarriages blamed upon her lack of iman, her character, black magic or family issues.

    I was very amazed in the beginning of my marriage to M at how he had zero knowledge of human reproduction. I have made effort to educate him as to the delicate balance of hormones and functioning endocrine system required to create and sustain a pregnancy. Yet, he’ll come to me with things he hears from his friends and believes to be true: a woman has to have an orgasm to pop the egg out of her ovary. Seriously.

    Men just have no clue. One of M’s friends is 2 years married. His wife has been pregnant and miscarried 6 times. Each before the 12th week. I said maybe it’s a progesterone issue or an Rh incompatibility issue or a mitochondrial dna issue (first cousin marriage on maternal side). Tell your friend to take his wife to a specialist for some basic blood work. But his friend said that was too expensive. So he married another cousin instead. Because apparently a second marriage was less expensive than blood work?

  • ummof4

    March 6, 2016

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    I agree that men should leave the discussion of menses alone unless they are gynecologists. We all know women who continued to have regular menses while several months pregnant. Once I attended a lecture where the lecturer said that it was impossible for a woman who was breastfeeding a baby to get pregnant. Pure foolishness.

  • Jasmina

    March 6, 2016

    Lol Ana

  • Jasmina

    March 6, 2016

    I shall stay focused Ana thanks and ignore her.

    I can’t wait to find out what you have been up to. You have us in suspense.

    Gail good news. I’m glad you are well and doing good with hubby. I was on something similar and it was good but I only stayed on it for a week as I didn’t want to depend on it. I switched to St. John’s wart and also Macca powder and it helped with my anxiety. I took it for 6 weeks or so and now I only have it on a bad day. This was coupled with reading Quran which I believe helped me the most because even withou the medd the Quran kept helping but if I took medd and no Quran it didn’t help as much.. No more anxiety and no more depression. I was pretty much useless from the anxiety, it is very debilitating and lived with it for 4 years. If nothing else I feel a greater sense of control of myself now and free, like as if you were chained up in a tiny dark room and then ur free. Even with drama I can handle it now. Alhamdulillah

    Alhamdulillah

  • anabellah

    March 5, 2016

    I know it’s silly to give what that so called sheik said a second thought. What was he thinking? – that a fetus is like a blood sucking vampire. A baby drinks menstrual blood for nourishment. We aren’t allowed to drink blood. It’s haram, but he’s saying a fetus lives off the menstrual blood, it’s logical and it’s okay…? No wonder I don’t listen to what some self-proclaimed sheik or imam says.

  • anabellah

    March 5, 2016

    Okay, I’ll be Australian for today. What’s happening, mate?

    Well, Allah gave me some free time to be able to put together a post that I’m hopeful will be helpful to many. It is:Polygamy From an Islamic Viewpoint

    Top of the day to you. I’m not sure where that saying is from other than being an antiquated one LOL.

  • anabellah

    March 5, 2016

    Jasmina, As Salaamu Alaikum

    Who knows what is going on with your co. It sounds as though she’s trying from all angles to cause problems for you. Some are of the saying, “kill her with kindness.” Be kind to her and it will eat her up and make her angry. I don’t believe in playing games anymore. I’ve been there and done that with crazy. I believe in keeping it real now.

    If a person is being kind, seeking the good pleasure of Allah it is good. We are to repel evil with that which is better. Repel evil with good. If the person is being sincerely kind for that reason (and Allah certainly knows what the reason is) then it is good. ๐Ÿ™‚ Make sure you are kind for the right reason.

    Some co-wives think if they act kind to the other it would annoy her and cause her anguish. Your co probably has seen that it didn’t work, so now she’ll be flat out nasty to you and try to cause problems that way. Your best bet is to just ignore her.

    She is agonizing inside for sure. She is suffering. She’s going to have to come to terms on her own with living polygamy or else she will continue in the condition that she is in. You can’t make it easier for her, nor can your husband. It’s something she has to do on her own, by herself.

    Try not to think about her or react to her. She lies, so you know she twists things around. Don’t fall for the okie doke. Don’t react to her in an effort to annoy her. You don’t want to be a part of that. If you react, only do so seeking the good pleasure of Allah and to benefit your own soul. Stay focused.

  • anabellah

    March 5, 2016

    sword1, Hello there and welcome

    Thank you for imputing. It’s always good to hear from new writers

    Yes, maybe in time polygamy will be legalized. I don’t really think much of it, as polygamy can be practiced anywhere by people with little involvement from the outside world. As long as the parties involved keep their noses clean and don’t break any laws (domestic abuse, sex crimes, criminal restraint, assault etc) that are on the books, they are good to go.

    I think there should be a crack down on foreigners who are involved in polygamy and scam others who never consented to be a part of a polygamous marriage. There is no place for fraud, cons and scams in a polygamous marriage. It’s wrong

  • anabellah

    March 5, 2016

    Gail,

    It’s hard to believe that spring is right around the corner. It’s been a mild season here where I live. I thank Allah much. Insha Allah, you’ll have a wonderful year with the ice cream sells. You’ve got a guaranteed market.

    It’s good you’re keeping on top of having the moles checked out. I’ve always heard one should keep an eye on them for any unusual changes in them. I’m always so happy when I hear you say you’ve checked out okay. It’s music to my ears

    The project that I’m working on is an arduous task and I’ll be glad when it’s over. Insha Allah, I’ll be able to get back to writing some posts/threads here. I suppose it was a much needed break for me. I’m happy the blog has been progressing without much input from me. Alhumdulliah.

  • swords1

    March 5, 2016

    yes I believe in pol ,it’s natural to 80% of men and women though in wetern countries such as australia it’s illegal. In time maybe attitudes and law will change hee for the better

  • Tawakkul

    March 5, 2016

    It is absolutely absurd. The book I’m talking about is called “the natural blood of women by sheikh uthaymeen” and I think the same thing is mentioned in a fiqh book by shaykh fawzan. I just don’t understand why they can’t leave matters like these alone. Explaining just the basics is okay, as Jasmina said, but they try to get into such detail and pretend like it’s some kind of Islamic knowledge when there is nothing in the Quran nor in any Hadith that says anything close to that. Its the same Thing I’ve noticed with female circumcision I get so annoyed when I read something by a men who Calls himself sheikh or imam and they’re pushing female circumcision on people with the sad excuse that it’s sunnah. They have the nerve to say it actually has some kind of medical benefits when that is an absolute lie, we have seen over and over again that female circumcision only causes problems in the long run and there is nothing in the Quran that orders female circumcision and there is no solid proof that the prophet practiced it as well.

  • Gail

    March 5, 2016

    Ana,

    Happy everything is going well with u.I have been crazy busy with getting the ice cream rucks back on the road.I am on celexa for the next 6 months to a year so I seriously am so calm.Celexa is amazing!!I can’t wait to hear what u have been up to with this new project of yours.
    I had another mole removed last week and sent to Pathology.It came back not cancer so so far so good.I have to go every 3 months now since I have had cancer twice to be checked.I am shocked I am even getting moles because I have never had moles in the past.I do have a several skin tags but not moles.This last year I have had 4 moles come up.I am starting to wonder if a person has never really had moles then u get several come up if that is not some kind of warning sign for skin cancer.I should mention though that the skin cancer on my nose was not a mole but just several small bumps(My skin doc didn’t even catch the cancer even when I pointed my nose out to him) It was caught by another doc in the same clinic 6 months later which really shocked me to be honest.
    Hubby and I are still getting along amazing! Again Celexa has been a G.D send for me.I had so much anxiety my entire body was twitching and my hands were shaking so bad.I never knew anxiety could be so debilitating.

    Spirited,

    It sounds like everything is going well for u these days.Keep us posted on any new marriage prospects.

  • Jasmina

    March 5, 2016

    Yes I heard a lecture on menstruation and post natal bleeding from a brother that was not only in his early 20s but has never been married. he would say things like you know how get the… And made a comment about the amount of time it should be, it was wrong. I felt like giving in some tricky icky questions haha but felt bad for him. I don’t mind if they explain basics around it all like no praying during bleeding etc but when they get into detail and get it wrong duh it takes away all credibility for them

  • Jasmina

    March 5, 2016

    Gail

    She was nice to my face, but would still speak ill things to my husband about me… Now she is very nasty with me directly.

  • Jasmina

    March 5, 2016

    Gail

    I shall ignore her as best I can. I just feel like she is always 1 step ahead with her slyness. She is very smart when it comes to causing problems, don’t know how she comes up with the things she does. It wasn’t so obvious in the past but now I have no doubt her deviousness played a huge role in my husband leaving me last time.

    That’s a good response. I will use that. I will respond with that every time she starts to cause drama.

    At first she was so nice to me. So maybe she changed her mind about the whole thing or perhaps she expected things not to last very long considering all she does to take his time and cause problems between us. From some of the things she has said to me I realise that my in laws and perhaps my husband have given her wrong information about me and he maybe even tells her he doesn’t not love me but she is probably realising that he does particularly now that he is spending more time with me. I hope she snaps out of it and gets it together so we can all just live peacefully.

    Oh well I am just going to not think about it too much and focus on myself.

  • Jasmina

    March 5, 2016

    Aisha

    Thanks you. lol. Yes she is digging a while for herself. I have been there and bitterness is the worst feeling to live with. Thing is she has had is wayyy easier yet she complains and demands so much. She feels more entitled than I am. Like she says things to me that are hurtful and I let it so but if I say something similar yet has a big fit and my husband says I am insensitive. Like Gail says she is being immature. Now she has resorted to lying to attempt to make me jealous about things that are very illogical.

    But how are you? Did you go on your holiday with your sisters?

  • anabellah

    March 5, 2016

    It’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard of!

  • Tawakkul

    March 5, 2016

    Spirited
    Walaikum Assalam sister

    LOL!!!!!!!! I once heard a sheikh try to explain the menstrual cycle and pregnancy. He had the nerve to say that women don’t have their periods when they’re pregnant because the period blood is feeding the baby and also while a woman is breastfeeding her period blood is also feeding the baby and that’s why she does not see any menstrual blood. My mouth literally dropped open in the middle of the lecture I was so shocked at how dumb he sounded. The sad part is he was reading straight out of a book written by a very well known scholar. And I know of many people who love and study that book.

  • Spirited

    March 4, 2016

    Salaam everyone ๐Ÿ™‚

    @Tasliyman, keep your chin up, everyday is a new day to turn things around. Whatever you think you did wrong, its now in the past, so there’s no point worrying about it. Always move forward and keep your eyes on the goal (Heaven of course!)

    I’m just going to butt-in on the imams talking about what they don’t have any idea of. It’s another reason people attack Muslims these days. Those idiot “imams” and “sheikh” have no clue what kind of stupid they are. There was even one who did a whole lecture plus question/answer on menstruation (and I believe most of the questions were from men so it was a case of “blind leading the blind”. Because of course he’s qualified to talk about that subject. People like this make life harder for the rest of us normal Muslims trying to be decent people and live a quiet life with their so-called lectures and their male entitlement attitudes. It’s just sad and infuriating

  • Number4

    March 4, 2016

    Salaams to everyone,

    Very happy for your news Jasmina.

  • Tasliyman

    March 4, 2016

    Aslm.

    So today was not such a good day for me. I tried to stay strong for so long but eventually ended up doing just about everything wrong.

    Oh well, lets hope tomorrow is a better day.

  • anabellah

    March 3, 2016

    Jasmina,

    Don’t miss Gail’s comment to you, Insha Allah. I’ve been messing up unintentionally in approving comments from my phone. I just logged onto the computer to get things straight. Now I’m logging out. Over and out!

  • anabellah

    March 3, 2016

    Hey there, Gail,

    All is good with me. Thank you for asking. I’m super busy with a lot going on. Big changes are occurring in my life. I’ve been working on something that I will unveil soon, Insha Allah.

    I know you must get acclimated to having the in-laws back. I hope you didn’t get too used to being without this. It should all be good, as you’ve got a new attitude. Just go with it all to make life easier. We make life difficult for ourselves. I’m easy breezy anymore ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Gail

    March 3, 2016

    Ana,

    Yeah thats pretty much the truth of it.I think he is trying to keep her for sex.Since he was her first it is going to be really hard on her emotionally but she is going to have to do the work and move on otherwise she is going to end up choosing his lies over the truth and she will be deceived.I hope she understands this and thinks long and hard on it.

  • Gail

    March 3, 2016

    Ana,

    The inlaws are back and boy it has been wild here getting back on track working plus dealing with the inlaws and kids.I hope all is going well with you.

  • Gail

    March 3, 2016

    Jasmina,

    I am really happy u are Happy and all is going well with u! Just keep right on ignoring your cowife she is jealous and immature so don’t feed into her childish mindset and and u will be fine.
    If she keep it’s up tell her straight u take your problems to Allah and u suggest she does the same.Kill that bird with kindness is what I say.lol Seriously though she does not accept polygamy and it is eating her up inside.Honestly when u r in Polygamy and don’t truly accept it then Polygamy can be mental torture at that point and it makes people lash out and do and say things they would not normally do or say.

  • Gail

    March 3, 2016

    Alison,

    Hope all is going well with you!

  • Aisha

    March 2, 2016

    Asslaam’Alaikum ladies hope everyone is well Insha’Allah.. Cannot believe it’s March already subhanAllah…

    Jasmina I’m sooo happy for you MashaAllah… Ignore your co and do what you’re doing! Let her burnnnn! May Allah swt put barakah in your marriage.. I’ve been waiting to hear an update I’m glad to hear its positive xX

  • anabellah

    March 2, 2016

    I’m a lot the way you are. I don’t listen to any lectures online because when I do I get annoyed at the very beginning, especially with the ones about polygamy. It’s the same ole rhetoric that isn’t helpful to women. It doesn’t help women understand polygamy better or feel better about the topic or about living it. I have a library of some very good Islamic books that I’ve read in the past. I now only have time primarily for the Quran. It’s the word of Allah with everything in it,so it’s all I need. Life is short and I barely have time to devote to reading the Quran. I need to spend more time with it. I read it after or before Fajr prayer. I love not having to work outside the home, as it gives me time to read it without being pressed about getting enough sleep so I can get up and go to work. My life has been the best that it’s ever been since I’ve devoted myself to focusing on Allah and what He says. There is no room for confusion or error other than what is within me. I like the way you write. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Tawakkul

    March 2, 2016

    That’s why I came to the conclusion a while ago that it’s foolish to spend a lot of time listening to these people who call them self sheikh and give lectures online. Most of them are not actually sheikhs and they are extremely biased and they usually follow sects or groups and want to push their ideology on people whether it’s correct or not. I’d rather spend my time listening and reading Quran, the direct, clear word of Allah. Listening to lectures is a good way to remember Allah and to increase iman but it shouldn’t be my primary source for knowledge.

  • anabellah

    March 2, 2016

    Tawakkul, I don’t know where they get that idea either. Maybe it’s just a manly, macho thing. It’s a turn off to me.It keep women down and causes them to be looked at as second class citizens or chattle. It’s sad.

  • Tawakkul

    March 2, 2016

    Anabellah,

    Yes I have noticed that your perception of sunnah is different from most that I’ve come across, which is fine.

    And it’s true that many imams push polygamy on to people and yet they skip over just the basic rights of the wife and how a man should behave with his wife, and how to have a successful marriage. I think since imams are usually men they don’t see things from the woman’s point of view and the affairs of the women rarely crosses their minds unless it’s to talk about how bad women are. I only ever hear imams talk about how evil some women are for not wearing hijab or not following their idea of ‘proper hijab’, or how evil women are for backbiting, or how evil women are for disobeying their husbands, or how women will be the majority in the hellfire and other similar issues. They always talk down at sisters for not covering ‘properly’ but never talk down on brothers for not having respect and lowering their gaze. It seems that they only think about how men can benefit from woman and what women owe to men but very few of them think about what men owe to women. There is this very popular Imam who gives lectures and his lectures are very popular, I used to love his lectures until one day he gave one on polygamy and he went on and on about how men today are weak and spineless because they’re scared to marry more than one wife, and how back in the day the men who were in polygamous marriages were considered strong and powerful. It made me so angry because it came off as if he looked down on men who chose monogamy and were content with having just one family. Yet he never gave a lecture on how men should properly deal with their wife in order to have a successful marriage. I don’t know where some of them, get the idea that monogamy is lesser form of life than monogamy.

  • anabellah

    March 2, 2016

    Tawakkul, As Salaam Alaikum,

    I don’t know how you got mistaken for a male, based on your conversation. Maybe cuz you aren’t in a polygamous marriage and haven’t been, plus you’re about “Sunnah”, as well, so Musakaleem was able to relate. Although, I see “sunnah” as something different than how you and most see it. Your idea about it is in line with many. Many men who relate to the “sunnah”, as you know “sunnah”, are about polygamy. Imams have encourage men to take more than one wife as it was “sunnah”. They minimize monogamous marriages. They don’t deal with the intricacies of marriage and the hard work it takes to have a successful ONE let alone men being married to more than one woman. They say marry many, many women and women are seen more so as property to obey them at all cost, so they could enter Jannah/Paradise, which is very misleading. More women serve their husband than they serve Allah and it will take them to the Fire. Polygamy shouldn’t be propagated above monogamy and seen as the better form of marriage. It just is not. Neither is monogamy.

  • Tawakkul

    March 2, 2016

    Jasmina,
    That’s really good news, I’m so happy things are starting to get better between you and your husband. Alhamdulillah

    Anabellah,
    I think it’s time to change my handle to something more obviously feminine lol!!!

  • jasmina

    March 1, 2016

    Thank you so much Ana, and thanks for the reminder. I love you for your reminders alhamdulillah.

  • anabellah

    March 1, 2016

    Jasmina, Wa Alaikum As Salaam!

    You are a bearer of good news, Sis. I’m so happy that your marriage is getting better and things are looking up for you and the hubz. Keep up the good work. Stay mindful of Allah while beautifying yourself and making yourself pleasing to your husband. Do all things seeking the good pleasure of Allah. Be conscious of Allah at all time and you shall prevail. Alhudulliah!

  • anabellah

    March 1, 2016

    Alison, Hey you! There you are Wa Alaikum As Salaam!!!!

    I’m well. It sounds you are, too. Alhumdulliah! Much love to you too, Sis. I look forward to reading you at the first of each month

  • ummof4

    March 1, 2016

    As-salaamu alaikum and hello to all,

    Jasmina, I am overjoyed by your update. Keep on being positive and ignoring the negative and you will continue to see fantasic results, In shaa’Allah.

  • Jasmina

    March 1, 2016

    Salam everyone. I have missed you all. I have been very busy trying to keep up with my hair and makeup and maintaining the house. I’m in a routine now but it felt very strange going all out dressing up. I like it now and my husband is happy. We have not had any fight since I last reported lol. Ana you know how you said that he needs to make that intention to change well I’m certain he has. I know it’s only been about two weeks but it’s the longest we have been without a fight so inshallah. It feels so amazing feeling happy and not walking on eggshells. He comes home straight after work and does go out again but gets back 2 to 3 hours earlier now. No more midnights. I think he realised he didn’t want to lose me. He is trying so hard.

    The co is going above and beyond to cause problems but he is ignoring and won’t get angry at me anymore for the ridiculous accusations she makes of me. She calls in the am hours and said truly mean things to me to try to make me jealous but he turns his phone off and I no longer report to my husband the hurtful things she says. She tries to get a reaction out of me and any slight response immediately she grabs onto it to trash me to my husband it is very pathetic.

    Anyhow today is my day so we will see how it goes, I don’t hold my breath but each day I feel more and more easy about my marriage alhamdlila

  • Alison

    March 1, 2016

    Asalam aleikum yeeey am first ๐Ÿ™‚ anyway hope everyone is fine and doing well.much love
    Anna hope you well hey Gail much love

  • anabellah

    March 1, 2016

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello to all our wonderful blog family in cyberspace

    Welcome to the new discussion thread for March 2016. We thank you all for being here with us. Please feel free to jump in and join the discussion. Ask questions and share your thoughts.

    For those who would like to finish reading the February 2016 comments/replies or would like to refresh their memory, the link is: https://www.polygamy411.com/polygamy-411-February-2016-discussions/