Men Engage Unjustly in Polygamy

men engage unjustly in polygamy

Do you know how some men engage unjustly in polygamy? I’m sure you do. Just from listening to commentators here at polygamy 411, I know how they do it.

Many of the men are so busy trying to get what they want, when they want it and how they want it. It’s to the point that they don’t see the wrong that they do in the marriages. I’d like to look at polygamy from a positive view, but it’s so hard when I see so much wrong connected to it.

I’ll give you an example. Men engage unjustly in polygamy when financially the government takes care of the men’s wives for them. The men live with their wives who each have their own separate dwelling, but don’t take care of them monetarily. Even if the government doesn’t take care of their wives, the wives may work to take care of themselves. Life is not so burdensome for a polygamous man when he neglects his financial responsibilities. He just goes slumming, so to speak.

Men engage unjustly in polygamy when they don’t give the one wife her nights and full rights, but give them to the other wife

For instance, the husbands usually do it because they haven’t let the first wives know that they have married again. The first wives didn’t know their husbands were deceitful and lied while all the time becoming polygamous. Mainly men have made the other wives “secret wives,” somewhat like mistresses. The husbands deprive such women of financial help or their right to spend nights with their husbands.

Men engage unjustly in polygamy when they fear their first wives. In essence, they make their first wives a lord. The other wives barely receive their rights, as the first wives and their wishes are the husband’s priority. Husbands lean towards the favorite wives and neglect the other wives. They clearly disregard some of their wives. Then why did they bother to become polygamous to begin with?

Men engage unjustly in polygamy when they have all their wives living together, as well. The living arrangement is to save money. They may do it to fulfill their fantasy of having a harem. Perhaps they do it to engage in unlawful acts of sex with all the wives together. It wasn’t the way of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), and it’s not the way that Muslims should live.

Some men don’t do anything the way that they should do it based on Islam. They simply exercise the privilege of engaging in polygamy with no thought of Islam. Some use polygamy as a cover for an “affair.” There are men who tend to jump at a chance to live polygamy, and it’s the only part of Islam that they care about. It’s just a way to have many women at one time.

Men engage unjustly in polygamy and it’s not the Islamic way

Many men who engage in polygamy don’t have honorable reasons to. Some honorable reasons are: to help a widow; to help a divorced woman; to help a single mom with orphans, or such. They don’t think of polygamy in terms of what it was about for our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). He lived a polygamous lifestyle later in his life with the purpose to worship and serve Allah. He lived it to bring others together to propagate Islam.The Prophet Muhammad had his eyes on Paradise.

There is a difference in how he lived his polygamous life and the way that the men of today who engage in polygamy live theirs’. All of the Prophets of Allah are our examples. The men of today have much to learn about their religion Islam, which includes polygamy. To act justly is paramount for all in all things.

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62 Comments

  • Mari2

    April 30, 2016

    Jasmina,

    What the Dr. said may be so, but it really depends on each individuals body.  What I was speaking on was the studies done on poor, rural Pakistani girls who marry early.   Poverty takes a hugh toll on nutrition,  and girls who’ve lived in food insecure situations are often not developed enough physically to endure labor and delivery.   Compound that with a lack of prenatal care and an equal lack of qualified midwives, unhygienic home births, etc., and young girls in countries such as Pakistan suffer lasting physical issues.  Pakistan has one of the highest rates of women and infant mortality during the birth process.  That and the lack of spacing between births takes a huge toll on a woman’s body.   There are NGOs who are trying to educate women as to the importance of spacing pregnancies,  methods to do so, and agencies trying to help women with food insecurity and surgeons who volunteer to perform the surgery needed to repair women who have been horrifically damaged by child birth.  This is a cause I wholly applaud as if it had not been for modern medical advances, I would have been one of those women who either died during birth or had been really messed up as a result. 

    Women who have the issues I speak of, have urine and feces that constantly leaks from their bodies as the perineum was torn and not repaired.   They endure shame and ostracism because of their condition.   And the MAJORITY of the women affected by this condition are those who gave birth before age 18, are poor, had no access to prenatal care, have suffered food insecurity during growth and development of themselves,  and these are the women MOST likely to be married off while they are young.  Not the middle class girls in Islamabad or the high class girls in Mardan.   No.  It’s the poor girls.   The one’s who get their period and poof they find themselves married off.  Most educated or semi educated parents are not tossing their girls into marriage just because they got their period.   

    My daughter got her menses at age 10.  I was soooooooo sad for her.  I certainly didn’t run out to find her a man.  And I wouldn’t have done so at age 16 either.  The best” time to have a baby is when you are ready. 

  • anabellah

    April 22, 2016

    Jasmina, LOL, I’m sure most women relate to the video at one time or another in their lives. It’s what makes it so funny. 🙂

  • Jasmina

    April 22, 2016

    Thanks Ana you’re always encouraging.

    lol yup that song was made for me.  the animation lol is pretty much the way I process things. 

    Mari2 a doctor on TV said the best age for a woman’s body to have a baby is 16 and after 25 or so it gets harder. 

  • anabellah

    April 22, 2016

    @Mari2,

    It is an interesting topic. Sadly many of the men who engage in polygamy aren’t very religious as in practicing their religion and they simply marry another the same as men who have mistresses. They just love more than one woman or want more than one woman and it’s the only thing it’s about. I don’t see any real difference between them and non-Muslims with mistresses other than the Muslims can legitimately say their relationship is marriage and call it that. Other than it, it’s the equivalent of an affair. I doubt any of them are thinking about enter Jannah and striving for it as a family. Everyone is on their own in the marriage.

    About the young girls with menses getting married and having children, I’m not really versed enough to speak on it. I only know that young girls when they get their menses have sexual desires that most will act on unless they’re under strict supervision. It’s strange, they have menses and have sex, but it’s problematic for them to give birth. Interesting. Well, I’m not one to have to worry about what to do with them. Many parents are putting their children on birth control as soon as they get their menses. I dunno know.

    Thank you much for sharing your knowledge on the topic 🙂

  • Mari2

    April 22, 2016

    @Ana

    Great subject to discuss.  Men engage in polygamy unjustly for many reasons that you have explained.   And when the polygamous marriages straddle different countries and cultures, things can be even more interesting or annoying depending on one’s experience with it.

    I want to say though,  that while young girls may physically engage in intercourse does not necessarily guarantee that they may be able to carry or safely deliver a child, married or not.  Here in the states a girl pregnant at ages 15 to 17 usually is considered high risk for numerous complications.   A girl’s body doesn’t finish growing until 18 or more.  So a 15 year old who is pregnant has a body that is trying to provide nourishment to both mother and child.  The result is often a small baby, preterm labor, and malnourished mother who then lacks the bmi to sufficiently lactate enough to nourish the infant. 

    In the US and other western countries with decent prenatal care, these issues can be remediated.  And safe c sections can be performed for the safety of young girl and child.  But for poor girls in rural places such as Pakistan,  these typical young mothers and infants die.  Or worse, the mothers are  physically injured by long labors and ignorant mid wives. A condition called fistula ( I think) is very prevalent among young moms whose families decided that 14 was a perfect age for marriage.   Its a terrible condition, and a result of child marriages and early pregnancy.  And a young girl can suffer this whether her husband is young or old. And there needs to be more education among parents who think that menses or quantitative age equals ability to deliver.

  • anabellah

    April 22, 2016

    Thank you, Mari2 🙂

  • Mari2

    April 22, 2016

    Marah,

    polish is by a Polish company called Inglot.  O2M breathable nail enamel.   No shellac.  I use it.  It wears off easily though, obviously.   But looks good for a couple of days or so.  The company sells millions of dollars of their product in the middle east.

  • anabellah

    April 22, 2016

    Marah S

    Insha Allah, I’m going to do what you and your sister do and refer to the busy bodies as “haram police”. It’s a better and more accurate description. I agree with you that they worry about the “most irrelevant” things and should spend more time on concerning themselves about their own wrong doings and sins. What they do is crazy. Somebody’s teaching them that crap. It does boil down to harassment. I’ve seen these people in action, away calling themselves “correcting someone”. Don’t get me started. When people do that crap, it pisses me off. “Oh, sister, don’t do this” and “oh sister, don’t do that.” “IstafaAllah, sister, IstafaAllah”. It sounds so rehearse and phony. They need to mind their own business and leave people alone.

    I don’t know about the nursery rhymes and things of that nature because I don’t have children and haven’t been around many. I’m not close with my nieces and nephews. Plus, aren’t kids any longer. They now have kids. I’m closer with my husband’s niece who doesn’t have kids yet. She into her career.

    I’ve heard of Muslims not allowing their kids to watch TV, and they don’t have one. I dunno. We all have to live in this world and learn to maneuver around in it. We can’t be hermits and isolate ourselves from the outside world, so I don’t get it.

    Then there are some Muslims that don’t think were suppose to dress nice, look pretty and have nice things. Allah specifically say to get our portion of this world, but don’t forget about the Hereafter. He tells us that all the good is for the believers in this world and exclusively for them in the Hereafter. When we pray, it’s okay to ask Allah for the good in this world and the good in the hereafter. So, those people who walk about looking all penury and poor and don’t think we should have material things have got it twisted. Of course, we shouldn’t live for this world the way unbelievers do, but this world is for us for our use. Islam is so beautiful. It’s a wonderful religion. Some people have tried to make it complicated and an oppressive religion, which it isn’t.

    Marah S, thanks for letting me know about the nail police that water can goes through. I wasn’t aware of it. If you happen to know the name of any, please let us know. Thank you 🙂

  • Marah S

    April 22, 2016

    That makes sense, I can understand that listening to certain types of music for instance music that talks about killing people and gun violence could be more problematic than other types of music like nursery rhymes for example, I could never understand why it’s such a huge issue if people let their kids listen to twinkle twinkle little star. They also make nail polish that water can go through now. My sister and I like to call them the haram police, they are the worst, they’re always in other people’s business threatening them and harassing them, even though they’d be better off working on their own sins. And it’s always the most irrelevant things that they worry about.

  • anabellah

    April 22, 2016

    We briefly had conversations here in the past about stuff like music. We never dwell on it because it’s off topic.

    It just like eating with one’s right hand instead of the left. Well, people (and some still do I suppose in countries without toilet and toilet tissue) used to wipe their @$$es with their hands. They didn’t have water readily available. They all ate out of the same dish with their hands and no utensils. The whole wiping with one’s left hand was for sanitary reasons. If everyone wiped with their left hands and not with their right and ate with their right it’s more hygienic.

    The eating with the right hand is problematic for a person who is a lefty – left handed. In places where there are toilets, toilet tissues and running water and soap, does wiping with the right hand matter?

    There is a reason for all things. Yeah, I wipe with my left hand, although I use toilet tissue and wash my hands after using the toilet. I do it because when I first became Muslim I listened to whatever anyone told me and I believed all that I read about Islam. I didn’t question anything like an idiot. Yeah, I was an idiot. Now I try to learn, seek knowledge and ask questions. I don’t follow anyone blindly.

  • anabellah

    April 21, 2016

    Hey there, Marah S https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_bye.gif

    I’ve heard it’s haram to listen to music, too. I don’t pay attention when people tell me that type of stuff. It’s a cultural thing or it someone’s opinion that some have said is a LAW. It’s the same with whether one can wear makeup, nail polish and stuff like it. I wear makeup and nail polish, more so toe nail polish in the summer when I wear sandals everyday. Do I care that some people think it’s haram – NO!

    The only reason I don’t listen to music as much as I did is because I begin to reminisce about what I used to do when I used to listen to the music or who I was in love with at the time (when I wasn’t Muslim). It brings back memories and causes me to live in my head and in the past. Another reason that I don’t listen to it as much is because as I said in the other post, I have a difficult time sometime getting the lyrics out of my head and I should be remembering Allah, not a song. I still listen to music, but not as often or as much.

    There are probably very good reasons not to listen to music, but for someone to outright say it is sinful and haram is taking it way to far if you ask me.

    Years ago some people came to this blog and said I shouldn’t have pictures here and some said I shouldn’t have music. They wrote me about it via emails. I told them if they don’t like it, don’t look at the pictures or don’t come to the blog. If they don’t like the music, then they don’t have to click on the play button.

    I get so annoyed with the self-righteous Muslims who talk about the superficial stuff and want to police everyone on it instead of minding their own business.

    Ask them what Allah says in the Holy Quran about the meat and the potatoes (important information) of Islam and they don’t know anything, but they know when someone’s, skirt is too short and the ankle is showing or someone does something wrong visibly that they can come point out as wrong. I call them the Islamic police cuz they are always up in someone else business, telling the other person what she is doing wrong.

    There are far more important things for me to concern myself about in my worship of Allah than about petty stupid stuff such as music and pictures on the blog, or nail polish and makeup.

    Marah S, it was a good question you asked about it https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_good.gif I’m sure many were wondering or wanted to ask, but didn’t.

     

  • Marah S

    April 21, 2016

    Hello sisters, I heard of prince’s death too, it’s sad that he Died so young although he was way ahead of my time I’ve heard of him but never listened to his music. I’ve always been told that music is Haram, but you guys seem to be into it, does that mean it’s actually okay to listen to music and I’ve just been struggling my whole life for nothing? 

  • anabellah

    April 21, 2016

    It is sad about Prince’s death today. It was a shockeroo. It wasn’t as sad for me as hearing about Michael Jackson’s death. Now Michael’s death really saddened me. I bought the DVD, “This is It” of Michael Jackson preparing for the concerts that he never got to have. He was incredibly talented. I liked Prince, but not as much as I liked Michael. Hearing of Princes death just reminded me that death is imminent. We tend to think we’ve got a long life to live, but there is no guarantee.

  • baseema

    April 21, 2016

    nice! at first glance i thought it was going to be a Prince song! https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_cry.gif

  • anabellah

    April 21, 2016

    jasmina,

    I wonder too whether they have a life, if all they have to do is sit around and discuss me and our blog all day and night. It means that I’m constantly on those people’s minds. It incredible. One person sent me 800 and some comments in a few days. Yes, you read right, over 800 comments. I sent them all to “Spam” without reading them. All I had to do is see the user name and send them packing. That idiot had to sit there day and night writing them and sending them to me. She must have began when she got up in the morning till she went to bed. Poor thang.

    Yes, the blog gets a lot of traffic just by people hating on me and our blog. I call is free advertising. Anytime someone talks (good or bad) about someone on the net, it’s good advertising. It help people to take notice of me and our blog. People are inquisitive and want to know what’s going on over here. You know the saying about celebrities, “There is no such thing as bad publicity.” We’ve got it going on over here. They can’t stop no show.

    When that whack job was wigging out and was sending me all those comments, even though they went into “spam”, it made the ratings of the blog go up because all those 800 comments counted as legitimate comments although I had to put them into spam.

    It’s funny; I was thinking of you while listening to music as I was driving. Every now and again, I’ll listen to music and not the Quran while I’m driving. I try not to do it often cuz the lyrics seem to play in my head and it’s difficult to stop them 🙁 The lyrics reminded me of when you used to talk about your husband coming to you late etc. I’ll put the video below:

  • anabellah

    April 21, 2016

    jasmina,

    It’s really good that you’re taking the advice of the ladies here who have said you’ve got to get your life. Life would be so much more fulfilling for you when you find out what you enjoy doing that is halal and get busy doing it. It’s just Satan with his whispers who wants you to believe that you aren’t worth a darn and says things to you that make you feel insecure. You have to rise above that. Counter Satan with the opposite and say yes you are all the good things that he (Satan) says that you aren’t.

    When you feel afraid of anything, remember that Allah tells us to fear no one and nothing but Him. Just remembering that alone is remembering Allah and He remembers those who remembers Him. Before you know it, you will be fierce and fearless. You’ve got it going on. I’m sure others think it of you too, you just think little of yourself. Whoever doesn’t think good of you, who gives a flying %$&^. Who are they? Nobodies!!!

    As you said, you’ve got to rise above whatever is holding you back. Keep working on you. It’ll keep you busy enough 🙂

  • Jasmina

    April 21, 2016

    Thanks Ana I’m trying. I accept he isnt perfect and not just that but lacks basic morals and ethics but this is who I am with and so be it for now alhamdulillah. Just trying to do my own thing as everyone has adviced. Meeting new friends and trying to find myself.  I lack a lot of self esteem and confidence so trying to sort that out.

    thats so funny about the crazies… I have ran into other blogs that mention yours in a bad light and I really have to raise my eyebrow and wonder if some people have much of a life. Seriously to “defect” from your blog and start a new one just out of spite lol.. No life at all. So someone has a different opinion or world view than your, big deal, some people need to chill out. You must get a lot of visitors to the site, to attract that minority group

  • anabellah

    April 18, 2016

    baseema,

    I hear you. It is very sad and pretty disgusting as well how females dress in the west. It’s not only the way the young girls are dressing, but how many women go out these days, with skin tight thin pants showing their butts is enough to make me want to barf upon seeing it.

    I don’t think the pedophiles and perves (perverts) are very much affected by seeing it. Pedophiles prey on specific type of boys or girls. For instance, a pedophile may only want a boy who is nine years old. They have a particular age boy that they like, for instance and none other will do. They have a specific type usually that they go for. Rapist are known to rape as a means of control. It’s not about lust. It’s a control issue. It’s how they get off, not by seeing a woman and jumping her bones then and there. Then there is the date rapes. I can’t get how the laws in the US allows a woman to to have foreplay and get busy with the guy and then say no right while he’s getting ready to %$%%%$ and he doesn’t stop and gets charged with rape – but so be it. Then there are the men who lust after the girls/women like dogs because of how the girls/women are dressed, but it’s what the girls/women want. They like that. It’s why they dress that way to begin with. They want the attention.

    I’m taken back by the many Muslim men in some so called Muslim countries who accost women and grab on the buttocks and boobages etc. They should know better. It probably has to do with not being able to be around women and talk with them the way “normal” humans do. I have no idea where the Muslim came up with the separation of sexes. How can men protect women when they can’t be near them and talk with them. Allah says man is the protector of woman. He doesn’t say the wife or mother or sister. He says WOMEN. Why can’t brothers and sisters in faith communicate with one another? Well we see how well the segregation thing is going.

    Now, back to what you were saying. But, when it comes to those quasi naked girls/women one needs to remember that those girls/women are all agents of Satan. They help Satan do his job. Satan can only whisper, but he whispers for the people to do what they do. Everyone is doing what they were scripted to do. Some people are for the Fire and they lead people astray as they are astray. They can’t do anything but evil. We need to try to see everything from an Islamic perspective – what Allah says in the Quran. We can’t expect that people who don’t serve and worship Allah the way He tells us to will do good. They can’t do any good. I don’t make this stuff up. It’s what Allah says. (I expect some dumb@$$ to write me and say – oh, Allah didn’t say anything in the Quran about a person having stage 4 cancer and taking shahadah on the death bed. Can people really be that stupid? I used it as an example). Allah says that the good that they think they are doing don’t count.

    A lot of people disregard what Allah says because they don’t want to believe it. Many Muslims have friends and family who don’t serve and worship Allah and they love their friends and family REGARDLESS of what Allah says about those people who don’t serve and worship him and they don’t want to believe that Allah says and means the things that He says in the Holy Quran about them. So, they deny it and say it aint true. It’s heavy!

  • baseema

    April 18, 2016

    This is a sad subject…i wish our society wasn’t so sexualized! the movies, tv, ads, etc. and you see young girls running around in stripper like clothes and you wonder what are their parents thinking? UGH! sometimes they are only like 4 or 5 and dressed like adult women on the prowl! why can’t children be children? i just want to grab those parents and shake them!! i long for the old days, and i hate this new fashion, awful. It’s no excuse for the perverts and pedophiles, they should all have their you know what cut off as far as i’m concerned and throw them on an island far from the general population! https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_cry.gif

  • anabellah

    April 18, 2016

    Yes, many women are evil too. You’d be surprised at some of the whack jobs who hate me and obsess over me on this blog. They wig out on me on posts all day and night. I’m like wow, they ain’t got nothing better to do than keep me on their minds. It’s the strangest thing ever lol. I send them to spam, deleting them without reading them, other than to see a word or two of their post to identify them as one of the crazies…

    Hello out there crazies. I’ll probably get a post from one shortly. One will crawl out from under a rock.

  • anabellah

    April 18, 2016

    Jasmina,

    Sounds your husband is trying and you’re more understanding that he is no more flawed than anyone else. He’s struggling with polygamy and life the way anyone else is, maybe not the exact same way, but some way. Alhumdulliah you stayed with him. Those wanting to be believers will be tried and tested in our personal selves and other ways.

  • Jasmina

    April 18, 2016

    Some women are pretty evil too… 

    Some men are good too… 

    Everyone has flaws. Just some flaws hurt others

  • Jasmina

    April 18, 2016

    Yes Ana preying on kids under the guise of religion or whatever the case is very wrong. I mean look at the Catholics, where I am from they are cracking down on the criminals amongst that church that have committed crimes against children. It’s about time. Recently a father here married a 12 year old girl to a 28 year old man, he was arrested, the husband put in jail and the girl taken into a foster home. 

    I just don’t think at that age a girl can make a decent life long decision with regards to marriage or any kind of intimacy. The age of maturity these days is much more than what it may have been hundreds of years ago.  I got married in my early 20s and still got it wrong lol alhamdulillah. The gypsies marry their kids of young, it looks pretty horrible seeing kids getting married and looking around not knowing what is going on… Aargh this world subhanAllah it’s such a mess.

    but at the end of the day, it’s men preying on young girls/boys. It’s the men that live to fulfill their desires and wrong others, regardless of age differences, they are just too good at stepping over women and getting away with it. 

    It is not until a woman has been burnt that she wisens up. I wish we were taught about the hidden dangers of men from a young age. And Their deceits and lies. I know it sounds awful but we are so naive when it comes to marriage, it’s such a hit or miss picking the right partner.

  • anabellah

    April 18, 2016

    Marah S,

    The stories that you related about the West Africans are so sad. I’ve heard of what you mentioned about the husbands bringing home the young wives and making the older wives take care of them. I can’t imagine it happening to me. It wouldn’t go over well with independent, liberated women in the west. https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_negative.gif

    I could see if it was all done in the cause of Allah.

    It would be nice if families could help support young couples so they could marry and not fornicate.  The way it is in the US – they say if you don’t have a job and can’t take care of yourself, then you can’t get married cuz “I’m not going to take care of you.” I think it’s where extended families is good in which everyone takes care of one another.

    It’s weird that in the States, parents are now letting the children boyfriends/girlfriends live together in the parents house without being married. No one cares. But let someone talk about polygamy, it’s as though they committed one of the worse crimes on the face of the earth https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_unsure.gif

    I understand it all and why it exists. I spoke of it in another post about the “death, dumb and blind” and evil – how it prevails, but I think it went over a lot of peoples heads.

     

  • anabellah

    April 18, 2016

    There is a lot being done about the pedophiles. I know it for a fact as I worked investigating such cases along with all the other stuff.

  • anabellah

    April 18, 2016

    Jasmina,

    What you indicated is correct. The girls have sex very young, so why can’t they get married young? If they have their menses and are having sex, they should be married to have sex. Allah doesn’t do anything without purpose. He didn’t give girls and boys sex drive for them not to have sex. When they are of that age they should be married.

    The non-Muslim laws are backwards. In most States in the US one must be 18 to wed, but their is no age to which they are lawfully permitted to have sex. The law are against men of certain age having sex with girls a certain amount of years younger than the men or having sex forced on them – it’s against the law. It’s crazy that the age of consent for sex in most States in the US is 16, but they can’t get lawfully married till 18. Most are discouraged from getting married even at the age of 18 with most saying it’s an age that is too young for marriage. Yet, no one cares about them fornicating. People are telling them to refrain from sex and, as you said, putting them on birth control, and allowing them to have sex without marriage.

    It’s no different with polygamy. No one cares that most people in the US date and commonly have sex without marriage, are gay/Lesbians or polyarmory or claim some ridiculous thing such as having two husbands, but are against polygamy, which is HYPOCRITICAL when they claim to have two husbands and make up all kinds of stuff. But a man wanting to MARRY more than one woman, support and take care of them and not just fornicate or commit adultery is frowned upon.

    I find a problem with Muslim men or any man who preys on young women for sex and it’s all about lust. Those young girls are forced into prostitution, or married off to old guys in exchange for money and things of that nature. Those young girls don’t want to be married to those old guys. They rather be with someone who is their own age. Those old guys and a young guy compared to some of the girls could be considered old have wives yet they want to rob young girls of the joy and excitement of having sex with a guy their own age for the first time. Allah says the pure is for the pure and the impure is for the impure. Why can’t a young virgin girl and a young virgin boy be together in matrimony and love each other, not knowing anything other than sex with each other. I think it was Marah S who said she and her husband were both virgins when they wed. They know nothing else to compare it to. It’s beautiful.

    I think most of the non-Muslim who are vocal about Muslims and the sex with young girl issue is about the old guys exploiting the youth because they want to get off on them. There is a book that tells all about the Saudi’s and how they marry the young girls and abuse them badly having sex with them all day and night like they are their personal sex slaves. I have to get the name of the book. A commentator on this blog gave me the name of the book and referred it to me.

  • Jasmina

    April 18, 2016

    Layla I loved your post. If only all women could project each other’s rights. If all Muslims could project each other period. 

    Men engage in polygamy for the wrong reasons and then realise that it’s double the trouble, double the responsibility, lol. Some will abandon or divorce one, which itself is so wrong to put a woman through to much just to let her go because he no longer wants to engage in polygamy. 

    Some men suck it up and do the best they can.

    i think if men were more open and honest about it, less Would get the desire to engage in polygamy because they hear the reality.

    I think my hubby was naive about polygamy. He is now suffering the consequences but I have to admit at least he is trying even though he can be weak sometimes. But he is growing as a man, a Muslim and a human, just like we all are. 

    Some men are not naive they just are opportunists and use it to take advantage like Aisha’s exhusband who though he could get a free maid and nanny, jerk.

     

  • Jasmina

    April 18, 2016

    You know I think it’s easy to get so caught up in the age discussion and start pointing fingers. No doubt in this day and age it is not of our times to marry young girls, the average life expectancy has increased now and young girls are very immature compared to what they used to be. It is wrong for anyone from any religion. Having said that why is the discussion of underage girls engaging in sex not an issue. I have had friends who have been sexually active since they were as young as 10.

    My brother dated a girl whom he thought was 15 but she lied and she was 11. My friend was sexually active since the age of 11 and always talked about it as an adult would. My friend a lawyer put her 13 and 15 year old daughters on contraception. During primary and early high school many girls were sexually active. One at 13 engaged with a 28 year old. A few of my school peers were pregnant at 15. I met many girls who were raped as early as 8 years old. All non Muslims from various backgrounds. My mother married at 16 to a 32 year old and it was not strange for her during her time.  

    How many young girls are traded and sold as slaves or sex slaves. Why do governments not have a war on pedophelia.

    I think the issue has had too much focus on Islamic majority countries and demonising Muslims when in fact the issue is global.  If you were to analyse and rate of children having babies you can appreciate just how widespread this issue is and how it’s not isolated to Muslims. In fact Muslims are a small issue in comparison to the western world. South America alone has a huge rate of children giving birth, majority from rape. Just recently a man that raped an 8 year old got 6 months jail which will pilot ably be paroled, that is not a justice system that protects young girls, so for these western countries to demonise Muslim majority countries on a few stories, please.

    The issue in my opinion is complex but at the bottom of it, girls should be protected. Girls should be educated. Girls should make their own healthy choices about marriage. The only cases getting on the news are those of forced marriage, how about forced or coerced sex, what about all the media corrupting young girls leading them into adulthood so early.  

  • Marah S

    April 17, 2016

    This is true anabellah, marriage is not all about lust, and sexual fantasies, marriage should be for the sake of our soul first, and we should marry the one who is best for our religious advancement. One of my friends is from west Africa, men in her country marry a second wife who is young and they tell their older wife that she should take care of her like her little sister, so the older wife has to take care of the young second wife, and buy her clothes and food, unless she wants to be called a jealous spiteful old women. She was telling me a story about her cousins mom back home who’s husband secretly married a young girl, and now she found out he’s always telling her she’s old and washed up and she should give up her days, and whenever her and the younger wife get in a fight the younger one gets agressive and beats her up and he tells the older wife to suck it up because she’s her little sister. And although Aisha was the favorite wife at the time, the prophet Muhammad always had a special place for Khadijah in his heart and he said allah didn’t grant him any woman better than Khadijah. Even though she was much older than Aisha.

  • anabellah

    April 17, 2016

    I think there is so much corruption in our religion and ignorance as well. Many people are, as is stated in the video below, illiterate when it comes to our religion.  They just go with what anyone says. I think the corruption is apparent when one looks at the abuse by older men who marry very young girls.

    Lust is not a reason for marriage in Islam. What is happening with the older men, especially in Saudi and countries like it, is the same thing that is happening with the Mormons today. The older men are marrying up all the young girls – for lust – to satisfy their sexual desires.  The only difference is the Mormon men send the young boys off (kick them off the compound) so that the young girls and those young boys can’t mix up with one another.

    The only very young girl that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) married was Aisha and it was because his best friend/companion, Abu Bakur offered her to him in marriage. What better person for his daughter to marry than the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). She was soooo learned, as she was reared on Islam. She is said to have been the favorite wife of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) NOT because of her youth, but because of her knowledge. After the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) left this earth. She taught Islam. She did err in that she thought she could lead people in battles as well. She quickly learned it wasn’t her mission.

    Other than Aisha, the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) married young women, not nearly as young as Aisha, but he married older women as well. He married widows and Divorcees. It goes to show that all women are good for marriage, regardless of what age they are. The mere fact that his first wife, before she died, and he became polygamous was 15 years older than he was. It says a lot. It speaks volume.

    Men want to hold onto the hadith in which it is said that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said that men should marry young girls so that they can play with them. Men run with that one.  They use that one to their advantage.  Although there are ayat (verses) in the Quran that support men marrying virgins, non-virgins, widow, divorcees, single women and all women.

    Another hadith supposedly says that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was going to divorce his older wife because she was old. In that hadith she is said to have given up her rights in a bargain and plea to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) to keep her. It’s sad to hear people repeat that hadith. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was a compassionate, kind and just man.  My understanding is his older wife, out of the love she had for the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) gave her nights to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) as she felt no need for nights with him any longer, and she knew Aisha was his favorite wife. She offered her nights to Aisha out of the goodness of her heart and probably love for her sister-in-faith. It was beautiful. It wasn’t something ugly that others say it was – that she was old and was about to be put out to pasture.

    I think it’s a beautiful thing when a young girl marries a young boy. It helps avoid teenage pregnancies. If a woman –  and she is a woman when she is able to become pregnant – has a need to have sex the same as a teenage boy does, it’s time for them to get married. Why can’t they marries one another.

    Men shouldn’t be so selfish to put themselves on a young girl, virgin when they only do it to satisfy their lust. Lust is what it’s about for those old geezers, old buzzards, perves (perverts). There is no purity and goodness in most of it.

    Sometimes it seems there is more Islam in non-Muslims than in Muslims. At least the laws in n0n-Muslim countries protect the rights of women  and young girlshttps://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_mail.gif

     

  • anabellah

    April 17, 2016

    baseema,

    I forgot we have the copy feature now. I copied your post about the 14 year old over to that post.

  • Marah S

    April 17, 2016

    Baseemah, yes, yes, your post brought tears to my eyes https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_cry.gif, What I understand in the Quran is, anyone can accept Islam as long as the angel of death hasn’t come to take their soul yet, so even if someone is on their deathbed but the Angel hasn’t come for their soul yet and They sincerely accept Islam, then they died as a Muslim, Allah is the most merciful, and he will not reject the shahaadah of a servant who sincerely submits to him, even if he is five minutes away from death. The prophet Muhammad tried to convert his uncle when he was on his deathbed but he refused and he also allowed a young Jewish boy to say the shahaadah while he was on his deathbed and he said while smiling, Allah has saved him from the fire. I think what anabellah meant was that if a person knew Islam was the truth their whole life, but chose to ignore it, and then right when they about to die they say the shahaadah thinking they cheated Allah. And all their sins will be forgiven.

  • Marah S

    April 17, 2016

    I like this article a lot, it’s important for men to practice polygamy justly because that could really make or break the experience, I think a lot of women don’t want to except polygamy because they’re scared of being treated unjustly and the husband loving and treating another wife better than them. But men should be responsible for making every wife feel loved and special like she is the only women that matters when it’s her day. I was watching an episode of divorce court and some (non-Muslim) polygamous women were on the show, I think they were Israelites or something. And they were talking about how they don’t have jealousy between one another because when it’s their day, their husband makes them feel like the only one.

  • anabellah

    April 17, 2016

    baseema,

    Insha Allah, I’ll move your comment over to the thread that is about the 14 yr. old and the 35 year old who were married. I have my thoughts about it and will share a bit later. I have to run out right now. Will be back….https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_smile.gif

  • baseema

    April 17, 2016

    Ana, yes you are right. It was the Paki man. I did get in a major argument with him and still can’t believe he said it, but he told me there is nothing wrong with a 35 year  old man marrying a 14 year old girl! He said as long as the guy is kind, self-supporting, and a good person it was ok. I was like WHAT!?!?! 14 is a child. He said oh in USA 12 year old girls have sex with boyfriends, but 14 year olds are not allowed to be married?? Are you discriminating against marriage?? I said neither is right. Then he pointed out that in Texas a 14 year old girl can get married. But i said first of all, this girl was married against her will. And I don’t think any 14 year old is ready or mature enough for marriage or sex with a boyfriend. I still can’t believe he said that!! https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_negative.gif

  • anabellah

    April 17, 2016

    If anyone finds that his or her comment / post didn’t get posted perhaps it is because I’m ignoring ignorance and it’s my Prerogative not to post it.

  • anabellah

    April 17, 2016

    Baseema,

    It’s okay. Not everyone will accept what I say. I suppose you got your info from your Pakistani friend whom you quote often. I got my info from Quran. Nonetheless, we’re off topic with it anyhow, so there’s no need to discuss it further.

  • baseema

    April 17, 2016

    Hi Ana, I talked to my friend about that thing about the shahada not being accepted right before death, and he said that is totally wrong. I know you don’t like religious discussions, but I’ll just tell you his reasoning. He said it can be accepted “until death hits the throat,” meaning that until the person dies. He said your thinking is like a human and God does not think like a human. If what you said was true and it was unjust, then only people who are Muslim from birth will go to paradise. Why would God take someone who only converted when they are 20, 30, 40, etc? When there are plenty of Muslims who have been Muslim since birth? They’ve been praying and fasting their whole lives? He said Allah doesn’t discriminate like humans do. And luckily for us, All we have to do is be sorry from the heart and accept Islam and all our sins are forgiven, which is unlike what humans are capable of. Most humans cannot forgive, and also they think it goes by way of length of time you perform good deeds. He says that Allah will forgive and accept anyone who is sincere, and at anytime, and that you may be discouraging people from becoming Muslims if they should read this. He wanted to be sure that I replied back to you. He said Allah is merciful and he does not turn anyone away who desires to become Muslim before death. Also, I mentioned about Hadiths, and he said that if someone picks up a PhD book to read, they will not understand, so they need help to understand it, and the hadiths are the guides to help us understand the word of Allah. And while the Quran might have been written in simple English, there are complexities that people need help to understand it. He said that is why ISIS is here, because they do not understand what they read, and they take everything literally. Also, he said your cousin was right, because we don’t know if even an unconscious person can hear and understand what we are saying, so there is nothing bad about saying anything religious to any living person. That person could have accepted it in their heart, we do not know. He said we should never discourage anyone from coming to Allah. He is all merciful and forgiving. https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_rose.gif

  • Jasmina

    April 17, 2016

    There’s a Hadith from Aisha RA that speaks of this. I will try find it. 

  • anabellah

    April 16, 2016

    Here is an ayah that speaks to what we’re talking about now. Allah in the Ayah that I cited below addresses Believers (remember there is a difference between a Believer and a Muslim; non-Muslim et. al.). Ayah speaks to various people in the Quran at varying times.

    Allah says:

    “O ye who believe! Truly, among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to yourselves: so beware of them! But if ye forgive and overlook, and cover up (their faults), verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” Quran: Surah 64, ayah 14

    It doesn’t mean that the wife, for example, is going to try to poison the husband or harm him physically or anything like it; although there are some wives who may.

    It means a wife is going to have the husbands do things that aren’t Islamically correct.  She will encourage him to do what he shouldn’t do. She going to have him disobey Allah. She does it in trying to get her husband to satisfy her desires. She leads him away from the path of Allah. It’s how she is an enemy to her husband.

    We sould look at the other part of the ayah. Maybe the husband knows the wife is jacked up and is doing wrong. He could forgive her and cover her faults. We all sin and we all have faults and flaws that we should be trying to work on.

    One needs to differentiate between if the husband is forgiving her and covering her faults of his wife, seeking to please Allah or he’s turning a blind eye to the wrong the wife is doing out of love for her and not wanting to believe that she is the jacked up person that she is. I hope I’m making sense to you all https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_mail.gif

  • anabellah

    April 16, 2016

    Fatima & Laylah,

    You both spoke about something so important which is that a wife is wrong to not encourage her husband to do the right thing with regard to the other wife and is wrong to think she is special just because the husband is leaning towards her and she gloats and boast about it and wallows in it. We should all stand up for what is right. A wife could easily go along with her husband staying late with her when it’s time for him to go to the other wife. She wouldn’t like it if it was the other way around and her time was taken, so why do it to someone else?

    Even if one dislikes her co-wife or downright hates her, it’s no excuse to not be just. Allah says don’t let the hatred of others make you transgress reason. The words aren’t verbatim, but are close.

    As Fatimah said, it will come back to haunt the husband. It will come back to haunt the wife, as well.

    Everything changes. Nothing stays the same. Just because a wife may appear to be the favorite and is on top today, doesn’t mean she will remain that way.

    The best thing for any wife to do is try to be the most righteous person and she will come out on top in everything in her life. She will have the best in this world and in the Hereafter. I can vouch for this life. I believe Allah’s promises are true, so I’m hopeful and looking forward to the Hereafter. Insha Allah, I’ll get there…

    I’m so glad the two of you spoke on it https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_good.gif

  • anabellah

    April 16, 2016

    Fatimah, As Salaamu Alaikum!

    What a terrific post. It’s an EXCELLENT post! You covered a lot of territory in one post. I would love to be able to be as succinct as you are in my writings. I’d like to comment on some of it, but there isn’t much to say without repeating what you’ve stated. Insha Allah, I will re-read it. It would make a nice kutbah. It’s a lot to digest and I agree with you about it 100%https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_good.gif

  • anabellah

    April 16, 2016

    To take it a step further, Allah speaks about the new shahadah in the Quran. He said how could they have faith when they was so far away from Faith just yesterday meaning faith doesn’t enter a person’s heart instantly just because a person take the shahada. How is a person with no faith such as the person who took the shahada on his deathbed going to go to paradise as simple as that? Controversial is whether we should wear makeup or nail polish or listen to music. That’s controversial. What is in the Quran is not controversial.

  • anabellah

    April 16, 2016

    I’m on my phone. Please excuse any errors

  • anabellah

    April 16, 2016

    Do you think it’s Just that a person who has been told he has a cancerous brain tumor and has 6 months to live and takes the shahada because he’s been told of his death sentence should have all his sins forgiven and he goes straight to Paradise when someone else took the shahada who doesn’t know when he will or she will die and that person goes through all the trials, tribulations, toil, hardships and struggles that a Muslim who is striving to be a believer must go through for a long time and that other person goes to Paradise the same as the later one whom I just described? Think about it. As I said, I’m only repeating what’s in the Quran .The Quran is a warning, a guide and a mercy for mankind.

  • anabellah

    April 16, 2016

    Yes baseema, we all are going to die. There’s a difference when someone knows a time frame in which he will die as in the examples I gave and the person hurry to take the Shahadah right before he goes. Allah is a Just God. It’s not controversial. Allah in the Quran let’s us know it. We can’t play with God and take the Shahan ah when we know our time is up. It’s different if a person is simply elderly and happens to take the shahadah.
    The person isn’t doing it just because he will one day die sooner than later. He hasn’t been told he has a life threatening disease and better run take the shahadah.

  • baseema

    April 16, 2016

    Really, is that true? But we are all going to die. It sounds controversial?

  • Fatimah

    April 16, 2016

    As salaamu Alaikum 

    This is such an interesting post. I agree that many men aren’t engaging in polygamy for the reasons the Prophet Muhammed  (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Personally I see a lot of weaknesses in men in standing up for what is right , falling for manipulation of either wife, and openly leaning towards one wife, leaving the other feeling less liked or love. I could be wrong, but I think a man is able to make his women feel like they are number 1 in each of their homes. There will always be jealousies among wives,  however Allah swt teaches us the proper way to handle it as so it does not consume us and darken our hearts of its light. A man will never be PERFECT however, Allah swt will GRANT him ease in his efforts to be just and fair. I agree Ana so much when you said men are in it for themselves. I am a first wife and my husband makes devious every day for his ease and comfort and most of the time, I’m the one who suffers. The first wives aren’t always the ones the men succomb to. Some  Second wives come in and get used to all the attention from the honey moon and now the man has to continue the behavior in order to keep her satisfied. I think some men are stupid aND weak when it comes to women. They don’t want to deal w the headache of accusations, manipulations and so they make monsters out of the the wife . The men can’t see that they really are the polygamist,  not the women and they have to control the situation. He has the ability the bring his family together in some form or fashion. I can’t argue or fight. It is what it is for the reason Allah has it. I just hope InshaAllah I rise above it in a way that is pleasing to my Allah swt. I leave everyine else to the one who made them. It’s more exciting that way LMAO. WHY??because the Karma of Allah is the best!! We can’t do what Allah can. He is perfecto in ALL that HE does abd that is how I get thru my day. When men give a wife alot of time, he makes hee feel superior to the other, whether they are first or second. Third. It creates that sense of “I must be the one he prefers”. No doubt it will come back to haunt the both of them. She doesn’t want for her sister what she wants for herself. And he only wants for himself. Whether it’s ease, love,  to be sweated,  whatevs. Men are supposed to fight against their naf, lower self, and be as just and fair as possible. 

    Good post Ana. 

  • anabellah

    April 15, 2016

    I’ll share with you something about not knowing our religion along the lines of what we were talking about. When my Christian stepdad was on his death bed and only had a few days left to live, my step-cousin who is Muslim sat with him. He tried to get my step-dad to take the Shahadah (vow to be Muslim) so that he would go to Jannah/Paradise. It goes to show how not knowledgeable my step-cousin was of his own religion – Islam. First of all, a person cannot take the Shahadah upon knowing that he is going to die sooner than later and expect to go to Jannah. Allah speaks of it in the Quran. If a person, knows that death is knocking on his or her door, he or she can’t suddenly accept Islam and expect that it would be accepted of him or her. It doesn’t work that way. It would be unjust to those who struggle and went through the trials and tribulations of life as a Muslim. It’s the same, for instance, if someone is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and knows she or he’s got 6 months to a year to live or however long, it’s too late for that person to take the Shahadah. It’s too late. Going back to my step-dad, what made my step-cousin think that my step-dad who was a Christian would suddenly embrace a foreign religion that he knew absolutely little to nothing about when he has literally hours to live? How ridiculous it that?

  • anabellah

    April 15, 2016

    baseema,

    I like the video a lot. It is very nice that he’s sharing the proceeds from his book. He seemed to be very moved by his experience. I wonder if one day he will become Muslim. It would be something to see. I think many people are so unaware of just how illiterate many Muslims are about what they CLAIM is their religion (Islam). Non-Muslims seem to know much more about Islam than Muslims do. Muslims rattle off that Islam is a religion of peace, but it’s only words to them. They can’t believe it and carryout the acts that they do. If they were able to read and read the Quran, they’d know that we are not to be aggressors. We can only act to defend ourselves when we are unjustly attacked and when the enemy want to make peace, we have to go with it.

    Many don’t understand that the mission of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is not our mission. It’s not for us to bring people to Islam. Allah determines who will and will not be Muslim. If He has decided for a person to be Muslim the person will approach a Muslim for guidance or Allah would place the person in the position to receive guidance. We are to leave people alone and let them be whatever it is that Allah has made them. They should be free to worhsip and live the way Allah has made them. We need to mind our own business. Not many people are teaching Muslims it and it is in the Quran. We are supposed to be peaceful persons but it is not about just talking the talk. We must walk the walk. Firstly, we must READ. It the first thing that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was instructed to do. It what we must do as well.

  • baseema

    April 15, 2016

    Thanks for sharing that video Ana! It was very interesting, but sad. Glad he made it out of there alive. Everything he says is the truth, and it is so good he is helping the children.https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_heart.gif

  • baseema

    April 15, 2016

    Wow, Laylah! <3

  • anabellah

    April 15, 2016

    Laylah,

    Don’t feel that your post was too long or that you were ranting. I don’t think anyone sees anyone’s posts here as that. We’re just here to talk and help one another. You should have been here for the first five years on this blog. It’s all I did daily was rant and go on and on and on about my life and every detail of it. LOL I think Gail,Jenny and I sounded like a broken record. We repeated our stories over and over again. Everyone was so patient and understanding though. No one complained to us about it. Everyone was amazing as they still are today.

    About your husband’s other turning away from him and distancing herself from him, it could be because she expected him to leave you. She may have been receptive to polygamy superficially all along believing in her heart that in due time he’d realize how wonderful she is and would leave you. She may not want any parts of this lifestyle. She may want out or is pressuring him to leave you by being passive/aggressive. Who knows? We do know that most women who join polygamous marriages don’t do so with Allah swt in mind. They do it for personal gain only. We know that when a person isn’t getting their needs met, they act out. I don’t know if it’s the case with your husband’s other, but it could very well be. Another thing is that she may see that you are settling into a polygamous marriage better. You aren’t acting the crazy that you may have been doing. She was all into the marriage while she saw you as a malcontent. She got a rise out of it. She fed off your negative energy. Now things have change and you’re no challenge for her. Just some food for thought. Allah knows best.

  • Laylah

    April 15, 2016

    Shukraan Ana xxx Exactly, Allah is not unjust. Alhamdulillah. I entertain no complaints. Don’t commiserate on how bad she is… Nothing. I’m not married to her. He was trying to do that with me before and it was messing me up! You told me to block him on that and it helped me so much. So shukraan for that x

  • anabellah

    April 14, 2016

    Laylah,

    WOW, that was such a beautiful post that you wrote with so much wisdom and understanding. You touched upon a whole host of points that we all need to be mindful of. I’m sure you learned so much about yourself, your husband and others just by what you’ve been through in the last two years. It’s evident by your post.

    I often wonder how women could live with themselves when they know their husbands are being unjust to their other wives. How could she look in the mirror at herself or sleep good at night? How could she enjoy being intimate with her husband knowing she’s a wicked person? OR does she just not know how terrible what she is supporting is because Satan has made the evil that she does seem fair-seeming? She actually sees no wrong in what she does or doesn’t do.

    I don’t blame you one bit for not pacifying your husband and comforting him now that she’s giving him her butt to kiss. It’s what he gets. Allah is a just God. Your husband made his bed. Let him lie in it.

  • Laylah

    April 14, 2016

    @ Baseema@Ana men don’t want to hear our voices, it’s true. Especially when they are wrong. My experience has been, persisting in the same message and standing firm in your resolve? Helps. Especially if he is essentially a decent guy. If he isn’t at all…. Well, then I don’t know…

  • anabellah

    April 14, 2016

    I put the video in the right place finally. It’s below.

    Laylah, Insha Allah, I’ll be back to read you. I’m glad you like the post. I aim to please. I feed off all the knowledge here on the blog and the energy. https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_rose.gif

  • Laylah

    April 14, 2016

    I love this post! Alhamdulillah. It’s so true! As you all may or may not remember, my husband has made some poor decisions. Not only that, he has treated me very badly and allowed himself to be manipulated through intercourse and other things. Not surprisingly, now that he had taken her with him and left me behind, she isn’t that interested in him. Infact, it’s almost as if he has lost his appeal. He looks to me for sympathy. Which I refuse to give because of being treated unjustly for almost two years. Today no one wished me for my tenth anniversary. Every one thinks I am subjecting myself to a marriage with a man who clearly doesn’t want to be with me. He messages me every day to tell me not to break up our family. My point though, is the reason polygamy has such a bad rep even though it is part of our religion, are stories like these. If a man wants to marry another wife? He should acquire her using the same standards he used to acquire the first one. If you are falling into an affair you are being unprincipled with someone unprincipled and now you are hoping for a smooth journey further? How does that work? I say, the barometer you use to judge if you can be just, is are you in the open from the beginning. This means you can be just to the first wife, she knows. And the second, has rights from the beginning. Is she willing to be open from the beginning. Because if you want the man, but you want to first obtain him through sex instead of through decent means and covertly instead of out in the open? Two problems, the first is for the first wife. He is going to be unfair to her. He will have followed his lust and will want to sate it at her expense and she will suffer for it. As women do with affairs. The second problem is for the second or third whatever wife. Lust is a weapon that dulls with use. Once the excitement wears off, he realises he didn’t get to know you. My husband in Saudi is now bored out of his skull. When the sex  is done , you actually have to talk to the person. Now the thing is I have to stand up for a woman who literally tried to wreck my family. And say, you married her be fair to her. And in the end, that is the crux of the matter. Men can not be allowed to do this .. No matter what we may think of each other as women? Our battle cry should be, You are married to her, be fair to her. Get out of my house. It’s her turn. If he is being unprincipled ? Screw him. His actions should not determine mine. I still have a responsibility to be principled and stand up for the rights of some one else. My mum said today, but she isn’t doing that? What am I? Five? I teach my kids to do the right thing anyway. Two wrongs don’t make the world better. You are responsible for your own deeds that get you to heaven. Should those ideals change when times get tough? Yes. Men do these things. Our answer is to stand firm. Don’t say yay he is favouring me. Say , You are married to her too. Be fair. Seek reward from Allah instead. Sorry for the rant. I’m going through a lot right now.

  • anabellah

    April 14, 2016

    Okay, the correct video is there now.

  • anabellah

    April 14, 2016

    This video addresses the illiteracy of some Muslims., but it doesn’t answer the question: why Muslims are killing and oppressing Muslims. If they are lashing out at countries who are invading them and destroying their countries, why are the people they are harming, their own people (Muslims)? https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_unsure.gif

  • anabellah

    April 14, 2016

    baseema,

    I agree. The change has to come by way of the men. Ummof4 made a valid point when she said that most men won’t listen to women, telling them what they should do or how they should do it. The men think women should listen to them.

    If the men read the Quran and followed what is in it (the ways of the Prophets etc), they would do what is right. The Quran is a guide and a mercy for the believers. But we know how that goes over for many. Oh, by the way, I’m going to post a video here that is relevant to what I believe is a huge problem with Muslims – they are illiterate to the Quran.

    The men who one would think could make a difference, such as the “scholars, sheiks and Imams” are so busy reinforcing male dominance and obedience of women to men to the point that they are useless. The men don’t want a change either. They like believing women are chattel and they (the men are to be obeyed). It’s a hopeless case until some man gets a backbone and stand up for right. He’ll probably get killed, if it were to happen https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_wacko.gif

  • baseema

    April 14, 2016

    I wish some men would come on here and speak about it, and talk to other men. I don’t  really think anything will change until men start calling out other men for their wrong treatment of women. https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_whistle3.gif