Mothers Control the Marriage

mothers control the  marriage Mothers control the marriage of their sons. How is it so? A problem we hear of in polygamous marriages is that there are some husbands who listen to their mothers too much. The mother tell the son who to marry. It doesn’t matter if he wants to marry the person or not. He feels compelled to do it.

Mothers control the marriage of their sons by telling them who to marry, when to marry and when to give them grandchildren. When it comes to  polygamous marriages, the mothers tell the sons to divorce wives, as well.

Mothers control the marriage of their sons in some countries, such as Pakistan Some say that in the Pakistani culture children’s lives belong to their parents even when they are adults. All of the above mentioned happens when it comes to the sons and who the sons will marry. In Islam there is a saying, “Paradise is at the feet of the mother.” It is NOT in the Holy Quran.  Many people believe it even though there is nothing in the Holy Quran to support it.

From what I’ve learned here at polygamy 411, Pakistani people program their children with the saying, “Paradise is at the feet of the mother.” The mothers use the saying to control the children. The mothers themselves probably believe the saying is true.

Mothers control the marriage of their sons by subtly teaching children to worship them

It goes against everything Islam is about. It’s disrespectful to Allah. Allah, in the Holy Quran, teaches the Oneness of God and that we should associate no one with Him. He has no partners, nor equals.

It’s the same with the saying that teaches women to worship their husbands for a chance to enter Paradise/Jannah. We all know of the many sayings and many go against Islam. Allah, in the Holy Quran, tells us everything we need to know. He tells us about children, parents and spouses. A lot of what some think is Islam is not.

No where in the Holy Quran does Allah tell children to worship their parents or wives to worship their husbands so they can enter Paradise. There is no middleman in Islam. No one has to go through anyone else to enter Paradise/Jannah. Worshiping a spouse or a parent is not a condition to enter Paradise/Jannah. The sayings, which are not in the Holy Quran, mislead people from the path of Allah.

Mothers control the marriage without having been given that authority

Allah has told us all that we need to know, but people obviously don’t like what Allah says. They found sayings to support what they want to believe or want others to believe. Hence, there are very unhappy people in the world, as they worship others besides Allah, and can find no peace.

Allah orders us to just and kind treatment of our parents. He orders us to kind and just treatment of everyone, as long as they do not fight us for our faith. Being just and kind to people does not mean we become their servants. We aren’t suppose to  live and die for them.

Our living, our dying, our prayers and our sacrifices should all be for Allah. We can respect and take good care of our parents without letting them control our lives. We belong to Allah, not to our parents. A parent does not own a child.

Mothers control the marriage of their sons, based on wrong information that is self-satisfying

A very learned friend who is my guardian explained very nicely to me the meaning of the saying (not in the Holy Quran) that “Paradise is at the feet of the mother”. He said when the mother who is a Muslim/Believer has a child, the child grows up at her feet. She picks the child up and being a God-fearing and God-loving mother, she teaches the child Islam. She reads the Quran to the child. The child sees the mother performing wudu (washing for prayer) and offering the salat (prayers).

In time the child emulates the mother in her actions (wudu and salat). She reads the Quran, zikr and is kind and just, all of which the child sees. It’s the formative years that are the most important time for the child. What the child sees and experiences, during those years set the stage for the child to grow up being God-fearing and God-loving. The child becomes obedient to Allah and worships Him, as well. It’s beautiful.

Mothers control the marriage of their sons and hence the sons and the wives suffer

People have twisted so much about Islam. They reject Allah and His Books (the Holy Quran and the other Books that Allah mentions in the Holy Quran). They’ve turned their backs on Allah. They have thrown the Quran behind their backs. Hence, there are adult children who have made their mothers their Lord. Those children suffer the same as wives who have made their husbands their Lord suffer. It’s important that all Muslims read the Holy Quran. Allah will give the Muslim/believer understanding of it. Allah teaches the Muslim/Believer.

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20 Comments

  • anabellah

    January 13, 2015

    Mari2,

    Hell to the NO!

  • Gail

    January 13, 2015

    Mari2,
    Oh hell no u r a better woman than me girl.I would have went and got that sofa I been wanting and had it delivered.

  • Mari2

    January 12, 2015

    Here’s an interesting thing… this past weekend M handed me a stack of money he saved to his mother and asked me to go to my bank and convert the stack into 100 dollar bills (easier exchange rate) for her in Pakistan. Total amount was 1400 USD. What is the money for? I asked. M’s wedding of course. In the meantime (for the past 6 months) I’ve been wanting a sofa for the downstairs room. But there hasn’t been enough money to buy one and M keeps telling me “Some day, one day”. Then he hands me money he saved for his wedding in Pakistan for me to deal with for him? Seriously? Believe it or not, I just let it go.

  • Shabanah

    January 11, 2015

    As salaamu akaikum Hilly. Well Im a third wife and have been for 7 years. Im growing stronger and stronger by the permission of Allah. Im in my twenties but my hubby is much older than I. He’s a respectable Sheihk in my community so there isn’t anyone I can go to for that emotional support because to them he’s the lit candle in a dark room, a saviour so I thank Allah for bringing me here. I’ve found the emotional support system I have been yearning for for years. Im so glad you are finally at a positive great place in your life now and you can look pass the imperfections. Oh and Im American living abroad with two sons

  • anabellah

    January 8, 2015

    Hilly, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    As you know, it be real chilly over here where I’m at. I hope you’re staying warm, sis.

    Hilly, Insha Allah, join us over on the discussion thread/post:

    January 2015 Discussions

    We’re doing things a bit differently than we did on the older version of the blog. We talk about general info. on the general discussion thread and leave the other posts/threads for those to comment specifically on the particular post/thread. It’s been a bit complicated to make the transition, but we’re all coming along nicely. Alhumdulliah.

    I can’t say enough how happy it is to have you back with us 🙂

  • Hilly

    January 8, 2015

    Assalamu Alaikum

    Coco, nice to meet you and thank you for your kind words. Very cold here today. Just relaxing until it is time to pick my daugther up from school. Enjoying very much my me time. Inshallah looking forward to talking more.

    Ana, I pray that you are keeping warm today. Inshallah to everyone have a nice a peaceful day.

  • coco

    January 8, 2015

    Walaikuasalaam Hilly,
    As shabanah I guess I came to the blog when you weren’t too active so I don’t think we’ve crossed paths. I’m glad you’re in a state of contentment mashAllah. May Allah always keep you blessed sister! xo ☺️

  • Hilly

    January 8, 2015

    Assalamu Alaikum

    Shabanah, please tell me a little about yourself. There is sooooooo much to read here. As for me, I have been living polygamy for some years now. I do forget how many years, but that is not so important. I just know that my time has finally come and I am at a place of peace in my heart. I actually wake up in the mornings, alhumduallah with a huge smile on my face and go to sleep with that same huge smile, alhumduallah. I just keep on saying this is what I have been missing all these years or should I say all these decades. Pray and remembrance of Allah swt for all. A reminder to myself and to all. May Allah swt make us and keep us strong in our prayers.

  • Shabanah

    January 7, 2015

    Thank you Hilly. I sure have learnt quite a bit from everyone. Im at peace within. I’m a happier person too because of this blog. I found the emotional support system and understanding I was yearning for. Also gained friends thats always a plus. Im so grateful Allah has guided me here.

    I would love to learn more about you.

  • Hilly

    January 7, 2015

    Shabanah

    Hello to you. Nice to meet you.
    I hope that you have been enjoying and learning a lot from the wonderful ladies here. Please stay with us. Inshallah I will try to do the same.

  • Shabanah

    January 7, 2015

    Hello Hilly. We haven’t met. Im new to this blog.

  • Hilly

    January 6, 2015

    Ana
    Alhumduiallah everything and everyone on my end is doing well. I pray the same for you and everyone here. Marshallah your site is still running strong and beautiful. May Allah swt grant you more peace in your heart and wisdom to keep everything up and working for people who need the support. May Allah swt be pleased with us and grant us the Jannah. Inshallah to all keep the remembrance of Allah swt always. May our faith, patience, health and strength increase. Inshallah I hope to pop in again soon. Assalamu Alaikum

  • anabellah

    January 6, 2015

    Hilly, Wa Alaikum As Salaam

    Hilly Where have you been? I’ve missed you so much! I just mentioned you in one of my comments recently. I don’t know where to find it. There are so many comments and threads.

    I haven’t heard from Fatima recently. I’m sure she must be super busy with the girls being teens now and with all her businesses and the brother-in-law.

    It’s good to have you back with us, even if it’s just to say hello. I hope all is good with you and your family {{{hugs}}}

  • Hilly

    January 6, 2015

    Assalamu Alaikum to everyone. Just dropping by to say hello. Inshallah I pray that everyone is doing fine and well. May Allah swt be pleased with us and grant us the Jannah. Assalamu Alaikum Hilly.

  • Mari2

    January 5, 2015

    Oh yes they do. But “why” is the question.

  • Gail

    January 3, 2015

    Ana,
    I really think it is just a live and learn type thing for woman.People tried to warn me but I was in love and wouldn’t listen to reason.Woman tend to build up this fantasy in their mind about the men they love but the problem is your fantasy is just that your fantasy.The man u love has his own fantasy and it may very well include his cousin wife or more wives so I feel a woman has to be very very honest with herself and what she is willing to accept and not accept when going into a foreign relationship.If u go into a foreign relationship with EYES WIDE SHUT then u must understand that when the honeymoon period is over and u come back down into reality in 1 to 3 yrs normally after marriage and u start seeing lover boy is not so lovely.It’s just easy to think before than after is what I am trying to say.

  • anabellah

    January 3, 2015

    Gail,

    Your husband was giving you a hard time, and was siding with your now ex-co because he was still brainwashed into thinking the way he did. He was on a mission. You schooled him to the fact that using people to get what one wants isn’t cool.

    You went through a lot. You learned a lot. You stuck it out with him and his family.

    Insha Allah, you will be able to write that book you’re thinking of writing. I could see it would be a bestseller if marketed right. It’s a much needed book, and could be a very good read – a book one wouldn’t want to put down until finished. I know you have your hands full now with your family, the move and businesses. Insha Allah, you will find time to write it.

  • anabellah

    January 3, 2015

    Gail,

    I’m glad you liked the above post. I knew the post would be controversial for some – those who are staunch about holding onto the old way of thinking and aren’t open minded to investigate to find out what the Truth is. Some people very much believe in those sayings I referred to that they were taught.

    You said something very, very important. You stated: “the foreign wife has got to stand up for herself and educate herself about Pakistani family politics and how this is going to effect her life and the lives of her children.”

    Along with yourself, I saw Mari2 standing up. She has been fighting for what is right. I saw her making some headway until the mother-in-law arrived on the scene. It will be an uphill battle for her.

    I think most women who fall hard for Pakistani men or any foreign man do not see the differences. They only see the romantic aspect of the relationship. When I was considering seriously getting married, there were a few people who warned me not to mix up with someone of a different culture. My mom, my wali, and the person who introduced me to my husband warned me. I didn’t pay much attention to it, which didn’t matter since I met the person to be my husband who is of my culture.

  • Gail

    January 3, 2015

    Ana,
    Nice post
    As I am seeing more woman come forward in the same position I was in I am starting to think that the foreign wife has got to stand up for herself and educate herself about Pakistani family politics and how this is going to effect her life and the lives of her children.It is the worse feeling ever to marry a man assuming his family will accept u then come to figure out down the road u have been taken on some sick and twisted hellish ride.
    I know for me personally I found it disgusting that my husband played me for a fool and to top it all off he thought his cousin was the nice one and mistreated me.
    TO this day I do not understand how he knowingly tried to get me to feel sorry for her.His personality really disgust me looking back.He knew dang well that woman nor her family nor his own had any real regard for me or my life or feelings.

  • anabellah

    January 2, 2015

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello Everyone,

    We have our first post of the New Year. https://polygamy411.com/mothers-sons-polygamous-marriages/