Pakistani Culture and Polygamy

Pakistani Culture and PolygamyThe former US First Lady Michelle Obama sent me a form generated email the other day, and it caused me to think about Pakistani culture and polygamy. It wished Malala Yousafzai a happy birthday. Perhaps you remember that Malala was the young Pakistani girl who the Taliban shot in the head in Pakistan some years ago. They shot her because she was an advocate for girls to get an education.

It makes me think of how naive foreign (non-Pakistani) women are to think that they could live happily ever after with Pakistani men. The woman does not think that the man’s culture, his upbringing, and his way of life will impact her life in a huge way and not for the best. It is silly for her to think that way.

Those who reared us and our environment, as well, shape us. Therefore, what makes a couple who come from vastly different cultures think that they could live together without conflict? It’s not as though they have Islam in common to bridge the gap.

A foreign woman should Investigate Pakistani culture and polygamy before she gets in too deep

She should look into what the man’s way of life was like before she got involved with him. For instance, what is his family background? Look into his family traditions and mores. All of it tells a lot about what she will have to cope with, if she marries him.

She should expect problem, if she grew up believing in love marriages, when he grew up believing that arranged marriages are the norm. Does she not know that they do not encourage girls to get an education? It’s the men who made those rules. Does she know that those men expects their wives to care for their parents? The wives are their in-laws’ servants. Not to mention that it is a “third world country”.

Pakistani culture and polygamy do not go together

One would think that Pakistanis believe in polygamy. Well, they don’t. Nonetheless, they don’t mind using the concept of polygamy. They become polygamous to get what they want. It is to get themselves and their families out of Pakistan. Many resort to the use of foreign women to get it done. It is common for the man to marry a foreign woman, although he has a Pakistani wife who is back at home in his native land, or he intends to marry one.

Sadly, the man hooks up with the foreign woman who has not done her homework. She has not learned about him. He views her as less than his Pakistani bride who was a virgin when he married her and is back at home in Pakistan. Do not overlook the fact that cousin marriages are quite common. As the saying goes, “blood is thicker than water”. The man’s family (Pakistani) comes first. Foreign women should not ignore the differences between them and the Pakistani men whom they love or want to love.

Books about Polygamy in Islam

Pakistani Culture and Polygamy

Don't Be Shy. Leave a Reply

* Denotes Required Field

https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_bye.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_good.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_negative.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_scratch.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_wacko.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_yahoo.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_cool.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_heart.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_rose.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_smile.gif 
https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_whistle3.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_yes.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_cry.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_mail.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_sad.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_unsure.gif  https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_wink.gif 
 

26 Comments

  • anabellah

    August 10, 2017

    Sorry I missed approving some comments. I don’t know how that happened.

  • novelknot

    August 10, 2017

    Anabellah,

    Medicine isn’t the easiest field to pursue but it’s the only one I’m deeply interested in. Insha Allah, I’ll be able to succeed. I’d love to help people in whatever way Allah allows me to.

    I completely agree that we should look at our own selves before we run out of time and the opportunity to do so. At the end of the day we’re all different individuals and we’ll face Allah alone. This life is a very unique and individual experience. We shouldn’t generalize everyone based on our own understanding, feelings and experience. We best leave that to Allah as he is all knowing and the best judge. All we can do is strive to be good Muslims, help and learn from each other and strive to do better each day. I’m a logical person and Islam is all about logic and the law of nature. I try my best to see everything that way.

    It’s no secret that your blog has helped many that want to succeed in polygyny with various things. It’s a great places to share opinions, experience and advise. May Allah forgive us if anything incorrect has unintentionally been stated here. You should be proud of your work and contribution lady…you’ve done well 👍

    I hope I find more time to write here. Hugs to you too 😌

  • anabellah

    August 5, 2017

    Knovelknot,

    Say What polygamy 411 Pre-med, WOW, that’s huge. That’s impressive. Keep up the good work.

    You’re absolutely right that we should pray to Allah to protect and guide us. This life is scary. It’s best we look at our own selves, and try to get ourselves right before Allah seizes our souls. Perhaps we can learn from seeing where others go wrong. Someone may read something here that will be helpful. It’s about all I can say about it. Writing to all you wonderful people out there helps keep me focused, as well. {{{hugs}}}

  • KnovelKnot

    August 5, 2017

    Hi Ana,

    Yes I’m a pre-med student so it’s tough but I enjoy writing and reporting so it’s fun. It’s great that you mange the blog and it’s something you’re passionate about.

    I absolutely agree with you. It’s a jungle out there 😱

    All we can do is pray to Allah to protect us from bad and guide us.

  • anabellah

    August 5, 2017

    It’s as though the men are involved in one-sided “Mutah” marriages. The men agree to stay married temporarily – long enough to get a Green Card/Citizenship/Immigration. The woman doesn’t know it, which makes it one sided.

  • anabellah

    August 5, 2017

    NovelKnot,

    It’s really cool that you’re a journalism major. I’ve taken an interest in that field and politics lately. It’s way interesting. The best to you in your endeavors.

    About maintaining the blog and working, not working for anyone other than myself gives me the time to manage the blog. I doubt I’d be able to do it, if I had a 9-5 job. There’s a lot of work involved in managing a blog to do it correctly. It’s almost like having a full-time job. I enjoy working on the blog most of the time.

    About the Pakistani and foreign women situation, it’s quite complex. You stated, not only Pakistani’s marry for citizenship. I don’t doubt that there are other nationalities that do it. It’s just that none of those people are coming here to this blog, talking about it as it relates to polygamy. It seems to be a Pakistani epidemic.

    I also have read that men marry women for many reasons as you stated (beauty, wealth, nobility, socioeconomic reasons etc). They marry with the intent to stay married to the person for those reasons. I’ve never read that to scam a person, take them for all that they’ve got and them dump them was included.

    About hoarding wealth, I’m sure the people do it because they have very little money. It’s no excuse. Allah tells us not to do it. He tells us to spend even when we are in adversity. As I stated, He tells us not to eat up our wealth and keep our wealth and property only among ourselves/families. If they listened to Allah, their condition would be better. They would prosper. Allah says He give increase when we spend. If they were doing what Allah tells them to do, they would prosper. Apparently, they don’t know or don’t believe what Allah says.

    The whole scamming situation amounts to people getting what their hands call for. Many of the women who get scammed don’t obey Allah. Many of the men and women fornicate with each other. Some are “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”. The men don’t obey Allah, as they hook up with women who Allah tells them not to; they fornicate and they scam women. They’ve sold their souls to Satan, hankering after this world’s life and its glitter.

  • NovelKnot

    August 5, 2017

    Hi Ana,

    Good thoughts! I’m glad my post was useful. I just wanted to share as I know Pakistani culture inside and out lol. This is becoming more and more popular, so women beware! Also, don’t become intimate with men you’re not married to. It leads to nothing but trouble because women’s feelings get invested. Also, don’t agree to a marriage with unfair/unjust terms in the beginning. Because initially women are selfish and they want the man no matter what it takes. Later on, when the newness wares off and reality sets in, they suddenly demand equal rights as the first/existing wives. That’s when the husband tells them, well you forewent these rights in the beginning, why not deal now?

    Now onto the Pakistani men matter:

    – I know that people don’t outright say that cousin marriages aren’t allowed in Islam, but they do reject the idea of them or look down upon them, especially when it comes to Pakistanis. It’s understandable if one doesn’t prefer cousin marriages, just like people prefer monogamy or polygyny or vice versa. Like I said, these are personal lifestyle choices, no one way is right or wrong pr preferred. It’s a matter or choice. (In the end only if Allah decrees our choices do they occur, regardless we all do have our preferences and choices.)

    – I understand the warning against Pakistani men and get where you’re coming from. But, I think that it doesn’t matter who these men are married to. If they are polygynous, cousin or not, any wife will be in the picture. When you say marrying cousins is a prevalent practice for these men, I say polygyny is their prevalent preference – so it doesn’t matter who the other wife is.

    – And yes, it’s unfortunate that some men (not just Pakistanis) only marry for material things like immigration, money, etc. They marry to gain something from the women. As Prophet Mohammad said: “A woman is married for four (reasons): her wealth, noble ancestry, beauty and religion. Choose the religious woman lest your hand is stuck to dust (because of destitution).” Unfortunately, these selfish men who marry for wealth (immigration in this case) – isn’t a noble reason – but still a reason for getting married. It’s unfortunate that some bad men completely leave these women after gaining from them – that’s their bad character and morals (regardless of them being monogamous or polygynous with a cousin wife).

    – Beware that other muslim men do this as just as much, not just Pakistanis – like I said this blog just has more Pakistani cases unfortunately. I know this white revert woman who met a Turkish muslim here in the US and married him. Three years into their marriage and after his green card was secure, he told her he had a wife and 4 kids back home already. They’re still married, but his lie and secret broke her heart. I also know another white women who married a young Arab man and their marriage was supposedly perfect – a year into their marriage he confessed that she’s his third wife! He married her because he wanted an American wife – but don’t worry he said he’d keep her and she should come to terms with polygyny as Allah has allowed it for him (OMG the nerve! But, of course she ended up staying like many do). Just because something is permissible, doesn’t mean you cheat and deceive your way to fulfill it.

    – So you see, this lying about having a wife or finance already is sadly practiced by many men engaging in polygyny today – not just Pakistanis. Like you said a man doesn’t need a reason to have/want multiple wives, simply because it’s permissible. So these men marry different wives for their reasons. They either lie to their first/current wives about being polygynous and their reasons for being so, or lie to their second/new wives. Forget foreign wives, as we can see, Muslim men tend to lie in general when it comes to them being polygynous. They conceal the truth and deceive their wives. That is not an honorable man.

    – You think these Pakistani cousin wives want their husbands to marry other women (foreign or not) for any reason – Hell no! They usually prefer monogamy and want no part in polygyny. They get left behind in their home countries taking care of in-laws and kids while their husband’s have a good time with their foreign wives and spend time here. If they’re lucky the husband spend them money for the kids. They often don’t get time, love, respect, consideration or marital relations from these selfish husbands. They’re forced or deceived into a polygynous lifestyle (regardless of reason) by these same selfish men that are playing the foreign women. If a man is bad to one wife, chances are he’s bad to the other.

    – Men are chatting up women online and being deceitful to gain immigration or wealth – this is no different from men who are secretly online looking for second wives and marrying them while lying to their current wives – it’s their bad morals and lack of conscience. The order of the wife being deceived doesn’t matter – at the end someone losing out.

    – And blaming parents is the oldest excuse in the book – please you’re a grown man, act like one. These men often want to have a wife that’s from their culture (doesn’t matter if it’s a cousin or not) so their kids can be cultural and they get obedient first wives. These first wives are later lied to when these husbands enter polygyny. They’re often bound by family and children, and divorce is like suicide in these cultures – the ridiculousness! They’re told they have weak iman, they don’t believe in Allah, etc etc. All because they don’t want to be a part of polygyny or stay with these heartless husbands.

    – Selfish men just use their family as an excuse to these foreign wives/girlfriends. If they didn’t want their first wives, no one could force them to keep her. I swear I see these naive girls get played all the time by Muslim men, lying and saying that their marriages are forced and unwanted. And that they’re such good guys that they continue to sacrifice – that’s BS! The men that do leave their foreign wives after what they gain, are not amazing husbands to their wives back home either. Like I said, they’re men that lack conscience and morals!

    – As far as money hoarding goes, these men want better for themselves and their families. They obviously don’t have money to begin with, that’s why they adopt these corrupt methods. These men usually come from those conservative, uneducated and poor backgrounds I mentioned in my previous post.

    – As far as being one brotherhood, I totally second that! But these men are marrying foreign women (whatever the reason be) so it shows that they are okay with looking outside their culture for whatever the reason be. They have a cultural wife and a foreign one. It’s a start!

    – Bottom line is, women just be careful in general! Marriage is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Do your research! My grandmother always told me, you don’t just marry a man, you marry his family! She meant that you can’t just marry a guy without looking at his family, at the end of the day he is what they are!

    Oh boy, another essay of a post! Jeez I get carried away and my writing really kicks in on these posts (I’m a journalism major haha)

  • anabellah

    August 4, 2017

    NovelKnot,

    You said, “I kid you not, in cultures where Arabic isn’t the primary language, kids learn how to read the Quran but never taught to understand what’s written or what it means! Can you imagine just learning how to read Arabic so you can recite it, but you don’t know what it says! How ridiculous.”

    I agree with you wholeheartedly on this. I know for a fact that there are people who have said they’ve memorized the Quran in Arabic or studied it in Arabic, YET they don’t know what practically any of the ayat (verses) in the Quran mean. It is “ridiculous” to put it mildly. Basically, all they’ve done is learned a foreign language. To think that a person could learn the Quran in their own native tongue and begin to live it, (if it pleases Allah) yet they rather spend the time learning a foreign language. SMH I could never understand it. It’s why if someone comes to this blog talking about one needs to read the Quran in Arabic to understand it, I shut him or her down quickly. Could you imagine if the number of people who are interested in Islam heard something like that. The first thing that may come to their minds is – well Islam is not the religion for me.

    I know Allah decides who will be Muslim or not. We’re still accountable for leading people away from the path of Allah.

    You made a good point! polygamy 411

  • anabellah

    August 4, 2017

    Novelknot,

    Very nice post! Very informative and enlightening.

    When it comes to the Pakistani cousin marriages, the Pakistani articles/posts on this blog are not about whether cousin marriages are permissible or not. That is not the subject matter. In fact, Ummof4 at one time mentioned on the blog that cousin marriages were common in the West at one time, as well. It was thought to be incestuous and a cause of birth defects, which is why it was made illegal in the US and I suppose other countries as well.

    What has been brought to the attention of all by way of the Pakistani posts/articles on this blog is a WARNING to those foreign women who are interested in or married to Pakistani men. The warning is that there are many Pakistani men who will marry their cousins. It’s their culture/tradition. It’s a prevalent practice for them. It’s one they keep secret and hide and lie about until they get what they want from the foreign women and have no sincere intention towards them. They have no good intention to love them, care for them and stay married to them.

    Gail, I and others have warned unsuspecting non-Pakistani women to be on notice that the Pakistani men whom they get involved with and some marry are probably promised to their cousins in arranged marriages. Those men keep that fact from the foreign women knowing full well what they must do based on what their mothers tell them to do. The unsuspecting foreign women find out usually later, late in the game, when damage already has been done and it wasn’t because their Pakistani husbands or boyfriends were forthcoming with the information.

    Those men know good and darn well that they are promised in arranged marriages to their cousins before they meet, hook up with and marry foreign women. They keep that fact from the foreign women and use them for sex, money, Green Cards/Citizenship and anything they can get. They then go home to Pakistan. They get their virgin cousin, whom they were promised to and dump the foreign women like trash, abandon them or continue to use them on the side. Those men are full of deceit. We know it based on the women who come to this blog with their stories. There is the Pakistani Baroness’ article with the link on the Marry a Pakistani Man-Beware thread, as well, and the other Pakistani website that we have a link to on that page for.

    With regard to Islam, there isn’t much talk from anyone on the blog about the marriages not being permissible. When I speak of cousin marriages with regard to the Quran I mention how Allah lets us know that we are not suppose to eat up or use our wealth just among ourselves. We’re not suppose to keep our wealth only in the family. It seems to be what the Pakistanis do. They want all their money to flow in their immediate families and they secure it by marrying in their family. They keep all in the family. They hoard it among themselves. That is not Islam.

    Furthermore, Allah says we are all one brotherhood. He said He created us of all languages, races and colors so that we can come to know one another. Allah didn’t say just marry your own nationality. What does: We are one brotherhood mean???? It’s not about them and us unless it we’re talking about the unbelievers and us believers.

    Speaking of our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), it is said that he married a cousin. I know all nine of his wives weren’t his cousins. I know he married women of various tribes to bring people together in Islam. I know the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) didn’t scam anybody.

  • Flower

    August 4, 2017

    * it was a long post,not list. oops

  • Flower

    August 4, 2017

    Novelknot

    It was a long list but very informative and an enjoyable read. I too share your sentiments on cousin marriages. Its something I had noticed. polygny being spoken of highly but cousin marriages not, and even looked down on and even mocked. Since im not pakistani and have never known anyone in one I didn’t think id be the right person to speak on it. Thank you for that. I hope those who are negative about cousin marriages might shed some light on why they find them so distasteful since it is permissible and was practiced by our example, the prophet Muhammad.

  • NovelKnot

    August 4, 2017

    It’s interesting reading about people’s experiences with polygyny and Pakistanis.
    Its sad that people have had these things happen to them, but I don’t think these issues are specific just to Pakistani men and culture. These problems come from lack of education and Islam, and that’s not specific to just Pakistan.

    Being of Pakistani background myself, I am very well aware of the culture, traditions, etc. even though I was born and raised in the US, I have several family members from Pakistan and have visited myself too. You have to understand that Pakistan’s population is very large (around 200 million) and different states/regions are literally on opposite spectrums when it comes to the most important and influential factor: EDUCATION. There are several modern, civilized and educated regions where men and women have equal rights, education, etc. Believe me, you’d be shocked by how extremely liberal those women are lol. Sadly, there are regions of Pakistan that are equally backward in all these same factors. Those are mostly the regions where you hear of women’s abuse, honor killings, crazy mother in laws, leeching family members, forced marriages, immigration marriages, spousal abuse, etc.

    Education is the dividing factor between people. If they are uneducated about life, the laws of nature, common humanity, how will they be educated about religion? They have never read the Quran to understand it, they just follow what they were told Islam is. Generations of men have been oppressing women and society in the name of Islam. Daughters are raised to one day serve the husband and his family and be confined to homes, dowries are exchanged, sons are told that they are the end all be all, parents are considered god astagfurallah and so much more. When girls of other cultures marry Pakistani men, they think that the guy looks educated and decent just because he’s out of Pakistan and seems normal. They fail to look at the family background and where in Pakistan he comes from. You can take him out of Pakistan but you can’t take his upbringing and family background out of him. That’s why it’s important to inquire about any man you marry, not just Pakistanis.

    Like I said, these issues are not just specific to Pakistan. Maybe on this blog more people have just spoken about them based on their exposure. Several of my family members are married to Muslims from other countries in the Middle East and South Asia. I have many Muslim friends and family acquaintances from all over. They all have the exact same issues in uneducated regions due to lack of education and male domination. The story is the same whether you look at Pakistanis, Indians, Afghanis, Palestinians, Jordanians, Syrians, etc. Wherever there is a lack of education, Islam is what they’ve learned from culture, not the Quran and Allah.

    I kid you not, in cultures where Arabic isn’t the primary language, kids learn how to read the Quran but never taught to understand what’s written or what it means! Can you imagine just learning how to read Arabic so you can recite it, but you don’t know what it says! How ridiculous.

    The other thing I’ve read a lot of on this blog is negativity about cousin marriages in Pakistan. That is very surprising to me for several reasons:
    – Islam permits cousin marriages, it’s halal just like polygyny is.
    – Islam does not recommend or prefer cousin marriages over others. Just like it doesn’t recommend or prefer monogamy or polygyny.
    – Prophet Mohammad obviously practiced cousin marriage and polygyny so we have example of both.

    So If you’re understanding of polygyny, how can you not understand cousin marriages? I think what people don’t realize is that these are all permitted lifestyle choices. It’s totally okay if you prefer monogamy to polygyny or vice versa. Its okay if you prefer cousin marriages to other ones. But to oppose or be against the permissible lifestyle you don’t prefer, is wrong.

    Now as to understanding why Pakistanis marry cousins, that’s a cultural influence. They prefer they’d rather marry someone who’s background they are familiar with and have commonality with. People feel comfortable giving their daughters to men they can trust and know have good character. What people don’t know is that the majority of cousin marriages are love (choice) marriages in Pakistanis. And, contrary to popular belief on this blog, cousin marriages are not the popular practice in the majority of Pakistan lol. The
    Majority of cousins actually grow up in families like siblings so they have no interest in their cousins as spouses. Pakistani culture is so diverse, there so many regions, languages, traditions, etc and each have their own cultures. Overall, it’s the conservative regions that tend to practice cousin marriages.

    Disclaimer…I’m obviously not taking about forced cousin marriages, thats a totally differ beast in itself (again one that goes back to lack of education and Islam). It sadly occurs in many countries where illiterate cultures think they are practicing Islam. Unfortunately, Pakistan is no exception to this and regions of Pakistan do include these illiterate type of people.

    Cultures are influential and that’s okay as long as practices are permissible in Islam. Just like polygyny is more culturally common in the Middle East, cousin marriages are more common (compared to other Islamic cultures) in South Asia. It’s fine for one lifestyle to be a dominant or popular choice in a culture, as long as the other permissible ones are not denied or rejected. If Middle Eastern cultures begin practicing monogamy and it becomes the more popular trend, it’s fine. And If the norm of cousin marriages and monogamy dies out in Pakistan and polygyny and foreign marriages become more popular, that’s fine too. Cultures change through time and people’s preferences and circumstances. Trends of these lifestyle choices come and go. So long as they are permissible, there shouldn’t be such judgment.

    Wow that was a long post! I just hope it gives people some perspective. It’s really very simple, people just make things so much harder haha 😂

  • anabellah

    July 17, 2017

    Mari2,

    Thank you for sharing your knowledge about arranged marriages in Pakistan. It’s very interesting. I don’t think there is anything wrong with arranged marriages, other than I think it’s wrong for Muslims to say that they can only marry Muslims of their own nationality or tribe or a cousin or someone who their parents say they MUST marry.

    It’s our religion – ISLAM that is supposed to bind us. We are all one brotherhood regardless of Nationality, race, or color etc.

    As far as wealth is concerned, we are supposed to keep it circulating. We aren’t supposed to just keep it amongst those in our families as in keep it all in the family. I would hate to be of those of the “Royal Family” (Saudi Arabia) on the day of Judgment… Those jokers have taken the wealth of the Muslim community and have done all that Allah tells us not to. The whole sorry lot of them have.

  • Mari2

    July 15, 2017

    Most of the cousin marriages and arranged marriages in Pakistan exist in the more rural, patriarchal KPK. Things remain more tribal in the KPK. It’s not to say that cousin marriages don’t exist elsewhere in Pakistan but the majority of them are in KPK.

    I do often wonder if the years of British colonialism didn’t alter the mindset of the people of Pakistan with regards to polygamy. In British culture, marrying a cousin and or arranged marriages were the norm in the 18th and 19th centuries. Polygamy? No. Mistresses? Of course.

  • anabellah

    July 15, 2017

  • anabellah

    July 15, 2017

    Gail,

    I read negative things about Malala, after she got to the West, as well. I couldn’t believe it. It’s bizarre. Someone shoots this young girl in the head for no other reason than that she wanted to go to school for an education and wants it for all girls, and she’s the one who gets ridiculed for it. That is loco https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_wacko.gif

  • anabellah

    July 15, 2017

    Abdullah_Pakistani,

    I think you, Gail and I are on the same page, barring a nuance in wording. Instead of saying Pakistanis don’t believe in polygamy, perhaps to say they don’t “accept” polygamy would be more accurate. If most don’t engage in it, then I think it’s safe to say that they don’t accept it.

    Gail mentioned that from what she has seen, Pakistani women “hate” the thought of polygamy. Actually, I’ll go as far as to say that the majority of women, whether Muslim or not, or regardless of their nationality dislike the thought of polygamy, let alone being in a polygamous marriage.

    As you stated, many of the Pakistani men probably believe in polygamy and want to practice it. I agree with you, based on the makeup of men. I think it falls in line with many men wanting to be with more than one woman. I don’t think they relish the thought of maintaining them all though. It could be one reason why polygamy isn’t legal in the US. Men prefer to be able to have relationships with any and all women without being responsible for them. It’s like – why buy the cow when the milk is free. In the US, fornication and adultery are okay. There are no laws against those acts. The only time adultery is problematic is when a spouse CATCHES/FINDS OUT ABOUT the other one committing it. Punishment comes into play only when the spouse is penalized for committing the act. The punishment comes in the form of a divorce in terms of division of assets and paying alimony etc.

    Yeah, I get that Pakistani men may like the idea of polygamy, but they refrain from engaging in it because the Pakistani women, who a lot of them are relatives, are against it. They don’t care that Allah allows polygamy. How the people feel about it matters more to them than what Allah says about it.

    I suppose polygamy could get complicated when Pakistanis only marry cousins. It would be a convuluted family tree.

    The Pakistani men primarily engage in polygamy to take advantage of women who aren’t Pakistani in an effort to get their sexual and monetary needs met, for instance. They don’t want to go against their Pakistani women/relatives, but don’t mind deceiving and conning foreign women.

  • Gail

    July 15, 2017

    Ana,
    Malala is adorable and I hope to see her run for President of Pakistan some day!I have heard alot of negative things over the years concerning Malala like she is being used as a Puppet from the west to make it seem like girls have a hard time getting educated which back in my MIL time truly was the case.My own MIL when she was little only went to school one day because her own brothers threw her books down on the ground and told her girls don’t go to school and instead of their mom beating the boys @$$ my MIL was denied an education which is disgusting because she has a very bright mind.Fast forward to today most girls are very well educated in Pakistan to my knowledge.To me Malala is a symbol of out with the old and in with the new!

  • Gail

    July 15, 2017

    Abdullah_ Pakistani,

    I agree with u most Pakistani men would jump on the Polygamy bandwagon but because the Majority of men marry cousins in Pakistan from what I have seen it creates family division.Pakistani women from what I have seen in my own family hate the thought of Polygamy.I also noticed that my own Pakistani Ex Cowife did everything in her power to force my husband to divorce me and bring her to USA.Her and her family even stooped as low as to marry my husbands sister age 27 who was divorced with her then 17 yr old brother thinking they could force my husbands hand to divorce me in order to save his sister from a second divorce.My husband and inlaws refused to be forced into divorcing me so my husbands sister moved back home and got a divorce from my excowife’s brother.
    I know every family is different but I got a very strong impression that Pakistani women in general strongly dislike Polygamy.

  • anabellah

    July 15, 2017

    Abdullah_Pakistani, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    Thank you much for imputing, my brother-in-Islam. I appreciate it 🙂

    You stated, “For had he the resources or attributes to come to your country he most likely would never have professed his undying love for you in the first place.”

    I agree with you. Definitely, I believe that foreign women need to take responsibility for what happens to them and shouldn’t blame it all on having been bamboozled by any man. It could be that many foreign women think that they are superior to Paksitani women and others because they are “foreign”. They may think that because they are sexually experienced that it is an attribute. They may think it makes them more desirable and worthy of royal treatment and the like. It may make them desirable, but not worthy of the royal treatment. They then soon realize that they were just being used for a means to an end (citizenship or just a sexual exploit) as those men value purity and virginity, which the foreign wife doesn’t have. One really needs to learn to value oneself. It’s a beginning….

  • anabellah

    July 15, 2017

    I, too, wish Malala a

    Pakistani Culture and Polygamy

  • Abdullah_Pakistani

    July 15, 2017

    I only disagree with the writer on one minor point that is “Pakistanis do not believe in polygamy”
    They do believe in polygamy and many like me want to practice it but even with all the resources i.e money, time etc we are unable to do so since our first wives are cousins or close relatives and have very strong aversion to polygamy ..
    A majority of my friends are men with resources and are blessed with just, honest and upright personalities who yearn for a second spouse but the complications that will arise from a second marriage keeps them away from polygamy …

  • Abdullah_Pakistani

    July 15, 2017

    I agree with the writer that for a foreign lady particularly from the West it is a huge risk to marry anyone from Pakistan.
    Not that there aren’t any of men who are honest and not polygamous and not under any cultural or family pressure to take up a second wife in Pakistan.
    It is that more often than not plenty of men from Pakistan under financial duress or lack of opportunities here in Pakistan seek a back door access to the West through marriage. They lie and make stories up to get residential status in the west and some have children and families back home in Pakistan!
    I hope the awareness grows and the women themselves try their best not to fall for such men.
    Number one rule should be that if the person can not come to your country and marry you for any reason you should not go to his country to marry him and import him to your country.
    For had he the resources or attributes to come to your country he most likely would never have professed his undying love for you in the first place.

  • Abdullah_Pakistani

    July 15, 2017

    AOA,
    I wish my brave sister Malala Yousafzai, a very warm birthday.
    May Allah SWA shower HIS blessings on her and her family..AMEEN

  • anabellah

    July 15, 2017

    Pakistani Culture and Polygamy

  • anabellah

    July 15, 2017

    Obama Foundation

    Hello there —

    Twenty years ago today, in a part of Pakistan where women and girls are so often silenced, a girl was born who would one day use her voice to change the world.

    Her name is Malala Yousafzai, and she is one of my heroes.

    Despite threats from Taliban terrorists who banned girls in her community from attending school, Malala’s father, a teacher, believed that his daughter should get an education. And Malala bravely spoke out about the dangers she faced, writing a blog about her fears that the Taliban would attack her school.

    The Taliban sought to retaliate, and in October of 2012, as Malala and her friends were traveling home from school, a gunman stormed their school bus and shot her in the head.

    Thankfully, Malala survived, and she refused to be silenced. In the years since, she has traveled the globe, fighting for girls’ education, and she won a Nobel Peace Prize for her extraordinary efforts. She did all of this before even finishing high school — in fact, she graduated just last week!

    There are young people like Malala in every corner of the globe who are determined to get an education worthy of their promise. In the new chapter of our lives, Barack and I are committed to doing whatever we can to support these young leaders.

    I hope you’ll join me in wishing Malala a happy birthday and in working to ensure that every girl has the chance to fulfill her boundless potential.

    — Michelle