Polygamous Marriage Nightmare

polygamous marriage nightmare Some Muslim wives are in what I will call a polygamous marriage nightmare. Surprisingly, they do not know why. They say they are good wives to their husbands and good mothers to their children. If it’s the case, then why are their lives in such turmoil? Why are they extremely unhappy? How it is that they don’t know what they’re doing wrong? They have no clue about why their lives aren’t getting better?

I have written a few posts in which I tried to explain what a wife has to do to have peace, tranquility and contentment in her marriage and in her life. Yet, some people may not hear me, or I’m not getting my message across well. In this post, I will try to explain it a bit better, if it pleases Allah. I will speak about why wives seem to live in a polygamous marriage nightmare.

Most Muslim wives live in a polygamous marriage nightmare as they are Muslim in name only

Specifically, they don’t do what Allah, in the Holy Quran, instructs Muslims to do. Most of all, they don’t believe what He instructs us to believe. They think because they are loyal to their husbands and they take good care of their homes and children, they need to do nothing more. Wrongfully, they think it makes them good Muslims. However, they are so far from being right. Non-Muslim do the same thing. So what makes the Muslim different?

Being a good Muslim is not about her husband, house or children. Rather, it’s about Allah. unfortunately, most women can’t understand that. Thus, they wind up in a polygamous marriage nightmare. She needs to wake up and realized that her husband, children, and home has to take the back seat. The wife has to put Allah in the forefront. Particularly, she has to constantly think about Allah. It doesn’t mean think of Him every now and again.

A wife must believe all that Allah says in the Holy Quran. She must believe in all of His Messengers, His angels, all His Books mentioned in the Holy Quran (Hadiths are NOT Allah’s books), the Hell Fire, and Paradise etc. She must believe in Allah’s promises, which are true. There is so much more, but I can’t sum it all up in a few paragraphs.

A wife lives in a polygamous marriage nightmare when her life isn’t turning out as she’d like it to

A wife will be in a polygamous marriage nightmare as long as she thinks life is about her. How she sees her life in her mind and how she wants it to unfold is all that matters to her. However, how she sees it is furthest from reality. Her life will be nothing like what she imagined. On the other hand, it will be the way Allah has created it. He wrote the script for her life before she was born. She has to carry it out not knowing what He wrote. For this reason, she needs to just go with it.

If a wife does not believe or understand that Allah controls her life, then she will be in a polygamous marriage nightmare. She shouldn’t believe as the non-Muslims do. They believe that they make their lives what it is. Many Muslims believe the same. Many Muslims think just because they call God Allah and they believe in the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) as His Messenger that they are good to go. Of course, they are wrong.

A Muslim wife will have a polygamous marriage nightmare as long as she does not accept her life as Allah created it

The only way she will avoid being in a polygamous marriage nightmare is if she accepts her life, as Allah created it. She must know when she should act and when she shouldn’t. A wife learns it by reading and studying the Holy Quran. To end a polygamous marriage nightmare, the wife must submit to Allah’s will. She must embrace what He places her in. If she is in pain and suffering, she should turn to Allah for relief. Allah tests Muslims and He punishes them, as well.

Allah may test a wife in a polygamous marriage. If He does, she must pray, exercise patience and persevere. Allah will eventually relieve her of the suffering, if He wills it. Allah promises the Believer that after hardship there is relief. He didn’t promise it to the Muslim who is Muslim in name only. He did not promise it to those Muslims who live and think the same as the non-Muslims do. The Muslim whose life looks like the non-Muslim is an Unbeliever.

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30 Comments

  • ummof4

    August 29, 2015

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Justwow, thank you for giving us more information on your situation. I can understand how devastated you were on learning that your husband was planning on marrying a second wife. And if you are an American, it was probably worse because we generally frown upon cousin marriage, whereas it is extremely common in other countries and cultures.
    I believe it is important that if people marry from different cultures and religions that they research and discuss their similarities and differences. Yes, polygyny is allowed in Islaam. Allah has said that it is permissible for men to have 1, 2, 3,or 4 wives.
    So now you have a decision to make. Can you handle polygyny? Will you divorce your husband? It’s something that you and your husband have to work through.
    If you stay on this blog, we can give you a lot of information on polygyny. Polygamy is the term that is commonly used for a man having multiple spouses, although literally it means men and women can have multiple spouses. Polygyny means a man can have more than one wife, polyandry means that a woman can have more than one husband.

    May Allah guide us all to what is correct and best for us in this life and the next.

  • anabellah

    August 29, 2015

    @justWow, Wow is right (meaning I’m surprised, as well)

    justWow, you didn’t say all of that in your previous post. It makes a huge difference. Sometimes people come here who just want to jerk us around, as they don’t like what we represent. I assumed you were one of them. I didn’t think you worshiped Satan. It was just an example that I had given you, so you’d get a clear picture of what I was saying. I don’t know anyone who worship Satan.

    I could understand your shock, amazement and the pain you felt when you learned your husband had asked his cousin to marry him. Being that you had no idea that Muslim are allowed to have more than one wife or that he may be polygamous in the future after your marriage, I understand how you reacted as you did. My sincerest apology for having offended you.

    If you don’t mind me asking, what nationality is your husband? We’d like you to remain with us, if you’d like. You are welcome. 🙂

  • justWow

    August 29, 2015

    Your right I am not a Muslim but that doesn’t make me automatically a Satan worshiper either so your subtle reference to that was noticed and totally uncalled for. I am here because I am married to a Muslim man almost a year now and his female cousin just informed me that he has the right to marry up to 4 women and he had asked her to be his second. I had no idea about the more then one wife thing so this was all new to me.. Yeah you should of seen the look on his face when I dragged her kicking and screaming into the kitchen where he was at and demanded an explanation. It would of been different if he would of told me from the beginning when we got married that he might take on a another wife, because I would not have married him, but he didn’t. Instead he asked another woman (his cousin) to be his second wife behind my back. I’m not OK with being deceived and lied to like that.

    I googled polygamy and came across your site, I wanted to learn more, as I was in a state of severe stress and heartache. I truly wish you all the best and much happiness. Please forgive me if my earlier post offended you I was angry and heartbroken.

  • Gail

    August 16, 2015

    JustWOW,

    Does it sound like every mans dream come true to feed a crap load of kids and up to 4 wives.U r looking at one aspect and not the whole picture.It is not as easy or dreamy as u stated it to be.
    Not to mention he has to deal with so much crap from his 1st wife or wives that alot of men get mentally depressed and end up letting one wife go because of the first wife and family relations.If u have true interest in this topic then really research it and don’t assume it is all roses because I assure u it is not.Polygamy is a way of life a belief system.I will also say people enter Polygamy for all sorts of reasons.
    If a man wants to sleep around on his wife he can just cheat behind her back no need for polygamy understand?

  • ummof4

    August 16, 2015

    As-salaamu alaikum and hello to all,

    Just wow, as Ana has stated, why are you here? I will assume that for some reason you are interested in polygyny because you can’t just stumble across this blog. We Muslim women don’t expect nor need you to understand any part of Islaam, including polygyny.

    If you read about this blog, it is for people who are interested in polygyny in a positive way, We don’t need any “haters”. People who believe that marriage is all about sex can’t understand polygyny until they get their minds out of the bedroom. Polygyny in Islam is a type of marriage where the man has more than one wife, not one wife and a bunch of women on the side –all of them are his wives in every sense of the word, not just in a sexual manner.

    If you want ot learn about polygyny, we can teach you, If you want to try to get us to be against our beliefs, you should leave this blog.

  • anabellah

    August 16, 2015

    @justwow, Hello

    Thank you for commenting. I know you are not Muslim. I am Muslim. I don’t “think” Allah says polygamy is okay. I don’t think it is okay for a man to have more than one wife. I KNOW Allah says a man may have more than one wife. I believe in Allah and I accept what He says. I don’t expect you to understand it and accept it, as you are not Muslim. Some people who say they are Muslim don’t understand it and accept it. If you understood it and accepted it, you would be Muslim. Yes?

    It’s what I love about living in the good ole U.S. of A. We are free to practice the religion we believe in. To you your way and to me mine. Take Satanism, for instance. There are some people who worship Satan. It is their religion. I don’t have a problem with it. Good for them. More power to the people, a slogan that used to be chanted. I don’t go to their (Satanisitic) blogs. I don’t bother them. I mind my own business. I don’t sit here all day and night talking about Satanism. I don’t care diddly squat about Satanism. I won’t waste my precious valuable time talking about Satanism. I won’t talk about Satanism or debate about Satanism.

    It’s what I don’t understand when it comes to Islam and our beliefs – go get your life. Talk about what brings you joy and happiness. If it isn’t Islam and polygamy, which is part of Islam, why are you here??? No offense intended…

  • justWow

    August 16, 2015

    Ok wait a minute, if I am understanding this correctly and no disrespect intended. But you all are ok with your husband sleeping with another woman if they marry him while he is still married to you because you think that God says it’s ok? Honestly this sounds like a mans dream come true, he can sleep with more then one woman and not get in trouble by the wife for it.

  • Mari2

    July 22, 2015

    @Ruqayyah
    Polygamy is definitely a journey. Not always easy. Each day I learn something new about myself and faith. You mentioned wanting at first to change your husband. I think many have that thought. But the only one who can change your husband is Allah. What polygamy has done is change me. It made my relationship with Allah better. Instead of seeking happiness from my husband, it is Allah I turn to. As a result I am less dependent on my husband to bolster how I feel about myself. I just focus on doing the right thing. Sometimes I get sidetracked by petty stuff and that’s when I know I need to be more diligent in my focus on Allah.

  • anabellah

    July 21, 2015

    @Ruqayyah,

    I can’t say it enough that I think it is a process. It is a journey. Just like you said you think you have finally accepted it for the “sake of Allah” to seek His good pleasure. You had to get there. All of us has to get there. The real test will come to you, if Allah places you and your husband in a polygamous marriage. As you said, it will be hard in the beginning. You said, “hopefully it will be worth it.” If you’re doing it to accept Allah’s decision, it will be worth it. Allah has promised Paradise to those who obey him and accept His decisions. With it said, I’m sure it will be worth it for you. You have to save yourself first and then deal with your husband. He needs to be saving himself first and then deal with you. You know what you need to do. Insha Allah, your husband will follow your lead. He could see you trying to obey Allah and live the Quran, and maybe he will follow. Insha Allah, one day he’ll begin to take the lead. Allah knows best!

  • Ruqayyah

    July 21, 2015

    Yes i understand what u mean I think I have finally accepted it for the sake of Allah rather than my desire to stay married and “change” him. I believe he should be stronger than this hutbut he’s not so for the sake of Allah I try roto advise him wherever I can. I have no doubts it will be very hard in the beginning but hopefully it will be worth it.

  • anabellah

    July 20, 2015

    I mean don’t accept polygamy because you love your husband and don’t want him in trouble with Allah for fearing you and doing things wrong. When you’re upset or angry with your husband you won’t like polygamy and your situation. If you truly accept polygamy solely seeking the good pleasure of Allah, I hope you’ll never get upset and angry with Allah and reject what you’ve accepted – if you truly accepted it.

  • anabellah

    July 20, 2015

    @Ruqayyah,

    I simply think that if a man is going to be polygamous he should man up and let his first wife and his family know. If he can’t be straight up with his wife and family, and feels he must sneak, hide and lie, he shouldn’t do it. It defeats the purpose of polygamy. He didn’t hide and lie about his first wife. The second, third and fourth should have the same privileges as the first in that regard. Otherwise he degrades the institution of polygamy. He degrades himself and he degrades his wives. He conduct his affairs as though he has a mistress, and is having an affair, committing adultery and she fornication. If a man fears his first wife or his mother and can’t stand up to them for what is his privilege, he doesn’t need another wife.

    A wife has to accept when her husband becomes polygamous because Allah allows it for men. She shouldn’t stand in the way of her husband becoming polygamous, if she wants to seek the good pleasure of Allah. If the man becomes polygamous, it pleased Allah. She shouldn’t support her husband because she loves him. She need to make it about Allah and not her husband otherwise it won’t work for her.

  • anabellah

    July 19, 2015

    @Ruqayyah,

    Insha Allah, I’ll be back to read you. I’ve gotta take a break.

  • anabellah

    July 19, 2015

    @Fatima,

    About reverts and why a lot of people don’t like them much, I think it could only be because many reverts want to sincerely learn Islam and live it – not all reverts, of course, just some. They were not raised on Islam, so when they accept it, they have a desire to learn it and live it. Many born Muslims need to take the Shahadah again and learn their religion, as well.

    I was Christian before reverting/converting to Islam. Although I went to church a lot when younger, until my parents no longer forced me to, I never really learned the faith, nor lived it. It was only something one was supposed to do on Sundays for me. Yet, I thought I was a good Christian who was going to Heaven, without a doubt LOL

    I feel badly for reverts/converts because many rely on other Muslims to teach them Islam, and they are being taught erroneously. A lot of what they are taught is not Islam, but is cultural stuff. Many who are teaching them never read the Quran. Many reverts aren’t receiving the truth. But, what can I say. Allah is giving them what He wants them to have for whatever reason. We can only put the truth out there and whoever grasp it, it is on them and for them. If they don’t get it, it wasn’t meant for them.

    I have heard incorrect stuff spoken here on the blog when it comes to Islam. Many agree with the stoning for adultery, when Allah clearly in the Quran says flogging (not death or stoning) is the punishment. One sister said wives are going to have to answer to Allah for not trying hard enough to befriend a co wife. Now, that didn’t even sound right to me. Then you’ve got these people talking about the “lopsided” people standing before Allah on the Day of Judgement having to account for why they were unjust to some of their wives. They’ve got people standing before Allah and answering questions and, I’m like, where on earth are these people getting this stuff from?

    Allah says:

    “On that Day no question will be asked of man or Jinn as to his sin.” Quran: Surah 55, Ayah 39

    “As for those who sell the faith they owe to Allah and their own plighted word for a small price, they shall have no portion in the Hereafter: Nor will Allah (Deign to) speak to them or look at them on the Day of Judgment, nor will He cleans them (of sin): They shall have a grievous penalty.” Quran: Surah 3, Ayah 77

    “There is among them a section who distort the Book with their tongues: (As they read) you would think it is a part of the Book, but it is no part of the Book; and they say, “That is from Allah,” but it is not from Allah: It is they who tell a lie against Allah, and (well) they know it!” Quran: Surah 3, Ayah 78

  • Ruqayyah

    July 19, 2015

    @Ana yeah we can’t hurt people who don’t hurt us, I just had to keep reminding myself of that when my husband told me he had another wife. I remember the day before I was in the masjid and read on a poster basically what you had said, we can’t harm or slander a believer etc. It was good timing as the next day I wanted to hurt him so bad lol.
    At times I get sad and down about how it happened, but it is what it is, perhaps it was Allahs plan that things didn’t change so much for me because she was going anyways, so sometimes it feels like just a story he’s told me, it doesn’t feel real that he had another wife. Maybe it was for the best although I would have wanted things different.
    Yes I am scared of losing him too, but it scares me that he fears losing me to the degree that he will keep another wife secret and possibly make Allah upset with him, eventually she will want her time I am sure so the truth will come out or he will be unjust. It scares me to think he will be upsetting Allah for my sake, I know I need to step up and help him a little, let him know I support him doing the correct thing by the religion even when I dislike it myself. It might give him a bit more freedom to strengthen himself, I used to think I should let him know I dislike something and let him find the strength to do the right thing on his own… but, maybe one day he will be harming me and I’d like my co wife to stand up for me, so I will try my hardest to stand up for her as well for the sake of Allah. Even though I’m sure it would stroke my ego to have him treat her badly this life isn’t about egos its about a different thing all together. SIGH. I don’t want to deal with this but there are worse things to deal with in life huh?

  • anabellah

    July 19, 2015

    @Fatima,

    Your friend should be okay, with the help and permission of Allah. Living a polygamous life in the beginning is no cake walk. It’s no walk in the park or a bed of roses in the beginning stages. Eventually it can be, though, without a doubt.

    Your friend and all wives in polygamous marriages must learn to ignore those who are ignorant to the truth. Those who won’t accept polygamy, to heck with them. They can’t see the truth, can’t hear the truth and can’t speak the truth. Pretty much they are the deaf, dumb and blind. Some Muslims are in that category as well.

    Allah tells us not to concern ourselves with the reproaches of others. Let them talk, slander us, badmouth us, blame us or whatever they want to do, as long as they don’t physically abuse us, it’s not our problem. It’s theirs. It only become our problem when we make it our problem

  • anabellah

    July 19, 2015

    @Ruqayyah,

    I used your saying when I wrote to Khadijah S earlier – “Don’t sweat the small stuff” LOL It’s true. Why get ourselves all sick and worked up about what our husbands do when they are only doing what Allah decreed. We can’t control what they do. We can only encourage them to do what is right. The rest is on them.

    You’re doing way good, Sis. Isn’t it a beautiful feeling to “let go and let God” I think it’s a Christian saying. It (the saying) works though 🙂

    I used to get perturbed with myself when I didn’t act or say something, thinking I had to always stand up and fight all the time. I felt like a coward, if I didn’t. I had talks with my wali about it. He said it was only Satan, talking to me and trying to get me to get all angry and act out and sh!t. Excuse my French. Every now and again, I have to get one out there LOL. It makes me feel better. I have to work on it too 🙁

    I’m really impressed by people who could fly off the deep end and I think they should, but they restrain themselves. Allah love those who restrain themselves. Of course, when an oppressive wrong is done to us, Allah tells us not to be cowed, but defend ourselves. We have to know which battles to fight. We have to chose our battles wisely. We have to learn when to act and when not to. I’ve got my work cut out for me with that one.

  • anabellah

    July 19, 2015

    @Ruqayyah,

    Actually a Muslim isn’t supposed to hurt anyone including a non-Muslim unless the person hurts us first. The other person has to be an aggressor. Allah does say a person is in serious trouble if he slanders a Believer or hurts a Believer Undeserving. Allah loves His Believing servants.

    People are quick to say no one knows who a believe is and who isn’t. Well Allah tells us the qualities and character of a believer (Believers sin too. Some people get it twisted that the believer has to be sinless) so we can know whether to associate with a person or not and whether to marry a person or not etc. A believer knows another believer. Unfortunately some people think they are a believer just because he or she is a Muslim.

    I’m with you 100% on using what is pleasing or displeasing to Allah as a gauge when it comes to taking action. I agree with you that if we try to please Allah we receive blessings for everything we do, because Allah will allow us to do good. Those who don’t serve Him He allows them to do evil and He doesn’t forgive them for the evil they do. They think there is nothing wrong with the evil they do, as they don’t see it as evil. Therefore, they don’t repent or ask Allah to forgive them.

    Wives need to understand that when they serve and worship Allah properly, they will be the best wives to their husbands and the best mothers to their children. It’s has to be about pleasing Allah FIRST and then He lets it happen.

    About your husband being fearful of losing you. I understand what he’s feeling. I get sad and anxious about losing my husband, my wali or my mom. It’s inevitable that if we live longer than the people we love that we will lose them. It’s heart breaking. The only saving grace is that if we make it to Jannah/Paradise and they do too, we’ll see them again. I have hope for seeing my husband and wali again, but none for my mom. She is not Muslim “:-(

  • Fatima

    July 18, 2015

    Have a good rest and day, n love to you too ❤️❤️

  • anabellah

    July 18, 2015

    @Fatima & Ruqayyah,

    I thank Allah much the post was helpful. It helped me by writing it. I’ve got to stay on top of my game. Everything I say here I’ve got to live it or else l’m in big trouble with my lord. He says in Quran not to tell others to do something and I don’t do it. I’ll get punished for it.

    I’ve had a headache since early this morning. It’s that time of the month, so I’m just going to try to relax a bit now and maybe watch a movie, Insha Allah. I’ll still approve comments from my phone, but will Insha Allah chat more with you all tomorrow. Love to you all ♡

  • Fatima

    July 18, 2015

    @ ana I’m sorry if I made you write that blog lol, I hope it wasn’t a hassle me asking those questions on the other post and I hope it wasn’t a waste of ur time, I feel honered for that and I have huge respect for you for doing that, I’m sure many should benefit from it just like how we have ! May Allah bless you

  • Fatima

    July 18, 2015

    @ Ruqayyah, I agree Thts a great way to look at things !

  • Fatima

    July 18, 2015

    @ Ana everything you said I agree and it was very beautiful and empowering it butts out negativity all together!

    I know my friend is a strong believer, she converted but the people around her at the time didn’t help much wth lifting her up to become a better muslim she saw the alot of the bad cultural side of it all which would confuse any revert who learnt the religion loved it for what it is then meets muslims who make her life hard and make her question the religion although don’t get me wrong she is a strong believer but she chose to believe and follow what she learnt first and not what those people showed her, I guess she was around muslims who acted like non muslims or culturalised Muslims ( Muslims who put culture in with the religion when it can oppose it ), for her she has been facing a big identity problem it’s been a huge test for her because she had this going on with her family and also being a revert, too sum it all up lol because I’m blabbing too much, it has been a huge test for her I believe strongly now that Allah is putting this in her life to make her a better person and a better believer, her husband is a brilliant man although there was hur problems in thier marriage I wouldn’t say it was one individuals fault I would say all party’s and outside made it happen the way it did and if Allah wanted them to reconcile in this way it’s how is ment to be , if Allah wants to help another women who may have a beautiful soul to be married to her husband thats how it should be
    Acceptance is the hardest stage, then comes the working it out process all three have to be strong and work together like a team, then comes the rest stage peace,
    My friend has had to much going on in her life which distracted her, made her confused and lost, this has been a real test and lesson but you know what it has been a beautiful one and I thank Allah for you ana I don’t hve anyone to go to to talk about these types of things were I am from even though they be Muslims it is frowned upon and my friend has been made to look bad like she was a bad wife or didn’t keep her husband because she wasn’t doing her side properly not even just that the bigger excuse they make is because she is a revert idk why people frown so much upon reverts more, I hope I made sense just know that this has been the most helpful thing and the only one that has awaken the senses and want to try again !

  • Ruqayyah

    July 18, 2015

    The thing that has helped me the most is that we cannot harm another muslim for any reason… I believe its a sin to hurt a person if they have done nothing to us. My measurement should be what is pleasing or displeasing to Allah NOT what will make me happy because what we think will make us happy often makes us miserable. But if we make Allah happy we find blessings in our lives. I’m one of the fortunate ones whose husband also measures by our religion rather than his self. Although I worry at times he fears losing me more than anything I wish I could help him fear Allah more than he fears losing anyone or anything but its something he needs tolearn himself

  • Ruqayyah

    July 18, 2015

    I find this difficult but most helpful. I was raised to no let anyone take advantage of me, to always stand up for myself when I’m wronged etc. But it is not correct nor helpful. I’m not saying not to state our feelings or opinions but I’ve come to realize that there’s only so much we can control. So my husband married in secret despite me asking him not to and him agreeing it would be harder if he married in secret but he did it anyways. I could obsess over it and make myself sick or I could just accept things the way they happened and deal with life as it is now. I’m slowly learning not to sweat the small stuff, accept that my way isn’t the only way and just keep life moving along happy and stress free. It’s all in the mind, and there’s a reason Allah allowed it to happen this way and He knows.meknows me better than I know myself

  • anabellah

    July 18, 2015

    @Fatima,

    You said you told your friend to read Quran and pray to Allah. It’s a start. It’s a good start. She has to ask Allah to allow her to read the Quran, to give her understanding, teach her, and let her live the Quran. She’s going to have to get to the place where she begins to make Allah her priority and serving Allah her priority and stop thinking about wordly matters so much. She will be tested and she will have to be patient, persevere, pray and humble herself to Allah – not humble herself to her husband or her kids. Allah is God, not her husband or her kids, or her desires…

  • anabellah

    July 18, 2015

    @Fatima,

    You said your friend thinks she deserves better. If she deserves better, Allah will give her better. She’s getting what she deserves right now. I know this because Allah has her where she is right now. It can’t be any other RIGHT NOW. Tomorrow is another day. Who knows what is in store for any of us, if we live another day. I know she is getting what she deserves based on all you’ve said in your posts about her. She doesn’t serve and worship Allah the way He instructs us in the Holy Quran. It’s a judgement call I can make based on what you’ve shared with us. I can’t stress enough that Allah is a JUST GOD.

    You said your friend wants a “normal” life with her husband, and wants a “normal” life for her children – the life she sees others having.

    There is no such thing as a “normal” life. Life is the life Allah gives us. Each and everyone of us have a “normal” life. Normal is what exists. The life we should strive for is a life lived as Allah tells us in the Holy Quran.

    Is your friend comparing her life to non-Muslims or to Muslims who live like non-Muslims? Do she want a non-Muslim life? Does she want a life like that lived by our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and the Mothers of the Believers?

    Unless her husband is abusive, mistreating her and shows her no love, she needs to accept the life that Allah has given her AND THEN He will give her more, make her life much better, relieve her pain and suffering, and will give her peace and tranquillity, contentment and ease. She will be happy and have a beautiful life.

  • anabellah

    July 18, 2015

    @Fatima,

    About your friend, you asked if it is fair that her husband is with one of the wives more than the other. He works with one and there are other circumstances that allows them more time together.

    Fair and just is what the parties agree on. Sometimes they won’t agree. It will be what it will be. Allah decides what it will be.

    Allah may want the one wife to have more time with the husband for whatever reason. Allah is a Fair and Just God. Perhaps the other wife is more deserving of the time according to Allah. Maybe the husband is not a good man and Allah wants the husband to do no good as a result. The husband may be unjust and Allah will punish the husband for it, if he doesn’t repent and ask Allah for His forgiveness and mercy. Allah decides who will do good and who will do evil. Allah may test the wife to see if she will accept His decision.

    There is no easy answer. It is why a BELIEVER will accept Allah’s decisions, whatever He decides, not knowing why Allah decides as He does. She is mindful that Allah is a Just God and has a reason for all that He does. It is what it means to submit to Allah’s will, and accept all His decisions. Allah knows and we know not.

  • anabellah

    July 18, 2015

    Fatima,

    If your friend gets divorced, there is no reason she shouldn’t be able to keep her children. She and her husband should discuss it, and come to an agreement about it. Allah tells us to conduct our affairs with mutual consultation.

    I don’t get what you mean by one of the marriages is temporary and the other is permanent. There is no such thing as a temporary marriage, according to Islam.

    All should enter marriages with the intent that the marriages are permanent. Allah gives no provision for temporary marriages. A temporary marriage is something someone made up. It’s an innovation. It’s not valid. It possibly isn’t considered a marriage in the sight of Allah. The husband could be committing adultery and the woman could be committing fornication.

    You said she doesn’t “trust” much and feels that she is losing. She probably is. Who does she think she should be trusting?

    Allah tells us that those who “trust” should put their trust in Him. We can trust that Allah is going to be there for us. We can trust that what Allah promises us in the Holy Quran is true.

    Allah didn’t say we should trust a spouse. I believe there is an ayah in the Holy Quran, in which Allah tells us that we should trust the Messenger The Messengers aren’t here so we have to rely on the Holy Quran, which the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) left us, which is the word of Allah.

    I believe Allah says we can trust the Believers. A person has to know the qualities and character of a believer, and has to be able to make a judgement call on who is a believer. He tells us the qualities of a believer so we can strive to be that believer and we could marry that believer and befriend that believer. He tells us so we can JUDGE. Yes, it is okay for us to judge when there is a reason to, such as the situations I mentioned. A believer knows a believer. Allah says He will put the believers together.

  • anabellah

    July 18, 2015

    @Fatima, As Salaamu Alaikum

    Your post https://www.polygamy411.com/polygamous-marriages-contain-ease/#comment-8491 inspired me to write the above thread/post. I thought it would benefit others commentators and those who just read out there in cyberspace.

    You spoke of your friend and said her kids are her world, her support and her comfort. They keep her going.

    There is her problem. She has made her children her Lord. They are her God. Allah is the One who should be her world, her support and her comfort. Allah keeps her going, not her kids. She has got it twisted. It’s why her life is so messed up. There you have it in a nutshell.

    It most likely has always been about her husband and her children. Allah does not accept that anyone worship another or others besides Him. He alone we should worship and He we should ask for help. Until or unless your friend gets it, she will suffer. She is committing one of the most serious, severe heinous sins a person can commit by putting someone or something else before Allah or making them equal to Him. She has put her husband and her children before Allah. Allah doesn’t like it. He punishes people for it.

    Allah say: “Say: If it be that your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your mates, or your kindred; the wealth that ye have gained; the commerce in which ye fear a decline: or the dwellings in which ye delight – are dearer to you than Allah, or His Messenger, or the striving in His cause;- then wait until Allah brings about His decision: and Allah guides not the rebellious.” Quran: Surah 9, Ayah 24