Polygamous Marriages-Part 3

polygamous marriages-part-3In Polygamous Marriages-Part 3 we will look further at how husbands can have peace in polygamous marriages. We first need to know Allah created us to live in tranquility with our spouses. Allah says, “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” Quran: Surah 30, Ayah 21

We know Allah puts the love in a person’s heart. Knowing this, we don’t need to earn our spouses love, nor can we make them love us. It’s beyond our control.

We Know that when a husband becomes polygamous it’s not always easy for the husband or the wives to find the tranquility that they should have between them. What should a husband do knowing he cannot promise his wife happiness and he shouldn’t allow her to be his lord?  There are a number of things husbands can do to have peace in their polygamous marriages.

Polygamous marriages-part 3 The husband must make his intent to treat his wives kindly and justly

Polygamous marriages-part 3 The husband must make his intent to treat his wives kindly and justly. In Surah 4, Ayah 19 of the Holy Quran, Allah tells men to live with their wives on a footing of kindness and equity. There are things a husband won’t like in his wives. In the same Surah and Ayah of the Quran Allah says to the believing men that they may dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.

A man needs to have patience with his wives. He has to learn to forgive and overlook his wives misdeeds (We will all account to Allah for everything that we do). Allah says He loves those who are kind. Allah commands us to do justice, as it is next to piety. He commands us to fair dealings with people. It is important for us to have fair and just dealings with mankind, which means a husband should have fair and just dealings with his wives, as well.

Knowing men are maintainers and protectors of women, how can men help their wives with their faith? The best way a husband can help his wives with their faith is by the wives seeing their husband worshiping Allah. They should see him offering his five daily prayers (salats). They should see and hear him reading the Holy Quran at Fajr time and any other time. They should see him rolling his prayer beads. They should see him fasting, especially the Holy Month of Ramadan. They should see him being charitable etc. It’s how we learn. It’s by being with those who remind us of Allah.

Polygamous marriages-part 3 A husband may have an idea of how serious a wife is about her faith by how she responds

Polygamous marriages-part 3 A husband may have an idea of how serious a wife is about her faith by how she responds to the way he worships, whether she asks questions or join him in worship. It’s nothing a husband can force on a wife or vice versa. Allah determines who will be Muslim and who will be Muslim/Believer. There is a difference.

An important thing to remember from polygamous marriages-part 3 is the husband will be miserable and his life will be chaotic when he caters to his wives to the degree that they become his Lord or Master. He must treat them good – feed them, clothe them, speak kindly to them, consult with them about their affairs. Let them see him worshiping and remembering Allah. He should stand up for justice.

I hope you leave polygamous marriages-part 3 knowing when it comes to a man’s wives, he should make his intent, and put his faith and trust in Allah. Perhaps the wives will be happy or they may not. Allah determines whether a person will be happy or not. Allah makes us happy and He gives us peace. No one else can.

Links:

polygamous marriages part-1 https://www.polygamy411.com/polygamous-marriages-part-1/

Polygamous marriages part-2https://polygamy411.com/polygamous-marriages-part-2/

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8 Comments

  • anabellah

    May 29, 2017

    Hi Cmk,

    It’s good to hear from you again 🙂 I’m sorry to hear that the guy’s wife is harassing you. I could imagine how annoying it is for you.

    Have you spoken with her to see what her malfunction is? Did you tell her that you no longer have anything to do with her husband and to let you be? It’s a good place for you to start. You could tell her that if she continues to harass you, you will be left no other option than to take legal action against her. It may put fear in her heart and make her back up off you.

    Other than it, it may be best that you simply ignore her. I know it’s not an easy thing to do, but don’t respond to her in any way. Don’t let her know that she’s getting to you or else she will continue. She wants to annoy you, so don’t fall for it. In time, God willing, she’ll realize that she is wasting her time and will move on (maybe to disrupting someone else life) 🙁 It’s best that you exercise patience with the situation.

    About the other things that she does such as searching for info about you, there is nothing you could do about that. It’s what those sites are for – to find out information about people.

    If she calls you from unknown numbers, it will be difficult to prove that it is she who is actually calling you unless you keep the messages on your phone to preserve as evidence. You’ll still need to let her know firmly that you want her to leave you alone and to not contact you again.

    Have you spoken with her husband and asked him to step to her about her actions towards you? Maybe she’ll listen to him.

    I hope eventually, she’ll realize the error of her ways and will stop the nonsense.

  • Cmk

    May 29, 2017

    Hi Anna,

    Its been along time since I have posted on your blog. Any way I posted back in October November pf 2015 about dating a Muslim indian who was married and we ended things. Well the wife keeps stalking me. I ended up finding a better paying job and left my old one. I found out she calls looking for me and she is also searching for me on mylife.com. i have blocked her on my cell phone so she cant call but what else can i do? She calls me at various times during the night from unknown calls. Im really getting annoyed by this behavior but at the same time i really have nothing to say to her as well.

  • anabellah

    November 29, 2014

    Rasha, Wa Alaikum As Salaam

    It’s good to hear you liked the 3 part post about men and you shared it with your husband. Insha Allah, I’ll write some more posts along those lines.

    I’d love to have you write and share with us. It’s always good to have more people speak. I become monotonous after awhile.

    To join the general discussions, go to the “general discussions” listed at the top of the page. When you hoover over it, you’ll see, “click here to join discussion”. Click on “join discussion” and it will take you where you need to be. Just click on the month in which we’re in.

    Don’t hesitate to contact me by way of the “contact us”, if you’re still encountering a problem and I’ll help you out. Quite a few are trying to acclimate to the new format.

  • Rasha

    November 28, 2014

    Asa
    The articles about the men were great. Definitely gave me something to think about and discuss with my husband..
    Ps…Still having problems with following the blog. I don’t know what’s wrong.
    Pss. I’d like to contribute writings as well

  • anabellah

    November 20, 2014

    dk, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    Thank you brother dk. Alhumdulliah! Insha Allah, I will try to write more that may be helpful to men. If you have any questions or thoughts about what I should write about in particular, I will see if Allah inspires me with what to say. I value the input.

    On the older version of the blog, one sister emailed me, and wanted me to write about children and polygamy. I never got around to doing it. I suppose since I don’t have children, it didn’t come easy for me to write about it.

    I pray all is well with you and the lady you intend to marry or did you marry her. We get you confused with maidlover sometimes. Your wife is the special one who is receptive to you marrying another; although she is upset about it. I think I got it right.

  • dk

    November 20, 2014

    Assalaam u alaikum
    Sister Ana

    This is nice to hear about mens problems to its vary good
    may allah swt reward u for your effort

    wassalaam your brotheer dk

  • anabellah

    November 17, 2014

    Musa mohammed, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    Thank you for letting me know the post was helpful. It helps me to write them. It helps me to remember too.

    I broke the post down into three parts. After I read the first one I realized it was too long. I had put too much information in the original. In breaking it down into three parts, it’s easier to read and digest.
    Here are links to all three:

    https://polygamy411.com/husbands-can-good-polygamous-marriages-part-1/

    https://polygamy411.com/how-husbands-can-have-peace-in-polygamous-marriages-part-2/

    https://polygamy411.com/how-husbands-can-have-peace-in-polygamous-marriages-part-3/

  • Musa mohammed

    November 17, 2014

    As salaamulaikuim that was a good article and very much needed I will read it all week for my studies this week and share it I’m goin to let it soak in, but it diffenitly was needed for me today. Shokron Sis Ana I didn’t know it was 2 more parts can I find them on the site let me know . ASA Bro Musa