Polygamy Related Pain

erase the terrible polygamy related pain

Most women don’t know how to erase the terrible polygamy related pain that they feel when they are in a polygamous marriage. Many Muslim women never thought their husbands would become polygamous. They know polygamy is a part of a Muslim’s way of life, but they thought they were safe from it.

Most wives have children by their husband, and thought it would cause their husband not to become polygamous. They thought their husband couldn’t afford it. Others thought they had all a man could want in a woman. She may say, how dare he do such a thing to me.  Others may have thought their husband were not the type to do it.

When the husband becomes polygamous and the wife begins to suffer unbearably, she sets out on a mission to erase the terrible pain that she feels. She knows she has to find a way to end it. She turns to anyone she can for answers on how to get relief. Many turn to the internet. It is how some find us here at polygamy 411. We are a support group and blog for those living a polygamous life or expect to one day live it.

Finding a way to erase the terrible polygamy related pain a woman feels in a polygamous marriage is not easy

There is no simple remedy to erase the terrible polygamy related pain. There is no instant solution.  Suffering in a polygamous marriage could be part of a wife’s punishment. We’ve talked a lot on this blog about polygamy as a test. We have spent very little time talking about it as a punishment. Allah says His punishment is severe.

A husband, a wife or both may not find the peace and tranquility that Allah says we should have in a marriage. They may suffer and are in pain.  Allah may have cursed them for their unbelief. Allah, in the Holy Quran, lets us know that He cursed the unbeliever. An unbeliever do not serve and worship Allah the way He instructs us to. Some people call themselves Muslims, but some of them are unbelievers, as well. A person could call herself anything she wants. It doesn’t mean she is.

There is no way to erase the terrible polygamy related pain when a wife gives Allah part-time worship

Allah, in the Holy Quran, warns Muslims not to give Him part-time worship. Some Muslims only pray to Allah when life gets very difficult or when a misfortune or adversity happens to them. It’s part-time worship. They turn to Allah when all else fails or they need some heavy-duty, immediate help. There is an urgency.

Many Muslims give Allah part-time worship by praying only on Fridays at Jumah prayer. Some may pray in a Masjid (mosque) to be seen and praised by others, but don’t pray at home. Allah tells us, in the Holy Quran, when to pray. Muslims are to pray five times a day (salat prayer). They may only pray during the Holy Month of Ramadan. Some read the Holy Quran only during the Holy Month of Ramadan, if they read it at all.

Allah stresses how important it is to give regular charity. It does not mean charity is only for family members or to give once in a blue moon. It means to give to a variety of people in a some situations. He tells us who to give charity to. Of course, there is more to worship than just prayer, fasting and charity. We cannot cover everything here from the Quran in a single post. Those are some examples of what it means to give Allah Part-time worship. The acts of worship that I spoke of are righteous deeds.

It is not in the wife’s power to erase the terrible polygamy related pain that she feels, as she has no power

She cannot erase the terrible polygamy related pain, as she has no power to do so. Only Allah has power.  What she does is useless. She turn to family and friends for help. Those family and friends may not know anything about polygamy and Islam. They in a sense do more harm than good. They don’t give advice that is helpful. The advice could cause the wife to be more bitter and hateful than she already was.

A wife can only feel better if Allah has favored her. It is up to Him to make her a believer. He is the only One who can relieve her pain. Until she realizes it, she will continue to suffer. Despite what she does, who she turns to, or what she reads, other than Quran, there is no help for her. It takes a lot more to get relief than to turn to Allah in a time of trouble. She must be persistent.

A Muslim has to turn all her or his attention to Allah . She has to give Allah full-time worship. It begins by learning one’s religion. It begins with reading and learning the Holy Quran. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is our example. He was told to, “read.” We must read, as well. Read the Holy Quran.

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erase the terrible polygamy related pain

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  • anabellah

    July 16, 2015


    Mari2, I, the same as you, am so grateful to Allah for this site. You and all the ladies and the gents (although their numbers are small) who join us here are absolutely amazing. Everyone’s participation by commenting and sharing makes this blog what it is.

    There is so much information out there online about Islam that many times Muslims don’t know where to begin to look and what to accept and reject. It took years of reading Islamic material, much of which was erroneous before I realized and learned I have to rely on the word of Allah (The Holy Quran) revealed to our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) for the truth.

    Allah is the only reality. His word is a guide and mercy for Believers, and a warning for the unbelievers. It really boils down to belief or unbelief. There is no in between. I only want to learn and live what will make my life in this world peaceful and tranquil, and take me to Jannah/Paradise. I think you all want the same for yourselves. We want to have the best in this world and the best in the Hereafter and for Allah to protect us from His wrath and the Hell Fire.

    I try to share with everyone all that I know, and am still learning. May Allah forgive me for anything I may have said that is wrong, as my intent is only to say what is correct. I am so very much grateful to Allah for all my experiences, which is always changing me and molding me into a better me each and every day. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s been an awesome and amazing journey. I’m glad we’ve been journeying together. I’m so happy to take the journey with each and everyone of you here at the 411.

  • Mari2

    July 16, 2015

    Once again you have written an article that resonates with me. Thank you. Again I am so infinitely thankful for this site. I thank Allah that over time I understood HIS will as to allowing my husband to have another wife. I can say that I do not have an issue with M having another wife. I will continue to pray that 2 increases her belief and comes to accept polygamy as something permissible for M rather than the ruination of her life. Early eid mubarak to you and all the sisters here.

  • anabellah

    July 15, 2015

    @Thank you much, Sis Alison. Insha Allah, I’ll continue to write about what I know that has undoubtedly helped me – what I know works first hand that brings good results. Much love to you too, Sis

  • Alison

    July 15, 2015

    Great article as usual I love how you write keep on doing so in shaa Allah…much love