Resolve Marital Problems in Polygamy

resolve marital problems in polygamyHow can a husband and a wife resolve marital problems in polygamy when the wife thinks the husband is unjust or unfair? The wife may claim her husband spends more time with his other wife than with her. She may think he spends more of his wealth on the other wife, as well.

Before we go further,  let’s be mindful that Allah commands us to deal justly with all people. He loves those who are just. To be just is next to piety.

When a wife thinks her husband is unjust to her, it’s not an easy problem to solve. It’s not always easy to decide what fair and just is when a husband has more than one wife. The husband and the wives all have their own idea of what just and fair is. So, what can a couple do when they have a problem resolving the issues between them? There are certain things married couples could do to help them resolve their marital problems in polygamy.

A married couple could use arbiters to help them resolve marital problems in polygamy

When spouses have tried to fix their marriage on their own and it doesn’t work, they may seek outside help. They should get Muslim arbiters from each side of the family to help resolve the issues that they are having. If they have no Muslim family, they may have to turn to Muslims who are outside of the family.

Sometimes the couple can’t see past their desires. They are consumed by what they want. It’s when arbiter comes in handy. Hopefully, the arbiters could help find an answer to the couple’s problems that would make them both happier. It’s worth a try.

To resolve marital problems in polygamy, another course of action is for the husband to take an oath of abstention

The husband could make his intent to abstain from marital relations with his wife for four months. The couple must decide by the end of that time whether they will stay married or divorce.

Taking the oath may work for spouses who really want to make their marriage work and aren’t set on a divorce. They want to see if they could work out their differences without a divorce. It’s something they could try without ending the marriage.

Another means to resolve marital problems in polygamy would be for the couple to come to an amicable agreement

If the wife fears cruelty or desertion from her husband, the husband and the wife could come to a friendly agreement instead of divorcing. For instance, say the husband has a wife whom he loves more than the other and is considering divorcing the other. To avoid a divorce, the wife could agree to less time with her husband. They could agree that he’d continue to take care of her and their children. In such a case, the husband is content to spend more time with the wife whom he loves more. The other wife still has a husband and does not become a divorced person.

Divorce, of course, is the last resort to resolve marital problems in polygamy. When all else fails, there is nothing other than divorce.

What I mentioned above is not only for polygamous marriages. They are for both monogamous or polygamous marriages. The only difference between both types of marriages is the number of wives the husband has.

When a wife believes her husband is unjust to her, there is no need for her to feel there is no way out. Most importantly, the wife should always take her complaints about her husband to Allah in prayer.

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  • anabellah

    June 7, 2015

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello to All the Lovely Ladies and Gents

    For your convenience, I have cited below SOME of the ayat (verses) from the Holy Quran that pertain to the post/thread above.

    About Arbiters:

    “If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation: For Allah hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things.” Surah 4, Ayah 35

    About Oath of Abstention:

    “For those who take an oath for abstention from their wives, a waiting for four months is ordained; if then they return, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.” Surah 2, Ayah 226

    “But if their intention is firm for divorce, Allah heareth and knoweth all things.” Surah 2, Ayah 227

    About Amicable Settlement:

    “If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men’s souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practise self-restraint, Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.” Surah 4, Ayah 128

    “Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self-restraint, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.” Surah 4, Ayah 129

    “But if they disagree (and must part), Allah will provide abundance for all from His all-reaching bounty: for Allah is He that careth for all and is Wise.” Surah 4, Ayah 130

    About Divorce:

    “Divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods. Nor is it lawful for them to hide what Allah Hath created in their wombs, if they have faith in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise.” Surah 2, Ayah 228

    “A divorce is only permissible twice: after that, the parties should either hold Together on equitable terms, or separate with kindness. It is not lawful for you, (Men), to take back any of your gifts (from your wives), except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah. If ye (judges) do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah, there is no blame on either of them if she give something for her freedom. These are the limits ordained by Allah; so do not transgress them if any do transgress the limits ordained by Allah, such persons wrong (Themselves as well as others).” Surah 2, Ayah 229

    “So if a husband divorces his wife (irrevocably), He cannot, after that, re-marry her until after she has married another husband and He has divorced her. In that case there is no blame on either of them if they re-unite, provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allah. Such are the limits ordained by Allah, which He makes plain to those who understand.” Surah 2, Ayah 230

    “When ye divorce women, and they fulfil the term of their (‘Iddat), either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; but do not take them back to injure them, (or) to take undue advantage; if any one does that; He wrongs his own soul. Do not treat Allah’s Signs as a jest, but solemnly rehearse Allah’s favours on you, and the fact that He sent down to you the Book and Wisdom, for your instruction. And fear Allah, and know that Allah is well acquainted with all things.” Surah 2, Ayah 231

    “When ye divorce women, and they fulfil the term of their (‘Iddat), do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on equitable terms. This instruction is for all amongst you, who believe in Allah and the Last Day. That is (the course Making for) most virtue and purity amongst you and Allah knows, and ye know not.” Surah 2, Ayah 232

    “For divorced women Maintenance (should be provided) on a reasonable (scale). This is a duty on the righteous.” Surah 2, Ayah 241