September 2014 Discussions

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September 2014 Discussions

September 2014 discussions

September 2014 discussions

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72 Comments

  • Laila

    October 5, 2014

    September 2014 discussions Please be advised Laila’s comment below is the last one for this thread. Please join us over on the October 2014 discussion forum.

    Laila’s comment is below:

    Dear Ina. Now that Ana has re-opened the blog and has adopted a new approach so am I. I’ve read your post about the potential new wife and the havoc she is creating. In regards about her not wanting to tell everyone on her side about her being a second wife and you wanting that to happen and when the tables were turned you felt utterly shocked. My question is this, why? You have to remember and take note that she is going to also in the future put you in a spot in terms of equality and other issues that may come to the surface. I also felt that by your husband removing the pictures of your family was a bit mean, but, maybe now he wants to maintain a neutral front as he having two sides as well. I am not on my husbands FB page. I never will be part of it and he too will never be part of mine. Because I can see what chaos this will bring about. Of course she’s going to mess with you. Because to her, you sound like a authoritative figure and she wants nothing of that sort. I too will never take orders from my co eventhough she is much older to me. I respect her but no I will not yield to her demands. Maybe you both have started this on the wrong footing. I am not siding her but I too am commentating from the perspective of a second wife and what all this means to me. She will not stop because she feels that she too wants a say. I know because I went through that same exact feeling. I totally backed off when some of his friends put up a picture of my co knowing full well that he has two wives. So rather than be a desperate person who want to acknowledge the fact that I too am his wife, I just backed off. Now look who wants to be part of my FB account?!…. LOL!! So make yourself a nice pot of hot tea and leave the ego out and ask yourself, what do you really want out of his new marriage and where do you stand? How can the three of you work together and create a harmonious situation. Approach your co in a civil manner and tell her what you think. Don’t throw words. If she still want’s to behave like a moron then you know where to take it. The most important thing is, you’ve tried.

  • Mari2

    October 2, 2014

    @Ana and Fatima,

    Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. INSHALLAH, may my growth in Islam continue to help me grow as a person who looks to find peace in all things rather than pettiness. It’s hard. There are times when I want to cause a fitna about something petty just because I’m grumpy or tired or just human. I did my first qurbani today. M and I talked at some length about what and how much and where. Honestly, it did annoy me that he could not decide upon the animal or the place (Pakistan or our town). Today I went to the halal market and it was the final day to order qurbani. Since I work and earn, I feel that my qurbani should come from my own earnings. I want it to be a personal choice, especially since it is my first time, not have someone pay for it on my behalf and leave me out of the decision process. I wanted to be involved. So today I chose to buy a cow that will be split among 7 people. I informed M. He then told me he already purchased a cow in Pakistan with others and my name was to be included (I did not know), but okay. While I am grateful to M for the qurbani purchase he made for me and others in his family, I must say that the purchase I made on my own is so much more meaningful to me. I don’t know if he understands that, but I do, and that’s all that counts. Next project with the help of Allah….what to do and where to give 50 lbs of beef.

  • alison

    October 2, 2014

    Hi guys I know its kind of quiet sorry been down with a cold and away from office and commenting via phone is tedious but I do read posts
    Hows ina? Did you already go on holiday. Hope all is well with you and the rest.
    I am getting well alhamdulila funny both eids fell on my days but I am generous enough and let him go celebrate with co too. It is sometimes weird to think that there are two of us now

  • anabellah

    September 30, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello to Everyone,

    Some may wonder why I am currently publishing so many posts. I am doing so as I anticipate I may not have the time to write as often in the near future. I want to build up a reference for people who read the blog. As I had indicated before, my focus will be on posts, and not discussions. The posts are not open for discussion, but for contemplation.

  • anabellah

    September 30, 2014

    Fatima, Good morning, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    It’s good to read you this morning ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m just finishing up writing a post for today. Insha Allah, I’ll post it after I get back up and proof it. I’m getting ready to go back to bed and get some sleep eaze while I can still sleep in

    I’m hopeful you’ll have a wonderful day!

  • ~Fatima~

    September 30, 2014

    @mari2
    I feel you are going to be fine sister. I Feel you are a very strong woman. Its very hard indeed to accept polygamy and endure all the pain, and discomfort that goes along with it.
    Allah will guide you through it.
    As you said, your husband did not surprise you with a new wife, and he had prepared you.. much more then my husband did ..
    Keep good spirits and a positive mind, and I will pray for you to have a easy transition..

  • anabellah

    September 29, 2014

    Mari2, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    You said, “first and foremost it has been my commitment to Islam/Allah that has brought me over the emotional hurdles”. So true. The commitment to Allah is what we need to take us where we need to go, and makes us what we need to be.

    Your husband was instrumental in helping you get through it better in that he included you in the process. He did what Allah instructs us to do with regard to mutual consultation. He consulted you about his affairs that will affect you too. Alhumdulliah! Your husband eventually realized you were had a right in wanting your own home, and not want to live joint family with your co once he and she married. You were persistent about wanting to live the Islamic way, and he caved in to what was correct, oppose to you caving in to what he wanted.

    You did good. Change is not easy. You very nicely are transitioning into a new way of life that it looks as though you are about to begin. I know it was far from easy from the beginning to this point, but it kept getting easier for you slowly, but surely.

    Stay hopeful, and know that Allah has got this. He will take care of you. Insha Allah, when February get’s here, it may be a breeze for you to deal with the marriage and your emotions. It seems you’re doing so well in trying to keep your focus on Allah. Consequently, all may go smoothly for you, and it won’t affect you in an adverse way. Regardless of how it goes for you, it will be best for you. Whatever doesn’t kill us makes us (believers) stronger. Allah has promised to dispose of our affairs towards comfort and ease when we do right by Him.

    Your husband will go through a thing, as well. It’s a new life with a cousin wife. I don’t understand the whole cousin/marriage thing either. I understand it’s how people in Pakistan do things. It is part of their culture. Is it the Islamic way???? I won’t try to figure it out.

  • Mari2

    September 28, 2014

    Ana,
    As a wife whose husband is going to take another very soon, I can’t say it has been an easy road to come to a sense of peace with the idea. No, the road was very bumpy and twisty, but first and foremost it has been my commitment to Islam/Allah that has brought me over the emotional hurdles. There have been other ways in which my husband himself MASHALLAH has made the process a bit easier:

    1. He never hid the fact a marriage to a cousin would happen.
    2. He let me know when the rishta process began.
    3. He let me know who he was going to marry and whom it was his mother chose for him.
    4. He took me to Pakistan and made sure I met his intended and her family.
    5. He asked my advice on how to handle monetary issues regarding her family’s demands (though I wished he hadn’t because they made me mad about this).
    6. He and I had frank discussions about what comprises an Islamic marriage vs a cultural over the top circus marriage and he chose to go a more simple Islamic route.
    7. He recently got a second job to pay for upcoming wedding expenses so as not to compromise his support of me (of which I require little, but appreciate his gesture).
    8. He stopped suggesting I live with him and second wife in a joint home and has acknowledged that I have a right to my own place (and this discussion was many months and required an imam to finally explain Islam vs joint family culture) And if second comes to USA, we both have our own place and share MIL.

    Now, please be aware that the beginnings of the entire second marriage thing was almost 2 years ago. So from #1 to #8 has been a long, sometimes anguished process. M didn’t come home one day and announce that he was married or going to marry in a week. MASHALLAH he was upfront from the get go, gave me prep time to work through my emotions and stuff, and that benefit of time has given both of us time to digest, vent, and make peace with it. He has to make peace too because he barely knows this girl cousin and isn’t entering this marriage because he was looking for one. It’s a familial/cultural thing and I still can’t wrap my head around it.

    And even now when I think I am at peace with it, I am very much aware that in February, when his plane leaves for Pakistan, I may very well find my self in a completely different state of mind.

  • anabellah

    September 27, 2014

    Alison,

  • anabellah

    September 27, 2014

    Ooops,I corrected the error I made in the previous comment. I put Ina’s name instead of Lah’s. I went and fixed it.

    Fiction, thank you much for sharing your story with us. It helps us understand and know you better.

    It seems Ina,Mar2, and your friend have a lot in common. They have husbands who intend to marry other women in the near future.

    God willing, I will write a post or two on polygamy and pain,when I’m able to get to my computer. Writing on my phone just isn’t working for me.

  • alison

    September 27, 2014

    Hi Ina
    am sorry for what you are going through. It is tough coming to terms with your husband having a second wife but all I can tell you is itIis beyond our control and it is inevitable he will marry
    my advice is dont bury yourself in stress and all thay. It is not easy not having him around but surround yourself with loved ones at this trying time. Pray alot and keep yourself busy. In shaa Allah you will be fine and we will remember you in our duas.

    take care and be strong its easy said thandone but with time it is going to be fine

  • Fiction

    September 27, 2014

    I am sorry I Need to correct myself- Father of her husband’s #2 wife to be was her
    ( my friend) husband’s client..

  • Fiction

    September 27, 2014

    Hie Lna,

    I am right now just a student not yet married. Actually I was or even I am very good friends with a girl who married a Muslim guy though opposed a lot by her parents and everyone else, that girl was my neighbor also before she got married and moved to some different part of the city. This guy at that time both with his words and actions proved that she is the love of his life and he is nothing without her.

    My dad and hers both are in administrative post and so fairly rich and in my hometown very rich. So eventually all members of family agreed and even helped him to start a business of his own and now after six years and two children he wants to remarry!!

    we were more like sisters than friends despite the fact she was always very lively whereas me being an Introvert. As she converted to Islam after marrying him, knows about it only as much as he has taught. I am myself not muslim so don’t know how to help her?

    I have one more friend who is a Muslim but when I asked her about this case she says Divorce is far better that a life long emotional roller caster but told me about this site and also that her story is very similar to that of yours..

    I have got nothing to do with polygamy myself basically she is the reason why I am here….. His co- wife to be resides in another country and his father was once her husband’s client.

    Basically we both don’t know anything about polygamy and from the most lively person on this earth I have ever seen she is not sure right now whether she is alive or dead, her face always swollen with tears and her body so hot due to fever and she cannot even make it to bathroom sometimes… ( her husband is planning on wedding right now). He says he loves her the same though his actions didn’t match a bit!!

    I am myself very strong in all fields of life and always very successful( very thankful to God) but I am very weak to see my loved ones getting hurt. Right now I don’t know what to do but I am determined on saving her life be it in polygamy or not!!

    I really never wanted to question you to make you relive your pain but I am really left with no option, hope you understand.

    Just I have a thing to be relieved that you as well as her are financially very independent..

    Right now We are thinking for her to join college in some other city or may be country to do post graduation once she recovers atleast physically. By that time I am determined to learn all facts for her and then let her decide whether she wants or can live polygamy or not. By staying abroad she can think about what to do for herself since we cannot control others and she is never into playing mind games.

    I mean If she thinks she can live this life then accept polygamy as some reality not like fooling herself when he says I love you more/ I miss you so much when I am with other but with the fact that he wanted to live polygamy and Its his choice to spend half of his time, resources, vacations and everything and anything he ever did with you with other woman as well!

    Also I really think she can very easily find any other man and any man with her support and love can achieve great heights!!

    Well dear if any question of mine offends you please you can tell me straight away, I already see you same as my friend and she is also elder to me..

    Lots of love

  • anabellah

    September 27, 2014

    Assalamu alaikum and Hello Everyone

    Ina,

    Fiction and Lah made some very good points. Take care of what affects you and your children as far as securing your interest in the business and finances.

    Insha Allah, try not to waste much thought on her and him. It will do you no good and only cause you more pain and anguish. Try to keep your focus on the Allah.

    Your husband should consider he already has a wife, but he is ruled by his emotions and desires right now. Don’t concern yourself about it, if you can, as Allah sees and knows all things

  • anabellah

    September 27, 2014

    Assalamu alaikum and Hello Everyone

    Ina,

    Fiction and Lah made some very good points. Take care of what affects you and your children as far as securing your interest in the business and finances.

    Insha Allah, try not to waste much thought on her and him. It will do you no good and only cause you more pain and anguish. Try to keep your focus on Allah.

    Your husbsnd should consider he already has a wife, but he is ruled by his emotions and desires right now. Don’t concern yourself about it, if you can, as Allah sees and knows all things

  • Ina

    September 27, 2014

    @ Lah,
    Thankfully, my husband and I own equal share of our business. I am also lucky to have the support of my in-laws. I find it hard to do anything at the moment and then it depresses me even more when the day has passed and I have not done anything productive. The other day, I knew I had to focus on getting some things done but just could not bring myself to do it so ended up crying and sleeping for a few hours. Some days are better than others.

    @ fiction,

    I loved what you said about “any lady can come and enjoy the luxuries a man has to offer but only a real woman can make his life luxurious when started from scratch”.
    What is your story? Are you in a polygamous marriage? I don’t remember you commenting before on the old blog but you seem to know my story well.

    Today, hubby went house hunting for his new life/wife. Another funny thing is I also studied at the same university that future co-wife will be going to.

  • anabellah

    September 27, 2014

    Lah,

    Hello. No, polygamy 411 was never for sale. There are companies out there that say a website is for sale, although it is not. If someone puts in a bid, the company contacts the owner of the website to see if they are interested in selling. It happened with my site, as well. No, I haven’t heard from Gail. last time she was on the blog she said she was going to Pakistan for a wedding and would stay there for a few months. Insha Allah, later today I will see if I have a valid email address for her and will try to reach out to her. Please excuse any errors, I am on my cell phone

  • Fiction

    September 26, 2014

    Lna,

    Thanks for taking the time out to reply.
    I think if someone is marrying a married man then they should acknowledge the fact that He is already married and having a wife whose presence in his life and her feelings are not meant to be ignored instead taken care of.

    The thing is your husband is doing anything to please her, if he is even least concerned about your feelings then him posting a such a video really doesn’t makes any sense. I can understand if she posted but him posting that is awful, its actually his duty to remind her to be concerned about your hurt and pain if not feelings!!

    It is then too understandable if she doesn’t want to picture herself as a #2 wife but at the same time its utter nonsense on her part to pretend as if she is the only wife and him allowing her to do that. If He really wants to live polygamy then He should take care of every ones feeling involved.

    Actually according to me you were the one that made him what he is today and so worthy that he thinks he can handle one more wife, then he should atleast not allow her to abuse your marriage.He should not take you for granted because any lady can come and enjoy the luxuries a man has to offer but only a real woman can make his life luxurious when started from scratch. Just tell him it’s not that you won’t find another or better man but it’s your choice to be with him!!

    Hope you find peace eventually
    Please take good care of yourself

  • Lah

    September 26, 2014

    Hello everyone! this website is back! I was not posting because i thought its going to be totally different and maybe Ana sold it to someone. I see that same people are starting to post. I don’t see Gail ๐Ÿ™ anyone know how to contact her. Please invite her to join again

    Ina, I am very sorry to hear your story. Please at least tell your parents. They are going to find out anyway. I don’t think this marriage can be stopped by anyone now. These two people will do anything to get married. Just tell your parents. They will be very hurt and shocked when find out later. Are you legally owner of the family business or is it in your husbands name. If its not in your name please do something about it now. I am telling this from experience. Get your parents and in-laws support to take control of business and properties that you have worked hard for. Those belong to you and your children. Do not let your husband use any money from your hard work. Save it for your kids education and future. I understand you leaving the house and wanting to go to a hotel. I left my house and went to my parents house leaving the kids behind. I know its very hard. You need to become strong and think practically. Getting maximum family support and taking control of finances should be your top priority. You have to overcome the emotions and not let the drama distract you from what is important for you and your kids future.

  • anabellah

    September 26, 2014

    @Ina,

    I doubt anything will be enough for her anytime soon. You haven’t seen anything yet. Fasten your seat belt. You’re in for a heck of a ride after the wedding and honeymoon.

    I’m really SHOCKED! They are doing it up like 2 young adults getting married for the first time. Yes, it is her first time, but…

    Alhumdulliah!

  • Ina

    September 26, 2014

    @ Fiction,

    Thank you for your concerns. My husband is helping out more by taking care of the kids. He says he does not like to see me sad but hope I understand that he needs to get married. He tells me he loves me and will do his best to make me happy again.

    I cannot talk to my parents…they do not know about this and it will only make them sad and worry about me if they found out. It’s not something I want to tell them unless I really need to. I have booked a short holiday for myself and the children when hubby is away in Malaysia…not quite long enough to cover the actual date of his wedding.

    No-one in my family knows, only a few close friends. I found out last week that hubby deleted some pics of me and our kids from our company’s website (the boy told me *sigh*) because she did not want her wedding guests to find out that she will be a 2nd wife. Her immediate family know but not her extended family. Hubby told how it made sense to him to not have family pics on a company website…what after 7yrs! Also he did it so she would block me from her facebook. If his reasoning was so great then he should not have felt the need to do behind my back. I immediately put the pictures back on the website and told him he should make deals with her on my behalf. Future co-wife got upset, text me saying that she is going to cancel the wedding and I can have my husband all to myself. She then proceeded to unblock me from her facebook. a few hours later later when hubby managed to calm her down…wedding was back on. She announced this on facebook by saying “Don’t be too happy, the wedding is still going ahead”. I didn’t believe for a second that she would cancel the wedding but it was still mean of her to say that on her post and it was aimed at me. She also posted the video of hubby proposing to her on youtube, specifically with our company name in the title. Her reason, if her side of her family is going to find out her polygamous marriage then my side should too. How vindictive is that? By the way, this video is already posted on their facebook but it’s not enough for her.

  • Ina

    September 26, 2014

    @dk – pls make dua for me. Inshaallah, I will get through this.

    My husband is aware of all the messages this boy is sending to me. I say he is a boy but I think he is in his mid 20s, studying Phd in UK. I have told this boy that he could break up my marriage but sending me all this private information between my husband and future co-wife. We (me, hubby and future co-wife) have told him to leave us alone but he has not given up yet. I think he has some crazy idea that he and she will end up together just because she will also be doing her Phd at the same university when she comes to UK. He is definitely fixated on her which I think gives hubby some concerns since they will be studying in the same place.

    I exaggerated slight when I said I went missing. I left home after getting upset with hubby over a video he posted on internet in which he proposed to future co-wife (again) on the exact date that I said he could marry another 3 yrs ago. They are already getting married so why do the proposal again and why do it on that day. The word freedom was also added on the facebook post of this video which he said was added by future co-wife. It’s not like he spent the 3 yrs only being with me. No, he has spend 1.5 yrs looking and then another 1.5 yrs in an intimate relationship with another girl. If he told he 1.5 yrs ago that he will commit sins with this girl if he does not marry her then I feel I would have no choice but allow them to marry ASAP. Instead he has enjoyed the excitement of having a sinful relationship and then blames me for it. Anyhow, he say he has repented for his sins (prayed tawbah) but future co-wife is no where near as regretful. She does not see anything wrong with she has done.

    Back to my disappearance…I just needed to get away so I went to shopping mall, had my haircut and walked around. I didn’t want to come home, considered going to a hotel but decided it’s best if kids see me in the morning when they woke up. Phone ran out of battery so hubby could not contact me. I told him to look after the kids and that I will be home late. I waited until I thought kids were asleep before I came home because I did not want to answer their questions.

  • anabellah

    September 26, 2014

    dk,

    Yes, may Allah swt make us belivers.

    @Rasha,

    You’ve got a cool looking avatar.

  • anabellah

    September 26, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello Everyone!

    @dk,

    I will make duah for you that you and your wife will have a blessed Hajj and be safe. Alhumdulliah. I’m so excited for you.

    What you said to Ina was so kind and sweet. You have a kind heart, dk. You are so right. It is our naf that gets in the way. Allah has said he’d give us contentment and peace if we only listen to Him and put no one before Him. It takes time. It’s a learning process as well as purification.

    Much salaam, dk.

    @Rasha,

    I’m so glad you found us and you’re back with us. A big smile came to my face when I saw your name.

    I second you about the new people. I’m hopeful new people will join us to be of a help and not hindrance. It’s so important when we’re trying to be on the Mustaqueen (straight path). There are many agents of Satan out there who want to interfere. It’s their job. They do it well.

    Anyhow, welcome back, Rasha!

  • dk

    September 26, 2014

    @ sister Fatima jazakallah
    i am not that cool but inshahallah working on it
    but the other brothers if u sisters so them how the r working for sake of deen and helping other pepole mashahallah wow
    thy travel all over the world for helping pepole mashahallah
    may allah swt make us from the belivers ameen

  • dk

    September 26, 2014

    Assalaam u alaikum all of u

    Just want to saye that we r getting readdy for the haj inshahallah
    wow there is soooo many things to do befour living house the kids and all
    that staff but alhamdullilah.
    make dua for me.
    jazakallah

    @ Ina sister
    not becurse i am a expert but how i will like my wife to be when i com back home that she be happy wiht me and look nice and clean like evry thing is in ordre at home and the big plus is that i am use to be in this atmosfire ithink u have a many big plusses in your favour and the children
    so dont vary inshahallah it will be ok .
    u will faind peace in salah i do all the time.
    I will make dua for u in front of qabba inshahallah.
    if i said somthing that hurttet you plz forgive me.
    oh yes one thing i fell mostly we do rong is that we put our nafs in the front and dont think what allah swt wants us to do.
    follow the way mohammed (saw) did the way of sukses
    thank you til next time c u inshahallah end of the octber month

    wassalaam dk

  • Rasha

    September 26, 2014

    Asa
    This is Rasha..IT’S been a long time.LIFE has been happening and I couldn’t understand how to use the new site after the changes..BUT anywho I’m back and happy with life. I hope all is well with everyone and for the new people I hope to give and gain knowledge and support.

  • anabellah

    September 25, 2014

    @Mari2, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    I just realized I had missed reading your comment

    I see you had already asked Ina some of the questions I asked. I was repetitious.

  • ~Fatima~

    September 25, 2014

    @Ana..
    Thankyou sister for your kind words about me.
    @Ina..
    I pray strength comes to you with the other marriage.. Its going to be tough but you just keep your head held high, and there is nothing Allah swt will give to us that we cant handle.. It will only make you stonger..
    @DK.. wow you are awesome for the kind and giving ways you do for others.. I need to follow your path. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Welljust stopped in for a minute.. Hope everyone had a great day…

  • anabellah

    September 25, 2014

    @Spirited, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    Thank you for letting me know (indirectly) that what Ina said about the boy is real, and not just Satan whispering to her. I should have known it when she said “literally” in her post. My error.

    The boy could be seen as an agent of Satan. I’m still a bit confused about the “boy”. It makes no sense that Ina’s husband would divorce Ina and then he would not be able to marry his intended. What makes the intended think she’d get Ina’s kids anyhow? It’s baffling. It seems life would be much easier for the husband and the intended if, the husband divorced Ina. Ina would keep the children. He would continue to provide support for Ina and the kids. He and the new wife would go away and TRY to live happily-ever-after. The boy wouldn’t be able to marry the girl then. It makes totally no sense to me what this boy is trying to do. How old is the girl? The boy sound like a kid who is not very bright.

    @Ina,

    Did you speak to your husband about the boy and show him proof from the evidence you have. He should be able to speak to the boy and the boy’s parents. He could let his intended family know, as well. As you stated, the last thing you need is the boy or anyone else meddling in your affairs when you’re trying to get yourself together, and are trying to cope. Insha Allah, delete anything he sends you, and block him on the phone, email or whatever means he approaches you with. Don’t give him the time of day. Put the ding-a-ling on permanent “ignore”. He sounds crazy.

    I’m glad to hear you are safe. Please know we are here for you to help as best we can.

    @Spirited,

    I thought “Fictions” avatar was the strangest of all, especially as she is new to the blog. LOL

    I’m so glad things are going well for you and your husband. About the ups and downs, you know it’s to be expected. It’s really the norm in life. Sis Spirited, I know about lazy days, seems they were created for me. I never, ever wanted to work in life. I wanted to meet a wealthy guy to marry, and take care of me so I could just chill. It didn’t happen that way, although, now I am married to a man who is wealthy ENOUGH; I have my own wealth and I can now chill LOL I’ve been chilling for going on seven years now, so I think it’s time to get to work with my businesses ๐Ÿ™

    @Fiction,

    You were right; it appears Ina actually went missing ๐Ÿ™ Fiction, please just call me ana, no need for anabellah. I erred in setting the blog up and anabellah got out there, so I just kept it.

  • Fiction

    September 25, 2014

    Hie Anabellah,
    Thanks for welcoming me!

    Hello Spirited,
    All the very best for everything you are handling beautifully..

  • Mari2

    September 25, 2014

    Ina,
    I am sorry about the boy causing more issues with what is already a difficult thing for you. If he is sending you daily messages, perhaps you can block him in order to avoid more provocation. Is your husband aware that this boy is contacting both you and your future co-wife?

  • Spirited

    September 25, 2014

    Salaam guys!

    @Ina, nice to see you again! My goodness you’ve been through a lot lately, I’m glad that you’re safe and sound. It does seem odd that a stranger is meddling with you (the boy). Maybe he thinks he’s being helpful. If you could speak to him, you could ask him to please let you handle the situation as you can. Its not up to him how your marriage goes. Maybe you could let him know that his attempts to help you (if that’s what he is trying to do) are only giving you grief. If he is being malicious and just tormenting you, you should also let him know to leave you alone.

    I agree that you should try not to think about it too much and just enjoy your anniversary ๐Ÿ™‚ If your husband continues to be insensitive to you after some time beyond his marriage, then you should definitely sit him down and talk to him, but if he’s good with you, I hope you can have a “normal” marriage (lol) beyond the “honeymoon phase”.

    @Fatima, its good to hear from you too! I’m happy to see that you’re doing well and busy as a bee (as usual).

    @Ana, what you said about people already having made up their minds and then asking others for validation is so spot-on! People do that all the time, you can easily see it with men shopping around for Imams/scholars who agree with their views on certain things. Then its like “ok, I’ve been given the green light, forget what everyone else or the religion says.” Its so sad.

    Yep, the avatars are really great, lol. I think mine works for me too, kind of chill and relaxed. Fiction’s is probably the best one so far, its’ hilarious. Ummof4’s is cute too, its like a “speak no evil” sort of thing. They’re all fun in different ways lol.

    @Friction, I also wanted to say “hello”!

    Alrighty, I should be working on a lab report, but its such a nice day to be lazy here. I’ll probably get working on it soon though. Oh, on my end, I’ve got other things to stress me out (education related, lol) and there’s been a big difference in my husband, that he’s spending so much more time with me. Its unexpected, and appreciated for sure :D. So, I think things are going well enough overall. There’s still ups and downs, but, with Allah and you guys, I can handle what comes Talk to you guys later!

  • anabellah

    September 25, 2014

    @Fiction,

    Welcome!!! Thank you for imputing.

    @Ina,

    Did you actually go missing? I thought it was something Satan whispered to you in your head. Sorry, if I mis-read you, Sis

  • Fiction

    September 25, 2014

    Dear lna

    You are truly showing your strength by trying to cope up with it all!

    Just asking if you could share with us how is your husband behaving with you currently? Also what are his reactions to your anger of hurt especially when you you went missing? Does he tries to help you by showing his love and care for you or children?

    Actually if husband is so infatuated doesn’t even cares for your feelings and you are having extreme emotions… I am actually concerned about children?

    Please if this is the situation try taking help with your close relatives especially if your parents could help since with them you can truly be yourself and true to your feelings knowing they are the only people in the world who could never harm you atleast intentionally?

    Please go on some vacation with friends or just with your children for this period of time or it would be even better if you don’t have to deal with seeing him leaving to get married?

    please do something for yourself

  • anabellah

    September 25, 2014

    @dk,

    Don’t worry about your writing or spelling. We understand what you’re saying. It’s all good!

  • anabellah

    September 25, 2014

    @Dear Ina, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    I was thinking the same thing as you about your avatar before I read your last message. It’s like the avatar is psychic.

    You’re in good shape, as you can recognize Satan’s whispers, which there are many people who can’t. They simply entertain his whispers all day and night. Keep combating him (Satan), and don’t let him get the best of you.

    I totally understand how you feel about your husband coming home on your anniversary, after having been on his honeymoon. Ina, the way to deal with it is to thank Allah that, Insha Allah, He will bring your husband home on your anniversary. It’s a blessing. Imagine how you’d feel sitting there alone without him on that day. Insha Allah, eventually, one day, the day (anniversary or any other day) won’t matter whether he is with you or not. It’s where we want to be – at the not care stage. We have made these days far more important than they should be (I’ve done it, as well).

    You mustn’t think your anniversary will be ruined or it will be. You must remember that Allah is to His servants what they perceive Him to be. If you think Allah will let you have a messed up, jacked up anniversary, then you very well may. Why shouldn’t it be, if you think that way? You shouldn’t expect Allah to make it any other way than messed up.

    The way to get through it is by not thinking of your husband having any control over you day and how you feel. Your thoughts should be on Allah being compassionate and full of kindness to send your husband to you on your anniversary day. Make it your intent to make it a good day. Ask Allah to make it a good day. See it that Allah is being gracious to you. You had wanted your husband to be with you on your anniversary day when you let us know that it appeared he wouldn’t be. Now, it appears Allah is granting your wish and you are crapping on it.

    Ina, Allah could have had your husband divorce you, and make the soon to be wife his only wife. Allah, however, didn’t do it. You still have a husband who you love and he loves you. You don’t have to go out there and start a new or live the rest of your life alone without a male companion. Allah in the Holy Quran asks, “which of the favors of your Lord will ye deny?” Count your blessings (which you can’t count as there are so many), and be grateful. Don’t let your husband come home to a grumpy, disgruntled person who he’d want to flee from and go back from whence he came.

    This man (your husband) may not be able to wait to get back to you. Everything leading up to the marriage is fun and exciting. Once he’s actually wedded to her, and is with her 24/7 for three weeks as husband and wife, he may want to get back to what he knows as home – your home. He may want to run up out of there. You just don’t know. I’m not wishing anything bad for her or him. It’s just that there’s some adjustments that they must make. The beginning years are tough. It’s not all peaches and cream or a bed of roses

  • Ina

    September 25, 2014

    Funny how my avatar sums up my mood exactly…grrrr

  • anabellah

    September 25, 2014

    Ina, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    It’s so good to here from you, Sis Ina. Quite a few people had been asking about you by way of email. I’m so glad you are back with us.

    I’m sleepy now, so I have to get some shut eye. I’ll be back to read you, Insha Allah. {{{hugs}}}

  • Ina

    September 25, 2014

    Assalamualaikum Everyone!

    Waalaikumsalam Marie. I am so happy that the blog is back…I felt at such a loss over last few months wondering how I am going to cope without the support and advice of the people here.

    Hubby will be married in 5 weeks time and will be going to Malaysia in about 3 weeks. He will be away for 3.5 weeks! He will be home with on the day of of our wedding anniversary. Really! why bother! I think we will end up having another messed up anniversary. I feel angry just thinking about it now, how can be in the mood to celebrate when he’s just come back from honeymoon?

    Quite a lot of happened over the last few months. It appears I literally have the devil whispering in my ear all sorts of things. This devil comes in the form of boy who likes my future co-wife and he is on mission to try stop the marriage. He thinks he can do this by getting me to divorce my husband. He seems to think that my husband will not be able to marry if he divorces me. I have told this boy that there is nothing I can do to stop the marriage. Even if I force my husband to choose, he will choose to divorce me rather than cancel this wedding. This boy has got hold of some personal messages/pictures between my husband and future co-wife which he sent to me to try tip me over the edge. Things have been revealed to me which showed the relationship between hubby and future co-wife is bordering on zina, saying things like my husband is not divorcing me because she does not want to raise our 3 children. I have reached breaking point several times, went crazy and was missing for a day. It’s hard enough trying to cope with things as it is without someone else stirring the pot. I asked him to stop bothering me but still he sends me almost daily messages. He also email my future co-wife to try get her to cancel the wedding. Interestingly, his mother is a 1st wife so he has seen the pain his mother went through when his father married another.

    This boy is obviously trying to provoke me but he is running out of bullets to fire at me. Hopefully he will stop once they are married.

  • anabellah

    September 25, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello Everyone!

    It’s so nice we’re all beginning to come back together again. I’m getting the word out there as best I can that the blog has re-opened. Most think the blog closed permanently.

    @Marie, happy to see you, Sis. I liked what you said to dk about anger.

    I think a lot of times when people seek advice it is useless, as most of the time they have already made up in their minds what they will do. They had already determined what they’d do. I think they simply look to see if anyone would agree or not with what they intend to do. Interesting. I like what you shared about anger, too. It makes loads of sense.

    Mari2,

    It’s so good to hear you are content and at peace in your life right now. Alhumdulliah. I’d imagine you’d be happier still once M marries, so you could put that part behind you, and begin living your life without it being a futuristic thing you think about here and there. Sounds you’ve got some nice things lined up for you and your mother-in-law to do. I pray you both have a nice time.

    About you going to the masjid and some people frowning on it, you’ve got the right attitude. Do what is best for you, and don’t concern yourself with what other people think. You’re not doing anything contrary to Islam. Some people are so quick to get all up in other people’s business instead of minding their own. They’ve got some serious issues. It’s one reason I don’t like the Islamic police (people coming here with a bunch of dos and don’ts) here – do this sister, do that sister, bad Muslimah, bad Muslim blah, blah, blah I suppose it makes them feel good about themselves. Allah knows best.

    @dk,

    alhumdulliah, brother, you’ve made your intent to do some charitable works and help others. What a blessing that Allah has favored you, and has inspired you to put him first above all the worldly pursuits. So, you’d possibly like to have three or four wives? See what Allah has decided. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was both monogamous and polygamous, so both ways are good. One is no better than the other.

    @Fatima,

    Good morning, sis. You are a busy little one. For those who don’t know, Fatima is a very pretty, petite little lady. I only say this here, as I know she wouldn’t mind. Fatima, you’ve got loads of energy. I admire people like you who can multi-task so much and get mega things accomplished, Alhumdulliah. I’m the total opposite LOL It’s really funny. Oh, well, what to do

  • Marie

    September 25, 2014

    Asalamu alaykum all,

    wow it feels good to be back with everyone alhamdulilah everyone is good and moving forward, mari2, good for you im glad your at peace with your situation.

    I came across an article the other day called “5 things women should know about men” It was quite interesting and comical at the same time. 1 of the 5 things was that men cant handle female anger, which means they tend to agree with or lie to women to avoid an angry outburst, even though they know lying will not be beneficial in the long term, they still avoided her anger for the time being, which suits them. I don’t think they (men) have worked out that lying makes us angry and as women have radar for detecting bs they almost always get found out.

    @DK, When I read that you didn’t tell your 1st wife that you married the other sister I immediately thought of the article I read that I have mentioned above. you came here asking for advice, you said you planned to not tell you wife before marrying the other sister. every woman here told you NOT to do that, lying is the worst way to start a polygamous marriage. you agreed with us and avoided our anger and said you would find a way to tell her before the marriage. I believe you had no intention of telling her before, as, you wanted to avoid the anger of your wife. now when you get back to reality and confess that you have been lying to your wife for however many weeks/months she is going to hit the roof. most women can deal polygyny after she’s dealt with her feelings of jealousy, envy and the like, but we cant deal lies. chances are when you try to comfort her and tell her you love her and didn’t want to hurt her, she wont believe you, in fact she likely to not believe a word that comes out of you mouth. a lying husband is not something you get over quickly. you made your bed and now you have to LIE in it, right next to your angry wife.

    @Ana, love the new blog, purple is one of my favorite colours and I can use smileys I cant wait to see my avatar

    Ina, Gail where are yooooouuuu.

    much salaams to all

  • dk

    September 25, 2014

    Assalaam u alaikum
    sister and brothers

    mashahallah sister fatima u r bizzi one maybe to much in my eyes
    well i hav been selfemploye most of my life but at the moment working
    for the goverment companye .
    starting up again some business becurse i woud like to work with pepole
    with this buiness will i have much time of so i can work on deen go out and do dava and help pepole in need inshahallah .
    i use to have vary vel business and make many monye but now i dont fell
    like running for the monyeany more alhamdulillah .
    there is somthing else what is more importent now it is the akhira i am working for. may allah swt guide me and all the others to ameen.
    i work 7hours 5days aweek and almost 10-12 week vacation evry eayr alhamdulillah (lol) my spelling is really bad i hope u all can understand it.
    This new business is 15meter from the big masjid it was the first rizon
    i want it close to the masjid the brother and sisters in this masjid work
    vary hard for the deen islam and there is many new muslims to and i learn
    vary much from them to mashahallah .
    Yes i speed much time whit me family and try to practise islam whit them
    24 hour alhamdulillah and go out in the part of deen and call others to .
    I am vary much happy with brother and sisters hu com back to islam .becourse i fell thy r doing really thy effort me respect to u.
    i am muslim becurse my parents was muslim alhamdulillah for that but i did
    not do any effort for what i am blessed with from allah swt.
    I am abelivar alhamdulillah.
    all my family r practising islam vary much .but u can always do better we think.make dua for us
    jazakallah
    one thing i will like to saye that i have chozan poligamy not becourse of desire or any thing else but only becourse of the sunnah and i now it is the same old line but there some brothers and sisters hu r trying to practise the sunnah for the sukses of akhira .
    jazakallah may allah swt help us all ameen
    but only becourse the sunnah and maybe have 3-4 wifes in the fiuture to if allah swt wants me to sorry lines fliped i think
    wassalaam dk

  • ~Fatima~

    September 24, 2014

    I like everyones avatars.. Ummof is a funny one.. hhahah but its cute.. My old avatar showed up on here.. Wonder what mine would have been if I didnt have one before? hahha
    I love the cute faces we can add on here too..

  • ~Fatima~

    September 24, 2014

    Hello to all..
    Dk.. You asked what I do.. well let me tell you I am a jack of all trades.. hahah. I actually use to be a dental assistant for about 9 years, got bored with that and moved onto other things. My husband and I have several business’s we run here in Kentucky. We have a dress shop, and a phone repair and accessories shop, and my husband also works for samsung company. The stores we have actually keep ME busy, going back and forth and checkiing on them all. We have several in different areas here. Employees take care of them but it seems like I am always there at one of them helping out. I love working with the public and meeting different people. I also do Notary Public services too. ..
    I dont know how to relax at home on a day off it seems.. Like today, Habib went out of town on a business trip and will return late tonight. He said let the employees take care of the stores and you stay home and rest.. Well, after 10 am I was so bored. Cleaned the house and did some laundry and a few errands,, and then had the car washed.. and thought.. now what?? hahah
    I ended up going to one of the stores and helped out.. Then came home for my daughter had a dental appointment and home to cook dinner..

    I hope everyone had a good day as well.. And what do you do DK? Scandinavia sounds pretty.. is it?

  • Mari2

    September 24, 2014

    Salam Fatima! Yes it is nice we are slowly getting back together. I very much missed the conversations here. M and I are in the new place we are renting. His mother arrived this month to join us and is adjusting to life in America. I think it has certainly been an adjustment for her as far as the working life style is concerned. I work. M is now working two jobs to save for wedding expenses for the February wedding to his cousin. So, unfortunately his mother spends a lot of time on her own because he and I are both busy. I barely see M nowadays, which honestly is okay with me since I am a person who desires her own space. Plus, when we do have time together, it seems more special because it is so rare. I do try to do things with his mom on the weekends to get her out of the house and give her some experiences of America. This weekend she and I are going to a Chili Cook Off/ Children’s Fest in the downtown area in which I live. We’re taking my 16 month old grand daughter whom she is quite fond of and going to hit an annual children’s consignment sale at a local church so she can purchase items for her grandchildren in Pakistan. I also plan a trip to a local apple orchard either this weekend or next.

    As for M’s upcoming marriage to his cousin in February, I have to say that I really am at peace with it now, and I am no longer bothered by bride to be family wanting this or that. I had to come to the realization that their demands on him are just that…on him. He, along with his mother, will be the ones to control their demands. It’s not my place to give a yea or nay if I am not being impacted (and I am currently not). So I just had to let it go, be his issue (which it is) and pray that Allah guide him where HE wants. That, I must say has been the most freeing thing I did for myself. I gave away my desire to want to control a situation to the ONE who is actually in control….ALLAH. Letting go of the little things is actually very hard for me as I am a very detail oriented, regimented person in many respects. But I cannot explain how calm I have been since I decided to “kiss it up to God” as my grandmother would say. A big, actually HUGE part of this change in me came during Ramadan.

    My first Ramadan complete with nightly Taraweeh at the masjid had a huge impact on my psyche. I know there maybe some who frown upon women as masjid (and that’s fine), but as a relatively new revert, those 30 nights spent there benefited me well. It was an uplifting experience, and I am thankful to ALLAH to have had that opportunity. I can honestly say, those were probably the happiest 30 days of my life thus far…go figure.

    I pray everyone is doing well and I continue to look forward to hearing from all of you!

  • anabellah

    September 24, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum and Hello Everyone,

    @dk,

    Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    I’m glad your avatar is pleasing to you LOL. I don’t know what I’d do if someone was to ask me to change theirs because they didn’t like it. I don’t think I could since the computer generates them LOL.

    Wow, dk, you are in Scandinavia. It is way cool to know someone (you) from there. It’s awesome. It’s one huge thing I like about this blog – it’s getting to know people globally ๐Ÿ™‚

    All is good with me and my businesses. Alhumdulliah. Yes, one is a private detective agency. The other is security agency. I’ve had them both for several years now, but had been a bit lazy, just taking it easy. Now, Insha Allah, it’s time to give them the time and attention needed, and make some money, Insha Allah. Thank you much for asking.

    I pray you and your wife have a blessed Hajj and Allah grants you all and everything you ask for – that he makes you happy, healthy and prosperous. Most important that he protects you and keep you safe. Insha Allah, don’t forget about your sister (me). Please say a little pray for me, if you remember. I’m thinking of that song now. Have a blessed day or night, whichever it is now for you.

    @Sis alison,

    Phew, I’m glad you like your avatar. They all are so funny to me. It’s makes the blog a little fun.

  • alison

    September 24, 2014

    Hey Fatima, Thanks yeah feels good to be back
    Anna was wondering all about the avatars just checked mine…its so on point and just represent the cheeky me. It looks like am hiding something and up to no good

  • dk

    September 24, 2014

    Assalaam u alaikum
    brother and sisters

    A new day with a good start alhamdulillah only only 3days
    left for ouer haj trip it is going to be vary good inshahallah
    days r getting shorter her in the scandinavia dark mornings and a bit could
    to.
    At the job in the morning injoing life alhamdulillah
    hope u all r well inshahallah
    sister Ana how is your job now still that one about ditaktive somting like that i think or what.
    sister Fatima what do u do if i may ask.
    my avater is ok i think
    but sister ummof4 its good one lol
    alhamdulillah

  • anabellah

    September 23, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum and Hello Everyone,

    @dk, good to hear you let your family know about your 2nd marriage. When you do let your first wife know about the other marriage, she may have your family to talk to; although she may think they were in on the conspiracy. Allah knows best. Alhumdulliah your 2nd wife was able to let her family know and they all accepted it easily. I could imagine it makes life easier for you.

    Insha Allah, keep doing what you’re doing, praying to Allah and seeking His help and guidance. It may seem He is not listening, but He is. He hears the call of everyone of His servants when they call on Him. So we have to hear Him speak to us by obeying Him – obeying His commands. Be patient. Allah has a plan for you. Persevere and be patient. Don’t despair. Don’t give up!

    @Fatima, Hey you!

    You sound happy and cheerful as usual. Yes, slowly but surely we’re all coming back together. When I realized I’d re-open the blog, I initially was actually going to wait until the New Year. We plot and plan, but Allah is the Master Planner.

    I,too, absolutely love the new comment preview feature . Alhumdulliah I found it to upload onto the blog. Allah u Akbar. The avatars are so comical. I wonder what ummof4 thinks of hers LOL.

  • ~Fatima~

    September 23, 2014

    Hi Ana, Laila, mari2,spirited,Unmuf4, Dk,alison,anisa…. and everyone.
    Its good to see were all slowly getting back together.. Ahumdilla
    Dk, I hope when you do tell your wife about the Nikkah she will be understanding.. I think perhaps if you had told her before, it would have given her more time to accept it.. We women or at least myself do not do well with surprises like that.. But I wish you well..
    Laila..how have you been sister? Good to see you on here again .
    Nothing much new on my side.. just working alot these days.. sigh….
    Going to grab a cup of coffee.. maybe open my sleepy feeling eyes this morning

    Oh yeah Ana.. I like that you have on here you can edit any mistypes before it actually goes through.. I had 3 minutes to look.. haha.. love it

  • dk

    September 23, 2014

    Jazakallah
    I asked allah swt help in evry salah and i hav trust in allah swt
    3of my family members now and almost all of the 2.wifes family nows it and thy ar vary heppy about it alhamdulillah and saye thak it easy to me.
    alhamdulillah

  • anabellah

    September 23, 2014

    dk, Wa Alaikum As Salaam!

    Alhumdulliah about your marriage. Wow, you actually did it, huh? It happened (the marriage), which means Allah Willed it, so it is all good. We shall not will accept as Allah Wills. It’s what submitting our will is all about – Islam.

    It’s good too that your first wife is trying to accept polygamy. Based on all you said, it sound that she wants to accept it, but is simply having a very difficult time doing so. It’s understandable. All women will go through a very, very difficult time, if they hadn’t grown up in polygamous families or around people who are polygamous and even then it probably is difficult for them. The good thing is that your wife does not want to go against Allah by rejecting polygamy all together.

    Maybe the time will be soon that you tell her, if she seems to already know, but you haven’t confirmed it. There is no easy way to tell her. She will be extremely hurt no matter how you tell her or when. You will have to have A LOT of patience with her. She will not accept the situation overnight. It may take years for her to.

    It’s important that you tell her though. When? Only Allah knows. Continue to ask Allah swt to guide you and to gives you the courage and strength to tell her in a gentle way. Before you tell her, is there someone close to her whom you could tell as well, so the person will be there for her, if she needs to talk to someone besides you?

    You will only tell her when Allah has decided it is time, anyhow. Have good intentions in your heart. Talk much to Allah about it and what you should do.

    dk, it’s probable good that you do NOT tell her before Hajj. Hajj is difficult enough as is without her being burdened with the thought of you having married another without letting her know first. Hajj is an ideal time to seek Allah’s help and guidance about the matter.

    It’s all good, dk. Don’t worry. Everything will be okay. Your comment was not too long. If I could think of anything that may help, Insha Allah, I’ll let you know. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • dk

    September 23, 2014

    Asslaam u alaikum

    yes alhamdulillah i did
    and i am still working on the deen and me and my first wife is going to
    haj next week inshahallah.
    inshahallah allah swt will help me.
    i am still having problem from her to ecsept it ,idont thalk about it much
    we do not faight or things like that at all alhamdulillah.
    having still good love to each other.Do all what a good family do alhamdulillah.
    after all saying that u can understand that i havent thold here about the nikah yet.
    I think she have here daut but i havent confurmed it yet for her.
    i dont now how to thel here in a good way.
    i now it wil hurt here anyway but some way is better than other i think
    maybe after the haj and i am going from the home next year for four month to learn about islam and helping for the flood in pakistan inshahallah
    i hav the intensin for it may allah swt help me.ameen
    so long story sory.

  • anabellah

    September 23, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum and Hello Everyone,

    The technician informed me that the company can no longer change the location of the comment box. It would adversely effect the code. I would have to hire a developer to make the change.

    I apologize for the inconvenience not being able to move the comment box will cause, especially to those of you who check the blog by way of your phones. Scrolling down through numerous comments to get to the newest comments and to the comment box is time consuming and a lot of work. I feel you (agree with you) on that one.

  • anabellah

    September 23, 2014

    Spirited, Wa Alaikum As Salaam, ๐Ÿ™‚

    The avatars are quite cute. It’s funny though – yours doesn’t represent you at all LOL I think Anisa’s looks more like you LOL They are funny lookin. Laila’s avatar is way cute.

    Spirited, I tried to get the other smilies back, but just couldn’t find them. I realize that some of the features aren’t always available. Once they are on the site, everything is good. When I began the blog anew, it and the original preview comment feature I used weren’t available any longer. I really do like the new preview comment feature though. We can write a comment, summit it and have 5 minutes to correct it and resubmit it. Putting together a blog from scratch is fun. It’s a bit time consuming, but lots of fun and aggravation, as well LOL

    I’m glad you stopped in, sis Spirited. I think the technicians are working on the comment box, so I better submit this comment and call it a night, Insha Allah.

  • anabellah

    September 22, 2014

    Anisa umm Imran, Wa Alaikum As Salaam ๐Ÿ™‚

    It feels good to be missed. Insha Allah, I will continue to write posts that will be helpful for Muslims. We had a handful of writers, but a large following of readers. The writers who share their stories are very important, but they need a safe haven to share their stories in. An open forum, as we’ve learned, is not always the place to do it.

    I’m glad to hear you began a group that is pro-polygyny. Insha Allah, it will provide a safe haven for those to speak freely about their lives, if they feel uncomfortable to speak here. Now, my main worldly concern with regard to this blog is the writer’s privacy and safety. I pray Allah blesses the two of us for the efforts we make in His cause. {{{hugs}}}

  • Spirited

    September 22, 2014

    Salaam everyone,

    Just popping in to say “hello” ๐Ÿ˜€
    I love the cute new automatic avatars for people, and of course smilies are back. I hope my favorite rolling eyes one works still!
    Not much else to add at the moment, see you guys around.

  • Anisa umm Imran

    September 22, 2014

    Asalamu Alikum sis

    Alhamdu lilah your back i always check every few days to see if your back … when you went off i was away on holidays and didnt have a clue as to why till i read it somewhere else

    Polygyny is a wonderful thing when done right ..and with your blog you aspired me to do something so on my fb i made a profile just about polygyny and made a group their too and it has become a great place to talk with those who are so up for polygyny

    jazak Allah khair sis and may Allah always bless you in all you do to help those out their understand

  • anabellah

    September 22, 2014

    dk, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    Brother dk, Alhumdulliah Allah didn’t have the site down a super duper long time. It was long enough for me to put out a fire (haters tried to build), begin some work on my businesses, and give the blog a face life/make over LOL It’s all good though. Insha Allah, we’ll try to put the negative behind up, and keep moving forward.

    dk, do you have any questions for us or need any advice about anything? Did you marry the sister? I pray you are okay and things are moving in a positive direction for you. We’re here for you to be a positive influence in your life, God willing…

  • dk

    September 22, 2014

    Assalaam ualaikum sister ANA
    Ihave been on net avery day and lucking for you and alhamdulillah
    i faind u and all the other brother and sisters.
    it was a big lost for me not to faind u all that time but
    WELCOME BACK ALL OF U

    WA SALAAM dk

  • anabellah

    September 22, 2014

    Mari2, As Salaamu Alaikum

    Yes, Mashallah, we’re back up and running!!! I’m so happy we’re all back together again – our “blog family”. I pray you and your family are all well.

  • Mari2

    September 21, 2014

    MASHALLAH! You are back! How I have missed this site! I pray everyone is doing well.

  • anabellah

    September 21, 2014

    As Salaamu Alaikum & Hello Everyone!

    Oh, my goodness. I just realized I forgot to put a preview comments on the blog. Insha Allah, I will get to it ASAP

    I’m so happy to have all my friends here with me I luv you all!!!

    @alison, you don’t know how happy I am the blog is back and you are back with us. I wonder if regular smiley symbols work. Let’s see ๐Ÿ™‚

    Oh, shoot, I just realized there is a reply feature up there. If people could leave replies under everyone’s comment, I foresee a problem sigh. We shall see.

    @Laila, hey there!

    I will do my best to make sure the haters don’t set foot here. As ummof4 had stated on the earlier version of polygamy 411, one gets a feel for who is here for no good. I sometimes tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. Insha Allah, I won’t any longer. Those who are not pro-polygamy need not come here. No one wants to hear anything they have to say. They need to take the information to someone who cares.

    @ummof4,

    Yes, sis, it appears were back in business. I agree with you that the good of this blog outweighs the bad. Thank you much for sharing the story about your daughter and her friends. I agree that the mothers set the tone for their children perception of polygyny. Even if they don’t express it verbally, the children sense how the mothers feel and think. Children learn from the people in their intimacy. We become a product of our environment.

  • ummof4

    September 21, 2014

    As-salaamu Alaikuma nd hello to all,

    Ana, I am glad that you/we are back in business. The good of this blog outweighs the bad in my opinion. I pray that if the haters come that you do not entertain them or their negativity.

    I had an interesting discussion with my youngest daughter the other day (26 years old and married with a child). She said that she and a few of her married and unmarried friends were having a discussion about polygyny. She and her friend who grew up in it ( their fathers are polygynous) are advocates of polygyny. Her friend who did not grow up in polygyny is not on board yet. A number of parents (especially mothers) feel that polygyny will have a negative effect on their children and they will hate it and possibly hate their fathers as well. These two young ladies feel exactly the opposite. I believe their mothers set the tone for them to understand that polygyny is just as halal as monogamy.

    Everyone have a wonderful day and remember to read about the first ten days of Thul Hijjah which are beginning this week. Let’s all try to gain the maximum amount of blessings on those days. Also, let’s make du’ah that all of the Muslims on hajj this year will have their hajj accepted. And for those of you out there who haven’t made hajj yet, I advise you to make your intentions and work towards it. Allah promises rewards for the believers who strive to obey Him.

  • Laila

    September 21, 2014

    Hello Fatima, Ana and Muhammad. Nice to
    see the bog is up and running. I hope and pray that it becomes a platform for intellectual chatter and a place of love and support. Ana, good on you to start anew! To all the friends out there. Welcome in advance! My only worry is, I hope this blog
    does not draw in the haters.

  • alison

    September 21, 2014

    You have no idea how happy I was to see that the blog is back and with a new attitude at that alhamdulila

  • anabellah

    September 21, 2014

    Brother Muhammad (Scot), Wa Alaikum As Salaam

    It’s always good to hear from you. I feel good about the renewed site. Alhumdulliah! It was time to freshen it up. I think it may be easier having the discussion page oppose to everyone having to go from here to there every time I wrote a new post. It got confusing with discussions taking place on multiple posts simultaneously. We became a bit scattered.

    I pray Allah blesses you and you have a good and blessed day, as well, my brother. You made my day by letting your presence be known, Alhumdulliah!

  • Muhammad (scot)

    September 21, 2014

    Asalam o Alykum all sisters, brothers and kids yes we do get kids stopping by here some times.

    I was very woried to see the under construction sign up.
    Pleased to the site back in action.

    Allah bless u all and have a good and blessed day.
    I guess i will get use to get around this new site.

  • anabellah

    September 21, 2014

    Fatima, Wa Alaikum As Salaam You were the first to write. How nice! It’s good to hear from you. I missed you and all of the “girl gang”.

    I think it’s good we all get a brand new fresh start. It’s a new beginning. We get to begin with new emoticons as well LOL It’s funny how it takes a whole lot of words, letters and symbols to make a little pic LOL Alhumdulliah, you stopped in.

  • ~Fatima~

    September 21, 2014

    AsalamAlaikum Ana
    Welcome back and I am so very happy to see the New 411. Its going to be a great new start with old friends.
    Inshaallah!
    Ive been so busy but have truely missed your site..
    Smile and say ahumdilila

  • anabellah

    September 20, 2014

    Please note: We are awaiting the technician to move the comment box so it always appears at the top of the page. The newest comments will be displayed on the top of the page, as well

    In the interim, you could begin discussions, if so inspired… ๐Ÿ™‚