She is unhappy living in polygamy. We hear it a lot about wives in polygamous marriages. It leads one to ask why so many of the Muslim wives feel that way. Furthermore, what can a wife do to get to a better place of feeling good in the marriage?
The wife says that she’s been doing all that a good Muslim woman should. For instance, she prays the five daily salat prayers, read the Quran, and tries to obey her husband. So, why is she still in pain, sad and depressed in the marriage? She’s confused and wonders why her marriage doesn’t improve.
It’s common to hear a wife say that it doesn’t help that her husband pays more attention to his other wife than to her. For instance, he shows the other wife more love and affection. He telephones and texts the other more. Maybe he spends more time with the other, as well.
It disturbs her and eats away at her. It’s to the point that she doesn’t know what to do or where to turn.
She is unhappy living in polygamy because of her approach to the problem
A wife has the wrong approach, if she thinks that all she needs is do is pray, read the Quran and obey her husband. She may think that if she does those things then her husband will see her as a righteous wife whom he will favor more than the other. She may think he’ll love her and incline towards her more. The wife have hope that the other wife will see her as better and more loved, as well.
It’s the wrong approach, as she’s doing it all to drawer nearer to her husband. She’s doing it to have a better marriage and to feel better, as well. No wonder her marriage and life aren’t improving. Allah didn’t tell us to turn to him for a quick fix or an anecdote. He didn’t say, do these few things, and you’re good.
A wife needs to know all that Allah says in the Holy Quran, believe it and live it. She isn’t doing that, if she complains that her husband doesn’t seem to love her enough, or he doesn’t telephone or text her when she’d like him to. She’s not doing it when she complains that her husband comes home too late at night.
She is unhappy living in polygamy because she fails to serve and worship Allah the way that He instructs us to
Worshiping Allah has to become a part of her heart. Allah tells us to remember Him all the time. It doesn’t mean every now and again or when we need something. A wife shouldn’t remember Allah only when she feels down and depressed or when her husband isn’t fulfilling her desires.
The wife fails to know, understand and believe that only Allah can make someone happy. He says He causes laughter and tears. He controls the heart. What does that mean? For example, it means that a wife can’t make her husband love her. The husband can’t make himself love her. He can’t call his wife, text her or come home to her unless Allah makes it happen. Allah controls everything. Nothing can happen unless Allah decrees it.
Only Allah knows why things happen as they do. Only He knows why a husband loves one wife more than the other. It’s not the husband’s choice. If a wife is not happy, it’s because Allah hasn’t made it so. To know and understand that is part of belief. A wife should strive for Paradise, not for her husband’s love.
Getting closer to Allah requires a lifetime commitment. It amounts to dedicating one’s self to Him. Islam is about surrendering to Allah and not give Him part-time worship. The wife needs to strive to purify her soul. She does it by accepting what’s in the entire Quran.
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