What is a solution to polygamous marital problems for wives who are in polygamous marriages, and feel their husbands do not love them? Some wives here at polygamy 411 thinks their husbands love their other wives more than them. They are very upset and hurt by it. They don’t know what to do.
Husbands in polygamous marriages do not have to love their wives equally. Allah controls the love a person feels in his or her heart. If a husband loves his one wife more than another, it is because Allah has placed the love in the husband’s heart for the one wife.
Allah, in the Holy Quran, says:
“Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practice self-restraint, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful. Quran: Surah 4, ayah 129
Many think that fair means that a husband must share his nights equally between his wives. I’ve already discussed in other posts what justice in polygamous marriages is. It really is a matter of what the husband and the wives agree to. What can a wife do if her husband won’t share his nights equally, for whatever reason, and she doesn’t like it? What could a wife do when she is not the favorite wife and she does not like how her husband treats her?
One solution to polygamous marital problems is divorce
If the husband cannot give the wife what she wants, needs or desires, she could seek a divorce. If she thinks her husband doesn’t love her and she doesn’t want to live in a loveless marriage, divorce could be the best solution for her.
A wife needs to know that she cannot make her husband love her. She cannot force him to act the way she wants him to. She can not force him to do what she wants him to do.
Some wives have children and they don’t want to divorce due to the children. They may not want to divorce due to financial reasons, as well. A wife may fear she will not find another husband after a divorce, so she remains in the marriage.
Another solution to polygamous marital problems is that they come to a friendly agreement and stay married
It’s an option that many couples aren’t aware of. Some wives get so wrapped up in what they believe a husband must do in a polygamous marriage to deal justly with the wives. They can’t see and don’t know anything else. They are in a bind. Their desires have blinded them.
Let me give you an example of this option. A husband intends to spend more time with one wife than with the other. If the other wife doesn’t like it, he will divorce her. To avoid a divorce, she could agree that he spends more time with the one wife. She could even agree that he not live with her at all, but takes care of her monetarily. They could agree to anything that is lawful.
Allah in the Holy Quran says: “If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men’s souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practice self-restraint, Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.” Quran: Surah 4, ayah 128
If a husband cannot fulfill his wife’s wants or needs and she does not want to divorce, they may stay married, if they reach a friendly settlement. It’s a solution to polygamous marital problems that many people don’t know about. It’s a way to avoid a divorce. So, there you have it.
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