The Danger of Marrying Pakistani Men

the danger of marrying Pakistani menThe danger of marrying Pakistani men is that many of them want to marry foreign women for personal gain. Don’t buy what they are selling. They will do anything and say anything to marry a foreign woman for a Green card and Citizenship. Sadly, their deception knows no bounds.

The foreign women out there need to wake up and smell the coffee (although coffee doesn’t have the strong aroma that it had years ago). They need to get their heads out of the clouds. In other words, they need to keep it real.

I don’t know why grown, adult women still think the way that young girls who were about 12 years old and just getting to know boys do. The Pakistani men, Indian men too, sweet talk the women, talk trash and the women believe all that they say.

All the Pakistani man needs to say, for instance is: Oh, honey, you are my world. I can’t live without you. I’ve been looking for you and waiting for you all my life. You are a gem. You are a princess. My world revolves around you. I’ll live and die for you. How beautiful you are. Nonetheless, she believes that crap. Furthermore, she falls head over heels in love with him. Now, she’s the one who can’t live without his lying @$$.

The danger of marrying Pakistani men is that many of them are not truthful and forthright

Who they present themselves as and what they say are untruths. I’m sure many Pakistani men school one another about what to say and what to do when it comes to conquering foreign women. It’s all learned behavior. Needless to say, it’s all a scam.

They want foreign women as trophies to parade around and use for citizenship. And then, nine times out of 10, they’ll eventually dump the women as though they were hot potatoes. If they haven’t done so already, they go back to Pakistan for a marriage that their parents arranged. Yes, they believe strongly in arranged marriages.

The foreign women are so naïve, so we  warn them. We give them the real stories and the scoop before they agree to marry one of them. But, the women still don’t want to believe it. It’s because they want to believe in “love”. They want to think that they are special. It seems that they live in la, la land. How far out of touch with reality they are. They still believe in the fairy tale and that dreams do come true. Age doesn’t matter.

The foreign women are not knowledgeable about the culture of those men. In particular, they don’t understand that those men don’t believe in “love” the way American/Europeans do. They don’t get how those men have arranged marriages. Most of the men are all about culture. They hold on strongly to their way of life.

The danger of marrying Pakistani men outweighs any good

In conclusion, be penny wise is what I would tell the women. Don’t be a pound foolish. Stay away from those men. Act as though your life depends on it. It’s the only sure way not to get taken.

Please Note: Please only comment on the topic of this page. Please speak about other subjects in the assigned “Discussions” area.

Related article:

Marry a Pakistani Man Beware

Things to do Before Marrying a Muslim Man

the danger of marrying Pakistani men

Books about Polygamy in Islam


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59 Comments

  • anabellah

    February 12, 2017

    I wouldn’t post names or pics on this blog of any of the men, nor would I allow anyone else to do it. I wouldn’t want to set out to ruin anyone publicly or vindictively.

    Let Allah deal with them as He will deal with all of us when we do wrong. We all do wrong. We never know when someone has repented, asked Allah for forgiveness and He has forgiven the person.

    The person who has been wronged is the one given recourse. Simply because we hear about something doesn’t give us recourse. Furthermore, we’re only hearing one side of the stories. Do we have the amount of witnesses and all the information to pass judgement? If the person did repent, asked Allah for His forgiveness and was forgiven, the person’s name and pic would still be on the blog and amount to a serious slander and glaring sin.

  • Lydia

    February 12, 2017

    I think we need to be posting these men pics on this thread.

  • anabellah

    February 12, 2017

    Kentucky girl,

    A lot of foreign men from the Middle East are soooooooo good looking. You know the old adage, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” I can tell you one thing for sure, you are one smart lady – you did your job which was to INVESTIGATE! You didn’t fall for the okie doke. Good for you! :-)

  • Kentucky girl

    February 12, 2017

    Thank you all for your responses! I will reassure you all that I had no plans on going to Pakistan, especially to meet a stranger.

    Let me tell you the whole story from the beginning. He contacted me out of the blue on Facebook. I found this odd, so I asked him why he contacted me. He said “because you’re beautiful “. I asked him if he needed money (not that I was going to give any but just thought it was odd for a stranger to contact me from the Middle East).

    He told me he’s from Pakistan but he’s working in Ridyah as an heating and air mechanic in a factory. He showed me his pic at work with his orange safety vest on in a factory, but most of his Facebook photos looks like he works in a small grocery or convenient store. He said his Saudi Arabia visa expires in 6 months and he goes back to Pakistan. He said his home is locked and no one is there. He showed me photos of him in a room in Ridyah where it looks like he’s sharing with 5 individuals and they’re sleeping on thin mats.

    Since he’s “so in love with me”, I asked him to visit me in the US. He said he didn’t know how to get a visa, which was another red flag. I sent him a link. He’s never asked about my family or much of my background other than why I’m not married and why my daughter ‘s dad died.

    I have dated an Iraqi before, so this is the only comparison I have of Middle Eastern men. I’ve been researching his culture and then I found you guys to ask my questions to see if he’s genuine or if he’s looking for money or a green card. He is a very gorgeous man, but I’m cautious. Especially with all that’s going on in our world. I would never put my daughter in harm’s way.

    Someone asked how old he is; he’s 29. His brother is 21. He doesn’t talk much about his sister and she’s not on his Facebook. He only has men as friends on his fb. Is that odd or no?
    He’s from Lahore, in a city called Gujarat. He says it’s 3 hours by car from the airport.

    I love this thread. Feel free to ask more questions. I’m not in love with this guy. I’m just curious about him. Too bad he couldn’t be genuine. He is sooo good looking. Sooo good looking!

  • Serena

    February 12, 2017

    Kentucky girl

    It sounds fishy that his parents are dead. How long ago did they pass away? How old were they? How old is his brother and sister? How old is he? How did he get to Riyadh? Most of the times to go to the Arab countries these Pakistani men have to take loans to be able to afford the passport visa flights and accommodation abroad. Then they spend year’s paying back the loans because the money they earn is also needed to support their family.

    Does he have extended family? How close is he to them? Normally when the parents pass away another relative takes on responsibility of the dead parents. Who does he consult when making important decisions as his parents are dead they normally approach uncles.

    Please don’t put yourself or daughter at risk.

  • Serena

    February 12, 2017

    Kentucky girl hi

    Just below your post someone called angelica posted. She was given good advice. I think lots of that advice also applies to you.

    There are many things that you need to seriously think about.

    1. You said he lives in Riyadh but he wants you to come and live with him in Pakistan. How will that work out. Will he spend months if not years in Riyadh whilst you stay in Pakistan? Will he leave his job to stay in Pakistan?

    2. He hasn’t asked to come to USA yet. I guess he is playing safe with you so not to get you thinking he wants that green card. Maybe once he has you married to him then he will ask or when he realises you are serious about him then he might start asking for money.

    3. He wants you to live in his home what is that as partners or husband and wife? It is uncommon for a Muslim Pakistani to live with someone like that if they are not married. Is he planning on marrying you or does he just want to use you for a bit of fun?

    4. What part of Pakistan does he live in? Is it a village with shops schools and hospitals miles away?

    5. If he is in Riyadh who stays in his house in Pakistan. Pakistani don’t normally leave their houses unoccupied while they are not there. Who maintains his house while he is away?

    6. If you were to get into any sort of trouble how would you escape especially as you would not know how to get around. A white woman travelling alone in Pakistan is not safe.

    Ana has given you excellent advice.

    You have a 3 year old. Seriously this man is not worth putting yourself or daughter at risk. He may feel sorry for your daughter but trust me there are many father less kids in Pakistan so don’t think he feels genuinely sorry for her.

    These men are on the Internet hunting down vulnerable woman. How many has he spoken to before you and what if he continues to.

    Also lastly and most importantly HE MIGHT HAVE A WIFE KIDS LIVING WITH HIM IN RIYADH.

  • anabellah

    February 11, 2017

    Kentucky girl,

    We try to help as best we can. Don’t believe anything that that man says. Take heed to the warning on our government website.

    I don’t like hearing of anyone getting taken or bamboozled. Be wise an stay safe.

  • Kentucky girl

    February 11, 2017

    I appreciate your comments. I know very little about Islam but what I do know, I’ve learned from Muslim friends. So I was wondering why this man has so much interest in me. Part of me thinks he feels sorry that my daughter’s dad passed away. I agree with everything you’ve said. What scares me about this man is similar to what everyone of these women have said in this thread about how Pakistani men will profess their undying love for you and bla bla bla. It’s nearly the same as what they’ve said.It almost sounds like we are talking to the same man!! He has not asked me for money or to come to the USA. He wants me to come to Pakistan and keeps telling me how safe it is! Lol (I’m sure it is for non white Muslims! Lol) He says , “You’ll be with me. You’ll be fine.” He doesn’t care that I’m white and Christian. His parents are deceased. His brother lives in Dubai, he in Ridyha, and his sister in Pakistan I think. I was talking about visiting and not living there and he’s like “no, come live with me in my home.” Really strange that he doesn’t want me to just visit. I just wanted opinions from someone that knows this culture and religion. I’ve read on many travel sites and government webpages that it is strongly advised not to travel to Pakistan. Thank you for your comments and options!

  • anabellah

    February 11, 2017

    Kentucky girl,

    Furthermore, I suggest you be extremely careful with your daughter. Who knows. She may get sold to one of the Saudi’s and kept in waiting as a child bride. She could get auctioned off to the highest bidder. This stuff is real. Did you watch the movie “Taken.” I know. I know. It’s only a movie. But human trafficking is real and a young white American girl gets top dollars billing. I hope you’re not sending that man any money. Okay. Well, it’s all I’ve got to say about it. Sigh

  • anabellah

    February 11, 2017

    Kentucky girl,

    First of all, I advise you not to give him the time of the day. You’re entering dangerous territory. Pakistan is a dangerous place for an American to go who has no established connections there. You as an American, white Christian woman have got no business in Pakistan.

    If the Pakistani man whom you are talking with was a practicing Muslim/Believer, he wouldn’t marry you. Muslims are suppose to marry Muslims who believe in and live Islam. There are a lot of things going against you and your religious beliefs are part it. Muslims don’t believe in the trinity, nor do we believe that Jesus is the son of God, nor do we believe that God has any children and much more…. So how do you see you being a Christian married to a Muslim fits?

    You need to understand Pakistani culture, as well, to understand the man whom you are considering for marriage. Pakistanis are very family oriented. They obey their mothers more than they obey God. They try to do all that their mothers tell them to do. They DON’T believe in taking care of another man’s children. So, don’t expect them to care anything about your daughter. Furthermore, they marry virgins, which you can’t be. Women who aren’t virgins are just for the Pakistani men amusement. Something to do on the side until they marry their virgin or get all the money and resources they can from you and then dump you like trash. Usually they marry their first cousins. They want to keep all their wealth in their family. A Pakistani man will pledge his undying love to a white, American woman so that he could get into her comfort zone and take her for all that she’s got.

    You said you don’t want to live like an isolated housewife and the stereotype, well, what the heck do you expect? Do you really think that you will go to a foreign country and live as Americans do in their land? Get real. You’ll be expected to simulate and acclimate to their ways. Besides, with all that is going on in this country with immigration reform, it makes no sense to get mixed up with a foreigner right now. I suggest you not be bothered with that man as he will more than likely be nothing but bad news, headache, heartache and aggravation for you. There is no if’s about it. Stop talking to him and move on…

  • Kentucky girl

    February 11, 2017

    im curious about a Pakastani man I’ve been talking to. He is not married and does not have children. I live in Kentucky and have a 3 year old whose father is deceased. This man tells me he loves me and he wants me and my daughter to come to Pakistan. I’m white, American, and Christian. Having friends that are Muslim, most want to marry Muslims. so why me?? I worry about our cultural barriers, especially women are equal to men here in the west. Would he be abusive?? When I express my concerns, he says we are all human and that’s what we have in common. And Love! He is currently working as a mechanic of commercial heating and air in Saudi Arabia. He says he has his own house in Pakistan and lives alone. He doesn’t seem to want to come to the U.S. He wants to take care of me in Pakistan. I’m really confused by his motivation. I have this image that he will marry me and I will be isolated in a house as a housewife not allowed out. Is this a stereotype or a reality?

  • anabellah

    January 14, 2017

    Spirited, Wa Alaikum As Salaam

    Thanks for jumping in to help Angelica :-). Our dear Gail, our other expert on subject, has been MIA (Missing in action) :-(

  • Spirited

    January 14, 2017

    salaam, hey guys

    @Angelica,

    Hello!  Sorry to say, but I had warning bells go off.  As Sarena mentioned, is there an age difference?  Has he been married before?  If he isn’t a divorcee, he’s definitely using you. There is no way — NO WAY — that a Pakistani guy who has never been married would be interested in a divorcee.  Unless he wants to use her to come to the west.  Ummof4 mentioned if he paid for your trip, that might be safe — no, it won’t.  They will be all smiles and roses, anything you say “yes I can do that” and when they get their beloved visa (or citizenship if they wait long enough) then its “see ya, wouldn’t want to be ya”. 

    If you do get married, NEVER apply for him to come to the US.  That would mean you’d have to travel there and visit with him (unless you want to move there permanently).  That has its own dangers — kidnapping, family-planned murders, quality of treatment by the live-in extended family (especially when they find out you’re not going to be their ticket to the good ‘ole USA), adjustments to lack of electricity, squat-toilets, etc.). But this would be safer than getting him here, then being dumped, or cheated on, or finding out he’s already married and will be getting rid of you so he can bring his real family over.  

    The final choice is yours, but I’d drop this relationship like a hot potato.  Which, btw, as a Muslim, he shouldn’t even have been pursuing in the first place.  Technically speaking.  

  • ummof4

    January 13, 2017

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Angelica, welcome to the blog.  You say he loves you and you love him.  It will be hard for you to break off the relationship, but based on my experiences, he sounds like the classic “I want a green card” lover.  Be careful, it doesn’t sound too promising for a lifetime of happiness for you.  

    Aside from asking him the questions that Serena asked, here’s another one.  According to immigration laws in the US(You sound like you’re in the US, correct me if I’m wrong.), in order to sponsor a fiance, the two people must have met in person and have pictures showing them together.   Ask him if HE WILL PAY for you to come to Pakistan to meet him and his family.  Not if you will pay and he will reimburse you, HE WILL PAY.  I doubt that he will agree to that.  If he does agree to PAY FOR YOU TO COME TO PAKISTAN, then there may be some hope.

    Jum’uah Mubarak!

  • anabellah

    January 13, 2017

    Serena, thanks for welcoming Angelica ?

    Angelica, I like Serena’s advice to you and she gave you good questions to ask him. Some of what I’m going to say may be repetitious.

    I’m writing on my phone, which I don’t like doing, so I’ll be brief and to the point for now.

    If the guy you’re communicating with is Pakistani, I’m assuming that he is “Muslim”. As a Muslim he should only marry a Muslim. Are you willing to become Muslim? I would not encourage anyone to become Muslim to get married. A person should become Muslim because she believes in the faith and wants to serve Allah.

    From what I’ve come to learn about Pakistani men is that they do not like to take care of and provide for other men’s children. Although your children are grown, you could still assume that he won’t want to be bothered with them or with your grandchildren They like to marry virgins. They like to marry their cousins as well because it’s the culture and their tradition. Most of them like to marry their own (Pakistani) and take care of their own. They will use a foreigner to get to the West as Serena stated, so that they can have a better life and the means to provide for their Pakistani family.

    Most likely he already has a wife in Pakistan or has one whom he is waiting to marry that will be an arranged marriage. Are you willing to become a wife in polygamy?

    As you are not Pakistani, you are not his cousin, and you are not a virgin, nor are you Muslim, seems like you’re pretty much batting zero, except for having the potential to get him citizenship in the United States or whichever country you live in. I suggest you be wise and stop communicating with him because I can’t see that he would bring you any good based on the knowledge I’ve acquired on this blog about those men. There’s not that much love in the world to overlook the obvious that you’re in store for if you sponsor him to get him a Visa. If you want someone to pretend to love you for a limited period of time, then go with it.

  • Serena

    January 13, 2017

    Angelica

    Welcome. I will give some advice but hope the others on here will be able to help you too.

    I understand you have been talking to this guy and so far have only heard what he has to say. I hope he has been honest with you. 

    I am not sure if you are Muslim but if the guy is a Muslim you might have a problem even though he might say otherwise. 

    Another thing that I read was you have a grandchild while he is still young at college. If there is a huge age difference how satisfied were you with the answers or reasons gave for accepting age difference. Normally if he is muslim they use that the Prophet peace be upon him was much younger than his first wife. 

    Angelica some questions you need to ask are

    1) Are you the first woman he has spoken to and fallen in love with over the Internet?

    2) How would is he going to get the right paperwork visa passport etc to come over to your country? 

    3) Is he the only son and the eldest son? 

    4) Are his parents depending on him to for financial support? 

    5) Have his parents got someone wgo they want him to marry? 

    6) Are marriages outside family and to different cultures common in his family and community? 

    7) Can he take care of you financially? 

    8) If his parents don’t agree to him marrying you will he atill go ahead? 

    Angelica I have so many more questions but am not sure if you have already asked him as you have been talking to him for a long time. 

    Just a few things to be aware of. A lot of Pakistani men lie. How can you be sure he haa been honest with you especially if he knows there is no way of you investigating him or contacting anyone that will give you honest information about him.

    Many Pakistani love the idea of going and settling in the west. They just need someone from the west to get them there. They won’t care about the age religion background or anything.  As long as they get their ticket to the West it’s their dream come true. 

    You should also ask him what his parents do as a living. 

    While you may be innocent on all this how do you know he wasn’t on the Internet hunting down someone for his own purpose such as finding someone trapping them by saying I love you etc just so he can get over to the west. 

    As far as he ia concerned of he comes over to your country he has life already made their. He will depend on you for financial support housing etc. What if he starts saying to you he needs you to help support his family back home.

    Ask him his views on polygamy. Some of these Pakistani men arw coniving and deceptive. He may say all the things he knows would please you.

    They watch too many dramas and films and have a different outlook on love life and marriage. 

    Is he religious if ao key question why is he talking to a woman like that ovwr the Internet and face calls.

    Sorry Angelica most of what I wrote is portraying him in a negative way but better to know truth and be hurt than made happy by being lied to.

  • Angelica

    January 12, 2017

    I have been talking to a young man from Pakistan for a little over 2 years,we have been getting to know each other over this time. And I have fell in love with him so much…he says that he has fallen in love with me also…we started out talking as friends/pen pals so to speak…I would ask him about his country,family,friends,did he work or go to college…we would talk about his friends and things they did together and what he was going to college for n ect…and he would ask me those kind of things also…I told him about some of my health issues and he would want to know all about it,how it affected me n my activities. After I got a cell phone he asked if we could talk n see one another on video call,so we started talking that way every single day around about the same times,after classes at college,during lunch break n after he had dinner with his parents,brother n 2 sisters that still live at home…n we would talk till he was so sleepy n it was in the wee morning hours. I have asked him all sorts of questions n still have many more I will be asking him each time we text or talk every day. He says that he loves me and wants me to come to his country to marry him n be with him…I told him I could not move to another country away from my 2 sons n my first grandbaby that will be born any day now…so he says that he will apply for a visa or green card n do whatever needs to be done so he can come to my country n be with me…he says he loves me so so so much n wants to marry me n be with me the rest of his life…then I came across your information…I do really love him deeply n care for him so so so much n would be happy if me n him could get married n live here in the US the rest of our lives…but your information has me worried a little now. What other questions n things should I ask him n ask him to prove to me before I do make my final decision…please help me all you can…THANKS SO MUCH.

  • anabellah

    December 30, 2016

    Here is an interesting video and article about marriage in Pakistan:

    Article Regarding the Above

  • anabellah

    December 24, 2016

    Sssjahmad, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    Welcome :-) and thank you for sharing your story with us so eloquently. It’s amazing that I read your story right after I was reading the Quran and read an ayah that I find applies to your situation. You said that you are in an unhappy marriage, but have stayed so as not to break up the union. If I read what you wrote correctly it appears you and your wife have work out an agreement whereby you can live in the marriage without one of you killing the other. It’s not your exact words, but is what I get from it. Based on the ayah that I read: Surah 4, ayah 128

    You said you are in an unhappy union, but you are not bitter, unhappy or sad. I get it. It sounds that you have a very good attitude and realize that the Hereafter is better than the present and your greatest reward is in Jannah/Paradise. Alhumdulliah! I’m so happy for you that you seem to have figured it out and I pray Allah rewards you immensely for all your efforts and the good that you do.

    I thank you, as well, for giving us your perspective on Pakistani men, which is helpful as you are a Pakistani man. I agree with you that people shouldn’t be vilified based on their nationality. Please know that it’s not the intent of the post/thread. It’s just that so many women have come to this blog over the years and related their sad stories of having been taken advantage of by Pakistani men for personal gain. There were enough of them to warrant a post/thread to warn women from the West to exercise caution when getting involved with Pakistani men.

    It’s one thing to come from meager means and want a better life. There is nothing wrong with it, but there is something wrong when one uses deception, trickery and lies to get it from vulnerable women who are looking for romance, love and a family. Men are supposed to maintain and protect women, not use and abuse them. You, yourself realize that it’s wrong, as you stated that you totally condemn it. So, we are on the same page.

    Again, I thank you for joining us and taking your time to write to us. Your post was very helpful and I enjoyed reading it. :-)

  • Sssjahmad

    December 24, 2016

    Salam to all and my apologies to anyone who has been duped by Pakistani men.

    I am a Pakistani/Australian of Afghan descent, I have been married for 36 years to the same woman in a most unhappy marriage, I have two kids from this marriage and both kids have suffered because of this unhappy union.

    Nevertheless It was my choice to live a life time of unhappiness but not break a relationship I consider sacred and this is in line with what my faith teaches me. My mother is most unhappy for not divorcing a woman who has caused me so much misery.

    I have had very good jobs and was able to provide well for my family but me and the woman I married were oceans apart and until this day we don’t get along.

    That as it may be; I am not bitter, unhappy or sad; on the contrary I thank Allah for whatever was my share in this area of life.

    Many a times I met wonderful and beautiful western women who would have married me in a heart beat but I did not lead them on nor did I lie, I never cheated on my wife even though I had ample chances, I just went out with some women for gentle company of opposite sex, I love women, they are the glory of God, they are beautiful creatures and God has blessed them by giving them the role of Mothers and when possible they can be the best companions in marriage, a happily married couple is the ultimate gift of life from the lord above, unfortunately for me them I just didn’t luck out so that does not mean I cheat or lie or hurt another person. 

    So the whole point is that people are people and it is wrong to vilify them on basis of nationality, I know plenty of western men who beat, abuse, and harm their wives. and I know plenty of western women who are wicked and cheat on their husbands, so its these individuals and you cant blame their whole nations.

    As for Pakistani men….Most come for poor backgrounds and are trying to make it the world but the sad part is that they have poor morals and evil in their hearts if they build there happiness on some one else’s misery, I totally condemn that.  love to all.

     

  • anabellah

    December 12, 2016

    Daryl,

    I would suggest that you not tell your husband that you will consult with an attorney. If your husband is dependent on you to get him permanent papers, he may become more abusive towards you, if he thinks you’re planning to leave him. On the other hand, it could go the other way and he’ll begins to pretend to love you and live the way you two were living before he got the papers.

    I still think you should sit down with an attorney and get professional advice from the expert about it.

    If you have any more question, I’ll try to answer as best I can. Our expert “Gail” hasn’t been hear in a while, so I’ll do the best I can to help https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_mail.gif

  • anabellah

    December 12, 2016

    Daryl, Hello and welcome to the 411 :-)

    You certainly are not alone in the situation that you’ve described. We hear of relationship like yours often.

    Daryl, I’m not quite sure what type of proof you are looking for. Is it proof that he doesn’t love you? I think you laid out the proof to us. You said that his behavior towards you changed since he got his temporary visa; he physically and emotionally abuses you.

    You, yourself said that you think that he got what he wanted and you’re wondering when he will leave you. You said that he says he loves you, but his actions don’t match.

    You know the saying, “Action speaks louder than words.” What does him saying, “I love you” do for you. The words are like a drug that makes you feel better. It’s putting you to sleep about how he really feels about you. But, you need to wake up.

    You said you have contempt and disgust towards him. So, it appears that the only thing that is keeping you in the marriage is the words “I love you.”

    I suggest you stop believing what you want to believe – that he loves you – and see the writing on the wall that you most likely have been used. You may want to start looking at getting a good divorce attorney, sit down with him or her and consult about what your options are. Why wait until he gets his permanent papers and he drops you like a hot potato. The way I see it, there’s nothing left but for him to kick you to the curb and move on with the life that he truly wants. You were just his ticket to get there.

    It’s how I see it.

  • Daryl

    December 12, 2016

    I am currently married too,and have an 18 month old son with a pakistani man I met at work 4 years ago in the UK.He was so into me in the beginning,telling me how beautiful I was and made me feel like I was his “one”,his “life partner”,it’s only been since he got his temporary visa to stay here that his behaviour changed,he has been abusive both physically and emotionally,and I feel that he has nothing but contempt and disgust towards me as I am not pakistani or a Muslim,he got wot he wanted and now I’m left thinking how long is it gonna be before he does a runner and the truth will come out if wot im suspecting is true…I have had meny respond to doubt him and his true motives,i just can’t “prove” anything,i am at my wit’s end as to wot I should do,he says he loves me but his actions don’t match his words,i just wish i knew of a way to find out wot his real intentions are and if he is lying to me and conning me then I will definitely dump his sorry ass and he wont be seeing our son ever again! Is there ANYONE here who can give me some useful and helpful advice as to how I can get the proof I need to find out exactly what is,or I hope isn’t,going on.Please I am desperate and depressed about all of this,this is my life that’s being screwd with and I am not gonna waste another second on him if he turns out to be a lying cheating scum bag.

  • anabellah

    November 3, 2016

    Confused.gal, welcome to the 411,

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve fallen for one of those men and are in way deep.

    It saddens me that those men call themselves Muslim. They are so far from being anything that Muslim represents. Men are allowed to have more than one wife according to Islam. Instead of them having more than one the honorable way, they’d rather use women for their own personal gain. They disrespect women, use and abuse them, and then throw them out like they are a piece of trash. They will pay for what they do. It goes deeper than them just messing over women. They go against everything that Islam is about.They will account to a higher authority for failing to live life properly. We all will account to God for the wrong that we do

    Anyhow, if you would like to share more about your situation, we are here to listen and will try to help, if we can.

    Are you married to the guy? Is he married to someone else?

  • Confused.gal

    November 3, 2016

    I am currently in a relationship with a Pakistani guy. And i can say everything that’s written here is impeccably true. Just sad because i have fallen so deep i don’t know if i could ever get out from the relationship.. :(

  • anabellah

    November 2, 2016

    Gail,

    I see it but for the life of me I don’t understand it. That blood relation stuff is strong. It totally, totally goes against what Islam is all about. That’s why I say that it is all falsehood. I don’t know why they call themselves Muslim. How could someone disregard their own flesh and blood for no other reason then that the person is not a Pakistani. It baffles me.

  • Gail

    November 2, 2016

    Ana,

     Do u see how the grandparents and the Pakistani family don’t care about their foreign blood Grandchildren?It is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen.Even in my own family keep in mind my excowife is my birthson’s  second cousin and all her siblings and her mother is my sons great Aunt.That heffer flat told my inlaws she only cared about her biological grandkids my adopted kids and not their baby brother.I mean seriously how sick is that?

  • Gail

    November 2, 2016

    Ana,

     I totally agree I would also love to stop this nonsense and sadly it would be so easy to spot and put a stop to this once and for all.

  • anabellah

    November 2, 2016

    Lydia,

    You’ve got that right. It really is a web of deception with them. It is very sad. It’s why everyone needs to get the word out there to the women to beware of those men. I could see myself working with Immigration and Naturalization to bring about a change, if I didn’t have so much on my plate now. I just don’t have the time to do it with everything else that I’m doing. I would love to do work like that though. It would be so cool. Now is the time while the next President of the US will be working on an immigration overhaul.

  • Lydia

    November 1, 2016

    It is really a web of deception with these men.  They are so quick to declare love for you.   It is a sad thing.  

  • anabellah

    November 1, 2016

    Ren, hello

    Don’t concern yourself about your post being long. We don’t care about that here.

    I’m so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Sadly,so many American/European and other women are getting bamboozled by men who marry and lie for personal gain. I’ve come to learn that most Pakistani/Indians don’t marry for love. Arranged marriage is their way.

    I think it doesn’t matter what your husband tells you, whether it’s how much he loves you or whatever; it doesn’t really matter. It’s just words. As he stated, (in his mind) he must do what he is expected to do. He said it’s his duty to marry the person who his family selected. That part, he’s being truthful about. So, basically, he will do as they say.

    The problem is that most of them don’t believe in polygamy. Therefore, it’s not a matter of you trying to work with her and him to live as a family. I doubt she wants any part of that. It would be different if they lived Islam and were believers in it’s teachings. BUT, THEY DON’T. Consequently, talking Islam to them or trying to do things from an Islamic perspective won’t work. As you can see, begging, pleading and trying to collaborate with him and her isn’t working. No, you shouldn’t trust him or her or any of his family.

    In my opinion, since he has filed for divorce and isn’t listening to or hearing anything you have to say, you’re bound to come out the loser. The mere fact that he has filed for divorced speaks volume. For him, life is not about you. It’s about his family, his mother and his other wife.

    My advice to you is go get the best lawyer/attorney that you can afford – THE BEST. If you can’t afford one, get a legal aid one, BUT GET ONE and take your husband to the cleaners.Take his sorry @$$ to court and tell them EVERYTHING. Get him ordered by a judge to pay child support, alimony, your mortgage payment, medical, insurance, car payment and anything else you could think of. If there is anyway to block his other from coming to the US, do that too. Don’t delay. Get a move on with it right away. You are in a no win situation with your husband. The way I see it, it is over for you with him. You are finished.

  • Ren

    November 1, 2016

    Hi, I’m so happy I found this blog. I have found myself in a situation, as many others, where my husband has divorced me to bring someone to the US to marry, but still says he is married to me, that husband heart hasn’t changed and I am his real love, he is just doing his duty as a firstborn son to have someone to take care of his parents . 

    Let me back up a moment. my husband is an Indian Muslim and I’m an American Christian .  we met several years ago  I filed for a visa and he came to the US and we were married in 2013 and we have a 2 year old son. he joined the military in 2015 and got his citizenship. apparently as I came to know just a few months ago he made arrangements for marriage with someone else in India behind my back.  he started dropping hints to me in January that he had to do this for his parents, etc. I begged and cried I hate, for him not to do this .  I of course said I would happily care for his parents, but I just felt like everything he said was an excuse .  he took a 2 week trip in April to supposedly see his family, but he filed for divorce romantic me before he did. I asked him over and over if he had someone else , he kept saying no. I asked him when he got home and he said how could he have time? well I’m not quite that stupid I knew something was going on and God providedoes me with my answers one day in the former of a package from his fiance with all her paperwork ! needless to say I went a bit crazy just because of the lies. I dumped everything out in front of him and threw whatever I could find. I felt and still feel so betrayed. how can I trust or believe anything? I have emailed he fiance to try to know her, I’ve been trying through all the pain, but I’m struggling. I have no idea if I trust her, I just feel like she wants a trip to America. I know it sounds awful to say and I know it’s my pain talking.

    I’m sorry for such a long post but I am hurting so badly. I don’t know what I should do. I’m praying daily, and obviously seeking help and advice. I just want someone to tell me if what I feel is valid or if I’m wrong. I just feel so betrayed and it’s hard to move out if that feeling. please, sisters, give me some answers . 

  • anabellah

    October 24, 2016

    Spirited, Wa Alaikum As Salaam

    Thank you much for imputing. I appreciate it. You’d know far better than any of us about how their minds work.  https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_rose.gif

  • Spirited

    October 22, 2016

    Salaam, oh before I go to sleep — good points Ana, but there’s also the more likely situation that what people like Razee say and what they actually DO are two different things.  It’s 99% more likely that if he were to snag a foreign wife and have a chance at getting out of that country for a western one, especially USA, he’d take it in a heartbeat, use the wife to get here and dump her when he’s done.  The lure of $$$, beautiful cars and “easy, almost nude women” is far too much for them to be able to ignore.  

    Not to mention actually having basic necessities like clean drinking water, electricity to survive the summers (be able to actually use air conditioning or have electricity in general), paved roads, etc.  It’s  practically a foregone conclusion they’d get OUT (and maybe even leave the foreign wife THERE!  Lol)

  • anabellah

    October 22, 2016

    Razee, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    I agree with you that all Pakistani men are not as I’ve described in the article, BUT there are many who are.

    I’ve  based what I said in the article primarily on what those who have been involved with Pakistani men have come to the blog and shared about their experiences and the experiences of those people whom they know who are involved with Pakistani men.

    You asked me what I think about your situation and what you’d like to do. I think it’s a beautiful things https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_good.gif I think it may not be that easy, however, to find a European woman who would want to leave her native land to go live in Pakistan. After all, many are trying to get up out of there. The woman would have to be pretty adventurous and daring to go live there.  I don’t know of many who do.

    My question to you is: would you let her know that your mother is the Queen of your life and what she says goes? Will you let the European woman know that you may become polygamous and that you may marry your cousin? Will you let her know that most Pakistani people don’t accept polygamy and she will be frown upon? There are a whole bunch of “would you” …https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_mail.gif

  • Razee

    October 22, 2016

    Asalam O Alikum ..
    Alhamdulilah I am a Pakistani .
    After reading ur blog … I feeled too much negativity of thoughts here ..
    The point u raised is very right ..
    But in my opinion its not applicable for every Pakistani .. like the difference in fingers of a hand ..
    I am 35 married have 3 kidz ..
    Running my own business in Pakistan..
    Let’s suppose i wana do marry a foreign woman for polygamy sunnah ..
    I will offer her for the citizenship of my country ..
    I will like that she migrates to my country and lives with me in my own house ..
    I dont need the nationality of her country …
    It will be my responsibility to provide her every necessity ..
    Coz Alhamdulilah i can afford ..

    So what would be ur remarks on dat..

  • ummof4

    July 1, 2016

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Angie, a quick question.  What led you to this blog?

     

  • anabellah

    July 1, 2016

    Angie,

    Welcome and thank you for commenting.

    Yeap, it sounds that you escaped from falling prey to one of the predators. You apparently are one of the fortunate ones. Spread the word to your colleagues to beware of parasites on the prowl.https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_wink.gif

  • Angie

    June 30, 2016

    I guess I’m safe in that I’ve been hit on by them continuously at university but never seen one that was hot. All look like some variation of Borat but with darker skin. I prefer the blue eyed American boys anyway.

  • anabellah

    May 29, 2016

    Gina,

    Thank you much for sharing your opinion about what you’ve learned about Pakistani men. I had no idea the practice of Pakistani men using foreign women is prevalent in South Africa. I truly believe many of the Pakistani men are groomed to use women for personal gain.

  • anabellah

    May 29, 2016

    GINA,

    I just checked the spam queue and found one of your posts in there. I don’t know why it went in there. Nonetheless, I just approved it.

    @All,

    If you wrote a post that didn’t get approved, let me know and I’ll check for it in spam. Sometimes the posts just disappear in thin air too. I’ve had my share of losing posts over the years.

  • GINA

    May 29, 2016

    hi

    I have my own experience of being married to a Pakistani guy.im south African.From a lot of Pakistani guys I met through my husband there south African wife’s are going through the same ordeal of being the 2nd wife and because our culture permits us to work we help educate and feed there first families back home. Including the respectful and pious women in Pakistan as we are told that’s what there women are. I have been told many times im rude and disrespectful as I talk for my rights as a women. If u look at most of the foreigners doing this in south Africa majority are Pakistani. They in every corner of Africa. I am commenting on Pakistani men as that’s where my problems stem from.its not ISLAM it the Pakistani culture. A sick culture of grooming your daughter to live a subservient life. And they growing your son up to look after your needs as u grow older.ur son is then responsible for u after u 50.i will do that for my parents because I love and respect them not because its my forced duty and fear. Please understand this is my opinion on Pakistani culture and what I have learned being married to one

  • anabellah

    May 25, 2016

    Arzoo,

    Thank you much for imputing about it. You would know much better than me about the subject. Gail has been way busy and can’t get here as often as she used to. As you said, I’m just trying to warn women. I’m not about just sitting about hating on anyone. There are very nice, upstanding people of all nationalities. There are bad apples in all of them too. We only talk about the bad apples because people have gotten some. People talk about the subjects of the blog. Thanks again! :-)

  • Arzoo

    May 25, 2016

    Fatema, Pakistani men are already promised by their parents to marry their cousin or a close relative’s daughter back home. They scam western women for immigration purpose and also neglect their wife back home. I think cousin marriage is very unique to pakistani Muslims. Ana is just trying to warn women about this.

  • anabellah

    May 25, 2016

    Fatema, welcome and thank you for commenting.

    I get what you’re saying about labeling an entire gender. It’s not what we’re doing here. We don’t label an entire gender. I don’t know why people aren’t getting that. We’re simply letting women know of what is happening with many Pakistani men who marry foreign women for personal gain.

    If people were to come to this blog and say they’ve been scammed by men from other than Pakistan, we’d listen and try to help them too. It just so happens that the majority of people with such complaints come here talking about Pakistani men. It is why we address the issue here. There have been some who spoke of male scammers from India and now there is a lady here who speak of her Bangladesh husband whom she my have been victimized by.

    No ones is going to hide the fact that it’s a problem just because not all Pakistani men are that way. It’s a warning for women to watch out for themselves as a precaution so perhaps they won’t get taken by men who want out of a impoverished country by any means necessary.

    Yes, disgraceful men abound in all communities. We talk to the people here about the men whom they encountered the problem with. We don’t just stick our heads in the sand like an ostrich and pretend that the problem doesn’t exist simply because every single Pakistani on the planet isn’t the same.

    It’s a problem with Muslims the world over. Very few Muslims stand up for what is right. There are non-Muslims countries taking in millions of Muslim refugees, helping them and fighting terror. Where is the voices of Muslims? Why aren’t Muslims helping Muslim men, women and children who are being oppressed globally? Some are, but very few.https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_sad.gif

  • Fatema

    May 25, 2016

    Many of us have indeed been hurt by men. It is sad, painful, and may Allah give us much ajar for our sabr, in both worlds, Ameen.

    Not fair to stick one awful label onto the entire gender of a specific community. Nor is it just.

    Disgraceful men abound in all communities, unfortunately – may Allah protect us all.

  • Arzoo

    April 14, 2016

    Thanks Ana! and nice idea to copy the comments since both threads are related.

  • anabellah

    April 14, 2016

    I actually was able to leave the posts here and copy them to the other Pakistani thread. I’ve never done that one before. I used a new feature https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_yahoo.gif Alhumdulliah!

  • anabellah

    April 14, 2016

    Oh, Arzoo, it’s GogoGori under the main Pakistani Beware thread. Insha Allah, I’ll move your posts there.

  • anabellah

    April 14, 2016

    Arzoo,

    I will try to find it and put it there. Insha Allah, I’ll find it and will let you know where her post is. Thank you :-)

  • Arzoo

    April 14, 2016

    Ana, I hope you can post my previous comment where its relevant. I read that comment and forgot where it was. Sorry for typos. i wanted to share whatever i knew from personal experience and warn this person. 

    She also talked about getting married in India and not registering marriage in US. Chances are he will happily agree to whatever demands she makes. The truth is that he is marrying for convenience not true companionship. Why set yourself up for failure when you can do better.

  • Arzoo

    April 14, 2016

    Hi Ana, 

    I forgot where i read this comment about an Indian Muslim who came to US for PhD, dropped out of PhD, been working in US for many years but don’t have green card. I think i know why he might not have a green card yet. Firstly, when you come to US on a student visa you are only supported to do what the visa has allowed you i.e. be a student and not try to seek employment etc. I know many of my fellow students were denied visa because of suspicion that the might have other intentions than just being a student e.g. having many relatives or close family living in US already or answers to interview question indicating that you intent to immigrate permanently to US. 

    This person was on student visa and engaged in seeking employment  before completing the PhD. He somehow managed to get a sponsor and get work visa. maybe he agreed to work for less money or used some connections with an employment agency. The usual and legal route for students is to complete their graduate degree for which they were given the visa. At the end of graduation they are given what is known as OPT, optional practical training option which means they are allowed to look for internships or employment in their area of expertise (basically they are not allowed to just take any job e.g. a computer engineer cannot start driving a taxi, start a business or work at a random job unrelated to his/her degree). They have to have an offer letter within 3 months of date of completion of degree. If they get such an offer for internship or job they are allowed to work on OPT status for 1 year and i think it can be extended for some time (i didnt do that so don’t know details).

    Now while they are on student visa and have this OPT temporary permission to get work experience in their field their employer can apply for a work visa H1B for them. This visa is usually 3 years i think and is renewed again for next 3 years. While working on H1B visa you can apply for green card. Sometimes employers apply for you. their are different categories for that too. People with outstanding contribution in their field of expertise have a separate category and can get a green card more easily than any regular green card applicant. They have do a LOT of paperwork to prove their outstanding contribution (references from reliable professors in US and other countries who are researching in your area of expertise and can write about your significant contributions to the field). Its a long and difficult process to ensure that only deserving candidates get into this category for green card.

    So basically this person dropped out of Phd, somehow got sponsorship H1B to work so no wonder he is having problem getting a green card. Any immigrate official looking at his application gets bad impression and sees the fact that he didnt respect the purpose of his student visa and engaged in seeking employment. Also looks like even after working for twitter his company hasn’t helped him get a green card meaning he doesn’t have any extraordinary contribution to his area of expertise to qualify for that. Now this man is looking for other options to get green card. What better option than getting married to a citizen! 

    I also suspect that maybe he didnt drop out of PhD but was made to do so because of lack of performance. If you don’t do well on your research work you are asked to drop out of PhD. Some people are offered an option to take a Masters Degree instead if they have already completed some part of research that can qualify as Masters level project.

    I think this person is not being truthful and have a hidden agenda. He also said his parents tried to arrange a marriage few times but it diet work out. Educated Indian women are very aware these days and don’t marry any person their parent arranges for them. they get in touch with the guy. Meet or interact with the guy on phone or through internet. If they don’t feel comfortable or find something wrong they break off the process at that point. This is common part of arranged marriage these days and women aren’t afraid to reject men. So my guess is this guy has been rejected by a few Indian women. He isn’t doing anything outstanding in his job. he is on H1B which restricts you to work for only the employer who is sponsoring you. If they fire you the you are legally require to leave the country so he is looking for ways to secure his future here which he failed to do through his employer getting him a green card.

     

  • Mari2

    April 13, 2016

    And I set forth that US woman mentality when I sent M and his mom away because they both failed to be gracious.   I never asked for sainthood, simply respect of the efforts I put forth and no Pakistani drama by MIL.  She failed to be respectful so I held him responsible too.  It is his mother after all.  He brought her here. Right now we are fine.  I have a calm and peaceful life.  Do my thing, see him as I desire to.  There is much to be said about not living with a co wife.   The same should also be said about MILs or others.

  • Mari2

    April 13, 2016

    @Gail

    I don’t think that you are being negative but things have really changed with regards to the interview process in Islamabad. I know of a couple who married in Pakistan and the wife lived there for a year after marriage and the embassy denied the petition anyway.  The wife had to return to the US and hire a lawyer and it took another year to get approval for her husband to join her.  And lots of money.

    If a woman has a job and assets she should absolutely get a pre nup no matter where she lives. Too many Pakistani guys think they can waltz into a marriage with a working US woman and have their, and their family’s financial needs met via their wife’s income.  That is in opposition to the teaching of Islam, so a wise woman would or should protect her assets, and be open with potential husband and his family as to what largess they will NOT receive.  I actually think that many Pakistani men marry divorced women in the west thinking that divorce is a stigma here so much so that they can control the woman like in Pakistan.  They really need to be schooled.

  • Gail

    April 12, 2016

    Mari2,

     I forgot to mention that I really liked your idea of drawing up a prenup.Sorry if I sounded so negative don’t mean to just dang they are so sly and Pakistani law and culture supports the men over the women arghh.

  • Gail

    April 12, 2016

    Mari2,

     I wish it was as easy as u explained but from what I seen and the people I know Embassy seems to be doing little to nothing about the huge age gap differences simply because they have to follow the laws and not discriminate because after all obviously as long as u are both consenting adults not alot they can do other than quiz the couple.I know couples where the man is in his 20s and the wife is in late 50s and the guy got his greencard and then went on to get his USA citizenship and he was cheating on his wife the entire time with a girl his own age and the older wife didn’t have a clue. As far as Islamic divorce and all that well the men just flat lie on their marriage contracts.If he divorces his wife in USA or Pakistan for that matter then thats it game over they consider themselves divorced legally.My own cowife screamed my hubby although he divorced her legally through the courts she claimed he did not divorce her according to Shia law even I myself witnessed him giving her a verbal divorce(he wanted me to witness it).She still claims to this day it was not done according to Shia law and she is still married to him even though she has divorce papers and can legally remarried.The whole Islamic divorce verbal thing means nothing in Pakistan.Also as far as I know I have never seen a wife get her dowry before marriage and if she did then for sure the husband and his family would be insulted.It sounds good in theory but never seen it happen.If a wife seems to think she should go through that much trouble to secure her marriage then I think logically speaking that she better think to not marry that man.I would have never believed Pakistan could be so corrupt had I not lived their and witnessed everything for myself but it is so mind blowing how these people can just about wiggle out of anything.Here is the truth about Pakistani people and what I have learned over the years.A smart wife will have to mentally trap her husband into thinking he has to have her financially and mentally to survive.The wife has to be really smart in creating a reality to where the husband feels mentally and emotionally connected to her enough to want to stay otherwise forget it.

  • anabellah

    April 11, 2016

    Mari2,

    Thank you much for the in depth post. It’s a wealth of information, and it should be quite helpful to everyone. I’m hopeful that many more changes will come about in light of all the controversy surrounding immigration issues that we’re dealing with now in the upcoming presidential election in the US.

  • Mari2

    April 11, 2016

    @Ana

    It is much harder now for men from Pakistan to engage in such marriages.  The US embassy in Pakistan is quite wary of such arrangements,  especially when there is a disparity between the age of the man and the woman.

    And while yes, American women need to get a clue about the culture of the man, many men are rather clueless as to what awaits them here in the USA.  A man cannot just show up and instantly get a divorce and remarry a cousin.  He’s got to put in at least 5 years and get citizenship.   Sure he can divorce and remarry on a green card, but that means if he remarries while on green card his spouse has to wait years longer to get here.

    Also, even if the marriage took place in Pakistan, once the man decides to divorce here, he has to do a civil divorce and pay for it too.  There’s no “I divorce you” 3x and it’s done. Nope. Has to be recorded in the courts and that documentation must exist prior to engagement or marriage to a cousin in Pakistan or the US will not see the second marriage as valid. And if a jilted US wife does not get an Islamic divorce from her husband, that could bite him in the butt when he goes to marry his cousin yet his Islamic marriage in Pakistan is still valid as he failed to release his first wife. So while she may be the only wife   in the US, she’ll be the second in Pakistan.

    A smart woman will be sure she covers her bases, both in her Islamic contract and by drawing up a pre nup. Prior to going to Pakistan to marry, have a contract done by an Imam here.  Then have the contract signed before marriage by husband and witnesses, have the dowry transferred to an account in her name in the US.  Then BEFORE marriage, go to the local US embassy and have the pre nup signed and notarized. If the man balks, walk away.

  • anabellah

    April 11, 2016

    There is another thread/post on this topic that is a must read:

    https://www.polygamy411.com/marry-a-pakistani-man/https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_cry.gif