Things to Do Before Marrying a Muslim Man

things to do before marrying a muslim manFor a woman, there are important things to do before marrying a Muslim man. She needs to know that he may become polygamous. It means he may have up to four wives at one time. When a woman thinks about marrying a Muslim man, she should know that polygamy could become part of her life. It may not matter if she wants it or not.

Women could put in the marriage contract that the men won’t become polygamous. It doesn’t matter. If it’s meant for him to marry more women, he will. Although, she could still seek a divorce. If a wife objects to her husband having more than one wife, he could sneak and do it. He could go behind her back, and have a secret wife on the side. It has been known to happen.

Things to do before marrying a Muslim man: one, the woman should investigate him

It is especially true when the man is Pakistani and the woman is a foreigner as in American. Many Pakistani men seek foreign women to gain citizenship or a “Green Card” or for money. They do it so that they and their families could leave Pakistan. After all, Pakistan is a very poor, “third world country.” They want a better life for themselves and their families who are back home in Pakistan.

Most women don’t know that many Pakistani men marry their cousins. They must obey their mothers as well, who seem to rule their lives. If the mother says divorce the foreign wife, the son will usually obey her. All the man’s money goes to supporting his family and the wife in Pakistan. The foreign wife amounts to a meal ticket.

Thing to do before marrying a Muslim man: two, the woman should learn about the culture that the man is from

Many women don’t realize that the western concept of love is not the same as that of men from other countries. Survival and being able to financially care for their families is the moving force for most of the men in third world countries. It is especially so in Pakistan. The foreign wife isn’t seen as family. She is not a blood relative. Some may know the song by Tina Turner, “What’s love Got to Do with it?” It is true. Those men could take love or leave it. They do not care about love the way Westerners do.

Many a woman assume the man will adapt to her way of life. She thinks she will continue to live life as she has known it. The woman may not understand or know that he has a culture that is different from hers. It’s one that he is not willing to give up. He may expect her to do exactly as he says and have no say in the matter. The husband may not like being questioned and may expect to come and go as he pleases. Basically, he may go without saying that he is going and where. The foreign wife may work with no problem from him. If she works, there is more money for his family in his native land.

Things to do before marrying a Muslim man: three, she should think with her brain, not with her heart

When a woman first meets a man and thinks she is in love, she tends to overlook all else. She thinks love will conquer all. If from the West, the woman usually had no family member or guardian to check out the potential spouse. She jumped into a relationship without taking precaution. After all, it’s how it’s done in the West. Isn’t it?

When a woman thinks about marrying a Muslim man, it’s important that she thinks smart. She needs to do her homework. She needs to know what she could be getting herself into before she gets into it. No marriage is free of problems, however, when spouses add cultural or religious differences to a new marriage, their problems could become over the top.

You now have your list of things to do before marrying a Muslim man. Be wise and think before you leap.

For more on marrying Pakistani men, visit: Marry a Pakistani Man? Beware

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9 Comments

  • NinE

    February 22, 2017

    Be very careful with Packistan men…they tell a lot of lies…they are very minupalitve and dangerous…they are mercenary.

  • Musa

    September 4, 2015

    Asa very good topic very important.

  • Mari2

    September 3, 2015

    Lynette
    I absolutely love what you had to say! And you are right that no woman should fall into the fallacy that her love can change who her partner is. She is not a god. In the same respect, desi men should also not assume that they are all that and a bag of chips, and their cultural beliefs will change their partner into a desi girl.

    I absolutely understand that M’s dutyn in his mind, lies only with his family. And no, what his family chooses as okay is not islamic. For instance, his young wife is alone in Pakistan living in a home with his two unmarried brothers and his 16 year old sister. Number 2 has asked permission to return to her parents’ home in my MIL and M’s absence. MIL said no. She has ordered 2 to remain with the 16 year old sister in the house and care for the 2 layabouts. I’ve urged M to send both 2 and his sister to live with the parents of 2 as I feel this would be the safest for the both of them. But MIL is unwilling to yield on this and M will not override her decision.

  • anabellah

    September 1, 2015

    @Lynnette, Wa Alaikum As Salaam :-)

    It is sooooo good to hear from you again. You have been away so long. I wondered if you’d be back. Whenever you could get here is always nice. I love hearing from you and reading your posts. Speaking of posts – you really out did yourself this time. WOW. It was excellent. I read it to my wali, as I have done with other posts you’ve written. We discussed it. He was impressed and inspired by it. The post was awesome. It hit home on so many levels. We women do foolishly believe our love will change the man or they will love us so much that they will change for us.

    Lynnette, I used to think I was “rocket fire-amazing”. I still do, LOL just a little bit :-) You hit the nail on the head with that one. As Ummof4 stated, sometimes we’ve got to be told that we aren’t all that, so that we could get over ourselves. I call it being slapped back into reality.

    You spoke of “deifying ourselves”. You’re correct. Most people have made themselves into mini gods. Everyone not only want things their way, but think things should be their way, and try to make it that way. They think they have the power to make things happen. It being like Pharoah on a smaller scale. He thought he created life and caused death.

    When it comes to culture, the culture for the believing Muslim is outlined in the Holy Quran. It’s the believer’s way of life. If all Muslims took the Quran as their guide for living, Muslims would all be on the same page. The way of life in the Quran supersede any other way of life that a person is accustomed to. When Muslim all have the same culture – Islam – based on the teachings in the Holy Quran, it wouldn’t matter what race, nationality, or color a person is, they would marry one another and have a good life. We are all ONE as you said.

    I love the emphasis that you placed on the fact that we must submit to Allah and align ourselves with Him. He is only One who can change us, give us blessings, peace and contentment, but most of all – Paradise.

    Thank you much for sharing your knowledge and wisdom with us and especially with me. Alhumdulliah! :-)

  • Gail

    September 1, 2015

    Lynette,

    Right on u said it exactly right.A woman should never get caught up in romantic love.It is ok on special occasions like anniversary etc… but to think that u have it all going on and your husband will not leave u for another woman that is just sheer nonsense in my opinion.These younger woman need to understand that marriage is more about commitment and doing the right thing in the hardest of conditions at time.

  • ummof4

    September 1, 2015

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Lynnette, you hit the nail on the head. It was really good to hear from you. When I talk to women, I tell them the same thing all the time–you’re not all that. There are others out there just like you. That’s not to say that a woman should not feel confident about herself, of course she should. But love for a human being does not conquer all; just as you stated, it is only the love for Allah that is lasting and truly benefits a person.

    Ana, I love your choice of song. I love the lyrics. Lustful, romantic love is not what it’s cracked up to be.

    May Allah help us all to love HIM more than ourselves or any of HIS creation.

  • Lynnette

    September 1, 2015

    As salamu alaikum, everyone,

    Sister Ana is absolutely correct in her appraisals about the importance of understanding culture, and her “What’s Love Got to Do With It” really fits, especially in the case of a marriage motivated by the need for documents and survival.

    It is in our Western Culture’s belief system that what we have here is so wonderful, and so freeing that everyone else in the world envies it, and wants to be a part of it.

    In other words, we are often guilty of cultural arrogance. We think our ways are the right ways, and then often, we try to force others to accept our ideas. Sometimes, we try (in vain) to tempt others to “see it our way.” And as women, we’ve often (collectively — myself included) been so arrogant and narcissistic as to believe that “our love will change him.”

    I would say to any of my sister-friends to give up on that notion, and regain perspective. The ONLY thing that changes people is submission to Allah, subhannah wa’tala.

    A new car comes with a standard equipment package, right? Well, women come similarly “equipped.” I am being delicate, but no matter what the shape, size, or the color of the woman, her basic features are the same. Do not allow yourself to be deceived, and to think that there is something about YOU that is so rocket-fire amazing that he cannot be content without it. That is the foolishness of Hollywood movies.

    Almost everywhere in the world (oddly, even here in the West), true love is demonstrated by a man’s willingness to assume duty and responsibility. For a Desi man, and a Pakistani man in particular, DUTY is owed to FAMILY. The FAMILY system has enabled him to survive. It fed him, nurtured him, and loved him through his formative years. Think, now…who are WE as women to think that our “love” is so special as to override that? We’re fools, that’s what we are…..

    The love that lasts, and transforms, and builds, and brings true comfort is the love that Allah (swt) gives and permits. Whether you are Muslimah, Christian, or Jewess, you should know this. Only the love that GOD sanctions will last. And for that love to exist, our hearts must be Focused on Allah (swt) rather than on self.

    When we pray, when we submit, and when we are in alignment with the will of GOD in our lives, He bestows blessings on us that no man can grant. One of those blessings has been discernment, at least for me. It has been the gentle “nudge” that signals me that a situation may not be right.

    Some of you sisters have described situations where you felt that nudge, but you leaped forward anyway. Consider this….was GOD warning you, and you ignored Him? Were you seeking yourself when you should have been seeking HIM? I’ve been guilty in the worst of ways, so I’m certainly not judging.

    Sisters, don’t be guilty of cultural arrogance. (It is a way of deifying ourselves and our ideals, if you delve into it). Allah (swt) has made it clear that we are to be ONE people, united by our obedience to HIM. Our Pak brothers and sisters have their ways. Their ways are cultural, not Islamic. No matter how handsome the man may appear, he can bring you a lifetime of misery if he causes you to turn away from HIM. Accept guidance, and guide your actions accordingly.

    Thank you, Sister Ana, for keeping this house in order, and for sharing your insights. What I may have spoken well, the credit belongs to Allah (swt). Please forgive my errors, as they are my own. Surely, Allah knows best.

  • anabellah

    September 1, 2015

    What is culture?

  • anabellah

    September 1, 2015

    When I think of Muslim men from countries other than the West and their concept of love, I think of the song by Tina Turner, “What’s Love Got to Do With it”

    For those who don’t listen to music, please kindly ignore it. Music is a controversial topic and we won’t deal with it here.