To Reject Polygamy Shows Disbelief

To Reject Polygamy Shows DisbeliefTo reject polygamy shows disbelief in what is a part of Islam. It is not an option for a believer to reject polygamy. No Muslim likes when someone calls her a disbeliever. However, to reject polygamy is a sure sign that she is one.

To reject polygamy shows disbelief, as it means that she does not believe that Allah is All Knowing, All Seeing, and All Wise. Allah allowed polygamy for men, as noted in the Holy Quran. He has limited the number of wives that a man may have at the same time to four. It was the way of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), and he is our example.

Therefore, no one should have to convince anyone that polygamy is good. After all, what is in the Holy Quran is enough. The person either believes or doesn’t. There is no in between. If someone doesn’t believe in what Allah has allowed, she or he is an unbeliever. It’s just that simple. Certainly, it rubs the unbeliever the wrong way to hear it.

To reject polygamy shows disbelief when one accepts only some of the Holy Quran

Allah says those who accept part of the Quran and not all of it are unbelievers. She or he mustn’t have a problem with it. In other words, to reject polygamy shows disbelief, as she thinks she knows better than Allah. Surprisingly, she thinks Allah did not know what He was doing when He allowed polygamy.

No one has to persuade a believer to accept as true what Allah has put forth in the Holy Quran. A believer doesn’t question what is in it. Non-believers or unbelievers tend to debate about what is in the Holy Quran. It’s not up for a debate for the believer. There is no need to argue it. It is clear.

Many Muslims don’t believe that to reject polygamy shows disbelief

If a Muslim encounters one who wants to debate about anything that is in the Holy Quran, she should turn away from him or her. She should remove herself from the gathering. It’s what Allah tells us to do. We should do it in a non-fussy and non-arrogant way.

Allah, in the Holy Quran, tells Muslims not to engage in vain talk about His signs. He tells us that the unbeliever is “deaf, dumb, and blind.” So why would one waste valuable time talking to someone who can’t hear or understand? Don’t try to make someone get it.

Allah decided who will be a non-Muslim and who will be a Muslim. Furthermore, He decided who would be a Believer (Muslims and believers are different). We don’t decide it. Allah says warning is for the believer. Those who aren’t a believer won’t listen, because they have ears that hear not. Besides, if the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) couldn’t get all to accept Allah’s words, what makes us think that we can do it? He couldn’t get his uncle to accept it. In conclusion, contemplate what a believer is.

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41 Comments

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    It’s time to move on. I’m shutting this entire post/thread down. If anyone wants to talk about other than what we’ve been discussing here today, they could do so over on the September 2015 discussions thread. It’s entirely up to you. Any posts coming in over here on this thread will be deleted.

    This thread is now July 2015 discussions

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    @Ruqayyah,

    You don’t know what you’re talking about. No where in the Quran does Allah says he sent the Quran and something like it (the sunnah). You’re making things up now. Allah sent the message to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). He sent Books to all of His prophets. The Books had the same messages. Allah protected the last Book the Quran. He tell us to accept all of His Books. He added to the Quran what was left out of the earlier books and left out of the Quran what was unnecessary. He says all of the Prophets are our examples.

    If you sat your rear end down and read the Quran, you might begin to get it. Where have you been all these years? What have you been reading on this blog? I tell everyone all the time to follow the examples of the Prophets. I’ve given stories on this blog from the Quran. What drug are you on? What are you talking about books falling from the sky?

    You’re not even following the discussion. He says to marry one woman and not a woman who has children by other men, if the man can’t be just to all the children and treat them equally. What part of it don’t you get?

    This blog is frustrating to you because ever since you’ve been here you haven’t done anything but talk about your rights and what you want and how you want it. The same selfish dialogue all the time, day in and day out. You can’t even get out of your own way. It’s not about you. Life is not about you. Get it through your thick head.

    I don’t know why you come back, and don’t care if you don’t come back at all. I feel for your husband and that woman realized what a dunce your are which is why she probably asked your husband to divorce her. So, put that in your pipe and smoke it.

  • Ruqayyah

    September 14, 2015

    @Marie I get what you’re saying and agree with you. Your explanation makes a lot of sense. This is why we need to look at the Prophets may peace be upon hims life as well as the Quran. Allah said – and I’m paraphrasing – I have sent you the Quran and something like it (the sunnah). If we had no need for the stories of the prophets why wouldn’t books just fall from the sky? Marrying childless women makes no sense when Allah says marry only 1. Why would He bother saying marry only 1, He makes things clearly if it.meant marry childless women it would say exactly that but he says marry only 1. Not sure how the analogy is being made but yeah. This blog is frustrating that it seems to give little to no rights to the women when Allah has given us rights. I only come back to read up on the commentators stories really.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    A believer with advanced understanding knows that Allah determines who gets what, when, and how anyhow. So the man is only going to do what Allah has determined for him to do and the woman is only going to get what Allah has determined for her to get. Allah is a just God. So whatever the woman is getting the treatment etc is because she deserve it for whatever reason whether it is a test, trial or punishment.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    Allah doesn’t contradict Himself. He does not contradict Himself in the Quran. He said a man cannot be fair and just with a woman in a polygamous marriage no matter how hard he tries. Allah does not go back and say don’t marry more than one if he can’t be fair and just. He has already said he can’t. You either believe Allah or you don’t. With regard to material possessions and finances etc, it falls under the category of being fair and just with everyone on the planet. Anyone who is unjust will account to Allah for it.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    It’s the position that I’m taking. It’s the position that I have taken. It is what I’m going to propagate on the blog. No one else has to like it. Its the truth and it’s from Allah.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    @Nabila,

    It’s the ayah that most women think Allah is saying that if you cannot be fair and just to two, three or four women marry just one. That ayah pertains to orphans and their treatment. Allah has already said in another ayah that a man cannot be fair and just to women no matter how hard they try or how ardently they want to. It cannot be done. Understanding the ayat and being guided comes from Allah. if you or anyone else don’t agree with me about it that is your prerogative.

  • Nabila

    September 14, 2015

    Hi,

    I have posted here only once and found it helpful.

    Ana- Without any disrespect, where does it say in the Quran that the ‘limitations of one wife is to safeguard children’. I am actually interested as I never came across this before and do not see how you came to this conclusion. Please note your reference point.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    You said you got your understanding, so why are you still talking about it anyway?

    It sounds like you’re having a bad day, and just want to aggravate someone. Give it a rest!
    ,

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    Look, Marie maybe someone else can engage you in this conversation. I’m through. I’ve got things to do other than sit around and go all around town, up the bend, down the road, into next week, with you

  • Marie

    September 14, 2015

    I already told you the point, where in the ayah does it mention not marring the MOTHERS of orphans. You still havent answered. Only orphans (themselves) and ‘other’ women are mentioned.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    Read the 90 post/threads on the blog, maybe it’ll help you.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    Look, you are going around and around and around in circles. You talking about what we’ve been discussing on this blog for the last 7 years. So point?

  • Marie

    September 14, 2015

    Yes, it is a big deal, because your talking about peoples lives and rights. It’s a big deal because Allah warns people about being unjust. In the particular ayat we’ve been discussing it pertains to orphans and wives.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    Woman are in terrible predicaments in monagamous marriages as well. It goes back to doing the right thing by mankind.
    The problem is with the people.

    Oh, well. I’ve said what I’ve got to say. So, I’m moving on. Nice chatting with you.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    People are making a big deal about being fair and just in polygamous marriages when there is no need for it. Man is to be kind and just to everyone in the world unless they are waring with you.

  • Marie

    September 14, 2015

    examples of when a man should stick to one to avoid being unjust.

    He is not providing financialy for the wife he already has, and marries another wife

    He has a low sex drive and is not fulfilling his current wife’s needs and marries another

    He has a short temper and little patience in dealing with his current wife, and marries another.

    He works long hours and bearly sees the wife he already has and marries another.

    We see it often enough on this blog that women are in awful situations because he (the husband)didn’t heed the warnings.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    Yes. I know. Allah talks about being fair and just throughout the Quran. It’s what I’ve been talking about since the blog’s existence. I don’t think anyone is questioning that right now.

  • Marie

    September 14, 2015

    I agree with most of your post below. Their is no denying that emphasis is put on orphans. But their is also emphasis put on safeguarding women. The surah is called “the women”. Furthermore the women are the ones raising the children orphans or otherwise. Allah warns those who are the protectors/maintainers/guardian/rulers against being unjust to the ones under their care or doing dealings with. A king must be just to his people, a husband to his wife, mother/father to their children,the guardian to the orphan, the merchant to his customers ect. Their is no doubt that the one who unjust to the above mentioned is sinful. So if in marrying another woman the man fears he will be unjust he should stick to one. That is better for him, to prevent him from doing an injustice.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    Many of these men who marry women who have children don’t want those children. They only want the woman and the children know it. Umair summed it up nicely. He said the women come with baggage (children) who no man wants. Yes, it was happening way back then, years ago and it happening today. It’z why men need to know what they are getting into when they are thinking about marrying a woman.who has children. It is the big deal.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    Fairness. Kindness, and justice is what a person should be to all people, so there is no need for anyone to make a big issue about it when it comes to plural marriage. It is important when caring for orphans. Many children are abused by step parents, foster parents and others. Orphans are special, which is why just and kind treatment is required. There is a psychological effect on children in their formative years when they are abused or emotionaly neglected. It is why it’s so important. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was an orphan. It’s quite simple.

  • Marie

    September 14, 2015

    I became sidetracked, the point I was making is in your explanation you made it sound like fairness and justice is not ordered between wives in this ayatollah. it is a condition for a man if he wants to marry more than one woman. Both in dealing with the wives and in taking another wife in the first place.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    If that’s what you think,.

  • Marie

    September 14, 2015

    Sorry i was writing while you posted your last comment.

    Yes, so the guardian would either marry her or find her a suitable husband. He may want to marry her as she has no wali and could get away with giving her a crap dowry, also he would get to benefit from her inheritance. He would be being unjust if he married her for those reasons.

  • Marie

    September 14, 2015

    I didn’t want to debate either. I just didn’t understand where you got “marry only women who don’t have children if you can’t deal justly with them” from.
    Justice is mentioned twice and there are two types of women mentioned orphans and other women.

    There are a few situation where a man would be taking care of an orphan girl. It’s not unheard of for a man to take care of single mothers or children without any parents. Remember Quarn is for all mankind and all times for every situation. There was a situation at the time of the prophet where a man wanted to marry an orphan girl because she had a large inheritance.

    Furthermore, a man can take care of as many orphan girls as he likes, until they reach the age of maturity, where they would have to follow the same rules as every other non married male and female. So he’d either marry them or find them a suitable husband.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    Furthermore, if the orphan child has become of age for marriage, she is available for any Muslim man to marry her. She holds no special distinction just because once upon a time she was an orphan. Why would the guardian need to marry her?

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    Marie, there is one thing I must say about your understanding of the ayah – it sounds incestuous. First of all, what is the man doing taking care of the orphan and being it’s guardian without a woman present? Secondly, where is the mother when he’s taking care of this female child? Thirdly, if he married the mother and had sex with her, the woman’s orphan child isn’t halal for him. Allah says one cannot marry a child after the man has gone into her mother.

    You’re entitled to hold onto your understanding. Your understanding makes no sense. As long as it makes sense to you, it’s all that matters. I won’t debate it with you.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    Thank you for sharing your understanding. I’m going to sleep now. Over and out! 🙂

  • Marie

    September 14, 2015

    ok, ill do my best to explain my understanding. The first part “And if you fear you shall not deal justly with the orphan’s” This pertains to orphan girls who are under the mans care, before they reach a marriageable age.at this point the man (their guardian) has the choice weather to marry them and make her his wife or to find her a suitable husband. If he marries her he must give her a fair and just dowry as she doesn’t have a wali to make sure she gets a fair deal. furthermore by marrying her he is then able to share in her wealth (what she acquired through inheritance). So he must be fair and just is dealing with her. The second part of the ayah states “marry women of your choice, two or three or four but you fear you shall not be able to deal justly with them then only one, or a captive that your right hand possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing an injustice”. Now, if the first part of the verse doesn’t apply to the man because he isn’t the guardian of an orphan nor does he want to marry a woman with children, then he still must be fair and just with the “other” women he marries. If HE thinks he can not be just and fair then he should stick with the one woman.

    you said if he cant be fair with the orphan children then he need to marry ONLY ONE woman who doesn’t have children who are not his. The problem their is Allah doesn’t say at the end of the ayah ‘marry only one woman who doesn’t have orphaned children or isn’t an orphan herself’ He says “marry only one” full stop. Allah already dealt with what to do with the orphans in the first part of the ayat, the rest of the ayat is concerning “other” women

    I do see your argument that a woman who is trying to prevent her husband from marrying again may say, oh well you can be fair so you cant do it (marry another). The only thing that needs to be said to her is that Allah is talking to the men and warning them to be just and fair not telling the women to make a judgment on weather her husband can be just and fair.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    A prime example is Zahra’s case. That 23 year old Pakistani guy knows he does not want her children, based on what we’ve heard from Umair and Gail about Pakistani men. He should not marry Zahra because she has orphan children that he most likely would eventually neglect or abuse. Were he to marry another woman and she has only his children, the likelihood that he would treat Zahra’s children the same as his biological children children is slim. Furthermore, if Zahra were to have his kids, he’d probably treat his kids differently than Zahra’s kids. We’ve heard Pakistani men don’t want other men’s children.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    I don’t get your analogy. Any single Muslim woman is eligible for marriage to a Muslim man that doesn’t fall under the enumerated list of people that one can’t marry.

    The limitations to one wife is to safeguard children.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    I don’t quite understand the guestion. He may marry 2, 3 or 4 women, but if he knowingly can’t be fair and just to the children that aren’t his but are those women children then he should only marry the woman who has no children, but may get impregnated in the future with his child/children or he is married and has children with her. The bottom line is if the man can’t deal kindly and justly with children that are not his biological children that aren’t his then he needs to stay away from women who have children already by other men. He needs to stick with the 1 wife, the one that has his children. It is when he should only have one wife, no more, or marry more woman without children.

  • Marie

    September 14, 2015

    So If a Man can’t deal justly with orphans then he should marry only one woman is that what your saying?. If so then that would mean polygamy is only for women who are orphans or mothers of orphaned children. Which we know isn’t true

  • Marie

    September 14, 2015

    Yes, I understood your explanation of wheather a man likes children or not. But you didn’t explain under what circumstances he must marry only one. Also Allah mentions justice after highlighting orphans an again after mentioning other women, who are not orphans or caring for orphan children. Although we should be just as fair in all ou dealings The emphasis seems to be on both orphans and wives in general.

  • anabellah

    September 14, 2015

    When the woman the man wants to marry has children that aren’t his and he won’t be able to treat those children justly or with kindness. For instance, the man knows he doesn’t like children and he only really want the woman and not her children by another man or he already has one wife who has his own children, but is considering a woman with children that aren’t his. The emphasis is on a man being able to treat the children that aren’t his kindly and justly.

  • Marie

    September 14, 2015

    Ana,
    Maybe i haven’t read correctly but your explanation of ‘marry only one’ Is confusing. According to your knowledge, under what circumstances must a man ‘marry only one.

  • anabellah

    September 13, 2015

    Dear Heart,

    You asked an excellent question!!! Thank you! Your question is one that many probably wanted to ask, but didn’t. You asked it. Alhumdulliah (praise be to Allah). I made a post about jealousy for everyone’s benefit. The link is:

    https://www.polygamy411.com/control-ugly-jealousy/

  • Heart

    September 13, 2015

    Dear Ana

    In a polygamous marriage, there is something very ugly which rears its head:

    Jealousy

    What is the best way to deal with these feelings?

  • anabellah

    September 10, 2015

    The ayah from the Holy Quran that I cited below is only one that supports the topic of this thread:

    “…Then is it only a part of the Book that ye believe in, and do ye reject the rest? but what is the reward for those among you who behave like this but disgrace in this life?- and on the Day of Judgment they shall be consigned to the most grievous penalty. For Allah is not unmindful of what ye do.”

    Quran Surah 2, Ayah 85

  • Sara

    September 10, 2015

    Very well written!!!

  • anabellah

    September 10, 2015

    I wrote the post below over on the Pakistani Beware post/thread. I thought it important to have it on this thread, as well. It is as follows.

    ***Important Message***

    Umair and Gail had brought up a very, very good and important point that I need to elaborate on. Gail said most Pakistani males do not make good step-fathers. Umair said Pakistani men don’t want the baggage of a ready made family (some other man’s children). He said it’s pretty much universal. Furthermore, we’ve all heard the stories of children who are abused by step-fathers, foster parents and others as well.

    It’s a prime example of what the Ayah (verse) in the Quran means when Allah says if a man can’t be fair, then marry only one. He is talking about justice and fairness to the orphans. Most Muslims don’t know the meaning of the ayah and/or don’t want to know. Those, especially, who dislike polygamy don’t want to accept the true meaning of the ayah. They want to hold onto the erroneous meaning to support their dislike of polygamy, and try to prevent men from becoming polygamous.

    A man can love more than one woman easily. It’s not difficult for him. It’s not a problem for him and it’s no big deal. Men marry women they don’t even know. Love grows. He knows he’s capable of loving her. It doesn’t work the same way with children.

    A man knows before he ever commits to a marriage to a woman who already has children by another man/men whether he could love those children or not. He knows whether he likes children. He knows whether he would like or not like the woman’s orphan children. It’s easy to know before a marriage takes place. The children without their biological father with them are considered orphans.

    In a case such as with Pakistani men who follow culture that says the man is to marry a virgin, he knows he wants no part of another man’s child. He knows neither he or his family will accept the woman children by another man/men. The ayah would apply to him. He is not to marry that woman with children by another man. He is to marry only the woman who has his children or has no children at all.

    I’m glad the subject came up. Those who can see, and are not blinded by desire understand the ayah. Those who Allah does not guide, won’t understand the ayah, but will find something crooked in it.The ayah does not refer to a man being fair and just with women, otherwise he is to marry only one. It is NOT the meaning. It pertains to the ORPHANS. People are to be fair, just and kind with EVERYONE, if the person doesn’t fight them about their faith ( the other is the aggressors).

    Special emphasis is placed on justice to orphans. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was an orphan.