What Does it Take for a Wife to Accept Polygamy

what does it take for a wife to accept polygamyWhat does it take for a wife to accept polygamy? Muslim women hear all too often that they should accept polygamy, as it is part of Islam.

A woman may think that just because she didn’t divorce her polygamous husband and stayed in the marriage, she has accepted polygamy. Maybe she thinks if she tolerates that her husband has another wife, it means that she has embraced it.

A wife may think that she has made a sacrifice in the cause of Allah when she stays in a marriage that she is miserable in. However, just because she stays in the marriage doesn’t mean that she accepts it.

It isn’t always a good deed, if a wife stays in her marriage. If she suffers in the marriage, it could be a blessing as in a test.  It could be a curse, as well. With that said, we know that Allah doesn’t punish us for the good that we do. He punishes us for the evil that we do.

Spouses should have peace in a marriage whether it is a monogamous or a polygamous one. If there is no peace in it, then the spouses need to contemplate why it is.

What does it take for a wife to accept polygamy? She must agree with all that is in the Holy Quran

In fact, the spouses should have a beautiful contentment about it. If a wife is angry and not happy that her husband married another woman besides her, then she has not accepted polygamy.

A wife should like that she is in the situation, because she knows that Allah placed her in it. She knows that Allah knows what is best for her. She doesn’t question Allah, nor does she blame others for what He has done.

The wife knows that Allah has chosen our mates for us. No doubt that if a wife feels and thinks negatively about her polygamous marriage, she has not accepted what Allah has decreed for her.

What does it take for a wife to accept polygamy? She must do everything with the desire to seek the good pleasure of Allah

A woman shouldn’t think that she has done the other woman a favor by sharing her husband. It’s because all the credit is due to Allah. Particularly, He decided it. It’s wrong to take credit for what Allah has done.

Maybe a wife does a good deed, if she reaches out to her co-wife and is nice to her, while seeking the good pleasure of Allah. If she does it to make her husband happy or for her co-wife to think good of her or to make herself feel good, it’s not a good deed. It’s not, as there is an underlying motive. It wasn’t done to seek the good pleasure of Allah.

What does it take for a wife to accept polygamy? Righteousness is important for her to have

Righteousness defines who the best wife is. The best and better wife is the one who is more righteous than the other.

We know that some wives say that they love their co-wives for the sake of Allah. What does that mean?  Does she love her or she doesn’t?

Allah places love in the heart. One loves another because Allah put the love there. The wife does not know why and had nothing to do with it. Why can’t she just say, I love you? Maybe she says that it is for the sake of Allah so others may see her as righteous. She may say it, as she thinks that she should feel it. Or does she says it, because it is what some Muslims say?

In conclusion, a wife should want to accept what Allah has willed. His will is what He has written for her about her life.

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9 Comments

  • anabellah

    January 28, 2017

    Mari2,

    I’d imagine you’re a bundle of emotions right about now. The thought of it made me feel some kind of way physically. It’s difficult to describe. WOW. Hang in there… https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_rose.gif

  • Mari2

    January 28, 2017

    @Ana

    Last evening.   He picked her up.  Dropped her off with his sister in a sad, rental place.  Then he went back to work at his business for 3 more hours .  Prior to wife 2 arrival I went grocery shopping for the sister of M after I got off work.  Delivered food while simultaneously on phone with M giving him directions to the airport. Crazy.

  • anabellah

    January 28, 2017

    Mari2,

    Did your husband’s other get here yet?

  • Mari2

    January 28, 2017

    @Anjum,

    You made some good points in your post regarding wives misunderstanding fair treatment.   Where I disagree with your thinking in your post is when you state that the problem with women accepting polygamy can be linked to a western lifestyle/upbringing .  I beg to differ.

    I have spoken to plenty of Muslim women from the ME or south Asia who also disagree with polygamy.  So I don’t think one can wrap up polygamy naysayers into just one group of women raised in the west or westernized.  The biggest naysayer against polygamy that I personally know and deal with is my husband’s second wife.  She is from his country. Not the west.  

  • anabellah

    January 7, 2017

    Karima and Anjum, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    I’m glad you both liked the post. I try to make posts that most of us can relate to and those out there in cyberspace can, as well.

    Anjum, you made a good point about wives not understanding what fair treatment is and that what each wife gets is what Allah has allotted for the particular person. More times than not, they  won’t get the same thing. For instance, one wife may get more than the other this year and the next year the other may get more. The one who has to wait till next year won’t know it’s coming unless it’s something the husband had planned. Most of the time these things aren’t planned. It’s one reason wives need to do as Allah says, patiently persevere and pray.

    Everything comes from Allah. Those who understand that fact has an easier life in a polygamous marriage and life in general than one who doesn’t.

  • Karima

    January 7, 2017

    Slm thanks Ana for another great article. Anjum i liked Your post

  • Anjum

    January 7, 2017

    @Ana

    Very good article 

    I think the main problem nowadays with accepting polygamie is that most women do have a very western lifestyle attitude to marriage and relationship with husband, and another reason which I read often here not directly but inderictly is that husbands are not honest and don’t treat their wifes equal which is very upsetting and makes it more difficult.

    Not only women have to accpt what is written in the Holy Quran but also men should follow it and not come up with million excuses when it comes to treat their wifes rightly and equal.

    Personally I think it only works good and for all people involved if all parties are honest with eachother and follow islam properly because it gives us the guidelines to do so.

    Also we wifes have to accpept that equal not always means same treatment because in the end we are different people and have different lives and enjoy different things. My co maybe has things I would like to have or she can do things which I can’t but when these thoughts cross my mind then I always remind myself that I have things she doesn’t and that it is just the other way round from her point of view and that we should be happy with what we have.

     

     

  • anabellah

    January 7, 2017

    Concerned,

    NIce post! Thanks for sharing it with us. You seem to be coming along quite well in acceptance :-) Alhumdulliah! Keep up the good work, Insha Allah.

  • Concerned

    January 7, 2017

    Ana

    Thanks for the post. Ok so, if that is the criteria then im not doing so bad. I dont think negatively about my situation, I like having free time, I like being excited to welcome my husband home and all those things. I dont think iv done my co a favour, although I used to, so there may be some remains of those feelings. I dont do something good for her to make her like me, I couldn’t care less if she likes me or not. I mean, she does apparently but that was never my intention. I give her gifts because it was said that giving salaams and giving gifts ‘creates’ love between people. I actully try to love her because believers should love each other, its not for her, its for me. I want to feel all the things in my heart that I should. 

    I dont blame my co for any of my feelings because she (as far as I know) doesn’t know how I struggled. Iv never let her know and I asked my husband to not inform her of my troubles. She was told I was fine with it and it was left at that. I doubt they sit and have long dialogue about me, from what I know, shes not that type of person. 

    Thing is,I just cant shake the feeling that some womem bring their troubles on themselves. At the moment, I still think a person shouldn’t complain about something they willingly walked into. This is what I need help with. Between you and my husband and with the help of Allah ill get there. 

    I am actully happy in my marriage amd situation, I cant have all the things I love about polygamy without having some of the no so pleasing aspects. Like organisation,and checking the calender to book vacations and things like that,theres always some drama with eid.  But all in all im good.