I’ve written what Muslim women need to know about polygamy to try to save them surprise and heartache. Most Muslim women know that Allah allows polygamy for men. However, not many think that it will happen to them.
Some speak to the men about it before they marry. Basically, they want to make sure the men intend not to become polygamous. Some go a step further and put a clause in their marriage contract that says the husband will not become polygamous. Others just assume that the men will not engage in polygamy.
I’ve learned over the years here at polygamy 411 that many women get surprised when their husbands become polygamous. Most didn’t see it coming. They got caught off guard. Nonetheless, it doesn’t matter if he became polygamous secretly or he told her before he did it. Most were in a state of shock when their husbands told them or when they found out on their own.
What Muslim women need to know about polygamy is that there is a good chance that they will be a part of it
It shouldn’t surprise a Muslim woman, if her husband says that he will become polygamous. She needs to think and believe that it may happen. It ought to sink into her mind. She should not dismiss it, but wrap her head around it. It is something that she should take seriously when she is a Muslim.
She should not think that she can avoid being involved in polygamy. Screening the men to find one who says he won’t become polygamous is no guarantee. It won’t make it not happen. The woman who asks him not to become polygamous and the man who agreed to it must not have considered that they don’t know the future. He must not have thought that the way he was thinking and feeling may change over time. Only Allah knows what will happen.
What Muslim women need to know about polygamy is that they can’t run from it
Those who put in their marriage contract that the husband won’t become polygamous didn’t think. No one knows the future. If the man is a believer, he would take a good look at the woman who wants such a clause in the contract. Why would she want to take from him what Allah has made lawful for him (polygamy)? Is she selfish? She definitely is not God-fearing. Allah tells us to not make unlawful what He has made lawful.
Then there is the woman who thinks that love conquers all. The love that she and her husband have for each other would stop him from wanting to partake in polygamy. Many of the women have children by their husbands. They may think that his love for them and the children would prevent him from becoming polygamous. He won’t want more wives. They don’t know that a man could love more than one woman at a time. His love for one doesn’t stop him from wanting to love another or others.
What Muslim women need to know about polygamy is that they can’t stop men from becoming polygamous
Allah who is God decides who will marry whom. He decides our mates alone. Meaning, he decides who one marries, when they marry, and if they will divorce, as well. If she interviews a man and he says that he won’t become polygamous, it’s no guarantee. No marital contract can stop a man from marrying again. Furthermore, love for a woman and his and her children won’t stop some men from marrying again either.
One needs to know that in the Holy Quran Allah says He forgives what is thoughtless in ones oath. It lets us know that sometimes we don’t think before we agree to something. The man must not have thought of Allah when he agreed not to become polygamous. He doesn’t know it, so how could he agree to it? It’s not for a person to think that he can say who, when, what and how.
In conclusion, what Muslim women need to know about polygamy is that they can’t stop becoming a part of a polygamous marriage. If Allah has written it for them, it will happen. Look at the big picture. They need to know their Islam. It includes knowing that Allah decides all things. In essence, we have to go with the flow.
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