Wives Can Be Happy in Polygamy

wives can be happy in polygamyWives can be happy in polygamy when they stop complaining about their lives. A wife may complain about what the other wife gets that she doesn’t have. For instance, it could be time with the husband or material things.

When it comes to material things, the wife who is a Muslim and is a believer would not get upset if she receives less from her husband than his other wife gets. It’s because she knows that all things come from Allah.

Wives need to know not everything that Allah gives someone is a blessing. Allah gives wealth and children to some to cause them agony. He gives others wealth and children as gifts or blessings. We don’t know why Allah has given a wife what she has.

Their complaint is really with Allah. It is often about what they desire that they aren’t getting. It’s about what they want more so than about any injustice that they think their husbands have done to them.

A believer is at peace in her life, as she remembers Allah often. She reads the Holy Quran to know what Allah says and she reflects on it. Furthermore, she uses it to sort out what is happening in her life.

Wives Can Be Happy in Polygamy, if they grow stronger in faith

Envy, which is a low, base emotion, causes some wives to think their husband aren’t just and fair in polygamous marriages. Why should we envy another for what Allah has given the other? It shows the person’s dissatisfaction with Allah.

Here is a gauge. If a wife feels something in her heart that doesn’t feel right when she learns that the other wife has received something that is good, she is envious. A heart that has envy in it is impure, and we cannot enter Paradise with an impure heart. Furthermore, only Allah can purify a heart.

Wives can be happy in polygamy, and the complaints would stop when they know that all things come from Allah. The wife no longer worries about what is just and fair. She becomes content and at peace in her life.

When it comes to what Allah has given others, what was given was for the person from Allah. If a wife has a problem with what another wife receives from their husband, be it time, wealth or love, she has a problem with Allah.

In conclusion, Allah is a just God. With regard to man, those who are unjust will account to Allah for it.

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15 Comments

  • ummof4

    February 21, 2017

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Sara, I agree with the others- don’t book your husband’s trips with his other wife. He or she can make the arrangements themselves, it’s their trip. Even if you handle the bill paying, it’s possible to pay a bill and not look at all the details. Nowdays most people just have a flat rate on their cell phone bills, so why look at each individual call to see the number, time, place and length of call? Just pay the bill. Your husband needs to set times that his wife can call him if she is not with him because everyone needs their privacy. We used to have an agreement that if the husband and wife are not together they cannot communicate with each other from 8:00 PM to 6:00 AM. in the time zone that the husband is located. The only exception is an EXTREME EMERGENCY. From 6:00 AM to 8:00 PM anyone could communicate with anyone as much as they wanted. This way each wife received her privacy with her husband.

    Hope this suggestion may be of some help to people struggling with privacy time.

    Allahu Akbar!

  • anabellah

    February 21, 2017

    Sara,

    Another thing, Serena asked if you could call your husband. It’s a good question. If you want to hear from him, why not call him? Is it that you don’t want to disturb them? She certainly doesn’t mind disturbing you and him, based on what you said. Have you spoken to him and asked him to tell her to give you the same respect that you give them when they are on vacation?

    Sometimes you’ve got to lay down the law. Husbands aren’t mind readers. It’s okay to do things knowing it’s good – like not disturbing them, but EXPECTING the same in return could be asking a bit much. Everyone is not the same.

    I’m one for letting my husband know if something bothers me, cuz I don’t want it to fester and build up to an explosion. I nip crap in the bud, because I don’t want to implode.

  • anabellah

    February 21, 2017

    Sara,

    I had the same question that Rosa did about why you make the arrangements for them. I get that in the past you had paid the bills and made your husband’s travel arrangements. However, now things are different. Being that he has another wife now, you may want to rethink how those bills get paid and the arrangements made.

    Would you like his other wife to be privy to a bill that documents what day, time and the length of time he calls you? Does she know you have access to that information? It seems a violation of privacy. If she does know maybe she intentionally calls so much, to annoy you. Allah knows best.

    If you’re trying to get to a better place and feel better, why be a glutton for punishment by having all that information in your face?

    It’ll take time, but, Insha Allah, you’ll get to a point where you won’t have to know when he takes her on a trip, how often and where. It may be a looooong time in getting there, but it’s doable. For now, just take baby steps.

    You’re doing good. Don’t despair. Keep reading the Quran, praying and doing all the good that you’re doing. I pray Allah is well pleased with you https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_rose.gif

  • anabellah

    February 20, 2017

    Sara,

    The ladies have given you very good advice. I wrote a post/thread based on the discussion. What you spoke of is common – common enough for me to devote a post/theme to it for all in cyberspace.

    She is Unhappy Living in Polygamy

  • Sara

    February 20, 2017

    Thank you Rosa and Serena

    it almost feels like being forced
    Insha Allah I will get through this

  • Rosa

    February 20, 2017

    Sara
    At the end of the day only Allah can place more love in your husbands heart towards you and only Allah can make him show more affection towards you so the key is to turn to Allah. Keep praying five times a day, reading Quran with understanding not for immediate results but because that’s what you’re supposed to be doing being tested or not. That is what’s good for your soul. I hope you feel better soon

  • Serena

    February 20, 2017

    In third paragraph was meant to write most of the time will be on the honeymoon phase with his new wife for a while and that phase probably won’t last for ever.

    Sorry didn’t finish the sentence properly.

  • Serena

    February 20, 2017

    Salam

    Sara

    Sister if your husband doesn’t call you can you not call him? You said one call is enough to get you through the day. Maybe tell him to call you by a certain time and if he doesn’t then you can call him.

    Sara first wife is not forced to accept the situation. The situation maybe forced on her but she does have a choice to accept or reject. Your huaband can’t even force you to accept.

    I understand polygamy being forced on first wife in some cases but if the first wife chooses to stay married to her husband she needs to realise there is going to be changes in her marriage. Her husband is not only her husband any more. He has feelings and most of the time he will be on this honeymoon phase with the new wife.

    Yes ot would be nice if the husband didn’t make his first wife feel left out or that she is being replaced etc. Yes the husband should show mercy and love to tjw the first wife too.

    You can’t force husbands to behave a certain way the way you want. That is why you need to take care of yourself and not let his actions get you down. You are doing right by praying etc so qhen you feel hurt don’t go over it in your head. Instead talk to Allah and tell Him and ask from him.

    Maybe stop asking your husband to show you love and attention. Even though you want it don’t ask him just continue to ask Allah to make your husband loving towards you. At times when you want your husband’s love and he doesn’t give it then remind yourself inshaAllah one day he will show you love because you made dua for it.

  • Rosa

    February 20, 2017

    Sara
    Your husband wanting to be honest with you is awesome but that doesn’t mean you need to be booking their vacation. Not anymore. He’s a polygamous man now he can go right on trip advisor and make his own arrangements. That’s just adding to your plate, another emotion. Try to stop looking at his phone bills and texts. I know we have all been guilty of snooping but it’s not good. Often times ignorance is bliss. Seek refuge from Satan

  • Rosa

    February 20, 2017

    Sara
    Like ana said before why your husband stays with you is not the big question it’s why you stay with him. Yall probably have the same reasons. I know you’re in unimaginable pain but believe me when I say this is just a phase. In life the tables are turning constantly. Take heed to what we have been repeating over and over. Turn towards Allah and His creation will turn towards you. Turn towards His creation and His creation will in fact turn away from you. It’s not just a fancy statement. There’s lots of wisdom behind it. Stop waiting for your husband to show more love and affection love yourself find things to do that makes you happy and stop wasting valuable time waiting and asking why and comparing. It’s only hurting you more

  • Sara

    February 20, 2017

    Thank you Rosa for your reply

    I always book my husband trip so he said instead of lying he is telling me the truth that she is going with him

    it is the thought of him away and with someone else but that also I understand
    All I want is just some love from him when he is away
    some attention
    1 call a day is enough to get me through
    We have spoken so many times on this topic but he fails to understand
    I have all his mobile calls and he without fail calls her everyday
    So why not me

    If I’m not important then why keep me?

  • Rosa

    February 20, 2017

    Sara
    We are not given tests according to what we are doing right or wrong. We are given tests because it’s our purpose on earth to receive them and we are graded on how we react to them. Whether we were patient or not. Persevered or not etc. So you can be doing everything right. It does not exude you from being tested.
    I wonder though what made you make all the reservations for them. That must be very difficult booking a hotel for two, room service etc you are already going through so much without the itty bitty gory details.

    To be continued…

  • Sara

    February 19, 2017

    Assalamualaikum Anna

    It has been a long time since I wrote
    I read the above post and am feeling this is all me

    I don’t know what I am doing wrong
    I am reading 5 x prayers
    I am reading Quran
    I am waking up for Tuhajjad namaaz

    my husband is currently on holiday with co wife
    I had booked everything for them but inside it is killing me
    I can’t get over the jealousy and thinking of them enjoying and having dreams of them sexually
    I know this is all wrong ..i appreciate I also go on holidays but when we go my husband is constantly on phone with co
    Now that he is gone he hardly messages me
    sometimes when men are unfair it really hurts
    I am just remaining quiet but I feel i will do an outburst soon unnecessary
    I don’t have any relationship with co
    intact I have more hate
    I came to know of her existence after 5 years ..i still remained in my marriage and it’s almost like a force for first wife to accept
    nobody knows of the pain that a first wife have until u experience it
    Every marriage is different but when you feel less loved should we remain just because of kids ?
    I work with husband and co don’t work yet she enjoys all benefits
    Is this justice?
    It is so hard for me yet I still feel I am wrong
    I always hear from hubby she is not jealous why are you?
    I mean seriously why would she be
    I feel so depressed and down

  • anabellah

    February 15, 2017

    Maryam,

    Insha Allah, you’ll feel better later or tomorrow, as you said. Just keep remembering Allah.

    It could be a test for you that you don’t have children yet. It’s not too late. Don’t despair. Allah can say be and it is – you’ll become pregnant. You just can’t give up.

    Allah tests us with what is most important to us. Stay strong. Don’t see it as a punishment. I never heard of Allah punishing someone by not giving her a child. Allah is a Doer of what He wills, so I won’t say that he won’t or will do in terms of giving you a child. Stay strong, sis Maryam. Know that Allah knows what is best for us.

    I’m glad the blog is helpful to you. I thank Allah for this blog, too 🙂

  • Maryam

    February 15, 2017

    Superdip now https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_cry.gif
    Well spoken Ana. But this is also what makes me so sad at this moment. That it feels that I am not a good person, that I did something terrible wrong. And I’m afraid this feeling will get worse when the other wife will have his children. The material things I don’t care about, I never did.
    I know I must not question ‘the why’ but it is so difficult to see other wifes with their husband and children, muslims and non-muslims, that I wonder everytime what I did wrong.
    In sha Allah I feel better later or tomorrow, just a dip.
    Love you for your blog Ana https://polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_heart.gif