Wives Suffer Anxiety

wives suffer anxiety

Many wives suffer anxiety in polygamous marriages. Some have asked why so many of them suffer, and are in so much pain when they are in such marriages.

The order that the wives married their husbands in doesn’t matter. They all experience pain or anxiety. Some wives experience pain that is heart-wrenching, excruciating, and unbearable. Lots suffer from a severe case of depression, as well.

I have learned what anxiety is about from reading the Quran. Real events cited in the Quran are there for us to learn from. Therefore, we should read of the events and compare them to circumstances in our lives. What are the morals of the stories (they are not fairy tales)? What are the lessons we should learn from them? Basically, how should we apply them to what is happening in our lives?

Some people get confused. They think what happened in their lives need to mirror the factual events in the Quran exactly. One won’t find the same facts of his or her life in it. However, one should note similarities and make comparisons. For instance, a wife can relate what is happening in her life to what is in the Quran.

To understand how wives suffer anxiety in polygamous marriages, one must know what anxiety is

Anxiety is a state of fear, apprehension, nervousness, and worrying. It’s the feeling of being very worried about something that may happen or has already happened. The person thinks about it all the time.

Wives become anxious as they worry about what will happen in their marriage. The wife wonders and worries about whether her husband will love his other wife more than he loves her. Will he have more interest in the other wife than he has in her? She worries that he will have children with the other wife? Will he give the other wife more money than he gives her? The list goes on and on with worries and questions. Polygamy does not cause wives anxiety, though. The wives cause it themselves.

Wives suffer anxiety in polygamous marriages due to their wrong suspicion of Allah

Allah lets us know in the Holy Quran that when people are anxious, it is because of their own feelings of suspicion. They are suspicious of Allah. Their suspicion is due to ignorance. We have to know what Allah says in the Holy Quran so we can live it. Allah tells us to fear no one and nothing but Him.

When wives worry and have fear of anything other than Allah, they disobey Him. They have their minds on something other than Him. The wives fail to believe what Allah says in the Quran. Particularly, they don’t believe that Allah will protect them. Thus arise the suspicion that he may not do what He says. They don’t believe His promises are true.

Allah tells us that He knows what is best for us. He tells us that He provides for us. He gives us our sustenance. We need to believe what He says. For instance, He says He will take care of us. He is a Kind, Compassionate, Gracious and Merciful God. When we believe all that Allah is and does, we have no reason to worry and no reason to fear anything but Him. Our suspicion subsides.

So, when a wife finds herself being fearful or worrying, she needs to know that something is not right with her in terms of her belief in Allah. It has to do with her lack of faith in Him. Of course, she doesn’t like hearing that she is the problem and polygamy isn’t.

For a wife to get well, she needs to know that wives suffer anxiety in polygamous marriages and why it is

We need to learn what Allah asks and expects of us. Then we must do it. Allah says, He heals. Allah relieves suffering and cure ills. Only Allah can help us.

He tells us that Remembrance of Him is the greatest thing in life without doubt – the greatest thing. Therefore, we need to learn to remember Allah constantly. It’s not about remembering our husbands or our children or our jobs. It’s about remembering Allah. We can take care of all things we need to do in life and remember Allah at the same time.

We have to ask Allah to let us remember Him, as it’s the only way we can do it. He has to allow it. We need patience, perseverance and we must pray. We have the cure for anxiety. It’s not in the psychiatrist’s office. Allah says, the Quran is a guide and a healing for those who believe.

Wives suffer anxiety in marriage because of their wrong belief or lack of belief in Allah, leading to wrong suspicion of Him. Wives shouldn’t blame their anxiety on living a polygamous life. Put the blame where it belongs. She needs to blame herself.

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  • anabellah

    November 5, 2014

    I posted an article on the older version of polygamy 411 entitled: “The Scientific Miracles of the Quran.” It relates to the topic of this thread/post. The link again is:


    It’s a good read…

  • anabellah

    November 4, 2014

    White Lavender,

    Sis Gail is correct, I doubt you’d find any place else on the net with whom you could find people to communicate with readily who have a wealth of knowledge and experience about polygamy. Perhaps you could tell us a bit more about yourself and the man you’re interested in marrying, if you have a suitor.

  • Gail

    November 4, 2014

    White Lavender,
    Welcome I hope u find the blog useful.I am curious are u thinking to marry into a polygamous marriage?
    Ana and the other woman here on the blog have an amazing way with dealing with polygamy if u so choose to enter into a Polygamous marriage.
    I doubt u will find any place on the internet that will give u such amazingly different examples of how polygamy is lived in every day life.
    I am happy u r here with us on the blog and would love to know more about u.

  • anabellah

    November 4, 2014

    ummof4, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    Good to read you! Thanks for the warm and friendly welcome to White Lavender. I think she could not have come to a better place than our home here with such learned and friendly blog family members

  • ummof4

    November 4, 2014

    As-salaamu alaikum and hello to all,

    White lavender, welcome to the blog. We are all family here and you have now joined us, Alhamdulillah. We are from over the globe and are single, married, or divorced people. We are in our 20s to our 60s (I think I am the senior blogger here). I am planning on writing a book for women who are considering entering a polygynous marriage. It’s just in the planning/outline stage now.

    As Ana said, the other book is a good read. Also, we are here to help you navigate through this process if you feel it is what Allah intends for you. Even if you don’t get married in a polygynous marriage, you can learn a lot from the veterans here.

    Everyone, enjoy your day or night and keep up the remembrance of Allah.

  • White lavender

    November 4, 2014

    Assalam alaikom I am a divorced sister .. A revert and a health professional … I find myself in a situation where I am considering being a co- wife …. I was married 14 yrs and reverted into the marriage when I started reading about Islam and about marriage .
    My marriage did not last however it was part of my vehicle towards Islam and alhamdulilah 12 years a muslimah … Does anyone reccomend any particular literature to read on this matter, and would be gratefull for any advice …. Your sister in Islam

  • anabellah

    November 4, 2014


    As Salaamu Alaikum,

    Thank you for letting me know you liked the post. I like writing posts like it, as it helps me, as well. I contemplate the topic. I recall what I know and I write it. The best way to learn and retain something is to rehearse it the same as with reading the Quran. Alhumdulliah!

  • alison

    November 3, 2014

    Mashalla amazing reminder..we need these to keep us focussed..thanks so much
    hope you all good

  • anabellah

    November 3, 2014

    To learn a little more about anxiety, you may want to watch the short video below: