Many Muslim women feel depressed in polygamous marriages. It usually happens when they first find themselves in the marriage. I say find themselves in polygamous marriages, as most women never wanted such a marriage to begin with. Their husbands wanted it.
They suffer severe depression. It’s important to note that feeling a bit down happens every now and again for everyone. It’s “normal”. Also, it’s known as the “blues” when one feels a bit sad. Some refer to it as being “down in the dumps”. Others may say it’s having “a bad day”. It usually doesn’t last long. Maybe it lasts an entire day or part of a day.
If a wife feels depressed, I suggest that she quickly recognize the feeling and intend not to linger in it. She mustn’t allow herself to wallow in it. Instead, she has to say to herself, for instance: Nope, I will not let this continue. She has to ask herself why she feels as she does. The wife needs to answer why and address the problem. Most importantly, she must pull herself up out of it.
When women feel depressed in polygamous marriages, they need to know what they are feeling
How can a woman know that she is depress and not just having the ordinary blues? Well, when depressed, the feeling sad lasts longer. Instead of it lasting a day, she could feel sad for a few days, weeks, or months.
She has gone past the blues into a dark, lonely, cold place known as severe depression. If she finds that she cannot go about her regular activities, such as cleaning house, shopping, taking care of the children and running errands etc, it’s a sign of severe depression. She won’t want to associate with people whom she normally communicates with.
The wife can’t find joy in the things that she used to do. Furthermore, she is so sad that she can’t bring herself to smile or laugh. It’s a painful state and it pains her loved one to see her that way.
Why do women feel depressed in polygamous marriages?
I’ve learned from reading the Holy Quran that one feels depressed or blue due to a wrong belief or no belief in Allah. In the case of a depressed wife who is in a polygamous marriage, she is that way, as she does not like the type of marriage that she is in. She doesn’t like her condition. The wife feels alone and has many fears. She may not feel protected, as her husband now is responsible for another family along with hers.
When women feel depressed in polygamous marriages, they must quickly begin to check themselves. A wife should ask herself where she has fallen short in her worship and belief in Allah. Has she been doing all that Allah has ordered us, such as performing the five daily prayers? Has she been reading the Holy Quran to know what Allah expects of us or has she only been relying on word of mouth – what her forefathers have told her, for instance?
As a means to move forward and stop feeling depressed, a wife must try to distance herself from all who do not share her religion – way of life. When a wife finds herself in a polygamous marriage and she doesn’t like it, she may lean toward those who share her dislike for polygamy. It will bring her no good, but will take her further into what feels like a deep, dark hole. The more she listens to negative, hateful people, the deeper she will fall into despair. Despairing about Allah and His Power and Capability to protect and care for her etc will lead her astray. It will lead her astray from the path of Allah.
Women feel depressed in polygamous marriages when they don’t accept the marriage with enthusiasm
A Muslim wife who finds herself in a polygamous marriage and feels depressed must learn to not only accept the marriage, but to love the marriage. Why? It is because Allah has placed her in the marriage for His reason(s), and we are not to question Allah. He in the Holy Quran says:
“Say: “Nothing will happen to us except what Allah has decreed for us: He is our protector”: and on Allah let the Believers put their trust.” Surah 9, Ayah 51
The next time a wife finds herself severely depressed in a polygamous marriage, she must force herself to snap out of it. She should know that Allah has a plan. He planned the marriage and made it happen.
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